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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
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This was an improvement from last week's entry!
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No ****
Thank you for the rest of the review though 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
No ****
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what did you submit last week again? christmas fun? i don't know i cant remember
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
what did you submit last week again? christmas fun? i don't know i cant remember
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I'd prefer you not remember tbh! VBTM > Butterfly ****
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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mess i actually legit forgot about brand new eyes an ode to its cover
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Thank you for your feedback, Meowster! I'm glad you picked up on smaller parts of the song. 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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i love this smiley its so shady 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
I love point and click games they're so easy they make me feel smart |
Will your reviews be on the next page, Sam? 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
Will your reviews be on the next page, Sam? |
sì
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
mess i actually legit forgot about brand new eyes an ode to its cover
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How dare you forget one of like my three songs from this season I stan for
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
How dare you forget one of like my three songs from this season I stan for
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i twas talking about 'butterfly lies' being an ode to brand new eyes' cover
not your ****** title track
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
i twas talking about 'butterfly lies' being an ode to brand new eyes' cover
not your ****** title track
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ooooooooo 
And take that back you obese kangaroo
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
ooooooooo
And take that back you obese kangaroo |
the stars are symbolic of the word "pretty" ~~~
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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"Devil May Care" is the "Teeth" of my PH8 EP.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
"Devil May Care" is the "Teeth" of my PH8 EP.
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overhated and one of your best? agreed
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
the stars are symbolic of the word "pretty" ~~~
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And Prism deserved its positive metacritic score!
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 1,131
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Quote:
01. ughgabriel – Water Bones
That was really deeply personal. I really think that this might be your best writing yet, everything seems so fluid and natural, like hearing your thoughts echo back and forth. There was good flow to it. It's relatable to me, a lot of the verses are something I've personally felt, which, in my opinion, means you passed the challenge with soaring colors. Sometimes the most specific topics can have the most impactful appeal. Thank you.
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I'm really happy you enjoyed it and related with it! Thank you so much, Meowster 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Sam's Comments
Quote:
01. ughgabriel – Water Bones
From a technical standpoint, I think there were a few familiar phrases that weren’t really necessary (heart of gold, the king references) and some of the rhymes were a little simple. There was a lot of improvement overall in these two areas though, particularly how you ended some stanzas on a non-rhyme. The chorus was the best part for me because it was free of familiarity and “water bones” idea was something unique and it had a strong meaning. There were a few more easy and unnecessary rhymes in the bridge (I didn’t like crown/gown much). As far as the challenge goes you let us into a part of your life that wasn’t too intrusive nor evasive so I think you had the right balance there. Overall you did well.
02. swiftie13 – i
First of all I don’t find it insulting to explain a song. Sometimes it’s necessary. The fourth stanza about failures in the spring haunting you in the winter.  That entire little section scalped me and that was the highlight of your song for me. The short stunted parts, eh, I could have done without them. They didn’t add anything to the song to me and at this stage of the competition I think every word has to count. Overall I think the second long-verse section was stronger than the first. I like the experimentation with the structure but I would have like a central motif, even the repetition of a specific couplet or something to tie it all together. I did get a good perception of who you are so you did well on that.
03. TheCheetahwings – Essence Of My Adolescence
I have a lot of things to say but I’ll try to keep it brief. I loved the effort you put into this, I can see that you’re trying to experiment with structure, I can see that you’re trying to experiment with language, and I love that. However this challenge was all about getting your self-perception to translate and I think a little bit of that was lost in all of the impressive but extraneous vocabulary flaunting. The main things I got from your song are that you like big words and crystals and I don’t think that was your intention.  This isn’t really a negative though, I think this is an important step. You’ve got these things down now, the next step is knowing when it’s appropriate to use them and being a bit more sporadic with the fancy skills. I do think what you’ve submitted is impressive and your score will reflect that, but I have to take the challenge into account and I don’t think you translated yourself as well as you perhaps could have if you’d just kept it a bit simpler. But you still did well.
04. MattyTacos – Broken Wings
Matthew sister what is happening?  You’ve won this competition before, yet you’ve had to be saved twice and now this? I’m only being so hard on you because I know you can do so much better. “I can’t close my eyes / and wish it all away / cause it won’t” isn’t correct phrasing, you must know this. The paper plane lyric gave me major Firework-plastic bag lyric teas and that’s not a good thing. It honestly felt like a first draft. The concept is there but at Round 8 in Platinum Hit we need more than just a concept, we need the execution to be almost perfect. This really missed the mark from a technical standpoint, sorry. However you met the challenge because your concept was good.
05. UFO – Veil
You used the correct plural of passer by.  I liked this song, it was well written but it was still simple enough to understand and relate to. That takes skill in a personal song. The downside to that is that it does come across as a little bit surface level though and I’d like to know more about your veil and why there are demons living in your heart. That’s just a very small criticism though. I like your song and you did the challenge pretty well. It was all very good.
06. Achilles. – The Man You Think I Am
This is the second week in a row that you’ve submitted a song that has really spoken to me on a personal level. I can’t relate to everything here obviously but that’s not the point, this is your song, your story, and you’ve done an exceptionally good job of translating that into song I think. Nothing is forced; it all just flows so naturally. Just from the other songs you’ve submitted I know that this is 100% you and your thoughts and your feelings. No complaints.
07. ClarksonSlays – Please Don’t Love Me
Yet again you’ve managed to submit a pretty solid entry where there’s not much to complain about. If I had the pick a thing it’d be the bridge, I like the meaning there but I don’t like the imagery of removing skin (it’s the same with Katy’s unzip and strip lyric in Love Me), I much prefer the idea of seeing through, but that’s a really minor thing. There are a few other word choices that I’d question but I’m not going to go on about minor things like that, it’s a solid entry and I’ve learned more about your struggles with love.
08. 8thPrince – Inside
You always have the most interesting and non-obvious ways of expressing even the simplest of concepts, and let’s be honest, the “I’m not who I pretend to be” angle isn’t the most unique approach ever, but your execution of it is close to it. You had the relatable aspect, you had the personal aspect, you had the creative aspect. It’s looking pretty good for you this week again.
09. Moonchild – Dandelion Dreams
The song itself is written well for the most part and is simple but effective. I like the blades double meaning in the first verse, I like the imagery of “going” like a dandelion in the wind. The ending of the first verse and the beginning of the second were too similar for me and with a short song like this, I would have preferred if you’d had something new to say there. The gone with the wind lyric/reference wasn’t too bad but I could have done with something a little less easy. The bridge is very well executed. I think this was an interesting approach as it’s more of a reflection than a self-portrait, so I question that. But the song was well written for the most part and I did learn more about you/your past.
10. Vulnicura – Borders
The thing I found most interesting about your song is that it made me think, it made me question, things, life, what togetherness is. I liked that. The second verse, does this talk about you being raised in a single parent environment? It felt like a Vulnicura song because it was interesting and non-predictable and I do feel like I learned a bit more about who you are and your outlook on life.
11. Dylobs – Behind the Armour
There were a couple of labeling issues for me, the hook was more of a prechorus and the bridge wasn’t labeled, I also like it when verses are labeled numerically. That’s nothing that will lose you points, just some tips. I actually like the central armour metaphor and I like that you kept that through the whole song, as well as the lyrical experimentation. Sometimes it might seem a little too over the top and unnatural though, as Pyrrhic does a bit here (hollow victory would have been fine), but the skill was noticed. The hook/prechoruses weren’t essential but the unlabeled bridge was very good. I liked the chorus, but I didn’t love it. The second verse was probably better than the first, but both were good. I’d have liked to see more personal details to help it not seem as surface-level but it was still a good job.
12. HausofNiko – The Fame
I liked this because it was definitely personal and felt personal, there was no doubt with that. Truthfully the execution was a little clumsy in that you don’t have any poetic language or imagery or anything, you just say how you feel, but in a strange way that kind of works for this challenge, because it’s you. The chorus is actually pretty solid. You nailed the challenge aspect and I the song is, you know, it’s not bad. The usage of “sprout” is forced, the random capitalizations of “prison/chain” are messy, but overall I did enjoy it.
13. Buyonce1814 – Bu
Thank you for submitting something, I know it was a struggle for you. I did get the personality through this song very strongly so that’s not an issue. The song does feel disjointed and rushed though, which I’m sure it was, but it does show. I have to be honest and fair. There are some really great patches of lyrics in here though, I love the section about butterflies/shoes as far as the individual lyricism goes. I felt a strong family connection from you though that personal connection will help your score as well.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
And Prism deserved its positive metacritic score!
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61 is a tragedy, they only scored it low cuz it's Katy. It deserved at least a 75
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
07. ClarksonSlays – Please Don’t Love Me
Yet again you’ve managed to submit a pretty solid entry where there’s not much to complain about. If I had the pick a thing it’d be the bridge, I like the meaning there but I don’t like the imagery of removing skin (it’s the same with Katy’s unzip and strip lyric in Love Me), I much prefer the idea of seeing through, but that’s a really minor thing. There are a few other word choices that I’d question but I’m not going to go on about minor things like that, it’s a solid entry and I’ve learned more about your struggles with love.
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The **** is a Love Me?
But yay @ this review, even though my bridge is criminally underrated by the judges!
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