| |
Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 9
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
|
Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
I wonder if they'll come out before I have to leave to pick up my friend at 1:25  |
yep!
|
|
|
|
ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
|
@Jackson my laptops broke so I had to borrow someone's to record and I literally had like 30 mins to finish it, I didn't wanna full on sing I felt embarrassed lol so I just mumbled and pitched it.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
|
@Jackson this is the intended plot
Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
The older brother was in a gang and the gang ended up killing the mom instead of him. Older brother gets caught. Younger brother writes a letter telling older brother he forgives him.
|
The "you got mixed up in the wrong crowd" --> "didn't know what they'd do once you wanted out" --> "not your fault that you got caught" ---> "mom was home when they came by"
The they was supposed to refer to the gang the brother has gotten involved with.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
|
Also don't hate me but what's a hook
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
Also don't hate me but what's a hook
|
Quote:
|
A hook is a musical idea, often a short riff, passage, or phrase, that is used in popular music to make a song appealing and to "catch the ear of the listener".[1] The term generally applies to popular music, especially rock, R&B, hip hop, dance, and pop. In these genres, the hook is often found in, or consists of, the chorus. A hook can be either melodic or rhythmic, and often incorporates the main motif for a piece of music.[2]
|
Basically the part of the song that gets stuck in your head. Like in my smash hit Motivation the line "I need some motivation". There can be multiple hooks throughout the song, or in the case of pop geniuses like Katy Perry almost the entire song can consist of hooks
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,500
|
Quote:
TheCheetahWings – In My Eyes
Melody – Oh this instrumental is familiar! Oh is this your voice? jk I know it isn’t but it’s a bit of a kii to imagine you singing this. I like that we both started our songs with a chorus because the instrumental set it up perfectly for that. There’s a bit of a hook in the “in my eyes” line but otherwise it wasn’t incredibly catchy in my opinion. I actually enjoyed the verse melody more than the chorus.
Lyrics – Is this song about Taylor? “Cause you’re not a saint/But this is no surprise/The true colors you pain/Reflecting in my eyes” it definitely seems like it. I like the song a lot more when I read it through that lens . Actually, I could further liken this to Taylor in saying the lyrics reminded me of bad blood in that it was mostly just full of random nonsensical words about breaking up and someone showing their “true colors”. There wasn’t anything specifically you here… and I think you ended up crafting the words around your melody in a way that held both back.
|
Oops  Yeah, I kinda was focusing more on the melody & less on the lyrics so I understand what you mean. It was a very "general" song. I was just so focused on trying to get a melody that felt right that lyrics kind of felt like an afterthought vs. the most important part as it usually was for me  Also kii @ it being about taylor 
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Quote:
Hugamari –
I feel like this was a more barren than your admittedly simplistic stuff. There’s a lot of recounting, but you don’t embellish or point out finer details. The song is very much in line with what you’d hear on the radio today, which isn’t something you should be striving for. I’m thinking you aimed for a simpler song so that you’d be able to execute an effective melody for it.
Speaking of the melody, your recording: I think you’ve got a different voice for your age group! So that was interesting to hear. I don’t think the topline had enough variation in it. It followed mostly the same melody except for the first parts of your chorus stanzas. Repeating that melody on end made it hard to differentiate the different parts of the song. Additionally, I think you could’ve benefited from fewer/smaller interval jumps, as you slide off the pitch quite a bit, which dampens the listening experience a bit.
Vision –
I like the concept of fragmented memories and how you used the song structure to emphasize this aspect. However, I feel like a more direct approach to the confusion dementia inflicts on its victims would’ve served to heighten your audience’s sympathy for your character. “Like someone pressed reset”, why not tell it how it actually is, than what it’s like? That could’ve been really powerful.
As for your topline, it meanders quite a bit. A danger with ballads is that the take lyrics that should make for a fairly brief song, and manage to blow it up into a lengthy listen. The melody isn’t arresting enough to get me to sit still throughout the whole song. Something with less notes, less pitch bending, and a more solid repetition of melody would’ve served you best.
Citrus –
I thought this song, which by the way is completely unlike Stan, had some positive points. The story you followed was solid, and I liked the little brother’s voice in the piece. Details about hanging the tassel on his mother’s grave were especially striking.
Your decision to turn this into a rap song was risky, and I can’t say it worked out entirely. It came off more like poetry than rap, with your difficulty in starting the lines in the same place each time. Additionally, I don’t think the rhythmic structure was nearly solid enough to drag it out of the free-form sphere.
Country –
First off: Wow, you have a really nice voice! This was a good cut, with it being apparently written in a day and recorded in one take. I thought the melody had some real potential. It needed some more variation, but as is, it’s very suited for your voice!
Lyrically, I enjoyed you tackling a slightly darker theme this week. While not as good as your more whimsical songs from previous weeks, it still holds up when combined with the song. Like I said in one of the reviews above, I think you may have compromised a bit of your regular style in order to devote more energy to the melody, but hopefully you keep at writing melodies to your lyrics to the point where you can effectively do both at a high level.
Cheetah –
Wow, you really went all out with the House sound. Whoever sang this has quite a set of pipes. I thought the melody worked for the genre, so good job with the choice of vocalist and the topline writing. The only flaw came at the end of the second chorus, where the “in my eyes” weren’t timed properly.
While not the most compelling song in the competition, lyrically, it definitely fits the House vibe. Like I wrote above, I think this is a sign of compromising the lyrical quality in order to craft a better melody, and the key to bumping up your songs’ lyricism is to keep writing them alongside melodies. Don’t let this be the last time you write out a melody, or you won’t improve! Practice!
Feelslikeadream –
You did a good job on the vocal production. There was even a bit of variation in the melody between the sections of the song, which was appreciated. I assume you’ve done this before? Subjectively speaking, the melody’s a bit slow and dragged out, so I wasn’t entirely hooked.
Lyrically, a step down from your usual stuff, with a thinner narrative, and less decoration. Not a bad thing necessarily, but [I think this is a sign of compromising the lyrical quality in order to craft a better melody, and the key to bumping up your songs’ lyricism is to keep writing them alongside melodies. Don’t let this be the last time you write out a melody, or you won’t improve! Practice!] Do this sort of thing regularly!
Achilles –
To draw a parallel, this song is similar to #SELFIE, but instead of taking aim at vapid girls without any actual satire, it takes aim at vapid boys with a hint of satire. The title of the song is the closest you get, but the song can be read as painfully played-straight, rather than doing anything funny with obnoxious behavior pointed out. Johnathan Swift, Taylor Swift’s fraternal grandpapy, didn’t just point out: “hey, the Irish aren’t going to be able pick themselves up so easily” and just list off bad things that afflict the community. He held up a mirror to those who claimed to have solutions and took his essay to the extreme.
In regards to your topline, there’s really no melody, as your voice isn’t able to register with how low you’re singing. I might suggest you consider recording in closets, as the clothes in doors/walls absorb the sound of your voice, it’s unlikely anyone will be able to hear you short of you seriously belting. Library study rooms are another option for recording if you can’t record at home. Parking garages are good ideas, too.
Moonchild –
The melody to this is really good, but too repetitive. With more variation, this would’ve been a solid topline. Still, it’s very fitting of the era and retro-styling of the song. With a more controlled vocal/pitching/timing, it would’ve been even better. As is, it definitely gets your point across.
Lyrically it’s a bit simple, but that’s sort of fitting for the era that melody and song takes from. Purposeful or not, I quite like this. Not likely going to be seen as the perfect Platinum Hit song, but I think it embraces the challenge well, despite the roughness.
|
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
|
The hook is usually a really simple part around the chorus that is supposed to just be catchy and 'hook' you into the song. Often it's something repeated like the title of the song or some line in relation to it. Gaga is a good example - think, like, "I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge", "Puh Puh Puh poker face", "Oh-oh-oh-oh caught in a bad romance rah rah ah ah ah", "I live for the applause, applause, applause", "Ale-ale-jandro ale-ale-jandro" etc.
|
|
|
|
ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
|
What does more notes less pitch even mean
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
|
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Vision
What does more notes less pitch even mean
|
Notes are single tones. Pitch bending is when you start with a certain note and bend it to other notes without rearticulation. Characteristic of blues/R&B
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
|
Nn lemme get back to my pop melodrama next week if I wanna make that finale
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
|
Thanks 8th, your review was v helpful and the free form comment makes sense the more I think about it.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,500
|
Quote:
Wow, you really went all out with the House sound. Whoever sang this has quite a set of pipes. I thought the melody worked for the genre, so good job with the choice of vocalist and the topline writing. The only flaw came at the end of the second chorus, where the “in my eyes” weren’t timed properly.
While not the most compelling song in the competition, lyrically, it definitely fits the House vibe. Like I wrote above, I think this is a sign of compromising the lyrical quality in order to craft a better melody, and the key to bumping up your songs’ lyricism is to keep writing them alongside melodies. Don’t let this be the last time you write out a melody, or you won’t improve! Practice!
|
Thank you!  I'm glad you liked it so much. And yeah some of the timing is definitely off since this was really my first song that i've actually mixed with audacity (i've done some messy instrumentals on FL studio before but  ) I'm glad you thought it fit the genre though, since I definitely did aim for a more melody focused song vs. lyrical masterpiece. So I hope it pays off
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
|
WaiT are results on for tonight then?
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
|
Thank you, Jackson and 8th! I'm glad you liked the song! I'll try to record it again later with a more varied melody and a better mic.  It was fun to write a bubbly, upbeat song for a change.
|
|
|
|
ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
|
Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
Notes are single tones. Pitch bending is when you start with a certain note and bend it to other notes without rearticulation. Characteristic of blues/R&B
|
Sry I have no idea what you're saying
I'm just the bitch who writes the words
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
WaiT are results on for tonight then? |
Yeah, I'll call it 5PM EST.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
|
That's right when I'm leaving to go have a sleepover 
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Citrus
That's right when I'm leaving to go have a sleepover |
poor u
|
|
|
|
|
|
