I'm apprehensive to read more comments after the critiques so far. I was proud of my song but if I make it through, I'll come back Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)
I'm apprehensive to read more comments after the critiques so far. I was proud of my song but if I make it through, I'll come back Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)
if you're proud then that's all that matters. express yourself etc
I didn't submit last minute fat. I worked my song to its most perfect form. You should be proud of those that invest all available time instead of rushing to complete their songs.
13. Jaxswim – Touch (Confusion)
I’m not quite sure what it is exactly but this entry did fall a little flat for me. I think it’s all of the familiar language. “Cross my heart”, “Shiver down my spine”, “Drug of choice”, ”Running wild” etc. and this is just what’s before the first chorus. You have the basics right but it’s getting to the point of the competition where unique word choices and creative selections are going to really make you stand out, whereas when you use such straightforward and familiar language as this it can border on reading more like a rhyming retelling of events rather than a song. Lyrics such as, “When I look at you, now I’m getting cold”… the idea is there, but the execution isn’t, because it doesn’t sound natural, but it’s been twisted so that it can rhyme with “told”. I’m only saying these things because I know you’ve got it in you and I think you if you can apply these things to your writing you’ll be able to do something really great. Try to use more creative language, evoke imagery, use metaphors etc. and never force rhymes i.e. “caught in a bind”.
Your song actually does convey confusion well so I’ll end on a more positive note. What you’ve written tells of the confusion of having strong feelings for someone you don’t necessarily want to have those feelings for, you just want to be intimate with them without the attachments, so you did that well.
14. Tymps. – Lovesick (Guilt)
It’s probably not but I feel like this is somewhat Paramore inspired. It reminds me of Brick By Boring Brick with the prince metaphor (and the use of bricks in the first verse) because there was this crazy illuminati theory that the prince raped her or something. Plus Paramore have a song called Lovesick Melody. But anyway. I think the theme you chose for your song is pretty striking but I do feel like it was only three quarters of the way there in terms of execution. I like the lyric about the bricks seeing everything because it’s alluding to how far more often than not, there are no eyewitnesses for rape (or any kind of domestic violence, really). The chorus… I feel like you could have done more with it. It almost feels too carefree to be written from the viewpoint of a victim. The emotions of hurt and self-loathing and guilt just aren’t coming through like they should, because I think your concept is actually fantastic in that it is a really common occurrence for victims to believe that it was somehow their fault. I’m not sure if it’s because you lack an actual connection to the subject or what but something just isn’t coming through. The second verse was strong and the bridge bordered on too much but it is a serious subject so it was fitting in that regard, while the usage of ‘lovesick’ was somewhat questionable (I don’t associate rape with love).
I do think your concept is an extremely unique and equally fitting take on guilt however. The problem is I think your execution wasn’t as strong as it perhaps could have been. But it’s not an easy position to put yourself in if you haven’t gone through it yourself, so I’m not going to be too hard on you for that.
15. Achilles. – Running Free (Freedom)
I think you took an interesting approach to this because honestly I wouldn’t have known that it was about Achilles if you didn’t include the note, which on one hand could be a negative because your song didn’t convey this to me, but on the other hand it could be a positive because it’s more inclusive and can be applied to more personal situations. I think it’s more of the positive though, because if you had gone down the route of using specific names it might have felt a bit too much like a fable and less like a song. I think the second verse is the standout here, but the pre-chorus has some great rhyming/flow too. The first verse has a lot of familiar language and doesn’t leave much to the imagination and the chorus seems pretty uninspired. I felt some Taylor influence coming through the bridge, and I liked the majority of it, but the last three lines seemed a bit awkwardly worded. The hook/outro section was nice. I think you took a simpler approach for this challenge and the main criticisms I have, I know you’re capable of fixing. Simple doesn’t have to mean familiar. You got it right in the second verse, so keep that in mind.
Overall I think you did harness freedom very well. I don’t think the “we’re running free” repetitions were necessary to convey it either; the verses had good progression between them so you could have done something else with the chorus. But overall you did well.
16. ceremonials – False Prophet (Betrayal)
This is probably my favourite song that you’ve submitted. I’ll start with the negatives because there’s not many. “Or where she went wrong in her way” feels a little forced, and I’ve already said how I feel about the usage of “chains”. But that’s about it. Your have a great flow that is easy to pick up, the rhyming is strong and the majority of lyrics have purpose. The chorus is really fantastic; it uses repetition in the best way possible and I love the rhyming of profit/prophet/promise. The pre-chorus has that same purposeful repetition and the second verse makes a good comparison to Judas. The bridge is also very strong lyrically. I wish you’d added another chorus at the end but that’s a minor thing. Overall you impressed me and I really enjoyed this entry.
It definitely sings of betrayal and you’ve done it in a way where it’s not too over-the-top with anger and rage but the emotion still comes through very strong. It’s clever writing and I feel like you’re really finding yourself in this competition.
17. MattyTacos – Cry Wolf (Jealousy)
Literally punch me in the face and shatter my skull with this imagery why don’t you? I love love love the chorus, it’s probably your strongest yet. You really do just keep getting better and better. The verses are amazing too, and the colours really help convey your emotion. I know this sounds like I couldn’t flaw your song so far, but as much as I loved it, there are things I’d like to point out. The pre-chorus was a bit of a let down compared to the rest of the song, the image of raspberry wine being blood didn’t really work for me and the slamming of the head was a bit blunt in such an imagery-driven song. The lilac sky lyric was basically taken from Halsey’s Colors (unless you haven’t heard it hihi) and I wasn’t a fan of strawberry skies in the bridge when you used blueberry skies in the first verse. But these are just minor criticisms really, it’s not far off being a perfect entry.
It really does convey jealousy quite well; the only thing I’ll say is that in a song that has so many colours mentioned it’s interesting that you didn’t once use green, as that’s often associated with envy/jealousy. Overall you did a great job.
18. 8thPrince – Wont Hurt You (Guilt)
There’s definitely plenty to like about your song. One thing in particular that I loved was the chorus ending lyrics “But what you don’t know won’t hurt you / so act like you don’t know me anymore” and their variations, they were all set up very nicely. There is a lot of jumping around with this entry in particular, it is something you tend to do in your songs with the unique formatting style, and it wasn’t necessary hard to follow, but it wasn’t smooth sailing either. Each pre-chorus and chorus changes, which a part of me likes but a part of me thinks you could have done just as well without all of the little changes. Sometimes less is more, and I think having your pre-choruses longer than the verses is an example of that, because I think your verses were very good and conveyed your emotion well, whereas I kind of feel like you could have kept the first part of the pre-chorus as a bridge, and used the last smaller section (eyes/feet/burned) as the pre-chorus. It’s more of a challenge/suggestion for you than a correction, but I’d like to see you apply your style to a less abstract structure.
Your song does express guilt well and there’s no denying that. The subject has pushed away someone they care for because they feel it’s best for the other person, which is definitely a sign of someone demonstrating guilt, so well done on that.
19. Kworb – Reshape (Freedom)
This would definitely be one of the most unique entries of the competition thus far… if it hadn’t been submitted after “Mother”. It does kind of feel a bit like an answer song or sequel to Mother, because this is from the perspective of Earth itself (herself?) That aside, it’s still a lovely entry. Your flow is so effortless and nothing feels forced, it’s a great quality to have. You’ve used some interesting words and the song in general is executed very well. It’s such a unique way to approach freedom but it works so well. “As I dance around my sun” is just one of many fantastic lyrics that really impressed me. There was an extra “I” in the bridge but that’s not going to make you lose any marks. If anything, the only “negative” would be the similarity to swiftie13’s song, but your approach is quite different (from the perspective of Earth rather than a human leaving it, and it’s a positive representation, not a negative one), so I’m not going to take anything off for that either.
Like UFO’s song, this conveyed the essence of freedom without screaming “I’m free! I’m free!” It all felt very effortless and natural and I commend you on that.
20. Jack! – Night Night (Depression)
I really like the way the chorus kept building as the subject let the devil in their mind in more and more, I thought that was a clever technique to apply. The usage of voices in the head telling them to end it all is also something I’d strongly associate with depression. The first verse wasn’t my favourite, the “room/gloom” rhyme felt a bit forced, whereas I much preferred the second verse, although I still found usage of “permanently gagged” to be a little unnatural. The bridge was a really great natural progression and probably the highlight of the song lyrically for me. The cutting off of the ears in the chorus was a little awkward/extreme I think, you could have worded it in a more creative way rather than “cut off”. In fact, I think each new addition to the chorus gets better and better, the last one being my favourite, and the usage of your title is a great way to end the song.
It’s a song about suicide so of course it’s fits the depression emotion. I do like the way you approached the challenge, I just think some things could use a bit of finessing or rewording as to fix up the forced rhyming and unnatural word choices. Overall, you did a good job.
21. ClarksonSlays – Pain Remains (Guilt)
This is definitely my favourite song of yours this season. It really reads like a song unlike your first two entries, which were more poetic stories, I thought. This however was special. You picked a really strong theme and didn’t overdo it, and I love that you tried to keep it historically accurate, but you didn’t shove random facts down our throats, it was purposeful to the song in order to create a sense of imagery and progression. The “bleak” lyric in the first verse felt a little forced but that’s the main/only criticism you’ll get from me. The chorus is so simple but so powerful. The second verse doesn’t have any flaws. I think you could have done without “the” before nightmares in the bridge (as you can tell I’m nitpicking) but your bridge was really strong too. You knew what you wanted to do and you did it well. The outro is a great way to end the song, too. Confident songwriting executed near perfectly.
It definitely fits the guilt emotion and it’s probably one of the best representations of it as you didn’t have to oversell it, you could feel the guilt coming through the lyrics. Your best entry.
22. swiftie13 – The Jungle (Desire)
I think The Jungle was an interesting title but I’m not sure if it’s a perfect fit. I can see why you selected it, but I just can’t help but think of something else and it’s not a great image. Small tip, if you’re going to label a section, like the chorus, please label everything, otherwise it’s really hard to tell when the chorus ends and when the next verse begins. My favourite part of this song is the bridge, the invitations/motivations rhyme is great and I generally enjoyed that whole section. The verse sections felt a little disjointed but perhaps you were going for that effect. Still, some of the word choices (i.e. choreography, bestial) were a bit strange, some lines were a bit too blunt and some of the rhymes didn’t really work. It just didn’t flow as well as I think it could have done. But for a sex song, it wasn’t too over the top and it was done tastefully.
There’s no question that this is a song about desire, so well done on that. You managed to write a sex song that wasn’t too crude or revealing and left enough to the imagination, which was nice to see. I think a different title like “Primitive Instincts” would have worked better, though.
23. Moonchild – Lifeblood (Desire)
Moon imagery and compound words are your lifeblood, I see. I’m actually surprised at how well you nailed pulling off a sex bop while maintaining a complex level of lyrical choices without anything feeling forced… that’s impressive in itself. There’s a constant tension and sensual nature about this song and it’s fantastic. I feel like I should be writing more but I don’t really know what to comment on other than the fact that I loved it. I’m not a huge fan of the phrase “let’s get lost”, but that’s just a personal thing, and it’s only minor. There were honestly too many good moments to mention just one. A really fantastic effort, and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you claimed your first #1 with this.
If you hadn’t guessed by now, yes, I do think it conveys desire well.
24. Element – Roads (Confusion)
I see that you’re pushing the boundaries with the lyric choices, which is nice to see. I don’t mind having somewhat unfamiliar words in songs such as acuity, elucidation, omnipresent etc. but I do feel almost like these are just substitutes for other words to elevate the language for the sake of it. It’s not a negative, just an observation, and it won’t affect your score positively or negatively. In general the first verse did feel a little straightforward, which is probably what you tried to avoid in the chorus and second verse with the addition of those words. The chorus is pretty good and the repetition here is good and not overdone. The bridge and final chorus however are perhaps too repetitive for my liking. The second verse is overall an improvement on the first, and not just because you’ve used an interesting word, the rest of it is also solid.
I do get confusion from your song very strongly; having questions in a song always helps to convey that sense of confusion, which you’ve used sporadically. So in terms of meeting the challenge, you’ve done well.
I didn't submit last minute fat. I worked my song to its most perfect form. You should be proud of those that invest all available time instead of rushing to complete their songs.
putting on the heating for 30 mins = messages saying "did you put the heating on? I'm really poor please don't" these stingy hoes
my first year accommodation had a washer on our floor
Mess
Omg I would kill for that I live in a house my uni owns that's right next to the campus and it slays but the one thing it doesn't have is a washing machine and it kills me inside. Like I have all the space in the world and more draws and **** than I will ever need and dumb things like an extractor fan but they couldn't get one damn cheap washing machine 😩😩
22. swiftie13 – The Jungle (Desire)
I think The Jungle was an interesting title but I’m not sure if it’s a perfect fit. I can see why you selected it, but I just can’t help but think of something else and it’s not a great image. Small tip, if you’re going to label a section, like the chorus, please label everything, otherwise it’s really hard to tell when the chorus ends and when the next verse begins. My favourite part of this song is the bridge, the invitations/motivations rhyme is great and I generally enjoyed that whole section. The verse sections felt a little disjointed but perhaps you were going for that effect. Still, some of the word choices (i.e. choreography, bestial) were a bit strange, some lines were a bit too blunt and some of the rhymes didn’t really work. It just didn’t flow as well as I think it could have done. But for a sex song, it wasn’t too over the top and it was done tastefully.
There’s no question that this is a song about desire, so well done on that. You managed to write a sex song that wasn’t too crude or revealing and left enough to the imagination, which was nice to see. I think a different title like “Primitive Instincts” would have worked better, though.
Thanks for the feedback. I will definitely label things better if I make it through. As for the verses, yeah I experimented with the structure and when I read it outloud it still flowed really well but I guess it's hard to communicate with just words. It was supposed to add (I don't wanna sound pretentious, pls I'm not hihi) an exotic feel to it.. but anyway. I'll take it into consideration next round (hoepfully!)
My accommodation village has a launderette but it's about 5-10 minutes to walk and it's ALWAYS busy. I have to go at, like, 11pm just to get a washing machine right away.
23. Moonchild – Lifeblood (Desire)
Moon imagery and compound words are your lifeblood, I see. I’m actually surprised at how well you nailed pulling off a sex bop while maintaining a complex level of lyrical choices without anything feeling forced… that’s impressive in itself. There’s a constant tension and sensual nature about this song and it’s fantastic. I feel like I should be writing more but I don’t really know what to comment on other than the fact that I loved it. I’m not a huge fan of the phrase “let’s get lost”, but that’s just a personal thing, and it’s only minor. There were honestly too many good moments to mention just one. A really fantastic effort, and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you claimed your first #1 with this.
If you hadn’t guessed by now, yes, I do think it conveys desire well.
Thank you, Sam! Is there anything you would like to see improved or anything I need to work on?
19. Kworb – Reshape (Freedom)
This would definitely be one of the most unique entries of the competition thus far… if it hadn’t been submitted after “Mother”. It does kind of feel a bit like an answer song or sequel to Mother, because this is from the perspective of Earth itself (herself?) That aside, it’s still a lovely entry. Your flow is so effortless and nothing feels forced, it’s a great quality to have. You’ve used some interesting words and the song in general is executed very well. It’s such a unique way to approach freedom but it works so well. “As I dance around my sun” is just one of many fantastic lyrics that really impressed me. There was an extra “I” in the bridge but that’s not going to make you lose any marks. If anything, the only “negative” would be the similarity to swiftie13’s song, but your approach is quite different (from the perspective of Earth rather than a human leaving it, and it’s a positive representation, not a negative one), so I’m not going to take anything off for that either.
Like UFO’s song, this conveyed the essence of freedom without screaming “I’m free! I’m free!” It all felt very effortless and natural and I commend you on that.
wait @ my impact
I personally loved this. Kworb has a way with words. It sh*ts on anything I've done. Can't decide if I like this or The Times better tbh.
My accommodation village has a launderette but it's about 5-10 minutes to walk and it's ALWAYS busy. I have to go at, like, 11pm just to get a washing machine right away.
Omg yes that's the worst part about our laundry room is always ****ing full and like I really don't feel like dealing with people 😩 And the floor is always like wet and there's just random pieces of clothing and socks everywhere who really has the time cause I don't
I really liked Swiftie's song y'all better do him right.
Thanks however it seems to be my most polarizing entry yet. Giving me On Loving for the First Time teas, the song that sent me packing last season.
Both are sex songs and both got praised for not being too crude OLFTT managed to get a ten from Tymps. but I was still eliminated This one doesn't seem like it'll get a 10 from any judge AND it got a rather negative review so I may be done for.
express yourself etc
It reminds me of Brick By Boring Brick with the prince metaphor (and the use of bricks in the first verse) because there was this crazy illuminati theory that the prince raped her or something. Plus Paramore have a song called Lovesick Melody. But anyway. I think the theme you chose for your song is pretty striking but I do feel like it was only three quarters of the way there in terms of execution. I like the lyric about the bricks seeing everything because it’s alluding to how far more often than not, there are no eyewitnesses for rape (or any kind of domestic violence, really). The chorus… I feel like you could have done more with it. It almost feels too carefree to be written from the viewpoint of a victim. The emotions of hurt and self-loathing and guilt just aren’t coming through like they should, because I think your concept is actually fantastic in that it is a really common occurrence for victims to believe that it was somehow their fault. I’m not sure if it’s because you lack an actual connection to the subject or what but something just isn’t coming through. The second verse was strong and the bridge bordered on too much but it is a serious subject so it was fitting in that regard, while the usage of ‘lovesick’ was somewhat questionable (I don’t associate rape with love).
I’ll start with the negatives because there’s not many. “Or where she went wrong in her way” feels a little forced, and I’ve already said how I feel about the usage of “chains”. But that’s about it. Your have a great flow that is easy to pick up, the rhyming is strong and the majority of lyrics have purpose. The chorus is really fantastic; it uses repetition in the best way possible and I love the rhyming of profit/prophet/promise. The pre-chorus has that same purposeful repetition and the second verse makes a good comparison to Judas. The bridge is also very strong lyrically. I wish you’d added another chorus at the end but that’s a minor thing. Overall you impressed me and I really enjoyed this entry.
It does kind of feel a bit like an answer song or sequel to Mother, because this is from the perspective of Earth itself (herself?) That aside, it’s still a lovely entry. Your flow is so effortless and nothing feels forced, it’s a great quality to have. You’ve used some interesting words and the song in general is executed very well. It’s such a unique way to approach freedom but it works so well. “As I dance around my sun” is just one of many fantastic lyrics that really impressed me. There was an extra “I” in the bridge but that’s not going to make you lose any marks. If anything, the only “negative” would be the similarity to swiftie13’s song, but your approach is quite different (from the perspective of Earth rather than a human leaving it, and it’s a positive representation, not a negative one), so I’m not going to take anything off for that either.
I’m actually surprised at how well you nailed pulling off a sex bop while maintaining a complex level of lyrical choices without anything feeling forced… that’s impressive in itself. There’s a constant tension and sensual nature about this song and it’s fantastic. I feel like I should be writing more but I don’t really know what to comment on other than the fact that I loved it. I’m not a huge fan of the phrase “let’s get lost”, but that’s just a personal thing, and it’s only minor. There were honestly too many good moments to mention just one. A really fantastic effort, and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you claimed your first #1 with this.
I live in a house my uni owns that's right next to the campus and it slays but the one thing it doesn't have is a washing machine and it kills me inside. Like I have all the space in the world and more draws and **** than I will ever need and dumb things like an extractor fan but they couldn't get one damn cheap washing machine 😩😩
Is there anything you would like to see improved or anything I need to work on?
however it seems to be my most polarizing entry yet. 
Giving me On Loving for the First Time teas, the song that sent me packing last season.