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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 9
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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BATCH ﾘNE
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Hugamari – Bastard Child
Looking at the structure of the song, there were a few issues in stressing (specifically in the chorus, where they HAVE is different than NOthing) that stopped your song from flowing perfectly. The storytelling element was there, but only really in the bridge and outro do you feel any sense of movement throughout the song. That being said, I liked the way the story progressed although it is a bit confusing whether the son died in theory or actuality. I could have done without some of the rhymes were, such as blame/shame, and the adjective/noun format of the first verse felt contrived.
Nait Phoenix – Cinders
My biggest issues here were in the flow. Even though the meter of the first verse is impeccable, words like “becomes” stress the wrong syllable which detracts a bit from the overall flow of the song. The fact that the structure of the second verse was entirely different than that of the first was a bit confusing as well. Still, I absolutely loved the imagery and emotion in the first verse. You captured the dark mentality of the group perfectly, but kept it “commercial” enough to work. “But gravity forgets me/and levitates my soul” was gorgeous. Most of the song was great, but the last line of the chorus still felt anticlimactic.
Vision – Chasing Alice
This definitely fits the label you were assigned. It’s accessible yet dark, which I think is what 8th was looking for. The interaction between voices was an interesting element, although it confused me a bit of what side of this person was saying what. You said in your explanation that this was about drug abuse, but there’s really nothing here that I can make out that would distinguish the meaning of the song as drug abuse. The first time I read it it read more as a song about an abusive relationship, so I would have appreciated more references to the issues she’s facing. Your language was vivid and conveyed the message of the song well, but at times it feels as if you’re spending all your time showing a scene rather than conveying the emotion behind a story.
Citrus – Scary Movie
Hoping “Ethereal Wave” becomes the new “Baroque Pop”. There were two very conflicting messages in this song and it never quite felt as if they were tied together. The first verse gave me the feeling this song would be about conquering fears and insecurities, but the chorus introduced a love aspect and the confusing line “I wanna take you to a scary movie/And be scared with you for life”. Juxtaposing these two themes together I can’t quite tell which it fits. The verses read kinda like Achilles’s first round song, in that it was incredibly cheesy, but in this context it doesn’t really work. The allusions were cute but just using the first name in the first verse seemed a little weak. I wouldn’t have understood at all without the hyperlink. I would have enjoyed this much more if I could tell exactly what you’re trying to say, but I’m getting nothing but mixed messages.
mxtthewdelrey – Thinking About You, Girl
You really need to stop being so risky and personal. Conceptually, the biggest problems with your songs are that they make perfect sense in your head but not much to us. It seemed weird to me when you randomly introduced technological/millennial type language in the chorus when the first part is nice and poetic. The song was drowning in awkward rhymes and phrases (basement/replacement, special/professional, caps/caps session/eleven to name a few). The bridge just didn’t make much sense at all. The concept was all over the place and lacked any cohesion.
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BATCH TWﾘ
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CountryBritney – Georgie
I wish your first and second verses followed the same flow, because I loved the way your first verse flowed and the longer line at the end. I’m not sure if the name you chose is of any significance to you, but without any context it’s an odd name to choose and looks a bit odd in the song. The verses and chorus are passable for the most part, but I didn’t like the postchorus, specifically the luminescent/antidepressant lines. The bridge was basically entirely filler, filled with clich駸 and familiar language. You managed to pull off a classic feeling song which I enjoyed, but I’m not sure how well it fit the label.
Buyonce1814 – Jimmy
You did a great job of setting up the atmosphere of the song. I felt fully immersed in the storyline by about the third line. The song definitely fit the label in every way as well. Much like I said in the review above, the whole name thing felt a little extra and gimmicky rather than adding a personal layer to the song. Much like in writing a paper or a story, it’s a good idea to not repeat a word too many times. There were a few too many “Jimmy”s that could have been replaced by more descriptive words that gave us a better insight into his life. There were a few little lines I didn’t like (the lagoon and rogue lines for example). I appreciate the research than went into this and it had a fun setting.
Tylerbv – You and I
You chose an interesting subject matter because I work at a bank and I’ve been robbed at gunpoint before at work, so I was kinda getting some anxiety while reading this  . At face level this was a lot like your past songs. You tackled a big storyline and it often felt like you were cramming words together which made the song lack cohesion at times. There were really no standout lines and just as many awkward lines as usual, but together it worked as a story. The one thing you did better, though, was provide an interesting and unexpected plot twist towards the end of the song that drew my interest (although I could have done without the last line, as it was implied and was stronger without it).
Jaxswim – If You Can’t Take the Heat
You realize that tsunamis are waves of water and would put out fires right? Remember that all we see is lyrics and we can’t hear your melodies, so putting something like (two gunshots) in your chorus probably isn’t the best idea. I liked the first and last two lines of the chorus, especially “If you can’t take the heat/get out of the desert” but the rest was filler. Strife is on the list of words I would describe as almost always filler. You did I great job fulfilling the theme and capturing the essence of my artist, but it appears this week as if your biggest downfall was failing to translate what you heard in your head into convincing lyrics.
MattyTacos – Head Over Heart
I haven’t read the other judge’s comments but I already know they’re gonna say something stupid about this, but this was actually really good and by far your best song this season. You finally got the flow down this week and the lyrics were great. You used fairly simple words but succeeded in portraying an emotional, authentic feeling message. There were a ton of clever lines as well, like “sipping on our history, guess I’ll have another drink”, “I hope now you make promises/You don’t intent to break” and the title line.
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BATCH THREE
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jpow – Magnum Opus
The first verse was the definition of ARTPOP, take that how you will. I know you were struggling with choosing a label this week and it doesn’t really feel like you ever chose one. I don’t really see how this fit’s 8th’s label description at all apart from being “creative” in an extremely literal sense. As a song it wasn’t bad. You had some cool imagery and the flow was there for the most part, ignoring a few minor mistakes such as the stressing in the “terrace” line. This didn’t really feel like something you put your heart into, and the whole song felt a bit awkward. There was little movement in the song, and the bridge was filler when it could have provided a new, more interesting view on the song.
Ceremonials – Areola
Instead of writing you a review I’ll just use this extra time to make a quesadilla.
feelslikeadream – Rest
I’m glad you finally stepped away from the love song theme and tackled a different concept, even if you refuse to leave the city in any of your songs (the mountains are great too). Although you discussed death, the song didn’t really feel like ti fit 8th’s label. It was too poetic, and too you to really feel like something a boy band would sing or something “creepy”. Some of the imagery you used in the first verse was a little odd, such as conception being the first home and rainy days being the essence of life. I liked the odd structure of the chorus and the overall concept of it, especially the final line. Since this is the final song of your concept album I’m hoping you move to a new concept soon or at least write some deluxe track or soundtrack single or SOMETHING.
HausOfNiko – Ballerinas Dancing on the Moon
I’m really hoping to see an entry in which you don’t make a typo someday (this week it was in the first line, and a few others made cameos throughout the song). I guess I’ll just say for the nth time this season to try sending your song to someone else to fix simple mistakes like that, and if you are and they’re not seeing something that simple they can’t really be helping that much. You phrase a lot of lines awkwardly as well in every verse, which stops your song from flowing in a way that makes reading it easy and enjoyable for me. Your songs always have a lot of potential but not enough editing to make them stand out for me. In the first verse alone I would have rewritten the last lines of each stanza. The chorus was a bit too wordy and should have been more concise with its meaning. Next week ensure to streamline your concept and make sure every line and every words makes an impact. Don’t leave any room for filler. As far as I can tell this seemed to fit the label.
Achilles. – Better Than Human
Reading the first verse, nothing is particularly bad, but it reads as basically exactly what I’d expect from you. Not only is the theme common in your songs, the language in which it is portrayed tends to be similar as well. You do a lot of telling as opposed to showing, which is basically to day you explain your thoughts as what they are rather than painting a convincing picture that allows the reader/listener to create their own setting. The second verse seemed pretty lazy, especially with the fatter/matter rhyme. I’m assuming this is the general vibe Hor was going for, but the song lacks any sort of progression that leads me to believe it’s a storytelling song. I’ve yet to see anything this season that impressed me as much as some of your entries last season, but I know you have it in you to shock us all.
Moonchild – Cowboy Style
This seems like something I would write, and I like that. It’s basically exactly what I was looking for conceptually and the execution is fairly strong. The flow was still interrupted in the second line of the first verse when the stressing was a bit odd. I love the horse line, but the phrasing was still a bit awkward there. I’m not sure what the second line in the bridge means either. Otherwise you pulled it off well and I loved the imagery and the subtle sexiness of the song. The best sex songs are soft and sultry rather than blatantly overt.
Dylobs – The Tide to End It All
WHAT was that section labelling? This felt kinda like a cross between a Finding Nemo theme song and a Meghan Trainor type thing. I like both of those things but I know you don’t so suck on that. The whole dad thing was a little awkward throughout, but the water imagery was spot on. I wasn’t a fan of the “thigh” line either. Hunter’s label was fairly vague, so it was a good one to choose because I don’t feel like this fits hugely into any one label, but I guess it does its job.
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THIS PﾘST WILL BE UPDATED WITH ALL REVIEWS AS THEY CﾘME 
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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 Hurry up, Jack!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tylerbv
I'd be fine with 12 but ceremonials is obv #1 with that banger.
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Wow the impact already. 
Areola is coming for most iconic troll song.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
Hugamari's #shotinthedark Guess of Temporal's rankings. Ready for him to respond with the :ahhblio:
1. Cupid
2. feelslikeadream
3. jpow
4. HausofNiko
5. Moonchild
6. Dylobs
7. Hugamari
8. Nait Phoenix
9. Citrus
10. MattyTacos
11. Buyonce1814
12. Tylerbv
13. CountryBritney
14. Achilles.
15. Jaxswim
16. mxtthewdelrey
17. Ceremonials
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Dylobs was late AF though
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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And I went from #1 to #2. Cool.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by ceremonials
Dylobs was late AF though
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The -1.2 affects my final score not individual judge's score.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Not me actually getting the whole Top 5 right, but only Moonchild/Niko being in the wrong places. 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Jpow is coming for #1 this round.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
The -1.2 affects my final score not individual judge's score.
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Bitch you were 12hrs late? 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
Originally posted by ceremonials
Jpow is coming for #1 this round. |
Girl I wish but only one judge has given hints and I was 3rd 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 4/3/2014
Posts: 18,319
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Quote:
Originally posted by jpow
Girl I wish but only one judge has given hints and I was 3rd |
Yeah but you got universal Acclaim from Hor.
So unless it's panned by 8th and Jackson
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by ceremonials
Bitch you were 12hrs late? |
 Not my bestest moment.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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perched for more of jackson's reviews 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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My label's getting their reviews tonight for sure
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
My label's getting their reviews tonight for sure
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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 Bastard Child(Verse 1)
I値l never be as pure as my younger brother
I知 nothing but a waste to my spiteful mother
I値l only be a pain to my distant father
They spend less time at home than down at the altar
(Pre-chorus)
They see their vanished youth inside of me
I知 all their broken hopes and dreams
They said that God will never forgive me
For being born outside the ring
(Chorus)
They have two sons, but he痴 their pride
I知 a regret, a waste of time
Nothing I do will change their minds
I知 a mistake, a bastard child
They made their choice, why even try
I知 a regret, a waste of life
Nothing I do will change their minds
I知 a mistake, a bastard child
(Verse 2)
They wake up each Sunday to worship at church
The same place they married soon after my birth
They won稚 take me with them because it brings them shame
People look down on me like I知 the one to blame
(Pre-chorus 2)
They see their awful sins inside of me
I知 why their faith had gone astray
They hoped that God could ever forgive them
For being unable to wait
(Chorus)
They have two sons, but he痴 their pride
I知 a regret, a waste of time
Nothing I do will change their minds
I知 a mistake, a bastard child
They made their pick, why even try
I知 a regret, a waste of life
Nothing I do will change their minds
I知 a mistake, a bastard child
(Bridge)
Now they lay me down to sleep
They pray the Lord my soul to reap
If I die before I wake
They will be free of their mistake
(Outro)
They have a son, and he痴 their pride
Not a regret or waste of time
They live their lives with peace of mind
No more mistake, no bastard child
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Why am I just noticing how Soviet the banner looks?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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stream Rainbow Whoo on iTunes
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