Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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 Batch #1Hugamari - #OTF : WAIT. There is SO much clever wordplay and rhyming in this. First verse is much stronger than second. You shouldn’t use ‘up’ twice in a single line like you do in line 2. The plural form of ‘passerby’ is ‘passersby.’
Jezang Looz - Break the Skyline : Pleasant, though a bit easy with the rhymes. Liked the chorus. Awk to have the clear/near/fear rhymes with “tear” at the end.
EuphorianSea - Claustrophobia : Love the change of tone in the last line of the bridge. This is surprisingly decent. I screamed (in a bad way) at “dance with my cat.”
dwuw - Crystalline : Cool emotion and imagery, but I don’t love how the chorus ends on “In your…crystalline” with no noun and the 2nd verse was full of cliches, which is a shame cause the 1st verse is your best work so far.
YoungCalifornia - Far Away From This : I like the heart in this, but I didn’t think the writing was strong enough. A lot of awkward phrases, esp. in 1st verse.
conatus - Fix : Only felt tangentially related to your image. This seems like it would be a catchy song, but there aren’t a lot of great lyrics here, and I think the ‘needle’ line is super awkward.
Sam - Flowers : I’m a bit disappointed by this since you were my #1 last week. The sentiment was there, but there was a bit too much cliche language and some it felt forced into the meter/rhyme scheme. Really liked the ‘forget-me-not’ reference and thought the chorus was stronger than the verses, though the whole thing felt kind of greeting-card-esque to me.
Eros - Into You : A lot of the language felt kind of familiar but I LOVE that single art!
Nait Phoenix - Melt : NGL, I was hoping for an audio track :’( (That has no bearing on your score, of course.) Here’s the thing with your writing so far (this song included): you probably have the best control of rhythm out of everyone and there are very few lines that I think stick out as being awkward or cliche. HOWEVER, there are also very few lines that I think stick out as being really awesome. Your songs are so well-crafted that I think you’ll go far here, but to really excel (and potentially win), I just a need a little extra umph.
inuborg - Rest // Repose : I liked the structure and rhythm more than the actual lyrics, which were a bit awk at times.
BlueM - Roses : I gotta say, the drama queen in me loves that last chorus, but I thought a lot of the language was basic.
Obsession - Tidal Wave : Kind of middle-of-the-pack for me. There’s some conflicting imagery (submerged people can’t ‘bask in the sun’ because if you’re submerged, you are completely underwater) or awk phrasing. I like the idea of someone being scared of the horizon.
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