16. Achilles - Star of the Show
On first read, this was a rough read because although the syllable count is there, the stressing is kind of all over the place. However, I live for the concept; this almost sounds like a disco classic that everyone knows the words to. I like your style of simplistic but poignant language with very little imagery to rely on to carry your message. There were many clever lines, but overall as a whole, the song isn't among your strongest (nor your weakest). "Offering handshakes and heartbreaks," "But he's only ever had eyes for me," "Out there he may be the star of the show/but I'm the galaxy he calls home," are among the best lines in this entry although galaxy was a bit random considering the only other word pertaining to space was star and it wasn't the space kind of star. Regardless, I found it clever. I think the first verse was much stronger than the second verse, which was awkwardly worded for the most part. Work on more clever syntax and you'll be golden!
17. UFO - Subconscious Being
The opening stanza is so beautifully written, very good job on that. I felt like the first time around, the chorus made no sense to me because of the attitude you had set up in the initial verse but other than that, your story progressed really well. I didn't really enjoy those lines where it felt like movie dialogue rather than lyrics. For instance "I am now aware of your presence" is so distracting. Also kudos on the technicalities such as meter, it made the song flow well but I could tell you didn't have to sacrifice your message to make your lyrics fit these "requirements". Although you kept the space imagery consistent, words like "loophole" and "hemisphere" were not good word choices. Also, the river/drown part was pretty random. All in all, I enjoyed this a lot.
18. ausdaniel & Element - Brownstone Tears
I liked the concept more than the actual execution. Personally, the second verse felt more well written and polished than the first, but overall it sounded like a bland country song. The address dropping only works in some instances, but I didn't like it here and I didn't really like your title (but I won't hold that against you). This was just far too formulaic and safe. The bridge would probably work had this been a fully produced song, but being that only lyrics are taken into account, it was a badly written bridge. Yet there was some nice imagery that wasn't distracting and overall, you got your message across.
19. Jaxswim & CountryBritney - Sin
Woo, this was hot. I loved the concept a lot and the two voices were intertwined perfectly within the song. I do think the rhyme scheme could have been tighter, especially in the second verse but the message was delivered quite gracefully. "But I see starlight when we kiss," was badly worded, starlight being a poor and inconsistent word choice in the context of this song. Other than that, I love the styles and how approachable thins entry was. Keep up the good work.
20. jpow - Intoxicated
Hm. Nice concept, similar to Achilles' but not quite as well executed. The opening stanza was badly worded throughout from "something new starts to catch my eye, to "your near nude body magnified," it was a rocky start. The chorus was short and sweet, I liked it. It fit well within the club scene of your song. Verse two was also weak, "another man feeling this bliss," and "I came here with this girl tonight," could have been said better. The first part of your bridge was nearly perfect. I loved the language, the flow, the feeling, it was all there, good job. The second part felt awkward and again, you should have worded it better. "The lady in front when I thought it was us two," makes no grammatical sense nor any lyrical sense. I do love how you brought about confusion between then two characters without stating the obvious. The outro was blunt, bland, and not needed. It was not the best I've read from you, but I enjoyed it.
21. Witch_Privilege - Bleeding Hearts
This sounds like a pop girl not named Taylor Swift tried writing a ballad. Although I love the repetition of "what do you want?" and "I'm trying to tell you," during the verse, the majority of the song was cliche and the language was rather underdeveloped; his was simplistic but not in a good way. The imagery that was in there was weak (the whole bleeding hearts metaphor, meh). I commend you on your structure and being able to carry your message, however.
22. ughgabriel - The Last of Us
There was something so fulfilling about the opening verse that didn't stick with the rest of the song. Originally the flow was perfect and the language, poignant. After the pre chorus (which I also love), most of the entry fell flat. "For the lovely heart that I tore apart," is such a good line, I don't really know why I love it, it just works and the pre chorus should have been the chorus. The actual chorus is redundant and adds nothing to the song, in fact it kind of brings it down due to the weak rhyming and word choices. The third and fourth verses were far more cliche than the first and second. Not bad, but this felt a little rushed. Write a lot more like the first half of the song, which I could picture as a full song in my head quite easily.
23. Buyonce1814 & Ceremonials - Unholy Night
To start, there were a lot of little errors throughout this song that could have easily been avoided had you been a bit more meticulous like "poison" should be "poisoned," and Jackson already mentioned "wolf's bane," but overall I was quite impressed with this entry. The whole wolf/lamb metaphor worked rather well through your execution methinks. Some parts felt contrived and awkward such as "your bite had broken skin," wtf is that? Also "dim moonlight" is far too Florence-y ceremonials!
Kidding aside (sorta) I enjoyed how very little space was wasted. Sure, your meter wasn't the tightest, but you said what you had to say and for that, that's above strict structure. "The adrenaline rushes and the guilt transcends" was a well written line, I love it as well as "what is it about the wolf that leads it to the fawn," it's a beautiful and quasi-original generalized question that fits well within the theme. The term unholy night is bad, just FYI. But overall,
I liked it a lot.
24. feelslikeadream & HausOfNiko - Distant
The first stanza had very little direction. It went from using a monument as a metaphor to being colloquial and using "Christmas lights in June," as a lyric. Usually the two styles of writing don't mesh well together, this is no exception. The second stanza was perfection, however; I have nothing bad to say about it. I was not feeling the chorus at all but I did like how each chorus changed subtly and allowed for progression. Verse two was alright but very safe. I dunno, this song peaked in the second stanza. The bridge was alright but using "cold rivers" didn't feel natural within the context of this song.
25. Citrus - To
Oh, you wanna talk about mothers? [/WhiteChicks]. Okay, oh my God. I literally teared up while reading this. This was so beautiful, I don't even know how to critique it. It was so brutally honest and I could relate to it a lot. Although I didn't like the "sea of awful memories," once I read "you're an island of what I got write," it instantly became my favorite lyric of the competition thus far. That is pure lyrical gold. The chorus is emotional and sums up the song quite beautifully. The part about the cigarettes
I love how the second verse echoed the first but from a different perspective. I didn't really like how you presented the idea of graduating and getting a diploma but I do love what you had to say, so it wasn't much of a distraction. Amazing job, I won't forget this entry (except maybe the flop title! hihi).
26. Vulnicura - Songs of the Sparrow
First of all, never apologize or show any self deprecation before or anywhere near your entry. It makes it hard to stay unbiased as a judge and it doesn't look good but no hard feelings! Second of all, there was nothing subpar about this. This was actually one of the best entries so far and actually one of my favorites from you. Although "digital witness" screamed St. Vincent, I'll let it slide because it fit well in the context of your lyrics. I love the message and the "Orwell," / "oh well," lyric is so clever, I'm obsessed with it (a "she's a little bit of Yoko / and she's a little bit of O-no" tea)! I'll admit, the two voices didn't seem so distinct for this duet challenge so pay more attention to the guidelines next time. I still loved it, though and your concept was original and still relatable.
27. Ventitonic - Still Shaken
I see you're trying to shed your Mariah away but still "deliberately," and "internally," made a cameo
This was a touching entry despite the simplistic, and at times, cliche language. I loved the effortless communication from the two voices, it elevated the song a lot. The "spital" typo is a small one, and I won't hold it too heavily against you but it was kind of distracting and made me laugh in the middle of a serious lyric, so be more careful next time
I like this a lot, though. From the unique structure with good flow to the conversational but lyrical style, it makes for a good entry in my opinion. Just don't use babe again, please.
28. keshaspearsxo - Pony
Ok.
29. Dylobs - Purgatory
This was a bit too try hard and the language came off as pretentious/ AP English-y. I enjoyed the concept and the message, however. Try embracing more simplistic language so it doesn't appear like you went on thesaurus.com to write your song. I love the structure and the evolution of the choruses, you did well there.
