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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Woo finally got batch 2 scores finalised.  |
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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What's important to know about rap is that it's a lot harder to translate rap into just lyric form because so much goes into it. There's changes in flow, the word play (which sometimes can only be understood when spoke) etc. I am ALL for someone submitting a rap song, but you have to make sure you're genuinely confident in your ability to write a good rap.
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
27. Buyonce1814 – Bitter Pill
This is a topic that I would think was fairly obvious, yet barely anyone in this competition actually wants to tackle it. Maybe they think they couldn't do it justice? Well anyway, you did! I just wanted to tell you that. There's a few very specific things about this song though, such as the prechorus. "I guess", to me, makes this somber topic seem casual, which is not the vibe you want to have. I would say the way you structured your words sometimes felt a bit weird, but imagining an older person say it actually allowed it to make sense. Overall, great job this week!
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Thanks for your comments Hugamari. It's a topic that's been lingering in my head for a while. I'm guessing that maybe other contestants don't want to tackle it because they haven't been through it yet? I feel like everyone is much younger here haha. I might be wrong though. I'm glad you think I did it justice. That means so much. Do you have any particular examples of weird word structures? I'll try and pay more attention to that next time, should I make it through. Thank you once again.
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Member Since: 3/27/2012
Posts: 27,951
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 59,202
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Quote:
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I can say it read like something I would've heard on the radio back in 2010
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Yesssssssssssssssssssss!
Thank you!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Member Since: 2/4/2014
Posts: 2,059
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Quote:
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21. Alesus – All A Lie
Okay, so as catchy as this could potentially be, this would definitely be one of those songs carried by its instrumental and melody. I really liked the way the song read, but specific word choices seemed off. "Like a woman with a child", for example, seemed like a very strange simile to use. There are some words there just to be there - "just" is the most often that word in songs, and it's in yours.
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i used 'just' one time 
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Member Since: 9/16/2011
Posts: 50,981
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Quote:
"Ice of pain" sounds like a special attack in an RPG or something 
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I told you to change that aus. 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
40. Moonchild – Over The Moon
And the winner of the most creative way of getting around the character limit award goes to Moonchild! There's something very gentle yet dark about this song, it isn't gloom doom death abyss etc., and I think more of the dark entries should go a bit like this. As last time, you went through the song so gracefully and everything went about so seemlessly, so all I can really say is I love it!
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Thank you so much! Some people I PM'ed weren't able to understand it, so I was scared it wouldn't make sense to the judges.
This is one of the ways Gaga inspires me, since her songs are often light on the surface but actually very dark. I think I'll try to write lighter songs for future rounds. 
And dd @ "most creative way of getting around the limit." Is that a joke, 'cause.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Have we just gotten Huga's comments?
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
Have we just gotten Huga's comments?
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Yeah.
Batch 1 = p387
Batch 2 = p388
Batch 3 = p389
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ATRL Administrator
Member Since: 6/29/2002
Posts: 77,601
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Quote:
12. Kworb – The Times
BITCH WHAT. I am genuinely curious as to if this is based on a real story or not. It felt so authentic, almost like we were having a conversation of sorts. I absolutely adore how the story is near simplistic in nature, but just the way you told it was so well. You utilized your words in such a powerful way, and I enjoyed it a lot. Very well done! 
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Aww thanks Hugamari, I'm glad you liked it.  I had a good feeling about this one, one of my favorite things I've written. But no it's not based on a real story, I haven't met anyone with that kind of effect on me. 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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DragT 
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Member Since: 8/2/2012
Posts: 17,518
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Me$h 
Welp had fun while I lasted in this game, oh well love my song regardless 
I wrote for the music not the charts 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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K my comments are coming soon.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
1. EuphorianSea – No Longer
"Silly" felt like an immature word to use for a serious song. I do like how you wanted the last few syllables to flow like sillhouette, though. Bonus points for not just saying (chorus) in your song to fit the challenge's criteria. With that extra limitation, you really don't have much room for explaining things. My biggest issue is that I feel like I've read it before; it felt a bit uninspired. "Deafened by the crows" is different, however - and I imagine it being symbolic of them being a vulture looming over something dead - in this case, a relationship, so good use of that.
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Yay bonus points
I'm glad you liked the "crows" line.
I was worried it might sound a biT forced, especially when I rhymed it with "shadow".
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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Quote:
Originally posted by Gavin.
Me$h
Welp had fun while I lasted in this game, oh well love my song regardless
I wrote for the music not the charts |
your song was so. good there's still 3 judges to go!
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 23,393
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Week
1.
2.
| Title
Sleep (Interlude)
Bitter Pill
| Rank
#7
TBA
| Score
8.18
TBA | Genre
Alt Hip-Hop
Country Folk
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 Sleep (Interlude)Sleep (Interlude)
This right here is the moment that I dread
The moment that I hate
When the night is so dead
My thoughts overtake
Spiral deeper into bed
As I speculate and exaggerate
Life and it's events
Or lack of.
Mo' money mo' problems
It's a fad.
No money more problems
It's sad.
Lack of.
Lack of love
Lack of money
Lack of sleep.
I need to sleep
A deep sleep
That sleeping beauty type of sleep
That Snow White poison apple type of sleep
A sleep so deep that's it's hard for the thoughts to creep
The deepest sleep that wouldn't make me leap
The moment my Charming comes and kisses me on the cheek.
These thoughts just won't go away
Why do they stay?
Fuck off, if you may?
Wide awake, here I lay
Tossing
Turning
The bed squeaks as I sway
It's ridiculous
Frustrating
Infuriating
I feel the tears falling down my ears
And I think back over the years…
…Oh shit, not this again
Running around in circles
The clock tick tocks
Fuck.
I'm sick of this shit.
Just close your eyes.
Don't think.
Just be.
Fall asleep.
Bitter Pill
Bitter Pill
Verse:
Glory days have come and gone
Like the rising sun at dawn
The seasons of my life have spun
As I wonder, what have I done?
Pre-chorus:
I guess I should swallow this bitter pill
Instead of pretending this isn’t real
Chorus:
Oh how I wish I, how I wish I
Could give life another try
Wouldn’t stop for anyone
Won’t pick up no passers-by
I wouldn’t let anyone influence my mind
Oh how I wish I, how I wish I
Could give life another try
Verse:
As the colours change naturally
I’m overcome with jealousy
So I look over my shoulder
Hoping time turns to nostalgia
Pre-chorus
Chorus
Bridge:
Who told me life would be this way?
The hurt, the lies, regrets, and pain
Maybe I should take the blame
I keep on searching through the rain
For a chance to do this all again
Chorus
opah
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Member Since: 2/26/2012
Posts: 23,655
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
K my comments are coming soon.
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