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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
He was my second highest score in round 2 and second lowest score this week  |
He better thank God for immunity.
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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Quote:
Originally posted by conatus
Just know that next week I'm probably going back to death metaphors and referencing God.
Sorry.
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Dance with my God, she won't die (bathroom lines)
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Oh wait, Eros has immunity.. nevermind
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 31,895
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Mess at Eros getting dragged.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by dwuw
He better thank God for immunity.
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Pretty much
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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The more I doubt myself, the more I succeed
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,128
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TT where are the usernames next to the last few songs?
Hula Hoop, Hurt Your Back,
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ATRL Senior Member
Member Since: 1/6/2014
Posts: 8,787
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Dreaming Of You (Era) : Awww, your first full song!! You did a really good job. The verses are well written and well ryhmed. You also have an incredible sense of rhythm and meter, which might be a good ear or training, but I'm leaning towards the former. A gift! I also loved your little trick with the seasons, it added a lot to the song and emphasized the hopelessness. The only thing I can point out is that the chorus wasn't necessarily as strong as I wish it had been. The "insecurity-clarity" rhyme (and the 2 lines themselves) in particular. But you still did really well
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Thank you sooooo much TT  
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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C'mon Part II 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jezang Looz
TT where are the usernames next to the last few songs?
Hula Hoop, Hurt Your Back,
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Hula Hoop is by 8thPrince, HYB is by highdefinition
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,128
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I love how my titles are always unintentionally in the beginning of the alphabet.
Break the Skyline into round 4 indeed
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Part 2Melt (Nait Phoenix) : You have a perfect sense of rhythm and that makes your entries easy to read. That being said, given that The Monster is in my top 5 favorite songs of the season, this wasn't necessaeily a mindblowing follow-up. The bridge made me cringe a little bit and there were some overused cliches that bothered me slghtly, like the "ice-hot" contrast, "I promise I won't stop", "what I came here to do" and a few more things we've come to expect from Trey Songz' buzz singles. The "limitation" line and "every warm desire" were also not amazing. I still liked the song though, especially hre flawless rhyming in the first verse and the pace and vibe of the song.
Ocean Lips (ClarksonSlays) : Yaaaaassss! Ugh, the vibe of the song is so good  It's one of the most well done songs of the round in terms of taking inspiration from the picture and in terms of putting a full, coherent concept together. I loved the rhyming, loved the vocab, loved the metaphors, loved IT  Now, the Atlantis line and the little outro were bitch, bye moments, but I overlooked them cause the rest was top notch
Painkiller (The Original High) : Hmm... I'm not really feeling this. I don't know if that's the song you were hesitant to send for being too explicit, but if this is the one, you were wrong, it's the opposite of explicit. It's rather watered down and even cliche to an extent cause the whole sex = medicine parallel has been done before. It was even done in this game, in this season, last week. The bridge was great, but the rest was weak to me. The rhyming was very good throughout though, so that's a plus.
Purchase Me (HausofNiko) : I loved your concept, it was really cute and not something I've read before. You had a real storyline which is appreciated. I also see how you got inspired by the picture, the connection is clear. Now, when it comes to the execution, you're still improving on stressing, meter and rhyming, which is great, but the content itself was weaker than last week. The wordplay was not very advanced and the chorus contradicts the cute crush storyline your verse created, by flat out telling the guy to purchase you. And there were a lot of awkward or sloppy lines as well.
Rest // Repose (inuborg) : I like your rhyming and vocabulary, as per usual, but this doesn't have the same appeal as your first 2 entries. A lot of the lines are either a little sloppy or they're forced just to create a rhyme ("I suppose"). The first verse was good and so was the "wind" line, but the rest didn't stand out to me. It's a good entry, but the weakest of your 3 songs so far.
Roses (BlueM) : One of the things I LOVED about your first entry is the stunning imagery and the amazing metaphors and word choices. Where are they?  Your round 2 and round 3 entry were somewhere under the break up song umbrella and they didn't really add anything to the typical breakup songs I hear on the radio. This one is better than Another Day In Paradise, but it's still far from how amazing Castle Of Dreams was. It almost feels uninspired in comparison. But you're still a skilled writer with rhyming, meter and all the technicalities, so you'll always have that advantage.
Same Place (swiftie13) : Well damn! That was free of flaws tbh. You took all our advice from round 1 and round 2 and finally found a way to turn your beautiful imagery and advanced vocabulary into a coherent, unified concept. You nailed it. The images are better and more moving than ever, your concept is easy to connect to emotionally and your approach was ideal ; not warm enough to be childish but not cold enough to be unrelatable. It's like a wise poet writing a sweet song about childhood LOVED it Nitpicking : the "bark" line was a no-no / Advice : use "that" instead of "which" cause most of the time it sounds better 
Sea And Thunder (Pecinta Mariah) : THE BRIDGE AND THE OUTRO  The song is conceptually excellent. You being the sea and the other person being the thunder is genius and the way you structured it and brought it to life is exceptional, especially in terms of vocabulary. I just want you to pay attention to stressing the right syllables and to maintaining a consistent meter, cause most contestants have already solved these issues
This Candle Is Our Love (Keshafied) : You were openly insecure and uncertain about your entry and, sadly, you were right. Your round 2 entry was in my top 10, but this one falls short. I think you're already pretty much aware of its shortcomings, but sloppy lines, redundant lyrics, the keywords being repeated, the rhymes and meter being problematic and the concept being underworked are the main ones.
Tidal Wave (Obsession) : I love how rhythmic your entries always are They're radio ready tbh  This one is no exception but it's even more polished than your first 2!
Tree (keshaspearsxo) : That's more like it. This is your best entry in this season so far. I do notice a change of pace compared to your usual style and it's appreciated. You pulled it off, the song manages to convey happiness, carelessness and optimism with a well hidden taste of depression cause it wouldn't be your song without it The post-chorus was my favorite part, simple, but extremely touching. I also thought the chorus was super sweet and well written. One piece of advice I have for you is that I think you work best when the feeling is insinuated rather than stated. "The feeling that I have right now is I'm free" and "I feel like my life's complete" didn't quite work for me.
Trigger (Buyonce1814) : I LOVED the verses  The inside rhyming, the precision of the meter and stressing and the whole point that was conveyed. Absolutely loved it. The chorus and the bridge fell a little flat for me, but the song overall does go a step further than most songs about this particular matter and it feels honest and conveys frustration
Untitled (moijejoue) : This isn't you. I don't know you well enough obviously, but your first 2 entries and your general presence convey a quirky sophistication that I love about you and it's nowhere to be seen here. I love that you had the guts to go completely out of your comfort zone and write a song about twerking and having fun, but it didn't work for you cause that's not you.
What You Feel (Saint) : I feel like there's more you could have done with it. I think you're great, but everytime I read your songs, I'm waiting for that one line or one storyline twist that will wow me or take the song to the next level and it doesn't come. The songs are still great without it and this one could definitely work as an actual song, but does it stand out? Does it give me enough YOU? I don't know.
Window Pane (Musickid203) : I liked it, the rhyming was on point and the concept was well done and felt clear. However, I need you to dig a little deeper. This was very reminiscent of your round 1 entry, although not quite as raw. It's a balanced, solid entry though.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Jezang sis, give me a hug
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 43,104
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Member Since: 2/15/2010
Posts: 26,154
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What's tea?
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,128
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Jezang sis, give me a hug
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I thought you'd at least be a little excited @ us making it til the end.
But no you want us Libras to fight. Get over here
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Quote:
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Untitled (moijejoue) : This isn't you. I don't know you well enough obviously, but your first 2 entries and your general presence convey a quirky sophistication that I love about you and it's nowhere to be seen here. I love that you had the guts to go completely out of your comfort zone and write a song about twerking and having fun, but it didn't work for you cause that's not you.
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