[Stark]

well, this one was mixed. I already know I'm #7 in his rank anyway.

The teardrop is dark because the girl is full of evil. People don't usually like monsters, so in this case he wanted to kill the monster with fire.

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

No Blastoise, Pidgeot, or Jynx on your team?

I'd use a Jynx if I could find one, honesty.

But no @ the other 2. I already had a Water type and well...I've always been more of a Fearow person.

[MattyTacos]

Originally posted by Hugamari

Okay, so since Adam was posting about his adventures in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, since I already posted this in the Pokemon thread, and since this has basically been my life since yesterday, I am going to post my team from a fan-made Pokemon game called Pokemon Zeta & Omicron.

wtf is pokemon zeta and omicron

It features Pokemon up to Gen 6, an interesting story, and some pretty cool side-game/post-game content (I haven't got to post-game yet, but the side game is pretty cool!) The normal game is harder than the main series games, and there's a challenge mode too!

ANYWAY...




Slaypom (Aipom ♂)
Level 17 (HM Slave/Pickup Slave)
Adamant Nature
Pickup
Cut
Tickle
Astonish
Sand Attack

Your team is life Aipom Kingdra

[Temporal]

YASSS FeFe said it was a return to form The Emancipation of ClarksonSlays

[Era]

Thank you Fefe And yeah that tense change really messed me up I should've noticed it

Since this was submitted late, I’ll assume you didn’t have a lot of time to polish the language once you had the ideas down, which is what it feels like.

YES! I submitted it at 5am and my brain was dead and I did not even check it again or anyth and I just submitted it to TT asap as I did not wanna make him wait more

[Hugamari]

But about my review...I can totally see where you're coming from with the familiar language. Maybe that's my problem from really standing out above the rest. I try to make sure my lines don't sound off or too try-hard, but the end result, although what I wanted, comes off familiar and samey.

If I am here for the next round (which in a non-arrogant way I believe I will be), I will definitely try pushing it a little, if only for one line. You have to start somewhere.

[keshaspearsxo]

I just don’t get what you mean by “simple/easy as word”

Oh, it was supposed to be saying that, it's easy enough to just tell somebody through words that you love them, but when you have to show them physically it's a lot scarier because you have to completely expose and bare yourself to that person

*googles what a slant rhyme is*

Ddd but thank you

[Tymps.]

Originally posted by Era

K so wait what's my actual comment from you?

Matty and I got switched for your comment I think?

Also on a separate note, as a PSA, I don't know if you guys know my name is Adam, so if anyone refers to Adam that's who they're talking about. My username used to be my name (first it was a tragedy I will not mention, then Adem!, then Tymps.) so people used to just call me that and people I've known for a while still call me Adam sometimes!

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by MattyTacos

Your team is life Aipom Kingdra

Like legit, Aipom (well, Ambipom, but Aipom by association) is one of my favorite Normal types (and Normal is my favorite type, so I kinda love it), but the reason I chose to use Kangaskhan over it is because it has a Mega evolution.

Also, I caught Aipom after finding Kangaskhan and deciding I wanted to use it so it was too late at that point.

ALSO YAS, Kingdra is bae.

[Hugamari]

Originally posted by Tymps.

Matty and I got switched for your comment I think?

Also on a separate note, as a PSA, I don't know if you guys know my name is Adam, so if anyone refers to Adam that's who they're talking about. My username used to be my name (first it was a tragedy I will not mention, then Adem!, then Tymps.) so people used to just call me that and people I've known for a while still call me Adam sometimes!

Educate them, Adam!

[Buyonce1814]

Thank you for the review Fefe. In terms of the subject matter, I was putting myself in Ninas shoes about my experience in PH. I was Nina. My choruses are always weak and I just don't know how to improve them no matter how much I've tried.

[Truth Teller]

Black Swan (Buyonce1814)

I actually really liked this! The chorus was pretty exciting and "I'm not asking for the part, I'm taking it" was a great line, very uplifting and intense. I also loved the pre-chorus. Now, in the verses and the bridge, there's some awkward phrasing and some parts that feel rather overworked, which is what usually holds you back. "Cliched lines materialize" is not a good lyrics. Wrong choice of verb and I'm not a fan of "cliched" either. "The stale waters make me want to scream" is also not your finest moment. I get that you mean that the feeling of stagnation frustrates you, but honestly, if you had said it literally, it would have been a better line. "My feathers are coming out" was also not my favorite lyric. But other than that, the whole song was a breath of fresh air, it exuded magic and passion. The imagery was good, the concept was good. Just watch for those awkward bits that hold you down!

Club Games (Eros)

Following up the ultimate bussy popping, waist bending, head turning, wig tossing, toes curling BOP that was F--kboys with this hot ass mess reminds me of how one of my faves thought it was a good idea to release Keeps Getting Better as a comeback song after the Back To Basics era. So, in one way I relate to you, cause you flopped and as you can see from my sig, I'm very attracted to that. Rhyming "good" with "dude" and using tired urban cliches throughout the short, but painful chorus was very unlike you. The first verse started out decently, but then HOV, B and D ruined it. Then, we had dicks and shtick and Kobe... I still think you're amazing, but in all brutal honesty, your entry wasn't.

Dancing With The Ghosts (ClarksonSlays)

I ADORE the concept! The memories of a lost relationship being ghosts in an old house was an amazing choice of imagery and general content and you executed it very well! I'll just point out a few lines I didn't like, but don't take any of this as harsh criticism, cause it's mainly nitpicking. "from now on when I enter that house" felt a little too simplistic compared to the rest of the chorus and I needed a stronger line to lead to the main line (the ghosts). The second chorus was a little too specific. When you have a concept like that, mystery is more appreciated than detail. I would personally have loved it more if you had allowed the old relationship to linger and remain enigmatic. It would make the song more haunting and, ultimately, more relatable. Overall, it was a really really strong entry.

Dummy (8thPrince)

It was a really good move to escape your usual formula after it kinda sorta didn't work in round 5 and the result was pretty amazing tbh. When I did the first ranking, the differences were so small that you were 0.25 away from #7, but still being 11 / 15 probably gave you the impression that you underperformed, which isn't the case. The metaphors were PERFECT, the vocabulary was flawless and the whole approach was extremely well thought. It was not a very instant song, it took some time to hit me, but I think it's probably your best entry so far tbh. Now, you're not #11 anymore, I think you're either #3 or #4 in my revised ranking ( ), but the reason you're not #1 is that, from a technical perspective, the other contestants had better rhyming. It may sound silly, but a good concept hits you MUCH harder when there's rhyming. You can still slay with loose rhyming (you just did this week), but you'd slay much harder if you tried to make it just a bit tighter. If the tight rhyming isn't your style, don't force it, but give it a shot in the future.

Garden Full Of Roses (Era)

I LOVED the verses, you did such a great job on them The rest is a pretty straight forward, simplistic affair. Not good enough to match your previous entries but certainly not bad enough to get you eliminated. You had the toughest week, so the fact that you managed to submit something solid speaks volumes about your potential. You go girl

Hold Your Hand (keshaspearsxo)

Ugh, such a perfect way to execute that concept. Always being the distant one and always showing your affection in less direct ways than the other person is a very nice topic to talk about and I'm glad that you used the free zone week to do it. The song was beautiful and well written. Now, let me nitpick a few things I didn't like. "the aura you spill" : the verb "spill" is too basic and pedestrian to be next to a term as poetic and broad as "aura". Also, some of the metaphors and imagery were rather clumsy. The flower-bee line and the wax-flame line could have been rewritten or, better yet, removed. I also thought "be completely honest with you" was a little too wordy and too simple to lead to such a beautiful chorus. But these are details. I loved pretty much everything else.

Its Just A Game (Hugamari)

Out of the remaining contestants, you're one of the most consistent -if not the most consistent- in terms of tight rhyming, perfect meter and stressing and all the necessary technicalities. However, in this entry, your usual technical excellence is possibly the only highlight. The second verse is amazing, but the chorus feels rather round 1-ish to me. It doesn't give me any new information that I hadn't assumed by myself after reading the verse. The pre-chorus and chorus are basically a rather unecessary continuation of "it's just an act and we're aware". I definitely don't think it's bad enough to get you eliminated nor is it a draggable entry by any means, but you've delivered so much better stuff! I expected you to go all out for the free zone On a positive note, this is the third song you've written in this contest that has nothing to do with hot guys or bottoming, so you've successfully branched out of your comfort zone!

Left Hollow (BlueM)

This is actually your second best entry after Castle Of Dreams. I liked the vocabulary, the overall intensity and the pace of it! Your only problem might be that you wasted a little bit of time in the bootcamp with entries that weren't up to par, so your return to form comes during a time when every other contestant is bringing it HARD with powerful standout lines, daring concepts and advanced metaphors. If you had submitted this during round 3 or 4, you'd have ranked a bit higher, but now I feel like your entry was overshadowed. Which isn't necessarily your fault of course, but this is what happened.

Love Is A Gamble (JustLuke)

The way you put all your previous entries to shame
The metaphor you chose is not only extremely cute and fun, but also very well executed and developped with multiple (well written) references throughout the song. Your rhyming was tight, your meter was flawless, your pace was on point. You came back with a vengeance! The chorus was my favorite part. What I can point out is that a good way to take your song to the next level would be to re-read it after you're done and try to rewrite or completely eliminate all the cliches, like "alone in this bed", which is rather typical imagery. Not that I deducted any points for that, but it's just advice you could use to slay in the future.

Monster (dwuw)

The chorus was the best part. It was simple, but intense thanks to the short lines and the carefully maintained fast pace. Technically, it was one of the most effective choruses of the season so far, in terms of how it worked with the rest of the song and how much it elevated it. The first verse also offered some great lyrical moments, as opposed to the second verse which was a bit of a non-event. I think that if you try to avoid cliches and repetitions ("alone in the rain", "break your chains", "voices in my head", "I wish I was dead"), your work will improve. But your song gained some extra points for its rawness and intensity that the lyrics themselves might not have snatched from me.

Regret (lovesong)

lovesong, sis. Confide in me. Talk to aunt Truthy. What happened to you? How did you go from slaying my private parts twice to forcing me to give you a bad review? This is your worst entry so far in the competition. I'll break it down for you, but don't take this as a drag cause you're still one of my faves. I just want to be clear on what I disliked. First of all, there's no emotional or lyrical connection between the verses and the chorus. We were talking about regret and then all of a sudden you were "brought to death" and "wishing for your tragic end". Regret may be a generally negative feeling but it usually doesn't make you want to die a tragic death, so if you really want to go there, you have to let us know what it is about your regret that pushes you over the edge so much and those general "catalyst" and "digs into my skin" lines won't suffice. Give me the receipts, lovesong, sis. The first verse is good enough but doesn't give me standout lines or content or a topic, the second verse tries to tell some story, but it's cut short and the third verse is a non-event. The outro is solid and intense, but it's way too late for me to be drawn in. And then the rest of the song is just about repeating your weakest chorus to date. You can do better and I hope you stick around to do better...

ruins (Gotskill)

The choruses and the bridge were your best work in the contest so far. And I actually appreciated the lack of a second verse more than I would have appreciated a basic, filler verse being thrown in there just to make it a full song by the stereotypical structure. That being said, the first verse was not exactly your finest moment. "wind - again" was a rather clumsy rhyme and the meter needed a little more precision. But the rest of the song pretty much made up for it I suppose.

Set Sail (Sam)

I LOVED the metaphor that the song is built around. I loved all the verses with your usual tight rhyming and good vocabulary. The end of the bridge had my jaw on the floor, ngl. The "lighthouse" line The pre-chorus wasn't necessarily my favorite part, but it wasn't bad. Just not on the level of the other parts of the song. I wasn't a fan of the "kiss your reflection" line, but that's a rather unimportant detail.

Tender (conatus)

natus, natus, natus... what do we have here? You're probably under the impression that I dragged you (because of the ranking), but I didn't tbh. You just had intense competition and you didn't live up to it, which is kinda unlike you, but your song wasn't bad. The verses were your worst work in the competition because of how unecessary they felt to the song. I tried reading the song with the first half of the bridge being the 1st verse and the second half of the bridge being the second verse and that was an 8 worthy entry tbh. The pre-choruses were also unecessary to me. I get how obnoxious it is for a reviewer to say something is unecessary, but I have to be honest as a reader. 50% of your song added nothing to your topic imo. The "piece of meat" / "consume me before you ruin me" lines (showcasing how unimportant you are or believe you are to him) and the fact that you're craving for the love your dad never gave you were, to me, the main points of the song. I didn't need anything else. Make it an interlude queen

When They Cry (EuphorianSea)

This was perfect. The song is filled with strong lines and the evolution from the first half to the second half of the song was beautiful and extremely well executed. It's by far your best entry and in my opinion one of the best entries of the competition so far.

Wicked Entropy (inuborg)

OK, let me start off by saying it wasn't bad. I won't really stress the content, since it's personal to you, but I'll just say (as advice, not as a drag or anything), that some topics are not necessarily meant to turn into songs. I respect your risk and the emotion you put into it, but some topics are so intense and so personal that they can only work as personal emotional outbursts, as personal notes on a piece of paper noone else is gonna see. I'll just give you an example, although the example is about me, so it will sound obnoxious af. My favorite uncle passed away a few months ago and, throughout my teenage, he had been like a father to me, so it shook me. Season 6 was ongoing then and I had to submit a song 10 hours after his funeral. But I knew that writing directly about him would end up being way too personal and way too unpolished (cause, let's face it, you can't count syllables and find rhyming words when you just want to break down and express pain), so I just wrote a song about the general hopelessness and pointlessness of life and saved the more direct stuff for myself. Maybe this approach would have helped you more. But thank you for sharing the song with us, it's really personal and it takes guts to show it to 5 strangers, so kudos for that

[Era]

Originally posted by Tymps.

Matty and I got switched for your comment I think?

Oh okay ... still thank you to both of you

[UFO]

Originally posted by Buyonce1814

Thank you for the review Fefe. In terms of the subject matter, I was putting myself in Ninas shoes about my experience in PH. I was Nina. My choruses are always weak and I just don't know how to improve them no matter how much I've tried.

Right????? One week my verses slay, the other week my chorus slays Verses are easier for me to write tho. My pre and post-choruses almost always slay and my bridges are hit or miss.

[BlueM]

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

...You don’t need to fill your songs with figurative language if that’s not your style, but if you’re using mostly common words, then you need to arrange them in a creative way that makes them stand out. Too much of this feels familiar: glass breaks, flames die out, you scream and shout, etc...

The main aim of the song was to make the strong emotions come through, and that's why I used all the strong images, although they might have not been so unique or outstanding

[Lukey]

The way you put all your previous entries to shame
The metaphor you chose is not only extremely cute and fun, but also very well executed and developped with multiple (well written) references throughout the song. Your rhyming was tight, your meter was flawless, your pace was on point. You came back with a vengeance! The chorus was my favorite part. What I can point out is that a good way to take your song to the next level would be to re-read it after you're done and try to rewrite or completely eliminate all the cliches, like "alone in this bed", which is rather typical imagery. Not that I deducted any points for that, but it's just advice you could use to slay in the future.

Thank you

I'll do what you said from now on and try to learn from this

[Era]

OK now wait TT's review is the same as Tymps' posted one which he said might be Matty's
One review is missing for me?

BUT still thank you SO MUCH TT for waiting for me And I really appreciate your feedback as always

[Buyonce1814]

Thank you, TT! This was my most frustrating one yet and you definitely picked up on the parts where it shows. I'm glad you liked it overall.

[Hugamari]

The lashing

When you tell me "write about anything you want", I either want to write about being a bottom bitch or someone dying. There's not much of an in-between and I really felt lost this round. Like...I do realize wherever I land is my fault, but I just felt like no matter what I sent, it wouldn't feel new or fresh. Like with how many songs have been submitted this season, it's like everything has been covered...unless you get highly specific, which is never something I do.

...could be my problem, but I don't like "alienating" people with my songs.

[Temporal]

Thank you TT I think that a lot of times I'm too specific which makes it unrelateable, I'm glad you pointed that out.