Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8 - Page 408

Truffle.

Praying for a top 25 peak

Moonchild

I'm keeping a Google Doc with all of my PH songs and their critiques.

Temporal

Quote:

Originally posted by Moonchild

I'm keeping a Google Doc with all of my PH songs and their critiques.

I did that last season, I haven't kept any reviews yet.

Pecinta Mariah

Quote:

Originally posted by lovesong

Sorry I meant to include examples

Personally liked lines like:
The darkness is around enfolding me
I'm longing for the light to shine brightly

But didn't like some of the ones that actually kind of don't make sense:
My presence was destined to be alone
and
Never will my love over, it lingers

Like grammatically or in terms of syntax it doesn't quite work.

thankfully you didn't include these lines

I tried to follow where I was anchored
Stranded in one side of this murky world

because I really liked them

Vulnicura

Quote:

Originally posted by Moonchild

I'm keeping a Google Doc with all of my PH songs and their critiques.

why haven't I done that

TheCheetahwings

Quote:

Originally posted by Moonchild

I'm keeping a Google Doc with all of my PH songs and their critiques.

I've been doing this too

keshaspearsxo

Ever stare at yourself in the mirror in bed for hours because you are inconceivably beautiful and perfect?

What inspired my entry? Myself

ausdaniel

Quote:

Originally posted by Meowster

This was an interesting topic for a song: the narrator is so disgusted by himself, disgusted by his actions, that he is ready for the person he loves to wash him away from the mistakes that he has made, claiming to himself that he “is no angel,” he’s “cold blooded,” and yet, in the bridge, we see someone extremely mournful for the acts that they have committed, begging for this person to remember that the narrator did love them. The song fit the word limit of the challenge.

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME IF THIS IS POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE? Lol I can't tell

Quote:

Originally posted by lovesong

Your chorus was the strong part, it had the most lines that I really loved and I thought it was put together nicely. The verses were also well done but there were a few cliché lines here and there. Overall it was a good entry, just check for some select lines and try to push yourself to be a bit more creative and I think you can really excel.

Thanks a lot

This entry really pushed me so I don't know how much further I can push but I'll surely try.

Quote:

Originally posted by Gotskill

I don’t like the phrase “ice of pain”, but that’s really my only complaint here. This is much better than last week’s song, and just a step under your S6 record song. The emotions here are beautiful.

Yay! Glad you like it. Gonna take this as a quite positive review

Quote:

Originally posted by Sam

I like this song. “Freeze me with your ice of pain” is a peculiar lyric, but apart from that the rest of the chorus is pretty good. I really like the first verse… both verses are pretty strong actually, I like the “Disguised as sun, but I’m dark as night” lyric. The bridge is a good way to take the song, like a plea for forgiveness. I like that. It was a good entry and I think you used your words well, it didn’t feel like a word-restricted challenge.

This seems quote positive so I'm thrilled about that. Though you seemed to love a lot of the other entries, so I can't tell exactly where this puts me, but I'll take it

Thanks Sam!

Quote:

Originally posted by Hugamari

"Ice of pain" sounds like a special attack in an RPG or something. But about your song, it felt very familiar. Nothing new is seen here. You also danced around the limit a bit, rather than embracing it. It wasn't extreme in your case or anything, but it does show that you could have worked within the limit more effectively.

I'm saddened that you're the only one who didn't like it. Plus, Sam encouraged us to get as close to the word count as possible to "maximise" the song. That's exactly what I did. I mean this with ALL DUE respect, but I don't think it's fair to be criticised for being too close to the word limit, and not going over it, when that was that we were encouraged to do.

So overall,

Meowster: I can't really tell

Lovesong: Positive
Gotskill: More positive
Sam: Positive
Huga: Negative.

Dylobs

The criticisms are a mixed bag. Hm.

Rimo

Ok judges my bags are packed and I'm waiting in the lobby to receive my elimination card...
Make it quick hehehe

Rimo

What if kworb gets eliminated and he bans the whole judging panel

Pecinta Mariah

R2: Twitter Challenge

Quote:

26. Pencita Mariah – Rays
The title you chose isn't the first thing I would have thought of for a title. But it's your song and nobody can tell you what to call it. About the song itself, though - it's hard to describe. Although you did repeat a line quite a few times, it's one of the few times that I think it actually added something to the song. It adds a bit of desperation, which is thematically relevant to your song. In the same time, the repetition makes it like you're mentally degenerating or "losing it", but I can only wish the rest of the lyrics had followed that concept. It isn't bad, but I think adding a different idea to it would've pushed it off the edge to amazing!

Quote:

26. Pencita Mariah – Rays
I liked this entry and it was an improvement on last week’s for me. I think you should have begun the song at the first verse because the chorus is so long in comparison to the short verses it just feels like one too many repetitions. Also, the verses and chorus tend to blend into one another because they all end the same way, I think a bit more distinction between the verse and the chorus would have been nice. It was a lyrically solid piece and the meaning was there. There’s room for improvement but it was a good entry.

Quote:

26. Pencita Mariah – Rays
Rays is about hoping for light at the end of a dark and bleak tunnel. Finding that one small ray of light to make everything worthwhile and purposeful. Finding love. I think the word choices here build to that, especially in the first verse, which I think is the strongest aspect of the selection. The song fit our criteria for the word limit.

Quote:

Pecinta Mariah – Rays
Did season 5 EuphorianSea ghostwrite on this? It read a bit too much as prose poetry, but it wasn’t particularly bad. If anything it was a definite improvement from last week.

Quote:

26. Pecinta Mariah – Rays
I was split down the middle. Certain lines felt strong and really added nice value to the song, while others felt kind of weak. The repeating of that one line was a nice touch though, and I really liked the two verses for their imagery and concept.

So here's my lead single

Rays

Kworb

Quote:

Originally posted by Truffle.

Plastic Memories

For anyone who wants to read

Love this one, well done

Moonchild

Quote:

GotSkill: This song was just a few steps away from perfect. The first verse was a bit awkward with its choice of rhymes, but other than that I can’t find anything to criticize. I also love how you fit your username into the song.

Hugamari: And the winner of the most creative way of getting around the character limit award goes to Moonchild! There's something very gentle yet dark about this song, it isn't gloom doom death abyss etc., and I think more of the dark entries should go a bit like this. As last time, you went through the song so gracefully and everything went about so seamlessly, so all I can really say is I love it!

lovesong: Okay this is super cute, the imagery and word choice was brilliant and the emotion really came through which can be difficult when it’s so concise. I like that it’s hopeful yet also a little dark. Really good job with this, it was a unique structure that felt very effective.

Meowster: I was a big fan of your last song and this one was just as good. The lovely bridge was the standout for me: "you're gone, I've cracked, black tar and dope." Such strong imagery and characterization of the metaphor for being broken up from the love you have. The phrases of your words come so naturally together, never a rhyme forced or thrown in. The song fit our requirement for the challenge by being under 140 words - kudos.

Sam: You executed this challenge very well, it reads like a full song and you didn’t even need to use any repetitions. In fact, you’re well under the limit. You have a solid storyline that progresses with every verse, like it should, and every lyric is contributing to the story. The over the moon motif is used well and not senselessly or overzealously. The rhymes are strong and don’t appear to be forced and there are plenty of great lines here. A very, very solid job. You’re another one to watch.

Thank you again for your critiques, judges. I'm happy you enjoyed my song! This round seemed really fierce, but I hope I can stay in the Top 10.

ausdaniel

Seriously, can anyone look at my post above and tell me if you think Meowster's comments were positive or negative? Thanks

Pecinta Mariah

Quote:

Originally posted by ausdaniel

Seriously, can anyone look at my post above and tell me if you think Meowster's comments were positive or negative? Thanks

it's positive, he only paraphrased your song

Pecinta Mariah

let me dedicate my song to FeFe

ausdaniel

Quote:

Originally posted by Pecinta Mariah

it's positive, he only paraphrased your song

Awesome

Thank you very much!

URBAN

Watch me peak at 11 like CFTS.

The injustice!

Truffle.

Quote:

Originally posted by ausdaniel

Seriously, can anyone look at my post above and tell me if you think Meowster's comments were positive or negative? Thanks

Seems positive to me. I don't think a negative thing was said in it.

Quote:

Originally posted by Kworb

Love this one, well done

Thank you