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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
Time to change your url to penisbypenis
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penisbipenis would work better
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
penisbipenis would work better
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Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Well, I do have two sets of comments... I wasn't planning on posting them until tomorrow but I guess there's no time like the present.
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The present was 36 minutes ago
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
The present was 36 minutes ago
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What is the meaning of this, Sam?!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Present was a hint to Christmas.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Kinda don't wanna see comments because :/
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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srry I'm on the bus home from an exam, I'll start my hiding tomorrow morning
Sorry for the delay
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Quote:
Originally posted by lovesong
srry I'm on the bus home from an exam, I'll start my hiding tomorrow morning
Sorry for the delay
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Who are you running from Lovesong? What did you get yourself mixed up in?
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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They're never coming 
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
Samanthaaaaaaaaaaa
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!!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by ausdaniel
Who are you running from Lovesong? What did you get yourself mixed up in?
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i c u
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
They're never coming |
an Anti tea 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Hugamari's Comments
Quote:
01. swiftie13 Heal
General: This felt like an open letter. Your fave's impact! No, but seriously it was a bit too long. A particular line I really liked was "We're violent, we're insane, we're dying in vain" because #tootroo. You also had a few meter issues - the first 2 lines, for example. "crying" and "curious" are said so differently that it throws the meter off on those lines a bit.
Challenge: Well there's an apparent message here, so yeah.
02. UFO Paradise
General: The whole song seems to have an almost condescending tone to it, which I thought made it much more interesting! The language here feels a bit too familiar through - dust, pain, etc. Some different words could really spice things up.
Challenge: You obviously had something to say, but you did it in a way that wasn't so in-your-face, which is the obvious trap to fall into.
03. Buyonce1814 Change
General: "Cause the rulers of the world change laws in the closet" You better shade those closeted Republicans who tried so hard to keep the gays from getting married! Anyway, it's a shame about your internet. :/ It wouldn't go out if they made internet a must-have resource.  Your song felt a bit bulky to me, but I get you were originally going to scrap it.
Challenge: The song was a tad too preachy for me, with ideals that are expressed commonly.
04. jpow Something Better
General: There aren't any flaws in meter, you had some creative rhymes, and nothing really felt forced to me. I really enjoyed "...he was labeled a bad man/In a fight he never fought" because that actually says a lot about society's current state of mind. Well done on that front!
Challenge: The chorus and bridge was very preachy, but I LOVED the verses. There was a message there, and you didn't really need to be bluntly told the message (but it happened anyway in the chorus) to see what it was.
05. TheCheetahwings Desensitized
General: I didn't see any issues with meter, but the language was very samey to many entries in past challenges. "Pain", for instance, is such an easy word to throw around, but there are very powerful synonyms for it, and it'd really liven up a plain song.
Challenge: I'm not sure if I agree with your message! "Guns, knives and hand grenades/Theyre the ones to blame" doesn't seem like a very good message. People themselves should be held accountable for what they do with them. Other than that, I do agree that people today are desensitized to many things, and there are multiple factors to thank for that.
06. ausdaniel Truce
General: I really liked the first lines! It's not a very complex, but it says more than it first appears to. To me, it's about the people who fight in wars, risking their lives, while their families are always right by a phone, for the chance they might receive a call (either from them or from...well  ). Your verses were very well done, but everything else was very plain to me.
Challenge: I liked how subtle things were...up until the chorus. After that, it just felt like you were on a soapbox. I think the subtlety would add a lot to the chorus, because being told what the message is isn't as effective as figuring it out yourself.
07. ClarksonSlays Stars of Dusk
General: Change "downstream" to "endlessly" and it's A+! "The bridges weve burned can rise from the ashes" was my fave line, btw 
Challenge: I enjoyed that you didn't feel the need to say "stop killing each other pls ):" so bluntly, but you said it in a way that is easy to piece together. Also, subscribe to Dolan Twins thanks!
08. Achilles. Hatred Over Love (Created Equal)
General: There aren't really any issues with meter here, but some lines felt a tad predictable. The "lives/survive" lines, for instance! Also, I get that you were trying to prove a point with the bridge, but I wasn't keen on the repetition.
Challenge: I definitely agree with the message you're trying to convey, but right from the get-go it's so blunt and it comes off preachy. I would've enjoyed seeing a tad bit of subtlety.
09. 8thPrince Axe
General: I really enjoyed that nothing in this song really felt samey and familiar with past round, or even your own entries, so on that note you did well. In a way, I'm glad you didn't dumb down the lyrics so people would "get it", but at the same time...I don't really get it.  But you don't seem to have glaring meter issues or anything. My favorite part was the intro!
Challenge: To be honest, I feel like you posed a question more so than proposing a message, but I like how you decided to approach the challenge. I didn't feel like I was being yelled at like a lot of the entries, so 
10. Vulnicura Island
General: Girl, even though it's low-key annoying how you wrote it, since it was on mobile, I really enjoyed this entry. It's not like anything I've seen in this game thematically, and you handled it beautifully. A melody was really easy to pick up on, and to me, it's a bit chilling. It's almost sweet in the way it describes this dark topic, so it was a glorious sense of melancholy. Brilliantly done!
Challenge: Well ****, I did not expect someone to take on the subject of assisted suicide, but I am definitely someone who believes that if someone WANTS to die, they have every right to choose to do so. You also handled your theme in a way that wasn't preachy, so...also points for that!
11. Moonchild Devil May Care
General: The chorus was simple, but effective. I liked the first 2 lines of it a lot! It was my favorite part of the song. As usual, very little issue with the meter or word choice because you have that down.
Challenge: Although it would've been fitting in an ironic way, I'm glad this didn't feel preachy.
12. Dylobs One More Time
General: "The physical pains/Are not felt the same/As the wounds on her trust and dignity" Now w8 bitch, that's powerful.  There were some issues with meter "they'll be eventually free", for example, flows better as "they'll eventually be free" but besides that, it was a powerful song!
Challenge: Well...yeah you fit the challenge. 
13. Element The World Is a Child
General: That subtweeting in the message before the song.  Anyway, some of your word choices, or the placements of them, felt off to me. Examples being "The world is a child/Pushing and shoving/Each other to the ground", which ending a line on "shoving" made for an awkward read to me, and "The world is a child/In need of a parent/But no one's there to lead it", which I thought "lead" could have had better words in its place - "care for" or "raise" would've both made more sense with the metaphor you were building upon. Speaking of the metaphor, though, I found that to be the standout point of the song. You stuck to the idea you set up in the first line through the whole song, which was good on your part!
Challenge: It was a tad too preachy for me, but you did get a point across.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Quote:
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Change "downstream" to "endlessly" and it's A+!
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So close, yet so far Thank you Hug 
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,955
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Well that was better from Huga than usual but I still knew I'd get dragged! I'm probably his lowest.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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If I didn't have much to say to you, it's not because your entry was bad. I just didn't have much to criticize you on.
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 26,488
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Quote:
04. jpow Something Better
General: There aren't any flaws in meter, you had some creative rhymes, and nothing really felt forced to me. I really enjoyed "...he was labeled a bad man/In a fight he never fought" because that actually says a lot about society's current state of mind. Well done on that front!
Challenge: The chorus and bridge was very preachy, but I LOVED the verses. There was a message there, and you didn't really need to be bluntly told the message (but it happened anyway in the chorus) to see what it was.
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