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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT • season six
Member Since: 3/6/2014
Posts: 308
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Quote:
Originally posted by GotSkill
You probably know from last week I was less a fan of you previously than the other two judges. There’s good news though; you redeemed yourself for me this week. The first verse was really good. The chorus was good. I wasn’t a fan of the hook though. It served Born This Way a little too much for my taste. I wanted this to be more Kesha than Gaga (aka more crazy party kids than party because you’re gay and I love you). Verse 2 was my favorite especially the line “as we sail through oceans of love… we’re in the skyline, flying on a carnival ride”. I see you’ve heard Legends Never Die from the bridge though
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Thanks. I have heard Legends Never Die. That part of the bridge is part is actually partial-quote from Jay-Z's "Forever Young" Which serves as part of the inspiration. "Nothing is as free as love's young dream" is also a very popular quote.
I'm glad I made you a fan though.
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Originally posted by feelslikeadream
I’m torn about this entry; I think it has some real pleasant phrases and nice imagery, but too much of it feels really familiar. As far as equality anthems, I much prefer a little subtlety. This song isn’t as embarrassingly banal as “Born This Way,” but a few lines get close to that. I think with some of the more predictable lines tweaked, this could be a real bop.
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When you say too familiar, what do you mean?
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Originally posted by Hugamari
Irrefutable It seems so out of place, since you'd expect the next line to rhyme with the previous one, as instroduced by the first line. It also goes that way for the rest of the first verse. This wouldn't be a problem, except the word stands out like a sore thumb and I can easily think of something to replace it with that rhymes.
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That's it? Your review is based off of one word? K
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Oh and BTW this is NOT an equality anthem lol. If you remember I posted earlier in the week I was sketchy about keeping that line because it would change the entire outlook of the song. But no, it's not a "gay anthem" Lady Gaga was in no way inspiration. I threw that line in as kind of like a "I don't see color, race or sexuality; I see human beings" quote. I took a risk though, putting that line. I'm still very proud of that song because it was completely out of my comfort zone.
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Member Since: 2/16/2010
Posts: 69,775
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Came to offer my "good luck" to everyone.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 3,201
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Originally posted by Kesha Rose
Oh and BTW this is NOT an equality anthem lol. If you remember I posted earlier in the week I was sketchy about keeping that line because it would change the entire outlook of the song. But no, it's not a "gay anthem" Lady Gaga was in no way inspiration. I threw that line in as kind of like a "I don't see color, race or sexuality; I see human beings" quote. I took a risk though, putting that line. I'm still very proud of that song because it was completely out of my comfort zone.
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Hey, don't ever feel the need to explain or apologize for your work. I feel that once an artist has to explain what their art is or what it's about, it loses all authenticity and originality. Let them interpret it through their eyes and form their own opinion. Art is subjective honey, remember that. 
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Scorpio King
Hey, don't ever feel the need to explain or apologize for your work. I feel that once an artist has to explain what their art is or what it's about, it loses all authenticity and originality. Let them interpret it through their eyes and form their own opinion. Art is subjective honey, remember that. |
I agree art is subjective but it's nice to hear and share the original inspiration behind something. Sometimes it helps you appreciate something more. I think my round 2 song "Today I Won't Eat", is an example of this.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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From the judges' comments, I'm going to guess that I got an average score from GotSkill, a high score from feelslikeadream, and I honestly can't tell what score I may be getting from Hug because he didn't comment on my song other than that it sounds like a Becky G song. 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kesha Rose
That's it? Your review is based off of one word? K
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No, my review was based off of the inconsistency which arose from one word.
If it makes you feel any better, that's the only thing I could find to possibly critique your song on. I guess I just forgot to put a "good job" at the end. 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 3,201
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
I agree art is subjective but it's nice to hear and share the original inspiration behind something. Sometimes it helps you appreciate something more. I think my round 2 song "Today I Won't Eat", is an example of this. |
True but you were giving a description, not defending it against judgment. 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Perched for the results tho.  Hoping for Top 10 again, although I'm not holding my breath.
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Member Since: 3/6/2014
Posts: 308
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Quote:
Originally posted by Scorpio King
Hey, don't ever feel the need to explain or apologize for your work. I feel that once an artist has to explain what their art is or what it's about, it loses all authenticity and originality. Let them interpret it through their eyes and form their own opinion. Art is subjective honey, remember that. |
I agree. I just felt the need to for some reason 
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Originally posted by Hugamari
No, my review was based off of the inconsistency which arose from one word.
If it makes you feel any better, that's the only thing I could find to possibly critique your song on. I guess I just forgot to put a "good job" at the end. |
I didn't mean it like that I was just like "This is so short" "IDK what his complete thoughts were"  I give you such a hard time 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kesha Rose
I didn't mean it like that I was just like "This is so short" "IDK what his complete thoughts were" I give you such a hard time |
Oh. I get defensive easily, so sorry about that. 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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In other news, I'm getting a bit of a rush from songwriting right now.  That hasn't happened to me in a long time.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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I've gotten into sooooo much new music lately, it's unreal. 
Bed of Lies is great.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
In other news, I'm getting a bit of a rush from songwriting right now. That hasn't happened to me in a long time. |
I get it every time I see the feedback it makes me feel so motivated
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
I had no idea what anachronistic means, but I think it would be something like saying "Michael Jackson is amazing", rather than was? As in, a soul cannot hear because a soul often refers to the part of a person left after death? Anyway, I intended to use the word 'soul' to describe a person, and not their literal soul. I think it's less common or an older use of the word, I have no idea. I completely understand what you mean about the the second part too, now that I think about it Thank you, too.
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Anyway, what I wanted to mention about my song was that rather than being a full song, it was actually two separate song ideas that I had, combined. When I was writing throughout the week I had various ideas but I knew I wanted the title "Catch Me" so I wrote around that in different ways, and then when it came closer to submitting I wasn't able to finish any of them. I didn't want to be too late, so I just took two of my ideas and put them together I guess that's why fefe noticed the second part was a little different from the first. Before submitting I tried my best to make it seem natural, look and flow like an actual song I'm actually kind of happy with it now, though.
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 My powers of perception! 
And anachronistic refers to something that's out of place because it doesn't belong to that time, like a movie set in the 1920s where you see a character on an iPhone. I was referring to your use of "shall," which feels anachronistic in a contemporary song.
Sam Jay: I think I gave you my 2nd highest score of the whole competition (but don't bookmark me cuz I don't have my scores in front of me).
Kesha Rose: By familiar I mean that the language sounds like something I've heard before, be it in song lyrics or just everyday speech. If you're tackling a topic that's talked about a lot, part of your job is to make it original. Your song had a lot of phrases/lines that are commonly used in discussions of equality.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Am going to sleep now. Probably won't see the elimination live, so good luck everybody.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
Sam Jay: I think I gave you my 2nd highest score of the whole competition (but don't bookmark me cuz I don't have my scores in front of me).
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That honestly means a lot. I just hope I can live up to that in the coming challenges, if I'm still here.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Omg I am LEGIT crying rn, after doubting myself so much...I feel validated which is not necessarily a good thing to say but I really put in a lot of effort this week  One of my favourite lines that I came up with is probably: 'I just wanna be, don't wanna be yours' which was originally 'My star matter intertwines with yours'. I like them both but the first one seemed to flow much better. Some of my best lyrics have been written in the last few mins or so.
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Originally posted by GotSkill
This is definitely my favorite of yours so far. I saw you say something in the thread about trying to tone down the poeticism. I don’t think you need to do that at all. What you need to do is possibly tone down the archaic language and the prose language a bit, but don’t lose the metaphors and strong imagery in the process. My favorite part of this song was definitely the closing chorus. The imagery was really strong and it was really descriptive and emotive without crossing over to the realm of being overdone.
If I do have one criticism, it’s that it’s not immediately apparent what this song is about. There’s almost too much imagery to the point where it stops being a metaphor and ends up just being really good description.
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 I do feel like it was a step up from the previous songs I submitted, so that's great. Actually, I felt like my closing chorus was the messiest but I still liked how the song eventually ran its course so I kept it in. The meaning is: hiding away from reality because you're too scared to admit to your faults, but the same 'sleepless surrender' that you relied on has in fact awakened you to truly let go and ****ing fly on that ass. I do think I got confused from last season since my 'poeticism' was great cause for concern which is why I've been trying to simplify my songs when, in reality, it only makes matters worse. Thanks for the nice critique though! 
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Originally posted by feelslikeadream
The title  Anyway, this felt a little more water than earth to me. I liked some of the lines/images, but the song mostly confused me: while a song doesn’t need to be completely transparent, I think it’s a little too unclear what’s happening here. A lot of the lines seem to not flow into the following lines. I guess each judge may look at this differently, but when I think about judging a HIT, I think a song needs to be at least somewhat relatable, and if no one knows what you’re talking about, it will be hard to relate to it. |
ffff it was originally titled 'Sleepless Surrender' then it was 'The Endless Mile of Sleepless Surrender' to 'The Endless Nile of Sleepless Surrender'. I thought it was cute and could've lost meaning if I didn't include both parts. I also didn't want to use brackets considering I did that the previous round. I'm OCD like that.  I definitely get what y'all mean about the meaning being 'lost in translation' so to speak. It's just that I take a different approach when trying to appear 'relatable'. Like instead of writing about something clear yet something that appeals to the masses, I write about something vague and hope that it's broad/cryptic enough that everyone kinda relates to it in some way. You know? I'll work on adapting my songwriting style to the masses, don't you worry. 
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Originally posted by Hugamari
This will sound random, but this reminds me so much of Linkin Park's "Breaking The Habit", and I have nothing but positive things to say about that song! I personally think this is your best entry so far. |
Omg I love that song  I did originally want it to be about addiction (mostly about depression etc, not hardcore stuff like crystal meth  ) but I don't usually write about something real specific. Tyyyy
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Like I think I've always been taught to not use 'basic' sentences in school and stuff so I always strive to outsmart these bitches by including a linguistic device in every single lyric of mine
Excited for the rest of the results! I'll be reading the other contestants' feedback now 
To Fefe: I do feel as though my song is a hybrid of sorts but I'm satisfied that I, at least, retained quite a few Earth-y elements since those types of songs play to my strengths. Look at it like this, I'm not a person to reach the end of the tunnel because I find comfort in the darkness instead. Maybe that's why it kinda seemed like more of a Water song, I'm not sure. Hope you understand my point. 
Wait, I'm reading through all these comments and WHY am I being mentioned so many times? 
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Originally posted by GotSkill
At the same time, there’s little poetry in your songs other than rhyming. You need to include more metaphors and imagery (basically the opposite of EuphorianSea).
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This is kinda cute because JustLuke asked me for some help this round 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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i don't think anyones here so let me push this to the next page
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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