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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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oh and the  was that 4 songs in total scored above a 9
One scored below a 3
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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Quote:
Truffle. – Plastic Memories
I didn’t like the “pick” and “worthless” rhymes and lines in this song, but the rest was good. This was definitely one of my favorites of batch 1. The metaphors you used were my favorite part.
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Yes GotSkill coming through too 
My redemption is coming 
Quote:
13. Truffle. – Plastic Memories
Plastic Memories was a different idea than I’m used to hearing in songs about love. Typically, songs about love question choice, regret, and melancholy (not to say that there isn’t some of that here as well). Here is a song about the breakdown of anger, someone fighting memories that won’t take them anywhere, wanting to leave all of this behind and finding the courage to do so. Regarding the last line and potentially going over the limit by eight words, this is not an issue to me when some went around to make their songs as long as can be. It is alright in my book.
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Mewoster slaying too
I was so scared my Bionic was here
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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LS is gonna drag me 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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lovesong's Comments
Batch 2
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18. ceremonials – Stockholm Syndrome
It was an interesting concept and had some cool imagery to back it up. There were some areas where word choice felt a bit off (“as soon as I’m quite awake”) so I would double check things like that to see if you’re trying to say what you’re trying to say. I do however like select lines like “kingdom burn to ashes”, and the way your imagery was consistent was great.
19. Speezy – Brighter Side
Meter was a big issue here. Usually it’s okay if it’s off by one syllable here and there but when you’ve got lines that have 6 syllables paired with lines of 9, it can really disrupt the flow of the song and feel awkward when reading it. I also felt that the verses could have been split up, instead of long sentences you could separate them just to make the feel of the song better.
20. ughgabriel – The Sky
This was really sweet and I like the personal touch it had. The verses were well done with great imagery and very strong word choice. The choruses had a nice touch of nostalgic imagery and it was very unique. It was a strong entry through and through… keep it up.
21. Alesus – All A Lie
The hook was the stronger part for me, really bringing it all together and putting the concept forward. The verses were also strong but I felt like certain lines felt a bit awkward (“like a woman with child”) it might just be the word choice or placement. I do think the emotion was nice but I could see you taking it even further, really going far with it.
22. Urban_Fan – End Of The Line
It’s simple, but it’s also focused which is great. I like your pre-chorus a lot and it did a great job of leading the build up to the chorus. I felt the chorus was a bit lacking however – rhythmically it’s fine but I felt like you could do more with it. The verses were fine, and made sense in the context of the song – good job overall.
23. TheCheetahWings – Duplicity
It was a nice song and concept but the line “your love is duplicity” really ruined the chorus for me, which is kind of awkward since it’s the frame of your song nn. However, the actual writing was well thought out, the verses were interesting and the idea behind the song was emotional. I felt like you could go even further and push yourself more, but it’s not bad.
24. Kunst – Fox
The concept was kind of cool, and I like the description in the beginning. I think sometimes we tend to shy away from being more literal with our descriptive imagery but it worked fine in this case. However, I would like to see what more you have to offer, I felt that this was not revealing enough about you or your style. I also did not think you needed the final two lines and in fact they kind of brought the song down a bit. Overall it was not bad though, keep pushing yourself and I’m eager to see what you have next.
25. DripDrip – Californian Coast
Meter might be a bit of an issue here, it makes reading the song a bit awkward considering the uneven syllable lengths. However the imagery was great, and I like the repetition of “you’re” in the verses. It gave me very Ariel vibes which I thought was cute and I liked the idea behind it. Just a few issues with the structure, but that can be fixed easily with practice.
26. Pecinta Mariah – Rays
I was split down the middle. Certain lines felt strong and really added nice value to the song, while others felt kind of weak. The repeating of that one line was a nice touch though, and I really liked the two verses for their imagery and concept.
27. Buyonce1814 – Bitter Pill
This really hit home with me. Emotionally it’s tight, really well focused and comes across nicely in writing. I like how some of the lines were a bit simpler but still felt natural. It started really strong which I love but I did feel like the momentum kind of tapered off a bit. It is still a good entry though so definitely keep it up!
28. Qatari Monster – Lies
It’s just… okay. I felt like it was too simple at times and didn’t really offer the reader much by way of content or creativity. I would have liked to see you take it really far, making sure that each word is totally necessary and not being afraid to push it in terms of content.
29. inuborg – The Needle
Certain lines were utterly brilliant. That little pair of lines toward the end of each verse for example, were very strong and elevated your song. I felt like the chorus was a bit too simple for my tastes, but overall I liked the concept and I like your writing style – it stands out nicely.
30. Dylobs – The Only One
The concept was a little boring for me. It would have been really great if you experimented and tried something new and creative. The actual songwriting was also just kind of okay, a bit too simple to really get the point across.
31. jpow – Prove It
Simple, but effective. I think the concept is a bit overwrought at this point, but you were still able to deliver something strong which is great. I like the bridge a lot and I think it’s the high point of the song. I would have liked to see more by way of the verses because they kind of get lost.
32. Tiberius – Resolutions
The chorus was super cute and I actually really liked it. I’m not just saying this but I almost got a Rihanna tea… idk. The verse at the beginning was also pretty strong and I liked the inspirational message but I felt like the later verse just didn’t belong or almost felt kind of frazzled. Remember to try to keep the momentum throughout the entire song in the future, but for now it is pretty nice.
33. 8thPrince – Champagne On My Parade
Certain quirks like “Keurig cups” were really cute and I love how distinct your song was. Especially considering this is the early rounds and we have like 50+ entries to read, it’s super important to think outside the box. I felt like you did that and you did it well. There were a few lines that felt a little cliché (“rat races” etc.) but at the same time you juxtaposed that with lines that were actually really unique and original (“pop champagne on my parade”).
34. keshaspearsxo – Of Dreams
I… like it! It’s definitely different in terms of structure, but the lines are beautifully written and it had a nice rhythm to it. Maybe you could have gone with a more traditional structure to really make it feel like a song rather than a poem but it is really creative and I’m not going to dock marks for that.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Can I just say that this is literally the worst ****ing challenge out of any PH challenge? Like... I hate this.
But thank you judges.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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3 positive and 2 mixed so I guess I'll take it!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Quote:
Originally posted by lovesong
ok sent 
Now I need a long-ass break because this past week was the most intense one yet. |
S. A. M. E.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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my comments being rejected
Batch 3 on the next page.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Member Since: 1/20/2012
Posts: 27,830
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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 Plastic Memories
[Verse 1]
I like to wish that sometimes I never met you
And I like to think that maybe I was special
But deep down I know, I won't forget those moments
I'll leave behind, how you left me broken
[PreChorus]
You walked out, left me alone
In the dark, the thunder roars
The things you love, you let them go
Then search for them all through the storm
[Chorus]
All these plastic memories,
Very soon they'll be melting
I don't know how or what to do
I don't know if I'll search for you
[Verse 2]
I like to think you didn't leave on purpose
The scars left behind, and a boy who felt so worthless
[Pre Chorus]
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
I hear the clock, the way it ticks
I freeze in time, time for my pick
To forget and lose it all ;
Or to accept and still stand tall [x2]
[Chorus x2: On repeat change fourth line to "I know now I won't search for you"]
For anyone who wants to read 
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Member Since: 1/20/2012
Posts: 27,830
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
LS is gonna drag me |
praying 4 us
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Member Since: 2/18/2012
Posts: 25,853
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 15,127
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Welp
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
34. keshaspearsxo – Of Dreams
I… like it! It’s definitely different in terms of structure, but the lines are beautifully written and it had a nice rhythm to it. Maybe you could have gone with a more traditional structure to really make it feel like a song rather than a poem but it is really creative and I’m not going to dock marks for that.
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Thanks! glad to hear!
Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Can I just say that this is literally the worst ****ing challenge out of any PH challenge? Like... I hate this.
But thank you judges. |
Have you seen some of the lost seasons challenges?  but yes, this is truly one of the worst that has been used (and repeated) in the relevant (6-8) seasons
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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lovesong's Comments
Batch 3
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35. Witch_Privilege – Platinum Hit
Cute.
36. Colton Haynes – High
It’s cute! Sounds like a real pop song and I like the consistent rhythm, everything felt very concise but with purpose which was great. It’s a bit on the simple side so I think in the future you can definitely take some time to experiment with word choice, but it’s still good.
37. wesleywalrus – Center Of The Sun
I like what you did with the imagery, it was very dreamy yet still descriptive. Some of the line breaks felt a bit awkward, so I think you could look at potentially merging lines if possible. You did have a distinct voice though which was nice and I think you had some really cute select lines, great improvement!
38. Tymps. – The Lottery
I like the structure a lot, and the verses and bridge were really strong for me. I like framing the verse with questions and your rhymes felt really… real if that makes sense (it felt natural basically). Your concept is unique and I like the darker approach, I was just a bit turned off by the outro, it kind of ruined the atmosphere for me.
39. Blue. – My Head Is An Animal
Reading it was a bit awkward, especially with the different line lengths and syllable counts – certain lines felt more abrupt while others were fleshed out. There was interesting imagery - “steel towers scratching the clouds” – but there was also some imagery that felt unnecessary or awkward (“dancing as the neon burns”). The chorus seemed great though.
40. Moonchild – Over The Moon
Okay this is super cute, the imagery and word choice was brilliant and the emotion really came through which can be difficult when it’s so concise. I like that it’s hopeful yet also a little dark. Really good job with this, it was a unique structure that felt very effective.
41. ClarksonSlays – Village By the Mountain
You have this special ability to create wonderful stories with your writing. From the first verse I was instantly hooked which is really challenging at times to do. I was surprised that you fit the word limit because it was all very well thought out and had tons of detail. Great job!
42. Jack! – I Wish
It was on the simple side but still worked well! The verses managed to be concise but still logical in terms of line breaks. I thought the chorus and its repetition was kind of effective but it bordered being too repetitive, there were also a few word choices that felt off (“pixel heart”). I could see you going even further especially since you still had room in terms of word count, but overall it’s a strong entry.
43. MattyTacos – Martyr
Technically, it’s all sound. Meter is super tight and the lyrics are concise but still effective. The thing is, the concept felt a little overblown, it was just kind of… okay. Like I get what you’re going for but I think you need to try to approach it in a more unique and creative way to really hook the reader. Still strong though.
44. Marvin – Fading
It’s super simple but feels like a real pop song. I wish you went a bit further though. Other people were similarly way below the word limit but they were able to concisely get the theme across due to word choice. While I like how yours is simpler in it’s approach and easily accessible, I’d like to see you add some more to the verses to really help your song come together.
45. HausofNiko – Letters for an Empty Heart
What an improvement. I felt like you were a lot more focused this round, which definitely showed in your writing. I actually liked how you paid attention to the detail and technically speaking it’s well done. There were a few cliché lines (“Thanksgiving Day”) but it wasn’t that bad, and actually came together nicely, keep it up!
46. Element – Kneel
Oop I was actually a little surprised with this one. Not to say it’s bad, after all the meter was nice and the structure was well thought out. I liked how you used slant rhymes and everything, BUT the concept felt a bit lacking. It was just okay, and I was really eager to see what you’d bring. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box creatively, it will really help to elevate your entry from the others.
47. Keshafied – Alone
Overall it was pretty well focused and I definitely felt like each word had it’s purpose but I was left a little unimpressed. I think you should really just go crazy and experiment with the concept, creatively approaching it will really help you stand out.
48. BlueM – Demons Are Out
It’s interesting how many people took a darker approach. I liked the way you did that, I think the imagery was fine and the concept was cool. I’d have liked to see you push it further. Maybe even through little things like rhyme choice – slant rhymes for example could make things feel more interesting and differentiate you from the others. The way it tied in with your intro was really cool though, way to make yours stand out!
49. Nightingale – Flat
K so I read this as “fat” I evidently need a break from ATRL.
But let’s get to the song… the chorus was standing out… for the wrong reasons. It just wasn’t very focused or thought out to me. It felt kind of last-ditch and didn’t carry the song whereas a chorus usually has a lot of importance. The verses were fine though, but I would suggest editing some of the word choices to make sure that they are adding value to the song and not just filler.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 12/2/2010
Posts: 17,916
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Quote:
22. Urban_Fan – End Of The Line
It’s simple, but it’s also focused which is great. I like your pre-chorus a lot and it did a great job of leading the build up to the chorus. I felt the chorus was a bit lacking however – rhythmically it’s fine but I felt like you could do more with it. The verses were fine, and made sense in the context of the song – good job overall.
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Thank you! 
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Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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Quote:
26. Pecinta Mariah – Rays
I was split down the middle. Certain lines felt strong and really added nice value to the song, while others felt kind of weak. The repeating of that one line was a nice touch though, and I really liked the two verses for their imagery and concept.
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if I may ask, which lines were strong/weak?
but anyway thank you so much, I loved the verses too 
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