Member Since: 4/29/2012
Posts: 15,977
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Quote:
A group of suits are waiting in the conference room. Checking their watches. Uncomfortable silence. Lady Gaga is late.
"Guys, don't worry" one of them says. "She promised this album is more pop, less art. I think it's going to be fine."
45 minutes later, Lady Gaga arrives in a leather poncho that says PUNK-JAZZ. "A girl is never late, fellas. The meeting usually comes early!" she announces in a fast-talking Mae West voice, thinking she's cleverly old school showbiz.
"As promised, I have a title for you. And as promised, it puts the focus back on pop!"
The suits lean forward in their seats, eager, hopeful.
Lady Gaga puts her hands on her hips. Holds the moment. Relishes the suspense. "Without further ado, the title of my new album is POPICASSO! The pop comes first, but the overlapping P shows how pop will always be connected to art."
The suits nod politely. Their lips smile, but their eyes do not. In their minds, they're already thinking of the letter they'll be drafting to inform her that they're letting her go.
"My lead single on POPICASSO is about how Picasso and Pollock are remembered not for their pretty landscapes but for the bold, polarizing styles that later defined their legacies," she explains and presses Play.
Operatic wails and moans. Gagaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (a long operatic note). A loud scream: NOOOOOOOO! And then she begins singing, in a Broadway/cabaret voice:
I traveled the world, from city to city
Witnessed the Youth of a Nation [rock reference] fight for their identity
Watched as the world said it’s ok, now you can be gay
After all this he says to me, but why can’t you just look pretty?
I fight for bravery, this is artistic slavery!
Jamais je n’écouterais, café au lait! [obligatory French lyric that makes no sense]
[Chorus, sounding more pop and less like Liza Minnelli]
You can’t define my beauty, I am a scramble of shapes, not just a pretty face!
P-P-P-POPICASSO!
Won't paint inside the lines, I am an explosion of colors, creativity all over the place!
P-P-P-POPOLLOCK!
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'Thinking she's cleverly old school showbiz' always gets me 
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I never would've guessed PBP would sell more in one week than Gaga's last four singles combined. Talent always wins!
someone run at her with a chainsaw