Quote:
Originally posted by Warrior
CAN SOMEONE PLS: post my Adam & Nait comments!!! I'm on mobile!
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Adam~ Challenge: I love the use of your word. I had to look up what it meant because I didn’t check before giving it to you and it fits perfectly.
Overall: This was by far a step up from last round for you. It’s very smooth and poetic. Just that some lines seem kinda awkward in context and throw you off. Like, you have this whole sad song going on and then you include “Sis, you're not the queen.”
But I love the word choice. I hope to see you keep this level of quality throughout the game.
Nait~ You said the word almost a dozen times and I still am unsure what the word means.
This is what I picture: some songwriter wanted to use a cool word in his next song and found the word "indelible". He saw the definition and wanted to use it effectively. However, because he liked the word so much, he wanted it to be plastered all over the song so people will go home with the idea that he can use big words effectively. Now, I'm most likely wrong in my assumption since we gave you the word, but do you see why I would think that way? You can continuously use the word thinking we have the clear idea of what it means before you even use it. That's sloppy writing, and it's somewhat boastful.
And another thing I read: very effective song titles in your verses. "Love is Dark", "Un-Play These Cards", "You Give Love a Bad Name"; these are effective in the songwriting process, but not as single lines to issue a point. Because these are, say it with me, CLICHÉS, and the worst thing about using clichés in songwriting is that they stick out in the wrong way. They're only effective if you are basing the entire song on one of them, not all of them.
It's not your best, I feel.
(jk we're all on the same boat a part from the Sias/Bonnie Mc Kees of the competition)
