"9. Dylobs - A Backyard too many words
An improvement off of the last entry for sure. The imagery and vocabulary were MUCH better and appropriate. But honey, “Green” is not a Pokémon type, you ignorant ****.
- “Neck high pasture” and “grass blades grazing at her ear” are both the same image/do the same thing. Just choose one, preferably the latter.
- The song took way long to answer the question “why is she running?” You literally talk about her crushing the grass for a good 12 lines before we move on from that.
- “Where it blends with the blood that’s leaking out” I would’ve preferred a different word instead of “blends” (nitpick)
- The story overall moved too slow and lacked a really big conclusion or lesson (hard to explain). It just didn’t do as much as it could have or should have.
http://www.pokestadium.com/sprites/x...y/roserade.gif"
im sorry tampon I just saw this then! I do agree with the criticisms. Sucks tho since I wanted to do really well this round
and i thought this song would do it for me
