OK - so I'm gay & I have several friends that many of you would describe as homophobic. An example is my Christian best friend who doesn't believe in gay marriage. She still supports me in life, and openly says I'm gay but does not support gay marriage. Is she homophobic? Would you be friends with a person like this? Considering ALL my family also disagrees with homosexuality would you also disconnect from your family?


Further I ask what do you define as homophobia? Is it someone who disagrees with homosexuality, or activity fights against it?

No, they're not homophobic.

Homophobia to me is complete hatred for homosexuals, not disagreeing with certain aspects of their lifestyle.

yes i would be friends with a homophobe , infact i already have many i don't hold grudges like most gays

I agree but why do I see posts all over ATRL saying otherwise, and that those who do not believe in gay marriage are saying gays are not worth as much as straights and are therefore homophobic.

Because some gays are really anal.

I don't think their homophobic, their just close minded

Homophobia is discrimination or prejudice based off of someone being gay.

If someone disagreed with aspects of my life that are immutable, then I wouldn't be friends with them. Period.

I wouldn't be friends with a person who disagreed with my gay lifestyle, my Black lifestyle, my left-handed lifestyle, my 6'1" lifestyle, my big booty lifestyle, ect.

That is homophobic.
If you believe that gays should not be granted the same rights as straight people, you are homophobic.

so would you associate with these people?

I think this video accurately defines what a homophobe is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3h6es6zh1c

Yes, she is homophobic, but at least she tolerates you. My mother is a homophobe and is uncomfortable with my being gay, but she still loves and supports me. Not everyone is going to accept every single part of you and it's not necessary to force them. You should be able to decide if they're worth keeping in your life or not.

No, it's not. That's just an extreme form of homophobia. Any phobia is just some some level of anxiousness or fear of whatever the phobia is towards. Likewise, racism isn't just Nazi-like hatred for people of certain races of ethnic groups. Nowadays it's usually subtle and that's what homophobia is turning into in more liberal areas.

It would be hard to get along with them because I'm kind of intolerant of ignorance, but I would give it a try

Interesting point. My friends do drugs and I don't necessarily agree with that but we are still friends. At the end of the day it's none of my business, and their choice. I feel that's how my friend feels about gay marriage, and I'm not sure if I should hold that against her, considering she has been brought up with those beliefs.

When all those dumb homophobic girls say "I don't hate gay people, I have a gay friend" they are talking about YOU.

Don't be that ghey sis

Life is a bit of give and take, and I respect those who have religious beliefs. I expect the same in return. We can't all live happily ever after, unfortunately. If people don't believe gays should get married, fine. It doesn't make them the next Hitler.

I'm not comfortable with gays being overly extra in public for no damn reason. Does it make me homophobic because I simply cannot ever see the point in a gay man skipping down the road screaming his head off? I'd be embarrassed if anyone did it.

She actually does use that line, but it's usually my "best friend is gay"

I don't really see how that makes her homophobic, though.

correct
and no i would not associate with those people because you're being friends with someone who doesn't see you as an equal and personally i don't think anything healthy comes of that

No that's not homophobic. homophobia would imply that the person displays outright hatred/fear, whether going out of their way to treat gay people terribly or not. It implies hatred and rudeness and oppression.

There isn't, and really shouldn't be, a problem when people simply just don't agree with said lifestyle. Just put it on a simple level: everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, opinions and lifestyles. This goes the same for those who just so happen to not support and agree with homosexuality. It doesn't mean they have an explicit hatred or fear of them, they just don't agree with them. Although, OP you didn't really specify the relationship you have with those people you mentioned you just kinda left it at a vague "yeah it's all cool" like what exactly is it like? Cause like what you're describing and discussing really depends on how they act around you.

does she just whip it around like it's a fashion statement? (that was a terrible stereotype )

but like my point is in what context does she say that? does she always say it? does she expect something out of it for saying it? I mean people here can make arguments about what people say all they want but in the end that sentence weighs heavier when it depends on how she says it and what exactly it is she is inferring.