[keshaspearsxo]

Originally posted by MattyTacos

I feel like I'm out this round honestly, all the complaints about the songs in the past couple pages feels directed towards mine. But that's okay, I had so much fun playing anyways, and I feel like I've grown as a writer.

I honestly have no idea which writer you are. I haven't seen any of your other work so I don't know what you're style would be like, but I know which one is ausdaniel's and I can guess which one is Sam Jay's.

Anyway, I'm stuck between two which I think could be from you. Either way, I'm pretty sure you weren't my lowest rated.

Good luck

[Jackson]

CONTESTANT 1

Suicidal Beauty Queen

Originally posted by GotSkill

This kinda reminded me of Blank Space (Matty is that you? ), but I actually like this a lot better. I especially love the rhyme scheme in the chorus, and the flow is really tight. The verses were a bit lackluster compared to the chorus. I like how you told a story in the verses, but at the same time the language was much weaker than in the chorus and much less emotive. Still, this was a successful song overall.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

On the one hand, I like the premise since it’s original to the competition and could be executed in an interesting way. On the other hand, it suffers from some crucial, basic issues, the key one being sensibility. “I was suicidal / I wanted to live to see 18.” What? This is confusing. Besides from the confusing message, the other big issue is that the language is very ordinary the whole time. The conversational tone feels at odds with the opulence of the theme—I would have liked to see some figurative language based around the idea of beauty pageants/physicality instead of what reads kind of like an email to your parents. This was like Lana del Rey without any of the interesting word choices or imagery.

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

I thought the Lana Del Rey challenge was a few rounds ago? This was kind of middle of the pack. I appreciated the story but it felt kind of weak. I understand that you didn't want to be a 'beauty queen' but I don't understand why you were 'suicidial' outside of having parents which were a little controlling? It just kind of felt like a piece of the story was missing which explains your sadness more thoroughly.

Originally posted by Tymps.

I feel like you made everything really obvious, like you really wanted to make sure everyone understood it so you’re just like “Look! She killed herself! And she was a beauty queen! And she’s unhappy she’s dead!! Get it!?!?” I don’t know, the whole thing lacks any depth past the stereotypical beauty queen. People aren’t stereotypes!

Goodbye Kiss

Originally posted by GotSkill

The title had me worried for a minute because goodbye is associated with the past. But thankfully you delivered. This was pretty similar to your first song in that the chorus was the strongest part. This was kinda just a classic goodbye song. There was little that really stood out to me, but the song also strangely finds strength in the fact that it's such a classic sounding song. One big turnoff for me, though, was the grammatical error at the end of the bridge ("words I said echo, not echoes"). In the end I enjoyed your first song more.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

This was the better of the two entries since it created more of a mood and didn’t feel forced like the first song. There are some issues of course; the first verse ends “You say you’ll see me again someday” and then the chorus immediately says, “Promise you will see me again.” That’s repetitive in language and also kind of silly that you’d ask someone to see you again who JUST SAID they will see you again. The other biggest issue is that the lines are so long and it feels unnecessary. You can lose syllables from every line in the 1st verse: As the street light’s glow fade away / You wipe the tears that ‘stain’ my face / We both know it shouldn’t end this way / You take my hand, whisper it’ll be OK / Hold my cheeks, say you’ll see me again someday.” That flows better to me. (‘Stain’ is in quotes because I don’t like that word choice at all. Tears don’t STAIN your face.) I liked the bridge, esp. the headlights line because it reminded me of the headlights line from Taylor’s “Treacherous” and I love that song!

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

This was definitely your better submission but as a whole I didn't feel like your two songs contrasted each other. They both felt like reflective sad songs. Outside of that, this was still a good song though, and the score I gave reflects that.

Originally posted by Tymps.

Not gonna comment on meter/flow since all the other judges seem obsessed with it and I’m sure they’ll cover it. Anyways idk this just feels a bit basic. You need an oomph, a hard-hitting line(s) or something(s) that someone will walk away from hearing these lyrics in a song and think “Oh, I remember that line!” Right now it’s just like Wonder Bread or a Katy Perry song.
Guess: MattyTacos

CONTESTANT 2

Remember When

Originally posted by GotSkill

This was a kinda weak song for me. The chorus was full of cliches (sun went down, right here by my side, took my hand). It's OK to have one or two in a song like this, but there were just too many together here for this to work. I think my favorite part of this was the prechorus, when the familiar language seemed to work because you were recalling "classic" events. Also, the language in the second verse was pretty weak and the rhymes seemed forced there.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

This song was a tad cheesy, but the great flow and somewhat unconventional images/word choices helped it out a bit. The chorus is basically all cheese, but the verses and bridge are better. I don’t like all the stealing going on like can y’all get jobs? The ‘highway to heaven’ line sounds like something I’ve heard but I can’t put my finger on it so I won’t accuse you of plagiarism

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

Sounds like a top 40 hit, but not very platinum. Just sounds like an average pop song. Bonnie McKee has probably written a dozen songs like this. Some parts were not necessarily bad but it didn't feel very genuine, and the slurpee from 7/11 line was horrific. This stands out in a negative way for being similar sounding. Like pieces of random hits were pieced together.

Originally posted by Tymps.

This sounds like it would be so catchy with like clapping and everything. This is a literal song but it has details past the superficial which makes it work. I just wish it wasn’t so trite, like I know you want it to be a pop song but I don’t think either you nor I know what “moon’s first light” even means. I like you made a duet, #pushtheboundaries. I can tell who you are right off the bat.

Guide The Way

Originally posted by GotSkill

This was even weaker than the previous song. There were just as many cliches, and possibly even more familiar languge and forced rhymes with less flow. I have no idea what Burnie is supposed to refer to and the bridge is really basic. I can't really think of anything I like here actually.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

The rhyming was kind of forced too much of the time and a lot of the lines could have been shortened to help the flow. This is a note that’s especially relevant to this song, but applies to everyone: long-winded lines halt the flow of the song. Why say, “I am standing” instead of “I stand”? Think about this as you write in the future—songwriting is not about using the fewest number of words possible to convey something, but it is partially about flow, and having too many syllables per line when you don’t even need them hurts the flow.

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

Felt like you were reflecting on negativity in your life. This song talked about all the negative things that happened rather than the positive things you wanted in the future, so this didn't contrast very well. For example, "facing down this path I've paved" to me very clearly makes it seem as though you are looking at your past, not the future.

Originally posted by Tymps.

I can tell you have a very clear idea about the meter and feel of this song. I don’t really know what to say to this, technically they’re very well-crafted lyrics but I feel there’s nothing I’m taking away from this song. It does read with lots of emotion and would totally work in a real song but you know Platinum Hit isn’t about real songs just like most normal singers don’t have to sing like they do on American Idol. This is the online equivalent to an online reality show so I feel you should let yourself show off your chops a bit.
Guess: Sam Jay

CONTESTANT 3

My Tomorrow

Originally posted by GotSkill

This is by far my favorite song of the 5 I've read so far . I LOVE the imagery you set up right from the first verse. It was really strong and set up the whole song to be strong. I love the emotion in the lyrics like "broken by so called warriors". I love the questioning and turmoil you can feel in the prechorus and chorus. I just love the entire feeling of this song. Great job

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

I guess I can be pegged as the insensitive judge because we’ve now seen several songs with this theme and I’m basically never a fan of them. This song doesn’t say anything unique or particularly interesting about the experience of being in a country at war. The images are all familiar (parents fleeing with children, bombs falling, protagonist looking through the window), the sentiments are familiar (questioning God, political ideology, and the necessity of war), and some of the lines are awkward (Not even a bid farewell). The bridge is better and I like the end of the chorus, but that’s not enough to make up for the verses.

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

I loved this so much. Definitely my favourite submission. The story was emotional and real, without being cliche. The only thing I'll mention is that this was a perfect score for me, until I got to the bridge, which felt kind of basic. It didn't change your score much at all though and you should be proud of this song.

Originally posted by Tymps.

Yasssssss bitch, slay me! This was so good, so v emotion. That third verse is just killer, that’s the one that’s the real punch in the gut, really going in for the big picture and shrinking down to the details. I really lost you in the bridge, though, I totally lost any sense of a rhyme scheme and the lyrics just weren’t as hard-hitting. It felt like you didn’t have anything else to say there.

Something New

Originally posted by GotSkill

I don't know how much time you had this week, but this song was definitely much weaker than the last one. There was nothing I found even vaguely interesting in the chorus. The entire song was filled with familiar language and lyrics seemingly taken from other songs (Unwritten, Masterpiece, etc). Like I said in another comment, one or two cliches or allusions in a song can be tasteful, but this many is just bad. I do like what you attempted to do in this song, but you weren't incredibly successful.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

I like the beginning of the second verse and really like the bridge a lot. The rest is very pedestrian. The rhymes in the verses are a bit forced too much of the time and the premise isn’t anything new (despite what the title implies). Maybe Sam Jay should record this as a response to Jackson.

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

Doesn't really stand out as much as your other song but it wasn't bad.

Originally posted by Tymps.

I’ve noticed I haven’t been giving the happier songs as high of a score and I think I’ve found that the common thread isn’t that I just hate happy songs but that everything is just so obvious, and the metaphors you use are trite and not very original. You can be happy and still have a personality, I promise! Like, these could be Katy Perry lyrics. Maybe that’s what the normal judges want but that’s not really what I want so it kinda sucks for you that I’m judging. I liked the main line by itself though (We embark, we embark on something new.)
Guess: Element

CONTESTANT 4

Fall For You

Originally posted by GotSkill

This was just a really average break up song for me. There was nothing that really stuck out or hit me. You avoided over-using cliches like some contestants thus far have done, but this already feels like a song that's been written 3 times already this round, and the 3rd straight contestant to use a rain metaphor. This just sounds like the average white guy with a guitar love ballad to his girlfriend that will love it because she's staring at his biceps the whole time.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

This song had strong emotional resonance, but lacked innovative lyrical content. Remember that test we did for Dark Horse vs. Blank Space where Jackson (erroneously) counted the number of clichés? This song basically is a list of clichés, with like 5 in the first verse.

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

This one is kind of average. It didn't really leave much of an impression, but there isn't anything to point out as bad, other than the length. Theres only 2 short verses and a chorus. I feel like if it had more substance it could've been better.

Originally posted by Tymps.

kii @ the deceiving title, I thought this was gonna be a nice sweet love song. Anyways I hate to say the same thing to everyone but where is the you in this? So much of the song is just lines I’ve heard in a million Platinum Hit songs before. You started out strong with “Never knew eyes could hurt / From crying so hard”, that’s a new one. That’s the kind of line that people will find refreshing because it’s not just like a Katy Perry song or something.

The Golden Dawn

Originally posted by GotSkill

This was a slight step up from your last song, but it still wasn't anything I really loved. I wish the lines were a bit longer, because I feel like you had more to say here but you really didn't get the chance to say it. The chorus was filled with familiar language ("spark the fire", "standing in the sun") and there were a few too many "oh oh"'s for a lyric based competition. This was just slightly above average for me, average being your last song.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

I liked this one SO much better than the first one since it dealt less in clichés and felt kinda like a Ke$ha song and kinda like my song from last season, “When The Sun Goes Down.” I really like the structure of the chorus (in all couplets) and how the verses start out with the “can’t stop” lines repeated with different endings. This song shows a close attention to rhythm and structure, which I really appreciate. I really like the lyrics in the bridge.

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

I like this one better. It kinda sounds like something you'd hear on top 40, without being overly generic or cliche. Every line is pretty (as in, good looking) and it's consistent.
Side note, the way you formatted it as

reminds me of the posts trying to explain flow to Euphorian, and every time somebody has posted Teenage Dream lyrics

Originally posted by Tymps.

omg has no one told you in Platinum Hit to just cut out the stylizations of words and “ohohoh”s? Shame on you, GotSkill, smh. Anyways something about “can’t stop” in the verses is really weird, like normally that’s used when someone wants to stop but they can’t. Anyhow yeah I have the same thing to say about if your song’s going to be trite and ordinary at least have one extraordinary line that’s like a punch in the gut or a sugar overdose or some feeling like that, something to remember.
Guess: ausdaniel

CONTESTANT 5

Father

Originally posted by GotSkill

This was the just the second song of this whole round that struck me in any sort of way. Sure, the subject matter was tender already, but you took it to a whole new level. Even though your chorus was short it was extremely effective and conveyed a powerful message. My favorite verse and the one that stuck out the most was the 3rd verse, which was just flawless. Instant 10 for you.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

This reminded me of Xtina’s “I’m OK” but I don’t like it as much. I have two major issues here: one is flow (the lines are too long—I can but 2 syllables from all of them!) and the other is the forced rhyming throughout the entire song. This song uses a lot of clichés and the end feels a bit cheesy. This is a tough issue to tackle in a sensitive and creative way, and I don’t feel like the job was really done here since so much of it was too familiar/forced.

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

The story was interesting. It was pretty dramatic, but then the line about an ice cream truck kinda threw me off and made me laugh (in a bad way). But it wasn't a bad song. I liked the choruses.

Originally posted by Tymps.

This is nice, I really like the idea and you had a lot to work with. Two criticisms I have: one, it sort of read like a poem. I know you were trying to tell a story but it was just not lyric-y enough. I would’ve understood if it was supposed to be a folk song or something but obviously based on those similar songs you linked to it wasn’t. Two, I just felt the chorus wasn’t very strong. Choruses should be the strongest part, they should get the most attention. I learned this the hard way in my last season of Platinum Hit when the judges clocked my weak choruses. Don’t make my mistakes! Still, congrats on not being trite <3

Better Days

Originally posted by GotSkill

Now, sis, we aren't all quite that gay. And I definitely am perched for the Super Bowl, but definitely not for the football. This was very tongue in cheek though and a complete contrast to your last song. It wasn't quite perfect, but it made me laugh a bit and even feel a little bit. Especially when you said "I will meet your mother" and "we'll no longer have to whisper when we talk on the phone". I can relate to that so much. This song had better contrast than any other contestant, and I think you had 2/3 of the best songs anyways.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

Again, I can cut syllables from every line. BUT, this song was so much better than Father! The fact that you use lingo in a song about the acceptability of using lingo is pretty smart and I appreciate that. But if you’re giving shout-outs to all these pop culture things, how did you note even mention Mariah, like Still, the flow was great, the rhyming felt natural most of the time, and I loved the love story at the center of the song. This was the last song I judged and the best.

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

Mess. What a weird song. It felt serious at some points and then there were lines using ATRL lingo and even referencing the site . It just wasn't that great. However, the contrast was definitely there, so you got some points for that

Originally posted by Tymps.

Anyways I’m screaming at these lyrics, but WTF @ the chorus omg. And “sooner or later I’ll walk you down the isle” I can’t tell whether or not you were trying to throw this challenge. Unfortunately I have to give you a low score because I have to rate these seriously but know you put a smile on my face. omg.
LATER EDIT: Oh, I just realized the whole entire chorus wasn’t about the mother, just the first line. Mess.
Guess: Truth Teller

.

[ausdaniel]

I'm conterstant #3. With the acclaimed song, and the weaker song.

[ausdaniel]

Originally posted by ausdaniel

I'm conterstant #3. With the acclaimed song, and the weaker song.

Everyone lived my 1st song (especially Tymps. ) but except Fefe
My song #2 was bad.

[keshaspearsxo]

Originally posted by ausdaniel

I'm conterstant #3. With the acclaimed song, and the weaker song.

Really? I thought you were #1. You mentioned "queen" in one of your posts

[Jackson]

Originally posted by ausdaniel

I'm conterstant #3. With the acclaimed song, and the weaker song.

Called it! My Tomorrow is like a lot of stuff you've written but I liked it more

[Element]

Hi. GotSkill was right. As if the chorus of The Golden Dawn didn't give it away kiiiii

[Tymps.]

OMG @ the last song's judging

[Element]

I'm relatively sure I'm going home though. I just couldn't connect with either song enough when I was writing them.

[ausdaniel]

Ooh no....I could be leaving....We need results!!!

[MattyTacos]

nnn, I'm Contestant 1 but y'all already knew that.

[ausdaniel]

Are results next page????

[Jackson]

Ooh looks like I was right about everyone! (I'm 99% sure I was right about TT so that means I was right about SJ too). I know you all too well. It kinda makes me feel bad for my comment on Sam's second song though
I was hoping I was dragging someone I haven't dragged as hard yet

[Tymps.]

Share your opinions with us pls Cheetos

[keshaspearsxo]

Originally posted by Element

I'm relatively sure I'm going home though. I just couldn't connect with either song enough when I was writing them.

I didn't look at the averages for my scores so they might be different, but just based on the total I gave you, you were my #2.

[ausdaniel]

Element, you are for sure not going home. It's me!

[ausdaniel]

Someone say something. How far away do you think results are, got skill?

I just got Kelly Clarkson's GH for free on Google Play last night Listening as we speak. It's comforting me. These engines r hella loud.

[Jackson]

dead @ these predictions

I'm probably actually going to post the next round tomorrow though. Results in like an hour though?

[Aurora]

Woo lord I'ma need a miracle to survive this

@pears: the facing down the path I've paved line is about the choices in the past affecting the future, like opportunities, open doors etc, so you're right it is about the past but how the past affects the future. I thought that might come up though.

I'm okay if I go though, I mean I could have a shot but obviously both songs were thought of as weak and cliche (again) so I feel like my time is probably up.

[ausdaniel]

Originally posted by GotSkill

dead @ these predictions

I'm probably actually going to post the next round tomorrow though. Results in like an hour though?

Can't we please just have them next page pppllleeeeeaaaassseeeeee