I'm in my first year of college, and I'm having a hard time coming out. I've lived in the closet my entire life and only one of my siblings know that I'm gay. Since I lived in a conservative-y high school where people cracked jokes about gay people all the time, I stayed in the closet. I thought that since I was going to college and people would be more accepting that I would be able to come out freely in college.

However, I never got around to telling people myself and now I don't know how to. My friend group asked me if I was gay, and I said no. Now they think I'm interested in dating one of the girls in it because we share a lot of the same interests. They tease me about her and ask me how's it going with her. I have no interest whatsoever sexually or romantically with her, but it's getting kind of awkward because I think she is a bit interested in me now too. I don't even know how to go about coming out. I'm scared that people will judge me for being gay. Even though I know in my college people are 'accepting' of being gay, it feels like I will be looked at differently and alienated. The stigma that comes with being gay makes it hard to connect with straight guys once they know you're gay.

I'm really tired of living this lie, but I don't know how to go about telling people I'm gay since I already denied it. How do I bring it up? What do I say? How will they react? How will my experience in college change?

My best guy friend here is a straight (I 'm not so sure, he gives off a little bit of a gay vibe, but he's had girlfriends before and gone to second base with them) international student, and although I don't think he's homophobic I worry that he's going to treat me differently (less skinship and cuddling) or not be friends with me once he finds out. That relationship to me is very important and I'm scared.

Have you ever had a hard time coming out? What did you do?

It was hard for me too. I never struggled with accepting myself, but the conversation is just awkward and I avoid any awkward conversations I can. What I'd recommend is if someone blatantly asks, always tell them. It's hard but that's a golden opportunity. Saying you're interested in women when you're not is a mistake and in the moment it seems like a good idea but you will always have to end up back tracking.

Damn, sorry but I don't feel like reading all that.

Anyway, I don't even know if I want to come out. I don't really want to be in any sort of relationship.

I totally understand. It was really hard for me too. I lived in a super conservative town in high school and where I go to college is even worse. I started by telling my high school friends once I had moved to college. I told the ones I knew would be accepting but even that was hard. I remember my first friend I told I had to spend 2 hours convincing her I was actually gay and it was so exhausting that I didn't tell anyone else for months. My parents found out kinda by accident, but to be honest since then it's been really easy. The hardest part was letting family know, but since then I've just told people when dating has come up and it hasn't been a big deal. No one's ever been mean or awkward about it. Really, it's all in your head. No one really cares that much. My straight guy friends will ask me random gay questions all the time and its a kii. The first step is really the hardest part. Just force yourself to tell a few close friends and the rest comes naturally (tbh its an added plus if you get your friends to tell people for you)

The things you're worried about are sadly out of your hands.

Just try to keep it low-key, it doesn't have to be a big announcement. Just subtly correct them when they imply that they want to date that girl. That's what I would do but coming out always sucks at first, but it's super liberating.

Two of my cousins found out I was gay (I was exposed ), but them knowing turned out to not be as big of a deal as I thought it would be. And I'm almost glad it happened because who knows when I would have built up the courage to tell them. I don't know when I'm going to fully come out, but trust me, it's extremely relieving and worth it when you do, no matter how people react.

Well if you feel too scared to just jump into it, how about causally making discussion on gay people without it sounding about you? To get a gauge on how they feel, test the waters.

Especially on that guy friend you're so worried about.

Their reactions aren't something you have control over, and it's also not something you should let control on how you see yourself.

You can simply explain that you felt worried about coming out so it's easier to understand when you decide to.

Things may change, but not all change is bad.

If you have a hard time "coming out, don't. Just be who you are.

I'm sorry that I can't offer you any advice, but I'm not out to anyone and in my first year of Uni and I feel all those things you're worrying about.

I have no idea when I'm going to come out tbh, hope it turns out better than we expect for you, me or anyone in the same situation.

this makes me sad cause it was really easy for me

like literally anyone asks if im gay and i just say yes. if they dont like it its better that i know that then because they shouldnt be in my life anyways.

"coming out" is such a gross topic/act imo because it shouldnt be this grand announcement. it shouldnt matter.

n omg this made me scream

no tea no shade but if ur friend group is asking you if ur gay they probably already know/ have their suspicions it's best to just come clean. and that boy you're worried about, just sit down w him and talk to him about it and how you don't want it to affect ur friendship or anything. if ur getting gay teas from him then maybe it'll turn into something more you never know maybe the good sis is curious

I wasn't out my first year of college. I hated where I was and didn't have many friends anyway. I transferred to my dream school and the first few days it wasn't like "OMG I'm out" but I worked my way out and it feels really nice. I'm still getting used to talking out loud about liking guys. But it's awful because I haven't even told my best friends or any of my family but I also just assume they know anyway

You should just tell them you were uncomfortable telling them about it, they probably wouldn't think of you any differently, and you have plenty of opportunities to make new friends.

I have this really weird personality where I'm neither feminine nor masculine, so it's hard for people to guess my sexuality. It's this weird like middle line, so I'm kind of hard to read. That's why they believed me when I said I was straight

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Thanks for all of the kind words, guys!

It's nobody's business if you're gay or not. Since you're clearly uncomfortable with what your friend circle is doing with that girl, tell them (and her) that you're not interested, that what they're saying is making you uncomfortable and pissing you off and to please stop.

If you feel that you have to come out, just do it. You're gay. Them knowing that or not doesn't change anything. If they stop being your friend because if it, they're not your friends. They like the you that you're presenting and not you personally. That's a horrible, shallow way to live.

I have plenty of straight friends and none of them care I'm gay. We get drunk, we go streaking across campus, we'll wrestle, talk about who we laid and all kinds of other **** guys do. Being gay is only a big deal to them if you act like it's a big deal. I never make a big deal out of my sexuality and my friends do the same. You teach people how to treat you. Never forget that

I'm literally on the same boat with you. A college freshman too, and can pretty blend in with other guys. Just a week ago though this one guy friend of mine that was sitting next to me in class asked me if I was interested in girls, because he said he just had the vibe from me that I was into guys. I didn't deny nor say anything, I just laughed it off I was gonna lie and just say I'm bi and ask him back why did he think so but I didn't and I kinda regretted it because he said "nothing, it's just you look like you're not into girls" and I want to know what he meant by that. Did he mean I have "gay face" or something or it's because of the good-looking guys are gay myth The class was crowded at the time, had it happen outside of class I might've asked him further. That was the 2nd time someone asked me that actually. The first one was my uncle. Does everyone just know and don't say anything because they don't want to be rude or what

Most gay guys are well dressed and all that. Like good outfits, trendy hair cuts and all that. Although you could have gay face. I'd have to see to say. Maybe you make small gestures you don't pick up on that are stereotypically gay?

I do take good care of myself very well so it could be that. My haircut is regular cut though. I hope it's not gay face As far as I'm aware of my face is pretty "straight". Probably because he thought I was attractive (this may sound self-centered but I get that compliment quite a lot) and I don't have a girlfriend, and I don't play football/soccer (even though that's the only sports I don't play and I'm in a basketball club )

It's possible he was fishing for you to say yes because he is gay. Like, he wouldn't openly admit to being gay to somebody who didn't say they were gay first