[Truth Teller]

Batch #1

1) #OTF - I love that you did a rap. It was a blast but to be honest, I thought it started out a little rough and I guess that's mainly because the chorus could be stronger and falls a little flat where it should take off, which seems to be an overall pacing thing, although I'm not sure about the gear line in your otherwise naturally themed song (no klinklang). There are some inspired moments here and your verses were overall strong and very tight. I even rapped aloud when I read through them. Nice word play too, I literally laughed out loud at the verse with all the Bitches; Preach!

2) Break The Skyline - Good use of the theme. Overall, I think the lyrics had a good flow to them. I do think that it might have been a bit on the repetitive side and there were some moments that prevented the song from really soaring: I thought the Bridge didn't add much to the song, and a couple lines in the song (the wall line at the end of verse 1 and the pressure line in the prechorus) seemed to break with the tone of the song. I almost wanted some more of the air imagery you used so well in verse 1 throughout the song for consistency, but nice work on the whole.

3) Claustrohobia - So, I'm a fan of the terse words and structure in the verses, they add a confining, urgent feel to the song which benefits the song given the subject. I don't know if the pre-chorus has the best flow though. I say read it aloud after you read your verse and you can hear it. Also, even though I like the first part of your second verse, I'm not sure the cat lyric fits in with the rest of your song (ask, if someone said this to you in the heat of the moment, would it work?). That being said, this is my favorite entry from you yet. I love the bridge.

4) Crystalline - I really like the wonderland you created out of your intense imagery here. The lyrics are more abstract but I don't think that's a bad thing. The words really upped the romantic factor here. You also were pretty ambitious with your song writing here and I like what you did overall with your big picture; your story was clear and you really get a feeling from the lyrics about what the character is experiencing (I especially loved how the second chorus reflected the first one). Although, I'm not actually sure about having two choruses here especially since they take up such a large part of the song. There are a couple minor things here: I can't see how the first and third lines of Chorus one rhyme, there are a couple iffy phrasings also ("now you're in drought" in the bridge feels off) but nice work here.

5) Far Away From This - There are some really nice moments here. Parts of the first verse feel a little choppy to me (check those last two lines of the verse there, they have the same syllable count, but it's difficult to get them to flow nicely together - look at the two lines before, those have a pretty nice flow). I do like your rhymes, or near-rhymes in your first and second verse, but I think your chorus might be lacking in them and could be cleaned up and made more efficient. Let's talk about your second verse though... it's fire! Very impressive work and showmaship there. That moment also comes along in the perfect place in the song to make for a very satisfying end to the verse. I do think ending after that verse is slightly abrupt, and maybe another chorus could wind things down, but that could be a personal call. There are some very impressive elements here.

6) Fix - I love that you took on a dance song. Some lines are cheesy here, but I'm assuming that they're more cheeky. Good to know you could write a catchy dance smash if need be though. So, I like the subject matter and you you keep things realistic in verse 2 by setting the terms of the one-night stand in the song. Hey, I'm not sure if I like the pre-chorus here though, it feels more like a delivery method for that double-entendre than serving to link your verse and chorus. Competitant job as always. A bit shallow, but that's all it needs to be for that fix.

7) Flowers - You did some on point (near Country-level) story telling with your lyrics. Nice progression of the story you told, nice usage of recurring flowers to remind us of the song's theme, very nice use of the flowers to reflect the mood of the song, excellent word choice throughout. There are a couple minor pacing issues here (the 7th and 8th lines in the chorus do not seem to flow as smoothly as the rest of the song in addition, to the first couple lines of the middle 8 to my ears when I read it) and sometimes the song bordered on becomming slightly too emotional; but, pretty much everything here feels effortless.

8) Into You - I got Earned It vibes here (especially in the chorus) and there are some parts of this I really like. Overall, you set a nice sensual mood here with your lyrics. There are a couple lines that fall a little flat for me here: the armor line in verse two, feels out of place with the rest of lyrics; the Calvin's in the penultimate line of verse one (it feels a little forced to fit the theme, when you already did that nicely), that first line in the second part of the chorus sounds too much like a Nicki lyric (although granted it's a common enough lyric). The chorus is the only major part of the song I'm not crazy about here; mainly, it feels let down by the second and fifth lines.

9) Melt - Another great entry from you. I would say that the limitation rhyme in the pre-chorus might feel slightly forced, but it's a minor criticism here. The song made me melt

10) Rest // Repose - Pretty solid first song. The words you choose here are very interesting but they fit. There are larger words here, but I don't really think any of them feel out of place (although the last line of the bridge is on the precipice). I like progression and the flow of the lyrics, but I think a stronger chorus could benefit you here; your imagery and word choice is so powerful, and romantically sensual thate throughout that the chorus doesn't pop as much in comparison. I would also say, the repeating line about waves in the outro, feels slightly out of the blue since there were only passing water allusions previously.

11) Roses - I liked the story you told here as well as the interesting (and pretty crushing) conclusion to the song. The pacing was pretty great thoughtout, with a good rhythm, and it was easy to follow and pick up emotion from. If I have a criticism, it's that the first two lines of verse one, don't feel as smooth and well-phrased as the rest of the song (the more passively phrased first line especially contrasts with the actively voiced majority of the rest of the song)

12) Tidal Wave - I think that your chorus is solid and does a good job of unifying the song. I think the central analogy largely worked and liked how the tidal wave seemed to be embraced, but also almost feared. That being said, a line or two throughout the song took me out of the element. The first line of the second verse, is a nice line, but feels on the random side especially since the rest flows so well together; the fourth and last line in verse one also (the fourth- the ocean can't be tamed by nature, and the rest of your song backs this up; the last line - there is either a typo here, or the use of the double o'd too makes the line feel out of place with the rest of the tidal wave discussion)

[Tymps.]

Tramps
Tampons
Justin Tymperlake
Tympanzee
Tympmunk
etc

[UFO]

Originally posted by ClarksonSlays

Weak. I was expecting something decent like Clarksons****.

I wanted it to rhyme

[Truth Teller]

Originally posted by Tymps.

Tramps
Tampons
Justin Tymperlake
Tympanzee
Tympmunk
etc

Name it T. (with the full stop of course)

[UFO]

3) Claustrohobia - So, I'm a fan of the terse words and structure in the verses, they add a confining, urgent feel to the song which benefits the song given the subject. I don't know if the pre-chorus has the best flow though. I say read it aloud after you read your verse and you can hear it. Also, even though I like the first part of your second verse, I'm not sure the cat lyric fits in with the rest of your song (ask, if someone said this to you in the heat of the moment, would it work?). That being said, this is my favorite entry from you yet. I love the bridge.

I can accept this

[keshaspearsxo]

I really should've known when you said I was after more

Than you're black and blue heart could ever offer out

I still keep our receipts whilst you're shopping round

I should be off and out, but I can't let you go

And now you're calling to let me know

That someone's took your breaks off....

[conatus]

Originally posted by Truth Teller

6) Fix - I love that you took on a dance song. Some lines are cheesy here, but I'm assuming that they're more cheeky. Good to know you could write a catchy dance smash if need be though. So, I like the subject matter and you you keep things realistic in verse 2 by setting the terms of the one-night stand in the song. Hey, I'm not sure if I like the pre-chorus here though, it feels more like a delivery method for that double-entendre than serving to link your verse and chorus. Competitant job as always. A bit shallow, but that's all it needs to be for that fix.

I think it's safe to say my risk paid off, then.

[Jezang Looz]

2) Break The Skyline - Good use of the theme. Overall, I think the lyrics had a good flow to them. I do think that it might have been a bit on the repetitive side and there were some moments that prevented the song from really soaring: I thought the Bridge didn't add much to the song, and a couple lines in the song (the wall line at the end of verse 1 and the pressure line in the prechorus) seemed to break with the tone of the song. I almost wanted some more of the air imagery you used so well in verse 1 throughout the song for consistency, but nice work on the whole.

Oii. TT had similar thoughts. I agree though I wasn't really sure if I should keep using the air-lines or add something different to give the song more 'elements' to it. Now I know to keep the song more focused for next time to one theme but glad you liked it. very happy thank you!

[conatus]

Truthy, Tymps., and Matty all seemed to love it, Bloomers liked it, and Fefe was a bit more mixed. Not bad to say I don't usually write pop songs.

[keshaspearsxo]

I left my home,

Sat by the river, tryna finish this song,

Well I, found myself a girl oh Lord I think she's the one,

I'd marry her tomorrow if my pockets weren't so tired and torn,

I hope she sticks around long enough for me to buy her a home,



...Cus all I got, is all my heart

Every vessel every vein,

Runs towards your river like,

Just like the rain

I cry

[UFO]

That being said, this is my favorite entry from you yet. I love the bridge.

I really love bridges There's just something about them. They add progression/dynamics to the song and can be very effective, it's probably why I enjoy writing full songs more Thank you

[Lukey]

Should I start to pack my bags?

Oh. I already have them packed, thanks mum!

[UFO]

Originally posted by JustLuke

Should I start to pack my bags?

Oh. I already have them packed, thanks mum!

No problem

[Truth Teller]

Originally posted by conatus

Truthy, Tymps., and Matty all seemed to love it, Bloomers liked it, and Fefe was a bit more mixed. Not bad to say I don't usually write pop songs.

I didn't hear it as a pop song at all. I'm not sure I'm being helpful here, but I was hearing it as an experimental electro song with chaotic production and nonchalant bad bitch vocals

[conatus]

Originally posted by Truth Teller

I didn't hear it as a pop song at all. I'm not sure I'm being helpful here, but I was hearing it as an experimental electro song with chaotic production and nonchalant bad bitch vocals

That's low-key what I was going for. Think Strict Machine.

[Lukey]

Originally posted by EuphorianSea

No problem

My mum might be a lot of things, but she's not you!

[Truth Teller]

Originally posted by JustLuke

Should I start to pack my bags?

Oh. I already have them packed, thanks mum!

I haven't calculated the scores yet, but even if you're eliminated, the comeback round is like 2 weeks away

[UFO]

I think the line that messes up the flow in my pre-chorus is: "Captivated by lust and sin" because of how the syllables are said. I noticed it from the beginning but I was too scared to cut it out but at least I'm getting better at being more self-aware when it comes to what I need to edit!

[UFO]

Originally posted by JustLuke

My mum might be a lot of things, but she's not you!

THANK YOU

[conatus]

The pre-chorus is definitely my least favourite part of my song but I'm over it.