12. Dylobs – One More Time
General: "The physical pains/Are not felt the same/As the wounds on her trust and dignity" Now w8 bitch, that's powerful. There were some issues with meter "they'll be eventually free", for example, flows better as "they'll eventually be free" but besides that, it was a powerful song!
Challenge: Well...yeah you fit the challenge.
Thanks I'm not sure what you're implying with the last line about the challenge, though
curious can be said in a way that fits in the meter, I tried it
and was it really too long? When I was writing it, I thought it was so short (well maybe the chorus, yeah) haha. I read it out loud rather quickly but thanks for the feedback (yas @ the open letter part, that's definitely what I was going for)
curious can be said in a way that fits in the meter, I tried it
and was it really too long? When I was writing it, I thought it was so short (well maybe the chorus, yeah) haha. I read it out loud rather quickly but thanks for the feedback (yas @ the open letter part, that's definitely what I was going for)
curious can be said in a way that fits in the meter, I tried it
and was it really too long? When I was writing it, I thought it was so short (well maybe the chorus, yeah) haha. I read it out loud rather quickly but thanks for the feedback (yas @ the open letter part, that's definitely what I was going for)
General: I didn't see any issues with meter, but the language was very samey to many entries in past challenges. "Pain", for instance, is such an easy word to throw around, but there are very powerful synonyms for it, and it'd really liven up a plain song.
Challenge: I'm not sure if I agree with your message! "Guns, knives and hand grenades/They’re the ones to blame" doesn't seem like a very good message. People themselves should be held accountable for what they do with them. Other than that, I do agree that people today are desensitized to many things, and there are multiple factors to thank for that
Well, the main message was supposed to be the latter so I'm glad you did like that part of the song at least.
I didn't realize Sam sent the whole PM to you guys 
I'm not sure what you're implying with the last line about the challenge, though 
(yas @ the open letter part, that's definitely what I was going for)
