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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Congrats on the slayage everyone!  I'm really interested in FNALS
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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ClarksonSlays
 The Story (feat. Era)I absolutely adored the concept. It was a remarkable idea to write a love song about being in love with someone that's not actually your type or seemingly what you thought you wanted, yet you still fall regardless. It was written in a beautiful, simplistic way that definitely reflected Era's romantic, minimal signature style. I LOVED the pre-chorus and I was lowkey wishing it was the actual chorus, that would've been perfect. I also loved the bridge, cause every line punches in just the right way
My criticism for this song is that the chorus is not particularly strong. I like the first line because of the metaphor of words flowing from the paper and the last line because I love how it connects to the pre-chorus and how sweet and meaningful it feels. The second and third lines however are too wordy and don't really stand out within the song. Other than that, it was pretty amazing. Good job guys 
Love Her
This was literally perfect. I have nothing that I want to point out. I can give you a long paragraph of which lines I liked best, but that's not really helpful or constructive. I'll just leave it at "you nailed it"
Lost Birds
The chorus was absolutely stunning. Probably your best chorus in this contest so far tbh, it was incredible. I also really loved the first verse and I appreciated how short it was. 4 good lines is so much better than 8 lines with half of them being filler. That sadly applies to the second verse a little bit, but it's still not a bad verse. The bridge was good, but didn't feel necessary although I did like the second half. Overall, this is definitely a quality single. It has enough relatability and accessibility to be played on radio and enough quality to not be nitpicked by someone who wants to read the lyrics and sing along.
EuphorianSea
Ballerina
On the one hand, the song is solid. I really liked the verses, they have really natural rhyming, a fast pace and an inner coherency thanks to the word "you" being the basis for all the lines. The pre-chorus is the best part of the song and the highlight of your entry this week.
On the other hand, there are quite a few problems with this. As far as the actual song is concerned, I feel like there's a certain lack of connection between its parts. It starts off with "you're a tragedy", but then most of the chorus is cutesy, minus one line that feels like it was just thrown in there to maintain a contrast. Then, the second verse has dark and negative imagery, since she's crying and drowning. That is then proceeded by the cutesy, positive chorus and then comes a weirdly depressive bridge, yet the song ends with "you are ready to see it too, you have nothing to lose". You do a constant back and forth, zig zag-like movement between negativity and positivity but never stay on either side long enough to give me a feeling or a vibe. I also fail to see how this song could ever be a single. It's an extended metaphor, those hardly ever work as singles. Plus, the GP will probably think you're actually talking about a ballerina and I really can't see many people feeling the desire to sing along to that if it comes on the radio.
Paradox
Much like Ballerina, I like the verses and the pre-chorus but the chorus needed work. The second half doesn't work for me at all. The sugary - lemon drops part especially. I get that it's a reference to the Walk Away verse, but it's not executed correctly and even if it was, it wouldn't necessarily fit into the chorus. I also didn't like the ending. "It's a paradox cause I chose to stay in your heavy arms in this paradox" looks like one sentence to me, at least that's how I read it, and the word paradox being there twice throws me off. Overall, the entry is solid and it does remind me of Walk Away conceptually, mostly because some of its parts, if not most of them, are a direct reference to some of Walk Away's lyrics, but it lacks depth. It's just very straightforward, almost resembling a diary entry of a broken-hearted tween, and therefore conveys little emotion
Shy
This is the best song in the EP. It's just sad that you had to break the rules to make it. The EuphorianPrince collab was probably the most interesting and intriguing one of the week, so if you had actually tried to make it work, this song would probably end up being a highlight of the round. You did fine by yourself and you did incorporate a lot of 8thPrince's signature style, including the catchiness and the repetition of syllables. But the penalty ruined the chances it had to shine. If you can write an 8thPrince-like song all by yourself and make it this enjoyable, I can't imagine how good an actual collab would have been. You ruined your own chances.
keshaspearsxo
Rose Body
The chorus is probably my favorite chorus from you in PH7. It's beautifully written and it also gives me a really good, tight rhyhtm. A job well done. I also loved the pre-choruses, short but sweet and they created a great launching pad for the chorus to slay.
Now, there are 2 things I didn't like. First of all, while the topic of this song is definitely relatable, the execution is in a way a little too poetic to work as a radio friendly single. The task was to write something single worthy and quality at the same time and you did capture the quality part, but not the single worthy part.
And secondly, you need to watch the awkward parts, that's the only thing that consistently hold you back. For example, "taking my rose body" : the previous line doesn't justify why you chose "taking" instead of "take". "I never caught the warn" : warn isn't a noun. The smear-souvenirs rhyme doesn't work for me. And then the second half of the first verse feels like seperate one-liners glued together. "I gave myself away, but there's a piece you gotta keep" would make sense, but then I don't see how you went from the piece to the place, unless the place where you lay is the piece you want your lover to keep, which, again, doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Everything I mentioned is a detail that I'd never deduct a big amount of points for. But when there's 4 or 5 slightly awkward or not fully polished parts in a song, it's really hard for that song to still snatch a 9 or a 10. The feeling of having to read the same part 3 times to discover the connection between each line, or the lack of thereof, takes away from the potentially good first impression.
Possibility
Yeah, ok, you nailed it. Not only the song itself, but the task as well, cause this is the perfect example of how you can capture some essential elements without copying or directly referencing the song. And yaaaaaasss enigma king, find those unknown lands and jump  Oblivion (feat. conatus)
I love how philosophical this is without being contrived or gimmicky. It conveys the feeling of hopelessness exceptionally. I think you and conatus was a really nice pairing, cause I feel like you have some similarities in your personalities and in your perspectives, so this song is kind of like a mangum opus for both of you  My only complaint is that the chorus felt like a non-event compared to the epic verses and that "all our hands" felt a little weird to me. But it's a wonderful song, probably in your trinity with Heartwater and Deer and in conatus' trinity with Get To Heaven and Mother And Father
lovesong
Wilderness
First things first, you nailed the task! This is definitely a combination of quality and single material! No doubt! As far as the content goes, I think it's an incredible entry. I'm in love with the first verse and with the repetition of the "wind blowing" and "curtain" lines. The latter, in particular, is probably my favorite one-liner of this round. Simple, but beautifully written and effective. I also really appreciated how short the song was and that also adds to how well it would work as a single!
My only problem with the song is that there's a certain back and forth between fantasy and reality, in a way, that makes it feel a little disjointed. The first 6 lines of the verses are filled with beautiful images, amazing vocabulary and give me this dreamy, ethereal vibe, whereas the last 4 lines (could also work as a pre-chorus) are very straight forward and pedestrian in comparison. Same applies to the first half of the chorus compared to the second half. That's the only shortcoming it has though, so don't worry!
Nothing Is Forever
Hmm... The song you chose is fairly simplistic, so your song was also bound to be simplistic as well. I'm really not sure if Wildest Dreams was the best choice possible for a blueprint because, in this crucial stage of the contest, you were basically bound to not stand out with your blueprint song. It's still a really good entry though. The chorus was too much of a direct reference to the original, but I liked how you used "nothing is forever" to build the bridge around it and reference the original in a more subtle, fresh way. You also had some pretty good one-liners in the verses, I liked that.
Paradise (feat. Hugamari)
Yaaaaaaaaasss, Hugsong! I loved this. Huga's early entries teas + lovesong's writing style and imagery made a pretty perfect combo. I like how I can see both of you through this song, both voices are heard equally. I also REALLY love the first verse and the "can you take me tonight, will you take me tonight" part is so catchy on the chorus. Perfect!
Sam
Celestial
I like it, but I'm a bit puzzled by the transition between the verse / pre-chorus and the chorus. The song starts off perfectly, the verse sounds like a radio smash waiting to happen with the "name" and "untamed / tame" lines and their flawless rhyming. The pre-chorus does have a redundant line (you obviously don't have a word to say if the feeling is indescribable), but I didn't mind that. But then the chorus has a much more grandiose feel to it. It's a little bit too much. And it's not just a contrast in terms of the vibe, it's also a bit of a contradiction, cause according to the verse, you don't know his / her name yet, but you and that person are already imperial...? But I still like the rest of it and I think it fits the task well enough, although I do hesitate to say that the chorus is sing-along material for the average radio listener.
Red Thread
The main concept behind this (red string of fate) is truly incredible. Probably the strongest idea of the round, conceptually. I really love the entry, especially the "orbit - face" line, I thought it was an exceptional verse closer. My only concern is that I'm not sure you handled your blueprint very well. As you said yourself, Past Lives is very simplistic, while your song was more pompous and complex. The vocabulary on PL is not as advanced and the historical references are very few compared to your song. I see what you were going for and you achieved it, but somewhere on the creative journey, I think the magic, purity and relatability of the original was kind of lost. Other than that, it's a great entry!
Frightening Nights and Lightning Strikes (feat. dwuw)
This was stunning  I loved everything about it, especially how natural and uncontrived all the season related terms felt. It all had a really good flow to it and it conveyed a lot of emotion in its simplicity. Good job!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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I just know, this song will be my highest peak. 
It has to, there are only 5 places and my peak is #6.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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I guess my infatuation with Wildest Dreams' lyrics is more of a personal thing. Thank you for the reviews though! I'm glad to see you liked the songs.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by dwuw
I just know, this song will be my highest peak. :.eli:
It has to, there are only 5 places and my peak is #6.
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There are 15 places though
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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I knew Nothing Is Forever came from Wildest Dreams  Every time I read it I sing 'nothing lasts forever'
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
There are 15 places though
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I hope our song having the 2nd shortest review help us
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Does Rose Body make a little more sense if you know now that it was about virginity/sex and not death now? The "place" was the bed, and the "piece" was virginity. The other points I get, though.
The rest thank you
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Quote:
Originally posted by dwuw
I knew Nothing Is Forever came from Wildest Dreams Every time I read it I sing 'nothing lasts forever' |
That's where the title and the bridge came from! Just that one line, probably my favourite lyric on 1989, I wanted to interpret it in a different way. I even wrote the entire song keeping the rhythm of the original in mind.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
Does Rose Body make a little more sense if you know now that it was about virginity/sex and not death now? The "place" was the bed, and the "piece" was virginity. The other points I get, though.
The rest thank you |
I would have given you a much lower score if I knew it was about virginity, cause now half of the song makes no sense to me
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 9/2/2011
Posts: 21,728
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
This is art.
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fff I am TERRIBLE at typing on my phone.
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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Ughh nooo my sis Euphy gonna lose because of a terrible co-writer
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
I would have given you a much lower score if I knew it was about virginity, cause now half of the song makes no sense to me
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it's about the break up of that relationship also
The chorus is a reflection
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
it's about the break up of that relationship also
The chorus is a reflection
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Oh wait...
so you're breaking up but you're giving him / her your virginity as a souvenir, to signal the end of the relationship.
This is actually really good  I wish you had used more intense contrast to showcase it though. It'd turn out really good with a half and half structure 
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
Oh wait...
so you're breaking up but you're giving him / her your virginity as a souvenir, to signal the end of the relationship.
This is actually really good I wish you had used more intense contrast to showcase it though. It'd turn out really good with a half and half structure |
Yes, the virginity is the souvenir
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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YASSSS SILVER IS HER WEAVE SNATCHED???? TT was Love Her the song you were low key blown away by??
And YAS at Lost Birds being strong too  I feel A LOT better about my entries now 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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LOVESONG! So glad our collab got well-received! Despite all the obstacles, I am glad I got to work with you. You're such a great compliment to my writing style, and if I were to write with you again, I'd enjoy it! 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by ClarksonSlays
YASSSS SILVER IS HER WEAVE SNATCHED???? TT was Love Her the song you were low key blown away by??
And YAS at Lost Birds being strong too I feel A LOT better about my entries now |
The "blown away" comment was after I read Possibility.
But in my very early hints, you were the one that "KILLED it", pears was the one that nailed 2 of the songs and, obviously, Euphorian was the one that underperformed.
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