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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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I am on the first track right now. I like the beginning better than the actual song.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
People would describe 1989 the same way and look @ the state of that.
Lemme give it a try anyway. |
1989 is not as good as Red, but it has its moments
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
You just went from being one of my favorite contestants to being one level above GotSkill and pears. Congrats 
Stuck On You is one of the 4 tracks I like though, so |
Thanks (?)
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Part 1EuphorianSea - Against All Odds : It's a vast improvement from Ceiling Of Fate. The rhyming is miles better and more advanced and I was particularly impressed by the "stare - there" and "together - ever" pattern serving inside rhyming a biT. There are still things lef to fix though. There are some lines that don't work and let the song down. Most of them make sense and I get the metaphor(s) you were going for, but the execution needed tweaking, especially the aliens, language, faint and dry lines.
JustLuke - All I Have : I liked the way you twisted the title. The rhyming and meter are on point for the most part, the song has a balance and a well executed concept, so it's all good. I also liked the feeling of urgency and intensity the pre-chorus and chorus exuded. I'd like to see stronger individual lines from you in the future.I saw good material, but the song needed that one stunning phrase, sentence, wordplay, metaphor, image or whatever else to be taken to the next level.
Hugamari - All Of Me : The meter and rhythm you used are absolutely genius, they create the feeling of urgency and fast pace, I loved it. I also stan for the second half of the chorus and the last 4 lines of the verse, these were some of the best bits of the whole round If I was to nitpick just a biT without making you mad, I wasn't too keen on "eternal memories we'll remember" and "auburn passions", but that's it
BlueM - Another Day In Paradise : You have a very natural skill in writing. Your meter and pace are always perfect and your lyrics are always ready to be placed over an instrumental, they don't need technical improvements or changes to become lyrics of an actual song. That being said, your entry this week is surprisingly weak. It's quite clear that you struggled with the challenge, but it's shocking to me how the same guy who wrote "Castle Of Dreams" for a simple audition round struggled with a title as poetic and beautiful as "Another Day In Paradise".
Obsession - Bad : Entries with perfect rhythm and rhyming are so pleasant to read  You know how to write a song and that's definitely appreciated. The final 2 lines of the verse were amazing. Overall, the song could have been a bit stronger, but it's another solid entry from you
8th Prince - Bad Medicine : That was so amazing  I LOVED the metaphor and I LOVED how you created such a cute track out of a relatively heavy title. The whole song gives me irresistible 80's pop song vibes, one of those songs that aren't exactly lyrical masterpieces, but they're so well written to serve their purpose that you helplessly sing along. My only slight complaint is that the post-chorus was weak in comparison to the rest of the song. Other than that, exceptional
Kesha Rose - Believe : It's a solid entry. The execution is good enough for round 2 and the topic works for the title. There's a clear concept and meaning too. I do feel like some of the lines are awkwardly phrased or overly cliche though.
Blue. - Blame It On The Rain : I really loved the way you used your title. The whole chorus was very well written, beautiful and carefully rhymed and executed. However, you clearly broke the rules since the challenge was to write a short song and this song has 2 verse and the chorus is repeated 3 times. The second verse was solid, minus the lack of tight rhyming, but the first verse was not good and hindered the first impression that the song made. The "mistress - winter" rhyme was not very well thought and neither was the "skin" line.
HausofNiko - Broken Wings : I'm so proud of you! You stepped your game up tremendously, this song is so many levels above your first week entry! Amazing progress! The song is a beautifully written entry, handling a topic that can backfire, but you handled it exceptionally well! The technicalities were also on point. Some lines that were a little bit awkward, but nothing too bad. I'm really happy that you managed to prove me right!
TheCheetahwings - Burn : I liked how spontaneous that was and I appreciated that you didn't use the title in an obvious way, but the outcome wasn't necessarily good. The rhyming isn't tight, some lyrics are awkwardly phrased, the pace is a little off... The worst part however is how the contradiction in it. You said "I'm so insulted, I'm bothered by it" and then 2 lines later "I'm not hurt by what you're saying", so I'm a bit lost.
Element - Diamonds : Perfect rhyming and flawless rhythm. The song is easy to read and easy to imagine as an actual song. I do feel however that you in particular could have taken the word "diamonds" so much further than an empowerment song. And it was a well written, perfectly executed empowerment song, but there were a few cliches really there and not a lot of the lines stood out, but they did make something beautiful when put together
The Original High - End Of The Road : I appreciate your songwriting skills, cause it's very clear that you know what you're doing. You make no mistakes, you're focused on all the technicalities and the song is polished and perfected. The song started off very well, much like your round 1 entry. The verse, while short, was beautifully written and carefully worded to truly make an impact. The pre-chorus wasn't as impressive, but it served as a satisfactory transition. The chorus caused the song to lose momentum. It lacks standout lines, appeal and originality. The verse would be a much better chorus than the actual chorus is imo.
Pecinta Mariah - Every Breath You Take : I really loved your chorus, it was very well written and I could picture myself sing along to it. My only problem with this song is that the rhyming and pace in the verses was a little off (extinction - protection) and the stressing of "it was such" didn't fit with the stressing of "my solitude", but these are technical details.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Oh, okay @ Jackie being 15 songs wrapped in one. A damn mess.
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 8,787
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1989 & RED > Life
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
Oh, okay @ Jackie being 15 songs wrapped in one. A damn mess.
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It's a cute bop though  Messy, but cute
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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It's coming.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Yay!  I'm glad y'all acknowledged that it was an improvement from last week's cause I thought so too  and yass I live for those kinda rhymes. I faint as hard as your warm stare, knowing you're there, it's comforting and when we cry we drown together, closer than ever, feel the breeze  Thank you!! I can sometimes get a lil stressed about critiques due to many reasons but it's just nice to just omg Oh and I totally get the alien lines etc. It makes sense to me but, clearly, there are a few phrasing issues there. I'm so bad with execution  It's why I always doubt myself cause I know I could slay this **** if I ****ing focused.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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I'm always on part 2
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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" I also stan for the second half of the chorus and the last 4 lines of the verse, these were some of the best bits of the whole round " omg Thank you
I felt like "eternal memories we'll remember" was redundant, but I couldn't find a better option for it.  I can also see why someone wouldn't like "auburn passions", but I was alluding to red being the color of passion or desire. It's a stretch.
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Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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oh you and fefe have similar review, we can agree that my verse is the pit
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Yas @ the universal acclaim
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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That's How I'm Feelin' is meh. Cute background noise I guess, like anything Pitbull touches.
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Oh, no… the second half of Jackie is falling flat…
I'm sorry, but urban-pop is her niche… full-blown pop is not for her… 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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I can rest easy tonight, knowing I'll be alright...
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Ready to be dragged.
Drag me, Truthy.
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Member Since: 3/14/2013
Posts: 19,449
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Listening to Mikky Ekko's album "Time". This shouldn't have flopped it's a masterpiece.
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Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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Every Breath You Take >> Song of Misery
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