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Discussion: ATRL Cares | Vent and Support
Member Since: 4/20/2012
Posts: 6,896
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Quote:
Originally posted by ForeverNow90
Are you scared that your parents might disown you after you come out?
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No, I think. I'm not even sure what I'm scared of right now. I'm emotionally unstable at this moment. I rarely can make clear judgements and choices. The only thing between me and therapy is myself. But I'm already used to living this type of life. Giving up seems like a better idea than therapy.
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Banned
Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 378
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Quote:
Originally posted by RideOrDie
I've already tried that, it helped a little but now it makes me have bad flashbacks.
& I've talked about my problems here before, it's on the 7th page.
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F***. I just read your story and I'd just like to say you're so brave for waking up everyday, knowing that you'll see him and living and breathing despite your harsh experiences.
Is there a teacher/a councillor you can speak to who can refer you to a psychiatrist because I think the trauma you've gone through may be incomprehensible to some people and they will therefore trivialise and debase your experiences (just like I kind of did by telling you to write things down).
I'm sorry if I was of no help but I'm definely here to listen if you want an anonymous person to speak to (I'm a HSP so I'm very empathic if you're looking for a friend to talk to).
I truly wish you nothing but the best x
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Member Since: 3/14/2013
Posts: 19,449
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Quote:
Originally posted by RideOrDie
No, I think. I'm not even sure what I'm scared of right now. I'm emotionally unstable at this moment. I rarely can make clear judgements and choices. The only thing between me and therapy is myself. But I'm already used to living this type of life. Giving up seems like a better idea than therapy.
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Well if you're not scared that they'll disown you, you might as well just tell them you're gay and you're emotionally unstable. 
Its not easy, but I honestly think its a bit unfair on your part to want to deal with this alone and just give up.
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Member Since: 4/20/2012
Posts: 6,896
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Quote:
Originally posted by Abraham
F***. I just read your story and I'd just like to say you're so brave for waking up everyday, knowing that you'll see him and living and breathing despite your harsh experiences.
Is there a teacher/a councillor you can speak to who can refer you to a psychiatrist because I think the trauma you've gone through may be incomprehensible to some people and they will therefore trivialise and debase your experiences (just like I kind of did by telling you to write things down).
I'm sorry if I was of no help but I'm definely here to listen if you want an anonymous person to speak to (I'm a HSP so I'm very empathic if you're looking for a friend to talk to).
I truly wish you nothing but the best x |
I have to see and deal with him every school day. He destroys me in every possible way. To be honest, every breath I take gives me pain at this point.
Yes, there is. But as I said in my earlier posts, the idea of therapy and talking to an adult about it seems scary to me. I know that they won't judge me or do something else, but I just want to die so, what's the use? Involving more people into this situation will make them feel more guilty that they couldn't help me, after I'm gone.
Even seeing that you've taken your time to write a comment for me is a very nice feeling for someone in my condition. Thank you so much. xo
Quote:
Originally posted by ForeverNow90
Well if you're not scared that they'll disown you, you might as well just tell them you're gay and you're emotionally unstable.
Its not easy, but I honestly think its a bit unfair on your part to want to deal with this alone and just give up. |
I really don't wanna deal with this alone. This may be very needy but I wish I had someone by my side, someone that loves and cares about me. I feel alone. I will tell them but not having a father at home makes it harder and I have no idea when it will happen.
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Member Since: 11/13/2009
Posts: 25,902
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I'm jealous of all the guys out there that have a really close knit group of friends, bros, that do everything together and won't judge you and just like you for who you are. I really wish I had something like that. I try really hard at making friends, and I get along with people but I've never really clicked with anyone. I just want that comforting feeling of being part of the group, being a bro, that others have.
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Member Since: 1/25/2012
Posts: 44,884
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Quote:
Originally posted by Beatfreak
I'm jealous of all the guys out there that have a really close knit group of friends, bros, that do everything together and won't judge you and just like you for who you are. I really wish I had something like that. I try really hard at making friends, and I get along with people but I've never really clicked with anyone. I just want that comforting feeling of being part of the group, being a bro, that others have.
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You just need to be yourself. If you're living your life as a lie, you're never going to meet long time friends. If you're an introverted, get yourself out there. But that doesn't mean you need to change the person that you are, unless you hate the person you are atm. You can destroy everything and recreate yourself. Remember, you create your own destiny. Nobody can stop you from doing anything... cliche but it's powerfully true. It's hard at the same time though, but still true nonetheless. Control is key.
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Banned
Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 378
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Quote:
I have to see and deal with him every school day. He destroys me in every possible way. To be honest, every breath I take gives me pain at this point.
Yes, there is. But as I said in my earlier posts, the idea of therapy and talking to an adult about it seems scary to me. I know that they won't judge me or do something else, but I just want to die so, what's the use? Involving more people into this situation will make them feel more guilty that they couldn't help me, after I'm gone.
Even seeing that you've taken your time to write a comment for me is a very nice feeling for someone in my condition. Thank you so much. xo
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Remember that leaving this planet will leave an immense amount of pain in the world. Not only will those who don't know you (like I) be deprived of the opportunity of meeting someone so brave (and enjoy's listening to Lissie!) but your family will be devastated. Believe me, speaking to them with them knowing that you're on the verge of suicide, will make them so proud of you. And you'll be proud of yourself for not giving up and maybe it'll make you realise how blessed you are to have those around you who love you and support you.
I hope you feel better friend 
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Banned
Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 378
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Quote:
Originally posted by Beatfreak
I'm jealous of all the guys out there that have a really close knit group of friends, bros, that do everything together and won't judge you and just like you for who you are. I really wish I had something like that. I try really hard at making friends, and I get along with people but I've never really clicked with anyone. I just want that comforting feeling of being part of the group, being a bro, that others have.
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I'm exactly the same! Like I'm acquaintances with almost everyone in my school but I've never had or belonged to a tight-knit group of friends who'll invite you (and even speak to you) outside of school.
We can become e-bros.
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Member Since: 11/13/2009
Posts: 25,902
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Quote:
Originally posted by Abraham
I'm exactly the same! Like I'm acquaintances with almost everyone in my school but I've never had or belonged to a tight-knit group of friends who'll invite you (and even speak to you) outside of school.
We can become e-bros.
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We're on the same page! And the extroverted thing to do would ask once in a while to tag along but I hate being that guy!!
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Banned
Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 378
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Quote:
Originally posted by Beatfreak
We're on the same page! And the extroverted thing to do would ask once in a while to tag along but I hate being that guy!!
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RIGHT?! Like I haaaaaaate being a sideman. I'd MUCH rather be a loner than be known for clinging unto people.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/3/2014
Posts: 11,976
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Quote:
Originally posted by RideOrDie
My story is going to be a long one and it involves many screwed up things but it finally feels nice to tell them. Please, don't be harsh.
 Think twice before reading.It all started in late 2012. I was 13, it was the beginning of my teenage years so everything started to become challenging. One thing lead to another and I couldn't handle the pressure anymore. I'm gonna pass on the small details and just say that I've started to cut myself. It was minimal at first. I was depressed. I didn't let anyone know, I was scared of people's reaction. I always put on a fake smile when going to school. I forced myself to be happy. Deep inside, I wasn't. I was always the fat guy who cries everytime. I always cried with the music on. I always cut myself when I was home alone. I put my best effort to not let anyone sense anything. I was getting sick, I got addicted to pain killers and sleeping pills. I was socially inactive and I had completely shut myself out from the world. This continued for months.
Then, I had a breakdown. I went a little too far with the cutting and well, my arms and legs were all in blood. I had no idea how I've got myself there. I didn't realise what I was doing before it was too late. I don't know if anyone remembers/knows, but I wrote a blog on ATRL about comitting suicide when this was all happening. Anyway, luckily there wasn't anyone home so I had time to clean the wounds & blood. Fortunately, it was winter so the clothes were hiding. I had a rough time with the recovering process. It gave me extra pain instead of relief.
Eventually, I've had enough with all the emotional pain. It was so hard not talking to someone about it. So, I've picked three people from my class that I can trust and told them. They were nice enough to show support and talk to me daily. They cheered me up a bit for weeks. But it was just a phase, a phase that will lead to the actual disaster.
One day, when I was talking to one of three, we both came out to each other. And you know what I exactly did as a lonely, depressed, needy teenager? I fell in love. It wasn't simple "liking", it wasn't just a crush, it was mad love. We started doing things that couples do and eventually we became one. It took a while but he knew that I needed him and I felt like he loves me, too. In the meantime, I was eating healthy to lose weight (& I did). Everything started to get better. I wasn't cutting as much as I used to and I was happy. That lasted for a month.
When July came, all hell broke loose. He told me that he was going on vacation for 2 months (which meant the whole summer) with his family and he did all he could do to stay home, but they wouldn't let him. I was devastated and afraid but I needed to keep myself together for the sake of our relationship. And I did. One week before his vacation, it was 5AM and we had the crazy idea of me going to his house with my bike. (It's like roughly 6-7kms away) It was a nice summer morning and the sun was about to come it, it was all worth it. It was usual for us to stay that late in summer. I told him I'm coming so he didn't go to bed and I insisted. I've warned him about not putting his phone on silent. And he did. I've just wanted to visit my boyfriend and it was a wild but great opportunity. Instead, he went to bed, put his phone on silent and never woke up. It was a total of 5 hour ride. I was thirsty, hungry, sleepy and on the verge of getting hospitalized. It was very, very hot and my heart beat was at a critical rate. My parents were about to kill me because I've had put my life on risk. That was only the beginning.
When he went on vacation, we started to fight a lot over little things. I was getting jealous over everything and he didn't care. (I wish Beyoncé released Jealous earlier) Anyway, we fought daily. Not exaggerating, for two whole months everyday ended with a stupid fight and apology. He used to make excuses to not talk to me, he always tried to ignore me. I could see the hate in his every word. That's when I got back to my old routine and make matters worse. I was cutting, burning, starving myself. I've done every little thing to hurt myself. Every. Little. Thing. He didn't try to stop me.
After that, his vacation came to an end. We met up and forgave each other. We were still holding on to each other even after all that happened. We kissed, cuddled, did all the stuff we used to do like playing video games. It was a fun day until we were home alone. He started to go beyond kissing. I told him and warned him numerous times that I didn't want to do it that day. He wouldn't listen to me. He was holding me against my will and I was yelling and tried to run away. That's when he hit me. It was a hard punch right in my face. He choked, slapped, beat and forced me to have sex with him for about an hour. He was physically stronger than me. I couldn't do anything, I didn't want to do anything. My nose bled. I cried. But I let him. His face was emotionless. It was the most traumatic thing that I've gone through. I never told to anybody. I didn't talk to anybody. I never took help. I didn't left my room for days.
After everything was over, I learned from our mutual friends that he never loved me and used me just for entertainment purposes. I still see him everyday and he regrets nothing. He knows that I'm still cutting myself and he never gave me one apology about it. It was done for me. I am back to square one and it's even worse now. I have trust issues and I think that no one will ever love me. I am gonna be always alone when life passes right in front of my eyes. I'm a 14 year old teenager and my life ended before it's begun. |
This guy that you were dating sounds evil. Report this hoe and tell your parents. Get counseling because that stuff really works. After you're comfortable talking about it, sue his ass out of this world. Knock this hoe's head BACK with expenses.
Most importantly, you'll get over it and you will feel a lot better. Humans can survive a lot of things, and emotions are one of them. Emotions are not real things, and you can overcome them and find out that they are simple processes by the brain. Love =/= real. Emotions are a game. And while I'm not telling you to be a heartless stone, try to develop a shell. Only let those in who you trust. Make sure not to wear your heart on your sleeve if you don't fully trust the person who you are seeing. Also (if you don't trust them very well) make sure you don't cry in front of them or constantly call/text them. That's a sign of weakness and some people take horrible advantage of that.
For some reason, I feel like I'm going to get quoted and told that this was the worst advice ever. If you feel that this was stupid, at least try to take SOMETHING from it. 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 40,803
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Member Since: 11/13/2009
Posts: 25,902
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Quote:
Originally posted by Abraham
RIGHT?! Like I haaaaaaate being a sideman. I'd MUCH rather be a loner than be known for clinging unto people.
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Yeah this confirms it. We're the same person!
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by Beatfreak
I'm jealous of all the guys out there that have a really close knit group of friends, bros, that do everything together and won't judge you and just like you for who you are. I really wish I had something like that. I try really hard at making friends, and I get along with people but I've never really clicked with anyone. I just want that comforting feeling of being part of the group, being a bro, that others have.
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Are we the same person? This describes me in every single way. 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 3,801
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Quote:
Originally posted by Beatfreak
I'm jealous of all the guys out there that have a really close knit group of friends, bros, that do everything together and won't judge you and just like you for who you are. I really wish I had something like that. I try really hard at making friends, and I get along with people but I've never really clicked with anyone. I just want that comforting feeling of being part of the group, being a bro, that others have.
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I've always been in a similar situation. My groups of friends are mostly girls and up until last year, was never able to connect with guys in terms of one on one friendship. There would be guys in friend groups, but it was acquaintance level. Bros have it so easy!
This year I've expanded friend groups and really tried to become friends with more guys. It gets easier when you get older/mature. The straights aren't bothered by me being gay (and I've always wanted to be friends with everyone) and finding common ground with gays can be easy.
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Member Since: 3/14/2013
Posts: 19,449
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So my mom tried to hook me up with the girl next door yesterday (we hung out once or twice before). I straight up asked her if my mom had anything to do with her sudden interest in me, she said yes, but she genuinely likes me. I kinda like her too 
I've been apart from my boyfriend for two months, but we're reuniting in two weeks from now, I don't wanna mess up my relationship with my soulmate for the sake of lust 
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Member Since: 9/1/2013
Posts: 2,618
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I've been having trouble I've had a crush on my best guy friend ( and my only guy friend  ) for like 2 years. he made it clear that he does not get involved with his friends in any way. His boyfriend has left him 3 ttimes and i've been there for him he's cryed to me and told me all his problems. For the last like 6 months my feelings for him were almost gone and i thought we could finally be like real good friends. well 2 weeks ago his boyfriend left him for the 3rd time and he told me but he wasn't to upset. He said that he didn't think he could give him another chance and he spent the night at my house and then i picked him up and we listened to music laughed watched AHS and he literally barely but his lips to mine and we spooned it all ignited my feelings again and i thought maybe just maybe this could actually happen. Well the next day i went over to his house with another one of our close friends to pick him up to go eat. I sit down and he sits down next to me puts his legs on my lap then gets up to get something to drink and this time sits dodwn and puts my legs on his lap and starts rubbing my ear lobes cause he knows i like that and just smiles and looks at me. Then his ex walks in and he tensed up and i knew he didn't know his ex was going to show up. Well i'm also good friends with his ex and his ex is good friends with his brothers gf so he came to visit her baby. He didn't moove my legs but i did after i saw how tense he was. When my other friend that i came with and i were leaving his ex said he was leaving to. He was going to give his ex a hug and he got denied. Then while his ex was walking away he went after him and that broke my heart. Not because of jelousy but because i was watching my friend for the 3rd time act like a little bitch and being treated like a puppet i didn't say anything. Then when we were wondering where they went we saw both walk into his room and we ended up leaving but i'm having a dilema of what to say to him. I thought of telling him i have to seperate my self from him until i feel comfortable enough to be around him with no feelings but like i said he is my only guy friend and i don't want to loose him  i hate seeing him cower back to his ex and beg to be taken back after his ex leaves him every time.
I'm sorry this is so long
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 11,383
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Quote:
Originally posted by Save-Me-Nialler
I've been having trouble I've had a crush on my best guy friend ( and my only guy friend ) for like 2 years. he made it clear that he does not get involved with his friends in any way. His boyfriend has left him 3 ttimes and i've been there for him he's cryed to me and told me all his problems. For the last like 6 months my feelings for him were almost gone and i thought we could finally be like real good friends. well 2 weeks ago his boyfriend left him for the 3rd time and he told me but he wasn't to upset. He said that he didn't think he could give him another chance and he spent the night at my house and then i picked him up and we listened to music laughed watched AHS and he literally barely but his lips to mine and we spooned it all ignited my feelings again and i thought maybe just maybe this could actually happen. Well the next day i went over to his house with another one of our close friends to pick him up to go eat. I sit down and he sits down next to me puts his legs on my lap then gets up to get something to drink and this time sits dodwn and puts my legs on his lap and starts rubbing my ear lobes cause he knows i like that and just smiles and looks at me. Then his ex walks in and he tensed up and i knew he didn't know his ex was going to show up. Well i'm also good friends with his ex and his ex is good friends with his brothers gf so he came to visit her baby. He didn't moove my legs but i did after i saw how tense he was. When my other friend that i came with and i were leaving his ex said he was leaving to. He was going to give his ex a hug and he got denied. Then while his ex was walking away he went after him and that broke my heart. Not because of jelousy but because i was watching my friend for the 3rd time act like a little bitch and being treated like a puppet i didn't say anything. Then when we were wondering where they went we saw both walk into his room and we ended up leaving but i'm having a dilema of what to say to him. I thought of telling him i have to seperate my self from him until i feel comfortable enough to be around him with no feelings but like i said he is my only guy friend and i don't want to loose him i hate seeing him cower back to his ex and beg to be taken back after his ex leaves him every time.
I'm sorry this is so long |
I'm so sorry to hear that, he doesn't deserve you, he's a idiot and quiet frankly he deserves that guy, I mean, he bothered to run after him 3 times, he actually likes him and (at least) for now he doesn't have space in his heart to another person, you know how that is. In my opinion you should quietly try to make everything seem OK and make him (your frined) thinks you forgot about your passion, you don't need exactly to give up on him, just give him the time he needs to notice how stupid he is for keep running after someone who keeps rejecting him.
Keep being there for him when he needs you, don't end your friendship over that.
If it makes you feel any better, I've loved the same guy since I was like 13~14, he was my first crush, we were a group of 3 friends, I loved one of them and the other one loved me, he told me that and he was very jealous, the guy I loved also loved me back but I never found that out because he only told that to the other friend who loves me and none of them ever told me anything, this friend who loves me and told me that said the guy I loved rejected me when it wasn't true, he was just being egoist. A few months back I found out the true and even tho that friend lied to me, I kept being his friend. The rest is history.
See how that's not much different from your history? He doesn't deserve you, but I know how that works and you love him anyway.. I'm not saying he likes you "that way" now, but it may happen, you just need not to focus on him for now and kinda forget about it, we are all very young and by what I read, his relationship won't last much longer, with him having your support things may change in his heart.
Keep being the great friend you are, you're so lovable and I REALLY hope he notices that on you
and also, find more friends, I know you can do it, you're ***Flawless 
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Member Since: 9/1/2013
Posts: 2,618
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Quote:
Originally posted by VyktorJonas
I'm so sorry to hear that, he doesn't deserve you, he's a idiot and quiet frankly he deserves that guy, I mean, he bothered to run after him 3 times, he actually likes him and (at least) for now he doesn't have space in his heart to another person, you know how that is. In my opinion you should quietly try to make everything seem OK and make him (your frined) thinks you forgot about your passion, you don't need exactly to give up on him, just give him the time he needs to notice how stupid he is for keep running after someone who keeps rejecting him.
Keep being there for him when he needs you, don't end your friendship over that.
If it makes you feel any better, I've loved the same guy since I was like 13~14, he was my first crush, we were a group of 3 friends, I loved one of them and the other one loved me, he told me that and he was very jealous, the guy I loved also loved me back but I never found that out because he only told that to the other friend who loves me and none of them ever told me anything, this friend who loves me and told me that said the guy I loved rejected me when it wasn't true, he was just being egoist. A few months back I found out the true and even tho that friend lied to me, I kept being his friend. The rest is history.
See how that's not much different from your history? He doesn't deserve you, but I know how that works and you love him anyway.. I'm not saying he likes you "that way" now, but it may happen, you just need not to focus on him for now and kinda forget about it, we are all very young and by what I read, his relationship won't last much longer, with him having your support things may change in his heart.
Keep being the great friend you are, you're so lovable and I REALLY hope he notices that on you
and also, find more friends, I know you can do it, you're ***Flawless |
Vyktor you're amazing i'm so glad i got the opportunity to make such a great friend on here it goes to show this site isn't just about acting childish and dragging other members. And if only other members could know that you're actually one of the sweetest if the not the sweetest members on this site. thank you so much for your advice and it makes so much sense and even if at the end he does not end up feeling the same way for me i at least will have his friendship and will find the right person thank you so much Vyk 
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Member Since: 4/5/2012
Posts: 7,953
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I just want to say, I'm finally at peace with the break-up that I went through around a month ago. It feels like the weight on my heart and chest has been lifted.
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