An obvious, yet predictable approach to the challenge. The length is short, but I guess it fits. I like that it sounds really natural and fits the meter you set up on yourself well - it makes the whole thing come out better.
So it's basic Oh well. Hopefully I can do better next time around
29. Intro
This was cliché and boring from the beginning to the end. It was too short to really go anywhere as well. I hope you spend a little more time on your next entry’s lyrics before playing around on vocaroo.
Quote:
29. Intro - Please. Don't. I could've gone withought the "Oh" parts. Disregarding that, there are obvious "I need a rhyme! " lines, "battle shout" and "what I can" for example, end up sounding awkward. It may have paid off more to just rewrite those lines, rather than insisting on keeping the rhyme.
But on a good note, you have some slant rhymes! Made it less monotonous.
I too had to send Sam adjusted comments when I realized that I had a few errors. Apparently the spelling/grammar check feature was disabled on my Word when I first did my editing.
Ironically I tell certain people to double check their editing ~~~~~
Well I'm curious to know how many eliminations we will do since several people inevitably didn't submit. I hope many of you do get to go through even if you flopped this round because hopefully the pressure lifts a bit.
anyway I'll see you all tomorrow/later. Good luck, and don't worry!
The Unknown - I don't know exactly how to describe it...it felt like a GPS was giving me directions, which is a bit odd considering the opening line. But it just felt very robotic in a way. There's a lack of actual emotion to me, and a lot of it has to do with the lack of powerful language. There are buzz words like "dying" and "drowning", but there's a much bigger picture to be painted there, and you can do that with the use of your words. Really make them POP. As it stanss, I'm just pretty underwhelmed.
I Only Come Out At Night - I didn't think this was bad at all! I'm guessing the album would also be called "I Only Come Out At Night"? It's solid, but I just think there could be more of a kick, so I'm hoping that will come with more freedom in your writing.
"I didn't think this was bad at all!" is a really reassuring way to start a review.
Well I'm curious to know how many eliminations we will do since several people inevitably didn't submit. I hope many of you do get to go through even if you flopped this round because hopefully the pressure lifts a bit.
anyway I'll see you all tomorrow/later. Good luck, and don't worry!
The Desperate Housewife - Thematically, it's really interesting. You took an intriguing approach to the topic. I thought the ending was really blunt, and I think what happened being left in the air would've actually been MORE powerful in this instance. Actually, just flat-out take away the last 4 lines...the way it ends right there is GREAT.
From a technical standpoint, you utlized some slant rhymes, and it wasn't always predictable what you would use to rhyme with, so good job on that! I think an ABAB rhyme scheme would've went better with the meter, but that's just me nitpicking for something. You did a pretty good job on this!
Yas I'm glad you liked the theme of the song and the rhymes. I agree it ended pretty bluntly though. I wasn't sure how else to end it though
I don't want to give away too much! You'll find out with my comments tomorrow. (also I have no idea since to me everything is still anonymous)
Chances are I did like it though. Even songs that I scored a 6 I still enjoyed regardless of what I pointed out. There were only a very select few that I felt were not enjoyable to read.
Oh well. Hopefully I can do better next time around 
I'm glad you liked the theme of the song and the rhymes. I agree it ended pretty bluntly though. I wasn't sure how else to end it though 
