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Tournament: 💎 DIAMOND HIT 💎
Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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Dubtrack Hit was lit last night
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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Doing batch 2 now, my nice streak is about to end.
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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I can't tell no one it's true, I just wanna be with you ~
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by Vulnicura
so you're telling me I just scrolled through 30+ pages of **** to find temp didn't even post my review? 🌚
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Use the search function next time
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tymps.
I can't tell no one it's true, I just wanna be with you ~
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Wow at this subtweet directed to me
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by swiftie13
Wow at this subtweet directed to me
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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Quote:
Originally posted by beatinglikeadrum
1. 1989 and EMOTIONS are updated versions of TD.
2. Style and Run Away With Me meant to be TD of albums but they flopped.
3. EMOTIONS are overrated.
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Threadban her
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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The Mannequin Challenge is a nice little trend, like it doesn't hurt anyone and even your grandma can do it
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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The grey sweatpants challenge not only doesn't harm anyone, it heals them
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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batch two
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beatinglikeadrum - I'll be honest this was kinda disappointing, there's no story, there's no emotion, it's just like a copy-paste of every song about love cliche ever. Who do you love? Why is he leaving you? Why is he your sin? Why was your destiny to fail? You're throwing out so many things without explaining any of them or expanding on any of them. My advice for the future would be to narrow down your songwriting, don't be so broad and avoid the cliches, "when I look at you I see stars" - this made me cringe a bit. Pick a theme and go with that, tell us a story.
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Pecinta Mariah - What is this? No, really, what is this? "song with no rhyme, please no mom, you mess with this, got thumbs down, hold up and sing with me hun" Why are you shouting at your mom? Why is there no rhyme? What are we messing with? Who is the hun here? "arrange your lyrics with words" Well, lyrics are words... How can we arrange words with words? This makes no sense? "dem chicken is ash and you're powder" Powder? Powder what? Don't you mean lotion? What are we powdering? "we ain't no loser" - Except in English studies? "4 real, this technique became lethiferous" did you just switch to Latin? "less pretentious" Pre-ten-tious, 3 syllables hun, not 4 - it shouldn't be included in the 4 syllable rhyme scheme verse. "pray you'll find bright future, more luxurious" Chinese fortune cookie teas. Girl, this whole thing is a mess.
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conatus - "unfurled like a sail, you're letting me in" okay I like the first half, but the latter is very poorly tied to the previous. Using a sail as a metaphor for someone letting you in is just.. such a reach. "you're warm like a fire" fires are hot kids. Also a missed opportunity with "a king in my eyes" if you change it to "a king in my eye" then it'd rhyme with the previous lines first half "sky" - or change it to skies and keep eyes etc. Then it would match the previous verse "door/foor - hall/all". Apart from this, I love the rest of it. It's a great introductory song, just don't hold back, I can tell you were going minimal here.
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funnellegs - I really liked the first verse, a great emotive start to the song. You lost me at this part though "the dreams we used to dream." I don't really like when people repeat words like that, we already know it's a dream it's unnecessary to repeat it. It'd be like "the laughter we used to laugh", it just comes out awkward you know? "I miss the brave hearts, and the runaways" I don't think runaways works here either. Overall I think this was a solid effort, you have the emotion of songwriting down, now we just need a little more imagery and vocabulary improvements, but those will come with time as you progress in this competition.
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Corsola - "Scorching blazes surround the rubble around me" If you're saying something is surrounding you, there's no need to finish it with "around me" since surround already implies it's around you. I feel like your first entry is rather similar to mine, it reads more like poetry or a story than a song. The lines are way too long and your vocabulary is becoming a little cluttered. You have the storytelling in you, but the delivery is coming out all wrong, there's no flow. I suggest you take a look at Jacksons tutorials (someone will post it?) on meter/flow and the thing that helped me the most was reading it aloud (or in your head) and imagine it flowing with a melody. I like what you wrote, it just needs to be polished into song form!
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Ventitonic -
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ughgabriel - Okay the story behind this really got me, it's the lords day i'm not about to cry. The storytelling behind this song is obviously great, you really paint a picture and deliver the emotion. The thing that let's this song down is the basic rhymes, "blue/do", "lies/eyes", "cries/eyes" (again). Try to experiment with your vocabulary, instead of lies/eyes/cries, what about something else like how you despise the man? How you want to cut all ties? How you wished for his demise? Just random off the top of my head, but yeah, you have a great story you need to make the most of it.
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RihsusChrist(ATG) - "maddeningly" I feel like this word should never be used in a song, like ever. Reading this I sort of felt like you had rhymed the last words first and then filled in the rest of the sentence with whatever fit. It felt very forced and the story was rather jumbled. Overall I think you have some good ideas and besides a few grammatical errors it wasn't bad. But once again, basic/forced rhymes and a lack of focus leaves me feeling rather muddled after this.
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Aurora - "a blazing light, Clouding up my mind" I didn't like this part, you ended one line saying he was a blazing light then said he's clouding your mind, but how can a light cloud? "Unequivocally unique" i'm not sure how to feel about this either, it's so cluttered, unequivocally isn't really a good word for songs. I'll be honest, reading the song before the explanation it's totally lost on me, I didn't understand it. "I taste your snowflake secrets" I don't know how this relates to a gay closeted man? I like that you took a risk with your theme and you do paint a beautiful imagery (be careful not to overdo it with the vocabulary though). But I think maybe this comparison, besides the pre-chorus, got a little lost.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Wait I just had a hypifini
There is a difference between ventitonic and vulnicura? It doesn't the same person?
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gladion
Wait I just had a hypifini
There is a difference between ventitonic and vulnicura? It doesn't the same person?
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Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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Yass asdlal finally a lashing 
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Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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Quote:
Originally posted by Pecinta Mariah
Yass asdlal finally a lashing |
BTCH you just got dragged, do you think you will make it to the next round? I think not.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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Quote:
Originally posted by Pecinta Mariah
BTCH you just got dragged, do you think you will make it to the next round? I think not.
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Mess 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Quote:
Originally posted by Pecinta Mariah
BTCH you just got dragged, do you think you will make it to the next round? I think not.
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Did you just quote yourself?
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gladion
Wait I just had a hypifini
There is a difference between ventitonic and vulnicura? It doesn't the same person?
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I'd drag you but I also thought this for like three months
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 15,907
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Mess where are cupid's and pears batch 1 reviews I can't find them 
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ATRL Moderator
Member Since: 10/17/2011
Posts: 20,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by PhreshDiamond
Mess where are cupid's and pears batch 1 reviews I can't find them |
Mine are literally a page back. Pears hasn't posted yet?
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Wait i might use this hihihi
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