[Jackson]

This round was designed specifically with 2 of you in mind. One of you excelled past any expectation and one of you fell short....

Truth Teller - Commotion

Originally posted by GotSkill

Knowing what happened to you this week, I could really see emotion in this song, which is something we rarely see from you that strongly. I actually really loved this song. I could feel the hopelessness in it, and after recent events in my life I can relate to it really well. My one criticism would be the cliché 1st prechorus.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

This song tackles a pretty common theme and at times does so in a creative and interesting way. I like the chorus and the bridge, since the water imagery is specific to your song and elevates the theme. However, there are also a lot of familiar images, which is kind of expected of a song about a very common concern we all have. There were also a few awkward phrases (want to get, we always postpone) that impeded flow. I understand how you used your word, but it wasn't really used properly. The word is never really used to describe something physical, so seeing it in that context felt unnatural. (Then again, I don't think any contestant used their word in a really natural way lolol.) It's almost like the odds were stacked against you in writing about this topic since it's been done so much, but you did find enough ways to make the song your own to elevate it a bit, although in the end it felt a little less specific to you, unlike your earlier entries.

Originally posted by Hugamari

I liked the use of incohate and how you derived the title of the song from the pre-chorus rather than the chorus. Other than that, it felt pretty run-of-the-mill to me. Don't get me wrong, there's not anything "wrong" with it, but I didn't see anything that made me think "Wow!", you know?

Element - Coronation Day

Originally posted by GotSkill

This was very tumblr esque at the end, and you know how I feel about that . I actually really like the verses of this for the most part. There was nothing that really stood out to me but the imagery was good and it had good flow. Like fefe said I wish you had alternated the lines in the outro a bit more. I feel like most of your songs have been the same through most of the competition. They’ve all been solid, and at the beginning appeared really good in comparison to the not so good entries we used to get. But now everyone’s stepping up their songs quite a bit and I feel like you haven’t quite as much. The same old isn’t going to get you into the finale.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

This song had a strong premise and I like the structure and the rhythm in the verses. The way the lines repeated worked well with the theme: the refrain was partially like an attempt to make an impact (through repetition) and partly an echoing sound that made it feel like the speaker was fading in a way, which is what the song is about. There were a few awkward lines/word choices (no more chance/impaled/Power so strong). The weakest element to me lyrically is the outro—I feel like at this point in the song, the music would change somewhat and the end should be powerful, but it was too repetitive. I think “will they remember my name” and “where nothing else remains” should have only been sung once, and then each part of the outro would have a different last line. I don’t know the actual stats here, but I feel like you have continually made it through with songs that fly a bit under the radar, and this is no different. This song is good but could be stronger with some minor changes. Some of the lines are pretty cool, but nothing knocks me off my feet. Should you make it through to next week, I hope you’ll kick it up a notch and really submit something strong that can put you into the top 4.

Originally posted by Hugamari

Intriguing. Structure is different with no defined chorus or hook, and the repetition drew my attention. Seems you filled the requirements of the challenge.

MattyTacos - The Jungle Book

Originally posted by GotSkill

Wow, you write some dark lyrics for someone your age (15 you said?). Compared to some other competitors your word stuck out a bit more and didn’t quite fit the flow of the song. You always have really strong imagery and lyrics that remind me of Prometheus, but at the same time your song was a bit hard to understand like Euphoria’s.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

I kind of hate speaking interludes so those pained me a bit, and your use of ‘egress’ was kind of clumsy. I know you can use it as a verb, but it’s used as a noun like 90% of the time. And then ‘indefatigable’ wasn’t really used correctly either. That word is usually used to connote a kind of dogged pursuit and here it felt more like a synonym for ‘invincible.’ Doing drugs makes me think of hyped kind of behavior whereas indefatigable makes me think of someone going on even though they’re weary. Finally, “the jungle of downfalls” and “murky wet dirt” are both awkward. I thought some of the lyrics were good, but those didn’t particularly stick out to me because they seemed to lack specificity (unlike some of your earlier entries). Now, on a macro level, the rhythm was good most of the time, but the structure was messy. Messy doesn’t mean ‘non-standard’ – there are tons of songs I love that don’t have a standard structure, but this structure didn’t work for me and it seemed like you just shuffled parts of the song to make the structure non-standard. On the plus side, I really liked post-chorus 2. I’ve been rooting for you to make the top 4 since your baller Lana song, but this song let me down a little.

Originally posted by Hugamari

This seemed like it tried a bit [b]too[b] hard to be different, and it just looks like a mess. I guess I would have to hear it before saying it'd for certain sound like a mess, but it definitely looks like it.

ausdaniel - A Higher Power

Originally posted by GotSkill

BISH WHAT IS THIS? You must have found some higher power because This is by far your best entry, so slay me at pushing you to write this . Enjoy the acclaim while it lasts. This actually reminds me a lot of something I would write. My one small criticism is to write “got to” and “kind of” instead of gotta and kinda.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

I have no idea how you’re imagining this song (maybe as an indie bop?) but I read this like a dance track a la Walking on Air and thought it was one of your most successful songs. The sense of euphoria really elevated the song for me (as I feel like may songs this round were really static) and the imagery with the NL was well-done. A few phrases I found awkward: Both instances of “kinda”; “you can’t find it in anything / but I found it”…. so you can find it then…; “dilatory” wasn’t really used in a natural way; (I assume “with it’s” is just a typo); I would have liked “of the Northern Lights” much better than “under the Northern Lights.” The third line of the chorus felt a little wordy, I guess because “connection” is a mouthful and then “with a world’s wonder” uses alliteration, but since he vowels aren’t the same, it gets a little clunky to read ‘with a world’ smoothly. But these issues are micro, and the important part is that I liked the song on the macro scale. I don’t think it’ll surprise you to hear that I haven’t always considered you to be a Top 4 contender, but that’s changing now. This song was mostly stripped of the overly familiar language that has hurt your scores in the past and is definitely a step in the right direction. (Also, did you take my Teenage Dream advice seriously? Cause I really do LOVE rhythm based on long and short alternating lines [You make me / Feel like I’m living a] and your chorus had that in the beginning!)

Originally posted by Hugamari

I LOVE THE LANGUAGE IN THIS SONG. I really am a sucker for pretty words and metaphors and this song is full of them. So, basically, slay the **** out of me!

EuphorianSea - Handle With Care

Originally posted by GotSkill

I could really tell you tried to flow with this song, and I’m glad to say you really succeeded with that. I could tell you about stressing and syllables but I think fefe already wrote an essay on that so you can drag him. One thing I’ve noticed though is all your songs seem to just be about you dying in really weird ways. Its starting to seem like all of your songs are the same thing every week with a few exceptions, but this was still solid and in my opinion better than last week.

Originally posted by feelslikeanessay

Let’s just get the issue of flow out of the way first. It’s very clear that you were counting syllables this time, which is a step in the right direction when it comes to rhythm/flow, but (and I know you’ll be annoyed at this feedback, but I gotta say it) syllables aren’t enough to create flow—meter is determined both by syllable count AND stress, and some of the lines had awkward stress patterns. For example, “They seem so serene” and “Is necessary” have the same number of syllables, but they don’t flow because of the stress pattern (i.e. “serene” ends on stress, “necessary” doesn’t, so one wants to read it with a final stressed syllable just to force the rhythm to match; think about Katy’s “Uncle”). Another example in the chorus: “broken and” is stressed, unstressed, stressed; the matching phrase is “awakened,” which is unstressed, stressed, unstressed. (Obviously I am going into more detail with this comment than may be needed just because I want to give you concrete, specific examples since I know saying some generic comment will just lead to you asking for clarification—don’t think that these small things drastically pulled your score down.) OK, now that that’s out of the way, lyrically this song had some good word choices and nice imagery, but there were also a few too many awkward phrases (“I’m strangled to pieces”) and ultimately I was left feeling unmoored yet again. It seems that while you improved with flow, you backtracked with clarity/purpose and again, I don’t leave your song with any strong sense of what you’re trying to say or what kind of situation it would relate to. All I can think is that maybe you’re afraid to be too transparent in your meaning so instead you fill your songs with abstractions, but I can’t get a foothold on these lyrics. A few lines have some specific resonance and there’s an overall cohesive tone, but the song is too wordy and too stilted at times. I think in different songs, you’ve shown that you can have each element of what I consider a strong song, but you haven’t yet brought all the elements together into a hit.

Originally posted by Hugamari

I think you have a better flow this time, but this is giving me early entry teas. It's great you got the flow, though!

Sam Jay - Yggdrasil

Originally posted by GotSkill

I was a bit confused at first before I realized the folklore setting of the song when I read “Midgard as my home” and I was trying to decide what type of gamer fantasy you were playing out here. Now I don’t mind songs and concepts like this, but I felt like you were trying too hard to not sound mainstream. You basically wrote a Scandinavian folk song, and it came off all types of ways. I feel like if you stripped the song of all its fancy names it would just be your average folk/pop song. Like you put those names in there just to appeal to a wider audience. This was better than last weeks as the song was original, but I peeped at Huga’s score and he may be saving you another week in a row.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

Well you obviously went the exact opposite route of a radio-friendly bop with this esoteric tale. And I think in your attempt to distance yourself from the GotSkill hating bop from last week, you went way too far. I don’t mind if you write a song with a ton of mythological references that send the judges/your listeners to Google, but the problem this week is simply the lyrics: they’re pretty basic, lack emotion (since so much of the language is familiar), and my biggest issue is that the rhymes are really easy or forced for the whole song. I like the variations in the choruses and the rhythm is on point throughout, but these positives are outweighed by the issues noted above. You’ve been a frontrunner to me for most of the competition, but your lack of consistency is starting to worry me, so if you make it to the top 4, I need you to consider which songs got you your highest scores and think about what made them successful so you know what kind of songs work for us as judges.

Originally posted by Hugamari

How much research went into this? Did you know about this beforehand? I legit did not even know what you were talking about and how it all connected, but some Google searches helped me find out. This is such a 180 from your usual style, and well this challenge was inspired by me giving you a 10 on a radio-friendly song. I think you did the challenge well enough.

[Aurora]

Originally posted by ausdaniel

That game is so popular!! I always see ppl posting about it on FB. Never was curious to see what all the fuss is about.

This was me up until about two weeks ago, but now I'm always playing it and I'm B list, halfway to A list

[feelslikeadream]

Ugh, I don't want anyone to go home at this point

[ausdaniel]

Originally posted by GotSkill

BISH WHAT IS THIS? You must have found some higher power because This is by far your best entry, so slay me at pushing you to write this . Enjoy the acclaim while it lasts. This actually reminds me a lot of something I would write. My one small criticism is to write “got to” and “kind of” instead of gotta and kinda.

Gotskill, I am so thankful you like it!! I am really trying to improve and be up there with the talent of everyone else. I am thankful for the support you've shown me so far.

Originally posted by feelslikeadream

I have no idea how you’re imagining this song (maybe as an indie bop?) but I read this like a dance track a la Walking on Air and thought it was one of your most successful songs. The sense of euphoria really elevated the song for me (as I feel like may songs this round were really static) and the imagery with the NL was well-done. A few phrases I found awkward: Both instances of “kinda”; “you can’t find it in anything / but I found it”…. so you can find it then…; “dilatory” wasn’t really used in a natural way; (I assume “with it’s” is just a typo); I would have liked “of the Northern Lights” much better than “under the Northern Lights.” The third line of the chorus felt a little wordy, I guess because “connection” is a mouthful and then “with a world’s wonder” uses alliteration, but since he vowels aren’t the same, it gets a little clunky to read ‘with a world’ smoothly. But these issues are micro, and the important part is that I liked the song on the macro scale. I don’t think it’ll surprise you to hear that I haven’t always considered you to be a Top 4 contender, but that’s changing now. This song was mostly stripped of the overly familiar language that has hurt your scores in the past and is definitely a step in the right direction. (Also, did you take my Teenage Dream advice seriously? Cause I really do LOVE rhythm based on long and short alternating lines [You make me / Feel like I’m living a] and your chorus had that in the beginning!)

Fefe, YESSSS I did follow your advice. I mean what's the point of judging if you're not gonna listen? I always felt as though you and Huga were the hardest to impress so I am really glad you think I may be a good contender for the Top 4. It means a lot. And with those "macro issues", I will 100% take them onboard and try eliminated them next round (if I'm here)

Originally posted by Hugamari

I LOVE THE LANGUAGE IN THIS SONG. I really am a sucker for pretty words and metaphors and this song is full of them. So, basically, slay the **** out of me!

HUGAAAAAA, thank you so much man. As I said to Fefe, I'm really glad I could finally win you over with a song. Thanks for all the help.


Oh my God guys. Thank you for such the positive feedback.
Things are finally paying off.

[UFO]

I actually agree with my comments. I'm learning so much from this game tbh, all this "stressing" business and stuff and like I knew what it was but I didn't know what it was actually called. It does make everything sound a lot put together by creating emphasis and whatnot. The line: "Hear my screams as I'm strangled to pieces" is supposed to be a play on words about being emotionally torn and actual screams. This is proven by the next line: "Endlessly broken and clear". It was originally: "Hear my screams as I'm shattered to pieces" but I didn't want y'all to go in on me about clichés and the line I changed it to gave it more depth, I feel There is definitely some issues with conveying my message across effectively and GotSkill you've picked up on this, especially. Every time I try to write a song about not wanting to die, it ends up being about death. Like Chillin' In The Parking Lot. That was supposed to be a coming-of-age song but ended up being this dark, sinister, twisted story about these kids who put their life on their line due to nostalgic reasons. I can't help it. I'm not sure if it's something I do subconsciously but it's all I can ever write about I'm glad I succeeded at making sure everything flows, somewhat. That's a sigh of relief! Oh and Huga it does sound a bit amateur and not as high of a quality so you're correct there. Fefe, your comment really helped me so I'll take a lot of what you said on board. I understand it now.

Thank you.

[The Original High]

Missed sooo much at work!

GString what's the plot twist?

[UFO]

It actually pisses me off that every song I write is about me dying

Kinda creepy and worrying too

[Jackson]

Originally posted by EuphorianSea

I actually agree with my comments. I'm learning so much from this game tbh, all this "stressing" business and stuff and like I knew what it was but I didn't know what it was actually called. It does make everything sound a lot put together by creating emphasis and whatnot. The line: "Hear my screams as I'm strangled to pieces" is supposed to be a play on words about being emotionally torn and actual screams. This is proven by the next line: "Endlessly broken and clear". It was originally: "Hear my screams as I'm shattered to pieces" but I didn't want y'all to go in on me about clichés and the line I changed it to gave it more depth, I feel There is definitely some issues with conveying my message across effectively and GotSkill you've picked up on this, especially. Every time I try to write a song about not wanting to die, it ends up being about death. Like Chillin' In The Parking Lot. That was supposed to be a coming-of-age song but ended up being this dark, sinister, twisted story about these kids who put their life on their line due to nostalgic reasons. I can't help it. I'm not sure if it's something I do subconsciously but it's all I can ever write about I'm glad I succeeded at making sure everything flows, somewhat. That's a sigh of relief! Oh and Huga it does sound a bit amateur and not as high of a quality so you're correct there. Fefe, your comment really helped me so I'll take a lot of what you said on board. I understand it now.

Thank you.

Maybe that's why your love song was so acclaimed. We forced you out of your comfort zone. This challenge had your name written all over it, yet it was a contestant that's never written something like this that did the best.

Originally posted by Scorpio King

Missed sooo much at work!

GString what's the plot twist?

I'll PM you my plans for the rest of the competition because I may need you for the finale

[Element]

I'm conflicted about my comments, because I understand them but don't understand them at the same time.

[ausdaniel]

Originally posted by GotSkill

yet it was a contestant that's never written something like this that did the best.

Putting the biggest smile on my face

[Aurora]

Okay then. I don't really know what to say. I'm really upset.

Yeah.

[UFO]

Originally posted by GotSkill

Maybe that's why your love song was so acclaimed. We forced you out of your comfort zone. This challenge had your name written all over it, yet it was a contestant that's never written something like this that did the best.

Omg, this is so true It's just... I don't know what else to write about since that kind of topic has been so prevalent in my life, you know? I'll try to bring something different to the table if I stay

[ausdaniel]

Originally posted by Sam Jay

Okay then. I don't really know what to say. I'm really upset.

Yeah.

According to Gotskill's comment for you, Huga might be saving you!!!

[UFO]

Originally posted by Sam Jay

Okay then. I don't really know what to say. I'm really upset.

Yeah.

I'm not sure if this helps but I truly did understand what you were saying through your lyrics this week. While the metaphors might be a bit cluttered and "forced", the song was still driven by its strong storytelling which is something I admire. Don't feel too disheartened because at least you put yourself out there. It's probably not the reception you wanted but no one can say that you "played it safe". Hope you feel better I know how difficult it is when you see something that only you can see.

[Aurora]

Originally posted by ausdaniel

According to Gotskill's comment for you, Huga might be saving you!!!

I don't really care about that tbqfh. I don't want to be "saved". I put everything into that song and for it to be called basic and emotionless genuinely hurts. The song is about more than just the mythical tale. It's about my own conflictions with overcoming my inner demons and wanting to do good but constantly ****ing **** up. Climbing the tree was the metaphor. But whatever. I'm clearly going to be eliminated and this sucks.

I'm NOT okay.

[UFO]

Trying to keep myself level-headed.

[keshaspearsxo]

Sam Jay this is probably karma for sabotaging me.

[UFO]

Originally posted by Sam Jay

I don't really care about that tbqfh. I don't want to be "saved". I put everything into that song and for it to be called basic and emotionless genuinely hurts. The song is about more than just the mythical tale. It's about my own conflictions with overcoming my inner demons and wanting to do good but constantly ****ing **** up. Climbing the tree was the metaphor. But whatever. I'm clearly going to be eliminated and this sucks.

I'm NOT okay.

I would throw self-help books at you but I know how annoying it is when people don't let you feel how you really feel.

If it gives you any hope, my song was pretty bad too.

[UFO]

Originally posted by keshaspearsxo

Sam Jay this is probably karma for sabotaging me.

That is so mean omg.

DEATH at me becoming angelic all of a sudden.

#PromoteOnlineKindness

[Jackson]

Whether or not I liked your song this week, everyone had a song liked by someone. And you all deserve to be here



Here for Sam's diss track to me and fefe if he makes it