Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 41,181
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Tymps.' reviews, part 1
(alphabetical order)
 A-KA Hug: The title is kinda weird and doesn’t fit the song, and I could’ve used a lot more rhyming (look at rhyme schemes). It felt a little sterile.
Baby We’re Through: It’s just so simple. Work on developing your own distinct style and avoid overdone lyrics.
Beep Beep: I did like it but I’m sorry I laughed at “beep beep”. It just reminds me so much of OMG by Jenna Rose.
Box: I appreciate the enigmaticism and creativity but it is a little much when sentences don’t make any sense like the prechorus.
Boy Blue: It’s all pretty but there’s nothing that stops me in my tracks. Plus, some details just felt weird; why grass lands? Why boy blue? Why pale heart? Make sure everything has meaning past sounding nice.
Break a String: It sounds like you just wanted to make a torch song but had no other aspiration past that.
Breaking: This whole thing was just confusing and did not take me anywhere emotionally. The curse word felt weird in the context.
Breath: It’s good and I like the meaning (domestic abuse?) but it’s short even for the challenge requirements so lackluster lines stand out even more and take more away from the overall experience.
Can’t Let You Go: Not groundbreaking but there’s something I find really enjoyable about it, it was hard to read it and not make up a melody.
Castle of Dreams: You’ve got the cool metaphors and distinct style down but next I want to see you endeavor for more rawness and less calculated emotion (a good example of a raw-er line is the fifth/eighth lines of the chorus).
Ceiling of Fate: The poetic language is cool but a great song shouldn’t feel like cool-sounding combinations of words compiled together.
Clouds: These sound like typical lyrics and I want you to strive to transcend that. Everyone can write a song about flying to the sun. Show me what only you can do, I know there’s something!
Collide: I hate giving the same comment to everyone but some of these lines could be found in a million other songs. Just because you’re writing pop doesn’t mean a song full of clichés is your best option.
Dancing Stripper: There’s a difference between ratchet and straight-out nonsensical.
Deadly Crime: Loosing sleep?
Dear God: dd @ all these slaying songs using religion especially after I posted new lyrics I made for a song called Antigod in the thread. Anyhow I really like this but because you couldn’t write much the weaker parts like the prechorus really stick out. :/
Down for the Count: It felt like the main goal of this song was to make everything rhyme. It should feel more natural.
Half of Me: This just feels really simple. Work on developing your unique songwriting voice; everyone has one!
Holy Swords: Nice metaphors! I’d like to see what other lyrics you will bring in future rounds, if you proceed.
Empty Thoughts: Rhyming dramatic with melodramatic omggg. Avoid identity rhymes pls, do it 4 me. Anyhow the verse is huge and doesn’t have a rhyme scheme (which is 100% needed!) and the chorus is too trite for my tastes but the song itself is cute and I like grating angry songs!
Get to Heaven: SLAYYYY ME BITCH. I want to know who you are so badly. Finish this song, please.
Good Girl: [The other judges may like it but it really annoys me when people include explanations to very straightforward songs, it’s sort of like assuming that the judges are stupid and we’re not gonna “get it”. If you were to annotate the OutKast reference that would’ve been fine since that’s not so obvious.] Anyways, on the song, I think you could explore using more poeticism and see how it works for you. I’m not going to guarantee you that it will get you a better result but I want you to try it. It feels like something’s missing.
I Almost Do: My biggest two issues are that the chorus doesn’t make much sense and that the verse meter is inconsistent.
I Need You Tonight: When I saw the title I thought this song was going to be a grocery list of pale moonlight and such but I really enjoyed this, it surprised me. While it did feel genuine some lines felt strangely stoic like the amplified line.
Iggy Fantastic: The most important thing to remember in this game is that the judges are not hearing whatever song you have in your head. They’re just reading it. Things that sound totally cool in your head might look weird and awkward when context is removed. In terms of content, some of the lines in the verse feel really awkwardly immature (e.g. kidder line).
Innocence: This is missing something really strong that sets it apart. I didn’t feel like I could emotionally connect to this song. Still, some great ideas.
Into the Crowd: This was a nice song but it left me wondering what the point is. It didn’t spur any emotion but it gave me some delicious lines. Believe it or not based on my other comments but I can live with the DJ stuff.
It’s My Life: Kind of trite, I want to see more creativity. The best lines of great modern pop songs get creative (“Let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans, be my teenage dream tonight.”).
Journal: Speaking of Journals, this entry reads like one. The metaphors don’t really make much sense or are blatantly obvious things it’s weird to make a metaphor out of, re-examine them and see which ones are a little funky in the bad way.
Kingdom: Ooh hot. My only critique is that the second line of the chorus feel a little weak.
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