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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
One isn't even in my Top 10.
The other isn't even in my Top 15.
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Well the one not in the top 15 is probably JustLuke or somebody so
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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tbh playing this game has made me listen to lyrics a lot more and make note of cute and interesting phrases throughout the day. I have a side of a4 with scribbles of random words everywhere. 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Sam
7. Chains (Intro)
I like the darker concept you went for. This might seem a bit ironic, but for a song titled “Chains”, it did feel a bit disjointed in parts. There were distinct sections, which on their own were strong, but they weren’t tied together as well as I believe they could have been. I like the second and third stanzas, how they mirror each other, and use the word ‘reflection’. Not sure if that was intentional, but I found that very clever.
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Omg 
My theme this season plays a lot with the idea of light and dark. I feel like most of songs are always stuck in grey I'm glad that shone through. Thank you!  I knew the structure would be a problem, writing intros/interludes aren't my forte.
Quote:
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Originally posted by lovesong
7. Chains (Intro)
The dark setting was really intriguing and you had some nice imagery and select lines to reinforce that. It’s a song that shows a lot of promise but might need some more hammering out to really really get your thoughts together in a convincing way. I see a lot of potential though, and this is a nice start.
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Oh, I was expecting you to drag me
It definitely would've benefited from a little more fleshing out. For instance, I could've made more of a link between "chains" and "the darkness" with that element of self-defeat. I need to work on my execution  Thank you anyways!
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Originally posted by Truth Teller
7. Chains (Intro)
The selection met the right criteria and did well. I hear something really grim here, I like some word choices. The ending is a bit abrupt, not sure on if I like that or not, but I can hear it in my head.
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"Grim"
This doesn't sound life Fefe hmmm
In my head, I wanted the ending to be slightly abrupt because of how the final line is structured. "But I was woken up.... by reality". Then afterwards the instrumental would stop and the next song would be even darker, if that makes. That's just how it sounds in my mind though Thanks! 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by Vulnicura
tbh playing this game has made me listen to lyrics a lot more and make note of cute and interesting phrases throughout the day. I have a side of a4 with scribbles of random words everywhere. |
The dedication. Coming for blood in R2. (If you make it!)
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
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Originally posted by Truth Teller
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dsakldsa BITCH
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Sam is Beyoncé, I'm Kelly, Jackson's Michelle, Hunter's one of the unimportant ones. Quadrinity's Child.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
dsakldsa BITCH
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Wait is it really him? 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Sam is Beyoncé, I'm Kelly, Jackson's Michelle, Hunter's one of the unimportant ones. Quadrinity's Child.
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There were more than 3 members to DC?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
There were more than 3 members to DC?
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Exactly.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by JakeKills
Based on Skill's comment, I'm most interested in reading:
Young Heart
Chains
Devil Come With Me
Kingdom Lights
Origin
Desperate Housewife
Sleep
And whichever had the "can't drink to forget / so I smoke my regret" line
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Here you go 
 Chains
I gave myself up
To the darkness
That grew from my heart
I felt no love
I gave myself up
To the darkness
That tore me apart
I feel it now
Afraid
Of my own reflection
I had everything to hide
But had nothing to say
Afraid
Of my own reflection
I ran all the way back home
But didn't know the way
Thought I had a plan
It was all a lie
Time slipped through my hands
I have lost the fight
Thought I had a chance
If only I tried
I have lost the fight
I gave myself up
To the darkness
Light slipped through my hands
In chains
I was held back by chains
Treated like an animal
I wrapped myself in chains
In chains
I used to have a dream
But I was woken up
By reality
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ATRL Administrator
Member Since: 6/29/2002
Posts: 77,601
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Wow the judges put so much effort into this. I'm really impressed 
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 231
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Quote:
21. Infinity (Intro)
Fantastic intro! It’s almost overly poetic, so be careful of that in future rounds, but I think it’s fine for an intro. The concept of infinity is fascinating and I’m glad your themes didn’t get drowned in your beautiful language. Your flow is great as well. I was one step from being blown away by this.
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Quote:
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Infinity - Not a predictable rhyme scheme...good on you! Also, this fulfills the idea of an intro to me. If I had to nitpick, "fight for the breath" is awkward. "Fight for breath" sounds much more natural, and imo better in the context of your intro. Not a bad submission overall, though!
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Quote:
21. Infinity (Intro)
It got better as I read on, I found. Others had similar concepts and I think they might have executed it better, but in saying that this isn’t a bad entry. “It’s not important to impress the others more than yourself” is a standout lyric. I like the entire “Even if you lose” section that follows it. You had some good rhymes and a unique structure, and it was an enjoyable read.
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Quote:
21. Infinity (Intro)
Yas Mariah get that promo. I like how it opened up with a bold question, and I like the way the rest was organized. It’s a nice intro and it feels inspirational and sets the tone nicely. There were a few errors here and there but that’s more of a minor thing. Just try to read your song aloud and it’ll help guide you in future writing.
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Quote:
21. Infinity (Intro)
the selection met the right criteria and did well. “This is just the beginning of Infinity,” great closer, maybe a bit cliché to some but I always enjoy something that finishes itself by leading you on to the future. Good choice for an intro.
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Thank Y'all
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kworb
Wow the judges put so much effort into this. I'm really impressed |
Everyone came through for the first round and I couldn't be happier.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 39,618
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So excited for the results. 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tiberius
So excited for the results. |
SAME
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Masquerade
A lullaby plays, our cries pierce the air
Cooing, chatting, celebration, affair
The ball begins and our masks are donned
So starts the dance, its events foregone
Masks for sorrow, masks for pain, masks to hide every shame
No tears, no fears, no strife, no life, no emotion again
A mask for the family, a mask for the friends
Number after number, all laughter and pretense
Music, movement, indulgence, sin
No thoughts, no goals, booze and syringe
Death, escape, as long as you blend
A dancer in green, cut in his prime
A dancer in red, victim of time
A dancer in brown, taken by black
A dancer in white, the final act
A requiem for a dream, silence and a veil
A last dance and a drink for a meaningless tale
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonchild
Music, movement, indulgence, sin |
I could show you incredible things!
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
I could show you incredible things!
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14,512
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
I could show you incredible things!
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 10,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
I could show you incredible things!
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Let me not post my songs anymore.
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