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Discussion: Bisexual guy's wife mad over his gay college relationship
Member Since: 8/16/2011
Posts: 19,718
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Originally posted by stronger23
I can understand this, but when you think about DL men, it's kinda the same as bisexuality , except , they aren't open about it. And most DL men are married with kids, and still mess around with men on the side. Not all , some are using woman as a cover up, but in some cases DL men genuinely like men and woman .
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Ya. I didn't wanna open that can of worms, but you're totally right.  Downlow men make it all the more complicated. I'm inclined to say it's just bisexual men cheating like a straight men could also cheat, but that added sexuality component makes it more complicated. Cause you don't know who's actually just cheating to cheat and who's gay passing as straight.
Okay. Let's just say he should have been honest from the beginning and her grievances are well meaning and not homophobic.
She should have had the opportunity to make an informed decision at the beginning of their relationship. That much is clear to me now.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/3/2014
Posts: 11,976
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Originally posted by stronger23
Clearly I'm not mad, angry, or seething
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Originally posted by stronger23
Wait, why am u debating this with gays? Of course y'all wouldn't see "what's the big deal" . I'm done.
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Originally posted by stronger23
Ask me do I give a ****?
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Mess.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 2/3/2012
Posts: 10,340
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Quote:
Originally posted by Circinus
Most straight women don't want a dude who blows dudes. Unfair perhaps, but attraction is a fragile thing and for the most part that is a turn-off. No different than not being attracted to men of a certain .. race, build, income bracket, ect. That's why he lied and now she's just always going to wonder what else he's hiding. Plus, let's not pretend there aren't tons of bi married dudes on apps looking for some NSA hook ups everyday. Bisexuals are capable of monogamy, yes, but we also know that men are more likely to cheat. Now that she has another gender to worry about, it just means she'll be concerned when he says he's going to hang out with the guys.
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No different than not being attracted to men of a certain ... race
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Plus, let's not pretend there aren't tons of bi married dudes on apps looking for some NSA hook ups everyday.
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Irrelevant.
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Now that she has another gender to worry about
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No she doesn't.
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it just means she'll be concerned when he says he's going to hang out with the guys
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That would mean that the relationship has way more important trust issues than what's being brought up here. Should she have been "worried" if he had female friends/co-workers?
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 1,473
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Quote:
Originally posted by stronger23
I can understand this, but when you think about DL men, it's kinda the same as bisexuality , except , they aren't open about it. And most DL men are married with kids, and still mess around with men on the side. Not all , some are using woman as a cover up, but in some cases DL men genuinely like men and woman .
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This is a result of our society not these men. We live in a society where bisexuals have no place or community. Like others above I'm bisexual and its frustrating when most people consider it fake. Men only act DL because they know they're partners wouldn't approve of their true sexuality.. which is pretty sad.
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 973
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He should ve told her before they got married. Maybe they would not be married at all if she knew because things like this do matter for women. But you can keep calling her ignorant, homophobic etc.
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Member Since: 4/12/2012
Posts: 8,550
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Originally posted by stronger23
She has EVERY right to be upset.
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No she doesn't. If he hasn't given her any reason to be upset, or worry then she shouldn't.
How is disclosing a relationship in college a cause for concern, or to be upset?
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Member Since: 11/27/2010
Posts: 9,806
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Originally posted by Sunshine.
Sis is afraid of having double the competition. 
She ain't right, but I understand her fear. If he were to have eyes for another woman, she could do whatever is in her feminine powers to out do that chick, weather it was weight loss, better style, make-up, more tender, put down the punani, etc.
But if her husband develops eyes for another man, what can she possibly do? Grow a penis? Be more masculine? Would she even know how? I think that's her and many other straight women's fear. Being pushed out of the loop and having no control.
If you didn't understand bisexuality, I think anyone would have that fear. I mean, many gays do anyway even if they should understand alternative sexuality. "What if he falls for a girl? There's nothing I can do to compete."
I think it's a perceived lack of control thing. |
The same thing could be said about bi women... but men don't seem to be having issues with it.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 9,012
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He should leave her for sure
She's never going to be able to look past it and it's going to make the rest of their relationship different
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Member Since: 2/2/2014
Posts: 11,642
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If she didn't ask him his sexual orientation then why bring it up, it doesn't change anything about their relationship.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 4,199
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ummmm wow. so her husband is a man who has had sex with men? i hope she's had an hiv test
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Member Since: 9/1/2013
Posts: 18,649
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Quote:
Originally posted by Circinus
Most straight women don't want a dude who blows dudes. Unfair perhaps, but attraction is a fragile thing and for the most part that is a turn-off. No different than not being attracted to men of a certain height, race, build, income bracket, ect. That's why he lied and now she's just always going to wonder what else he's hiding. Plus, let's not pretend there aren't tons of bi married dudes on apps looking for some NSA hook ups everyday. Bisexuals are capable of monogamy, yes, but we also know that men are more likely to cheat. Now that she has another gender to worry about, it just means she'll be concerned when he says he's going to hang out with the guys.
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wtf?
edit: like, seriously? this is so dumb
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,825
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Originally posted by Ina Garten
ummmm wow. so her husband is a man who has had sex with men? i hope she's had an hiv test
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Umm, what exactly are you implying? 
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Member Since: 1/4/2014
Posts: 22,877
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Originally posted by St. Charles
Divorce ha  |
Pretty much. 
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Member Since: 9/1/2013
Posts: 18,649
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she's dumb as hell and i can't believe there are people in here defending her :I being bisexual doesn't make anyone more likely to cheat unless you have absolutely no trust in your relationship at all, which is definitely not bisexuality's fault
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Member Since: 9/1/2013
Posts: 1,048
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 9,438
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He didn't need to tell her.
Like it's his past, she has no right to judge, everything that happens from the moment they met should be told, but before that, is not their fault, she should be grateful he was that open with her, she doesn't deserve him tbh
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Member Since: 4/23/2011
Posts: 16,377
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She has every right to know and I don't understand the responses saying otherwise. They seem really defensive and rooted in some personal investment in the topic. Maybe because people here are planning to do the same thing as him and are scared to tell the truth. 
In any case, whether she's comfortable with the fact is her prerogative. She can't control how she feels.
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 9,438
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Originally posted by Inverted
She has every right to know and I don't understand the responses saying otherwise. They seem really defensive and rooted in some personal investment in the topic. Maybe because people here are planning to do the same thing as him and are scared to tell the truth.
In any case, whether she's comfortable with the fact is her prerogative. She can't control how she feels. |
He didn't need to tell her, period.
If he had done it while being with her, then yes he would be obligated, if not there's no obligation on telling her. And if most women are as ignorant as her, they don't deserve/need to know then.
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Member Since: 4/23/2011
Posts: 16,377
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Originally posted by Trent W
He didn't need to tell her, period.
If he had done it while being with her, then yes he would be obligated, if not there's no obligation on telling her. And if most women are as ignorant as her, they don't deserve/need to know then.
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Telling the truth is never an obligation. It's a healthy thing to do to build a relationship. He didn't need to tell her, but the classmates probably would have eventually.
And yes, most heterosexual women would not be comfortable with this fact. If your "solution" to the issue is "they don't need to know," you probably shouldn't be in a relationship.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 4,199
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dalai
Umm, what exactly are you implying? |
i'm implying that this woman now has exposed herself to way higher odds of contracting hiv, considering the irrefutable fact that STD rates among men who have sex with men are sky-high, especially with respect to HIV. after all, the first thing they ask you when you get a rapid hiv test is if you're a man who has sex with men, an injecting drug user, a prostitute, or a recipient of a blood-transfusion. gays were banned from donating blood for a reason
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