Quote:
Originally posted by Nicole
Can we finish this old fan fiction? Badger?
Beyonce sits in her palatial dressing room, examining herself in her vanity mirror and preparing for her morning routine. Breakfast? Exercise? Dance training? Vocal runs? No. First order of business every morning is acting.
She composes herself, takes a moment, then WHIRLS around in her chair, a look of horror on her face.
"No, I found her like this!" she exclaims. "She must have tripped down the stairs! Her neck…it looks broken. No, she's not breathing! Send someone right away!"
Her acting coach who's been in the room all along steps forward. "Much better. I really believed it this time. After 4 years you've finally gotten it down."
Suddenly the door flies open and Blue bursts into the room, playing with her Princess Elsa doll (mommy said the Princess Tiana doll was way too dark). Beyonce glares at her. "What did I tell you about interrupting my morning routine?!"
"Sorry mommy."
Beyonce grabs her arm and twists it. "When the police officers show up, what will you say?"
"Auntie Rihanna fell down the marble staircase! It was an accident." (her performance is more convincing than Beyonce's.)
Beyonce softens. "Good girl. You may have your father's face but you have my wits."
The acting coach paces the room. "If only you could cry. Then they'd never suspect foul play. Try thinking of a deeply emotional experience. Like your relationship with your father coming to an end. Or your miscarriage."
Beyonce rolls her eyes at him. Like she cares. That's not gonna do it.
"Well then I'm afraid I have no other choice," says the acting coach. "Think about your Hot 100 performance this decade."
Beyonce's eyes immediately moisten.
The acting coach goes for the kill: "And think about how your songs have performed outside the US."
Beyonce's hand flies to her mouth. Hot tears pour down her face now. Her body is wracked with violent sobs.
"Finally, you're ready!" the acting coach declares.
Beyonce picks up the phone and dials. "Rihanna, Blue's been asking for you all morning. She misses her Auntie. Could you come over please?" And with a sly, evil grin, she hangs up and begins her other morning ritual -- applying copious amounts of white foundation to her face.
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Jay-Z enters the dressing room and automatically leans over to Beyonce to kiss her. He is too busy to notice that she only kisses the air three centimetres from his mouth. He drops onto a stool and wearily ruffles through a stack of papers.
"Somethin wrong boo?" She asks him, putting on the urban Texas drawl he found so arousing. She continues applying foundation, not bothering to turn around. It's too early in the morning to look at her husband directly in the face.
"We're tryna finalise a release date for Anti. I can't get everyone to agree."
Beyonce tries not to smirk at the title "Anti". When she first heard that Kanye was helming Rihanna's latest single bundle, it was all she could do not to cackle with glee.
"Aw, that just breaks ma heart. I pray that things will work out for dear Ri-Ri." She mockingly crosses herself.
Jay gets up and puts his hands on his wife's shoulders. His face appears behind her in the mirror and she lets out an involuntary yelp.
"I'm so proud of you for putting the past behind." He says, thinking back to that long night when Beyonce found a loud red hair on his jacket. Miss Knowles fingers a pair of nail scissors stoicly.
"Well ma mama raised me to forgive and forget, angel." He kisses her, and she twists a look of disgust into a wry smile.
He leaves, and Blue Ivy skips back into the room. "Look mommy, look what Auntie Rih gave me!"
She waves a pen that resembles a blunt in the air. Beyonce whips her head around to stare at her daughter, her ashen powdery face scaring the young child.
"What is THIS?" Beyonce snatches the object out of Blue's hands. "That island sket is pushing me to the limit."
She grabs her daughter by the arm and sticks a sewing pin into it. The girl whimpers but tries not to cry, like her mother taught her.
"You will not speak to or look at that woman ever again. Do you understand?"
Blue nods, and Beyonce releases her grip. The girl hurries away, thinking of embracing her father to ease the living nightmare away.
Miss Knowles sighs and stares at her face in the mirror. Though the cracked foundation she can see the hint of age lines. She picks up the nail scissors again and imagines plunging them deep into the Barbadian's freakishly long neck.
Her NRJ performance 
I remember being unable to find that gif of PlaysKoolty in the cat outfit and giving up.
