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Tournament: PLΔTINUM HIT 7
Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 5,341
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Obsession - Tidal Wave : Kind of middle-of-the-pack for me. There’s some conflicting imagery (submerged people can’t ‘bask in the sun’ because if you’re submerged, you are completely underwater) or awk phrasing. I like the idea of someone being scared of the horizon.
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Wait, not this probably being the best review I've ever gotten from Fefe though
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Banned
Member Since: 2/8/2014
Posts: 23,320
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So I'm listening to the supposed most acclaimed song ever and this is it? Wow
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Not fefe pointing out the needle line in Connor's, like I did. 
And very fair review for mine. No objections.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Love the change of tone in the last line of the bridge.
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YASSS I DID THAT FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT, OMG U NOTICED
We share the heat, it’s what we breathe
Take my hand; I’ll fulfil your dreams
Tell me your wish, we’ll take the risk
I wish we could be more than this
Going into this, I knew if I were to write a sex song I didn't want it to be purely based around sex.
Because - with that - comes a whole lot of other things and I wanted to showcase this "inner struggle" of temptation slowly transforming into a deeper kind of desire. I'm glad I surpassed your expectations. Omg I can finally rest easy.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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pfffft it being in batches and me being one of the last people to submit
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Not fefe pointing out the needle line in Connor's, like I did.
And very fair review for mine. No objections. |
Nnn. I quite liked that line, but I can see why people wouldn't.
My boyfriend didn't when I showed the song to him. 
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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Omg I'm so relieved idc if I get eliminated anymore, the fact that at least ONE person appreciated what I tried to do this round makes me feel like I saw and I conquered. I tried so hard to disown my song - Claustrophobia - but I still stand by everything I poured into it. I know y'all don't care and it's FINE, really.
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Omg I'm so relieved idc if I get eliminated anymore, the fact that at least ONE person appreciated what I tried to do this round makes me feel like I saw and I conquered. I tried so hard to disown my song - Claustrophobia - but I still stand by everything I poured into it. I know y'all don't care and it's FINE, really.
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i never saw it but what you posted i like a lot
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Quote:
Originally posted by EuphorianSea
Omg I'm so relieved idc if I get eliminated anymore, the fact that at least ONE person appreciated what I tried to do this round makes me feel like I saw and I conquered. I tried so hard to disown my song - Claustrophobia - but I still stand by everything I poured into it. I know y'all don't care and it's FINE, really.
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That's all that matters imo 
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Member Since: 9/15/2012
Posts: 22,487
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#DanceWithMyCat better slay
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Batch #2GotSkill - Candlelight : The chorus is great (though I think some punctuation would have helped make it easier to read) and it has a strong concept. I like a chorus variation, but I think your new chorus at the end is weaker and the “hopelessly bland” feels flat and forced to me. I think the second half of the 1st verse feels a bit cheap. And please label the parts of your songs in the future.
lovesong - Deep Within : I like the concept and the imagery in certain lines, but some of the lines felt too familiar or I thought the images didn’t really work (like shattered windows; if they’re shattered, there’s no glass and you CAN see out of them).
DripDrip - Eggs : It’s kind of hard for me to score this because I love the concept and so many of the images/ideas, but the writing was a bit messy a lot of the time. Even some punctuation would reallllly help to make things clear.
JustLuke - End This Show : This was cute, but got more basic as it went along. I didn’t feel like it was unique enough to stand out, though I thought it was a nice avant garde twist having ad libs at the end of every line saying a number.
Kesha Rose - I’ll Remember…Forever : Gurl, that font Anyway, I thought this song was pleasant, a bit easy but OK. The big issue is that the tonal changes were jarring; you say “it’s best for you to say gone” and a few lines later say “If time could go back, I’d do it all again”  The verses and chorus don’t work together for me.
ClarksonSlays - Ocean Lips : What a chorus  The imagery in the verses was outstanding and I felt like I could sing along to the rhythm and it made me feel… euphoric. The “Devotion” rhyme felt forced and for some reason the “ocean lips” makes me feel uncomfortable.
Pecinta Mariah - Sea and Thunder : This felt SO Bjorky (I was reminded of “Bachelorette,” with the “I am…” and “You are…" beginning the lines). I thought the bridge was the weakest link and even after Googling I don’t understand “panthom."
Keshafied - This Candle Is Our Love : You worked well in having the sustained metaphor (with the candle) and changing it up throughout. The imagery was too conflicting, both literally and tonally, and there was some repetitive language.
Buyonce1814 - Trigger : I like the rhythmic variation between the verses and pre-chorus and how that builds to the chorus. Not to bring this up AGAIN, but a good example of stress being off is how both “body" and "family” have initial stress but they fall at the end of lines rhyming with “on me,” which ends in stress. It makes the chorus read less smoothly.
Saint - What You Feel : It’s weird that you note how it doesn’t fit the theme that well yourself You couldn’t throw in a flower line? Anyway, I had more of a problem with how ordinary the language was. A lot of lines were cliche.
Batch #3
Era - Dreaming of You : I liked the ‘strings to untie’ line and the chorus variation was cute. A lot of the language felt overused and the rhyming felt easy at times.
Element - Flame Out : This felt uninspired and lacked originality, though I liked the title.
Blue. - Flowers to Burn : The imagery and mood were nice, but the song felt a bit messy structurally (like the rhyme scheme, for example) and the grammar issues were distracting (like the past tense—>present tense jump in the first line of the chorus).
8thPrince - Hula Hoop : All the orbit imagery was really cool and a nice change of pace for a club song, but the chorus was the weakest part to me, and that should be the strongest.
highdefinition - Hurt You Back : I pretty much wholesale despite rhyming anything with ‘fool.’ Anyway, this felt overwrought and the language was pretty familiar for this kind of song.
The Original High - Painkiller :  How did your voice change so drastically from a couple seasons ago?? Anyway, the extended metaphor works well and I particularly like how it builds in the bridge. I thought the song lacked movement.
HausofNiko - Purchase Me : I like the narrative quality of the song, though I don’t understand what’s going on; the speaker is talking about being bought and then complaining about being left. Umm, I’d leave too if someone told me to PAY to see them. The rhyming and content in general was cheesy at times.
swiftie13 - Same Place : This was a nice, sometimes flat, song. The past tense of ‘bear’ is ‘bore.’
keshapearsxo - Tree : This song made me feel bipolar; I love the first half of the chorus and don’t like the second half at all. I also really like half of the lines in the verses and think the other half are weak/forced. Ultimately, I like the concept.
Musickid203 - Window Pane : I like the rhythm and use of repetition in the chorus. Despite the drama, this felt sort of emotionally flat to me. And “slamming doors and dishes” is too specific of a line (from Nicki’s “The Crying Game”) to use in your song.
moijejoue - Untitled : This was so long. I liked it more in the beginning and thought the second half had more forced rhyming and didn’t feel as original.
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Banned
Member Since: 2/8/2014
Posts: 23,320
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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though I thought it was a nice avant garde twist having ad libs at the end of every line saying a number.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 57,339
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Aikahjahg.
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Banned
Member Since: 2/8/2014
Posts: 23,320
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So many people participating in this that never post here 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 40,803
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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All the orbit imagery was really cool and a nice change of pace for a club song, but the chorus was the weakest part to me, and that should be the strongest.
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asdfghjkkl Where is Huga and his claims that my song was OT.
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Member Since: 9/1/2012
Posts: 25,973
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ff no shade but I hope Fefe's reviews don't reflect his scores because I'm supposed to be below dwuw and, well...
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