Now that I'm home I can say thank you to the judges There seems to be some common criticisms that I will definitely work one. Hopefully I can make Top 15 based on the commentary
14. CountryBritney - Transcendental Dream (Intro)
You / Make / Me / Feel like I'm living a / Transcendental Dream! No? Okay. I'm never one to say this, but I think that this read too much like a poem and not a song. I just can't imagine lines like "I discovered the fact / Your soul is not what it seems" being sung (that couplet by far was my least favorite overall), and part of that is due to the language you chose. You can have really clever language and have it flow - see like, any Mariah song - but here the ambiguity of "they" and "there" in combination with this really specific language created conflict. Conceptually this felt somewhat conflicted as well, as opposed to being left interested and intrigued by what you could offer next after the intro, I was just confused. I know this is a lot of critique or ~negative feedback~ but your score was still rather average from me if that's of any comfort.
Quote:
Originally posted by Jackson
14. Country Britney – Transcendental Dream
You did a few things right here. Your sense of imagery is really strong. Your message was very clearly stated. You chose a lot of good words and I could definitely see where you were going with the song. The last sections especially was really powerfully worded. Still, your flow was all over the place and there were quite a few awkward rhymes. Make sure you’re not only counting syllables and sticking with a meter, but making sure your stressing is on point. Having good flow to a song greatly strengthens the strong word choices and emotions associated with it. The fact that there appeared to be little structure was also problematic, as I couldn’t tell what function each stanza was supposed to serve. Make sure each word and each rhyme has a purpose, because lines like “no wonder they’re so scared” stick out like a sore thumb.
Quote:
Originally posted by swiftie13
14. Country Britney - Transcendental Dream
This read as a video game opener to me (Kingdom Hearts came into mind). It had beautiful language in some parts but it never read as a song for me. I usually try not to make that an issue because some of my favorite songs could stand alone as poetry but this is a lyrics competition after all. I would say abiding to a stricter meter could help this. But I really enjoyed the content; it addresses the reader so it's easy to be pulled in. The imagery was also very well embedded within so it didn't feel forced. Good job on that. This is not the best nor the worst of the batch, but I am looking forward to seeing your style develop in the future.
Firstly, I'd just like to say thank you and I actually agree with everything you've said. I had two intros. One that I felt was a bit too basic to enter and then I tried something new with this one. I wasn't happy with a couple of the lines (some of the ones you picked out) but every time I edited anything it made it worse somehow, so I chose to still send this one in as a risk and it doesn't look like it entirely flopped. Still pretty happy with what you've said. And yeah, thank you for taking the time to review my song
Fudge diggity darn... Did I really have a typo? Ugh
Edit:
FREAKING SPAYING? OK. iM more than pressed right now. First Pure Heroine being interpreted as the drug heroin, now this. I meant SPRAYING. Like SPRAYING graffiti on the wall. IM MAD.
I'm going through other people's reviews right now, and it's actually really helpful I had a handful of lyrics in my maxi-note-pad with lines like "scar" and "light/bright" and it's good to know that they are no nos, even if it's at the expense of others But this:
I'm going through other people's reviews right now, and it's actually really helpful I had a handful of lyrics in my maxi-note-pad with lines like "scar" and "light/bright" and it's good to know that they are no nos, even if it's at the expense of others But this:
caught me so far off guard
. Gotta love swiftie (who keeps coming for me on snapchat, can i add).
swiftie daddy! Thanks
There seems to be some common criticisms that I will definitely work one. Hopefully I can make Top 15 based on the commentary 
But this: