| |
Discussion: ATRL Songwriter's Thread | Jacktrus gain dual #1
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Yes, "My Paradise" needs its time in the spotlight. Poor whatever ClarksonSlays' song was called.
|
Poor Ocean Lips 
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
|
Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
Poor Ocean Lips |
Oop. 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 9/1/2013
Posts: 6,762
|
I'm an amateur, so If you want to drag me, do it nicely 
Quote:
|
(Intro+chorus)
Help, can anyone save my life?
Help, can anyone hear my screams?
I don’t know where I am
Or what I've become
Is anyone there..? (ahhh..!)
I am insane, I am mad
I am the definition of the word "bad"
And I've lost everything I've ever had (I've ever had)
(Verse 1)
I am so tired of being alone
I guess they just gave up, (gave up)
Everyone I've ever known
(this life) I wanna leave this life,
But it's too soon
I'm so lonely, I'm on my own (Yeah..!)
(Hook)
I am insane, I am mad
I am the definition of the word "bad"
And I've lost everything I've ever had (I've ever had)
Can you save my life?
Help, can anyone save my life?
Help, can anyone hear my screams?
I don’t know where I am
Or what I've become
Is anyone there..?
Help, can anyone save my life?
(verse 2)
I'm stuck in the dark
There's no brightside to look at
I want to erase all my mistakes
Can I really do that?
I'm searching for a light
To illuminate my life (my life)
And I'll stay searching up all night
For someone to save my life
(Hook)
I am insane, I am mad
I am the definition of the word "bad"
And I've lost everything I've ever had (I've ever had)
Can you save my life?
I'm psychopath
I'm a sociopath
I'm not even afraid of God or his wrath
But can you save my life?
(Accoustic outro)
|
It's not titled yet.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
|
Does this mean I get to be in the title now 
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
|
Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
Does this mean I get to be in the title now |
Sam and I didn't even get our chances to shine
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
|
Time to edit the title 
Nobody ever reminds me of these things.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
|
Yaaas
Soak in my heartwater 
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
|
My final song with Platinum Hit:
 UnchartedFirst Verse:
I broke the mold and made the cut
Set the bar then raised it up
Thought enough was never enough
Now I see the world is changing
No one cares about the fame and
Everything is turning rigid and rough
Pre-Chorus:
Ghosts don't talk, they only speak
Through the mouths of the worthy
Words as tools, pride of fools
This lioness in deserving
All I've said, all I've done
To become number one
I'll trade it all to jump and fall
All over again
Chorus:
I've only scratched the surface of the sun
I have yet to see into the core
I've only reached the brink of distinction
There's still more out there worth reaching for
Second Verse:
I learned my part, played my role
Lost myself, I lost control
It took my life, it took a toll
Now I can start again from zero
Give the best I can for my people
Show the world the beauty inside of my soul
Pre-Chorus:
No one cares, no one feels
It's all for power and glory
Safety hurts, danger heals
No one ever tells their story
All I've said, all I've done
To jump beyond the gun
I'll do it all and then some more
All over again
Chorus:
I've only scratched the surface of the sun
I have yet to see into the core
I've only reached the brink of distinction
There's still more out there worth reaching for
Hook:
The path through uncharted waters
Dangerous and thrilling
Heated and bone-chilling
We're leaving tonight
The path through uncharted waters
Prominent and unknown
Nameless and overblown
We're leaving tonight
Bridge:
What lies ahead is never guaranteed
Storm clouds and waves can cloud your destiny
But we don't falter or give into fear
Let go of judgment, our destination is near
Chorus:
I've only scratched the surface of the sun
I have yet to see into the core
I've only reached the brink of distinction
There's still more out there worth reaching for
Hook:
The path through uncharted waters
Dangerous and thrilling
Heated and bone-chilling
We're leaving tonight
The path through uncharted waters
Prominent and unknown
Nameless and overblown
We're leaving tonight
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
|
Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
Yaaas
Soak in my heartwater |
I hope you drown in your heartwater. Or boil.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Jaxswim
If I post the bridge from the first song I've wrote that I've been working on, would anyone mind telling me if it's **** or not?  |
The bridge is not ****, but you definitely need a chorus to tie it down. The pre-chorus is a little laggy, tho. It's more dialogue than lyric. Make it less like internalized conversation and more like external exclamation, so the reader/listener gets the feel this could be said/sung to them.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/3/2014
Posts: 18,157
|
Wrote another one yesterday after losing my great-grandmother. It's quite possibly one of the very rares that I .
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
I hope you drown in your heartwater. Or boil.
|
Set sail for somewhere far away and never come back, Sam!
|
|
|
|
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
|
Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
Set sail for somewhere far away and never come back, Sam!
|
I demand a title change, Huga!
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
|
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
|
Jackson, I love how the verses have the same chord progression and similar melodies to Shawn Mendes' Bring It Back Love that song!
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
|
Quote:
Originally posted by feelslikeadream
Jackson, I love how the verses have the same chord progression and similar melodies to Shawn Mendes' Bring It Back Love that song! |
I had never heard that song before but I just listened and I can hear it, kewl
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 9/18/2011
Posts: 4,342
|
I've kinda been inspired a lot, and very much want to reimvent who I am a little (or at least accelerate it, seeing as it's slowed down to snail-like speeds). I wrote something rn about it.
New
First verse:
I've been resting myself up for very long,
toiling to renew myself, wondering if what I knew was right was wrong.
I tore down to the core, used what was left to build some more.
I-I, I-I-I took my time,* but I'm finally my own view
Pre-chorus:
I'm finally something new.
Second verse:
I had to analyze the **** ups, and find a way to fix them.
I put my pen to my paper,* then put my life to what was written
(I-I, I-I-I x4) I blew up everything I loved, and took the scraps that glistened.
I-I, I-I-I took a ton of my time, but at least I'm my own view.
Pre-chorus:
At last I'm something new.
Chorus:
At last I'm coming up to what I always dreamed of,
I'm finally finding the me I never thought I'd know.
I took a while to say goodbye to what I loved, lived,* and knew,
but as time passed, I learned to let go,* to let go of my old truth.
I learned the greatest me is what is now,* and the best me is the me that's new.
Bridge:
The best me is always new.
The best me took pieces of me, and him,* and her, and them, and you,
and made himself new.
Chorus:
At last I'm coming up to what I always dreamed of,
I'm finally finding the me I never thought I'd know.
I took a while to say goodbye to what I loved, lived,* and knew,
but as time passed, I learned to let go,* to let go of my old truth.
I learned the greatest me is what is now,* and the best me is the me that's new.
Outro:
I'm finally something new.
I'm finally something new.
I took my past, my history,
and made it something new.
When I imagine how the instrumental would sound, I imagine a mix of "Hideaway", "New Romantics", and "ARTPOP". The chorus is supposed to be sung at a high register very lightly, kinda like the "The Night Is Still Young" chorus, while the verses + bridge are supposed to be sung-spoken.
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 12/29/2011
Posts: 1,932
|
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
|
I wrote this for PH but I never got around to finishing it. I've sat down and tried but nothing comes out.
Fireflies
Verse:
Our love can be defined
As two souls, intertwined
That fought the pharaoh, hand in hand.
We bled, stumbled and cried
Tried to make it through the rising tide
Now here we are, on the Promised Land
Pre-chorus:
Will our sparks ignite
A starry, spectacular sight?
Will the Phoenix rise
Like petals in spring, reprised.
Chorus:
Fireflies
Burning high in the sky above
You and I
Head over heels in love
Fireflies
Glistening through the night
You and I
Spirits soaring bright
|
|
|
|
Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
|
Quote:
Originally posted by Buyonce1814
I wrote this for PH but I never got around to finishing it. I've sat down and tried but nothing comes out.
Fireflies
Verse:
Our love can be defined
As two souls, intertwined
That fought the pharaoh, hand in hand.
We bled, stumbled and cried
Tried to make it through the rising tide
Now here we are, on the Promised Land
Pre-chorus:
Will our sparks ignite
A starry, spectacular sight?
Will the Phoenix rise
Like petals in spring, reprised.
Chorus:
Fireflies
Burning high in the sky above
You and I
Head over heels in love
Fireflies
Glistening through the night
You and I
Spirits soaring bright
|
I know I'm not, but with my sig, I can't help but feel I was some kind of inspiration to this… 
Especially because some of what I'm reading is around the lines of what I wrote… 
With the same title and everything… 
But it's still a MUCH different song…
|
|
|
|
|
|
