Hugamari - I Can Not Face Reality
Overall I think you did a pretty good job. Your chorus melody is really good, I especially love the part where you repeat the title, and I think the verse melody is quite good too. However there's kinda an issue with the pre-chorus where the melody is the same as the verse. There should be a little more distinction between these two parts, I think. Cause the way it is now it all feels just like one big verse rather than a pre-chorus as you intended, so you could definitely switch that up. There are a few pauses throughout the song which are just kind of random and feel a little awkward. In both 4th lines of the verses you lost the rhythm a little. On the lyrical side, I enjoyed your verse lyrics a lot. The chorus, slightly basic, but it works. The changes in the chorus gave the song nice momentum. Not perfect, but I think this could work greatly as a song.
Vision - Memories
Hi Cher. Honestly I get like, no melody from this. It's really quite over the place. I think you could've added a pre chorus after the first verse cause there's like 15 seconds of silence for some reason. On the lyrical side, I'm kinda bored to death of story telling songs. It lacks a lot of insightfulness that I'd hope for and thoughtfulness of situations or emotions. When it comes to me, story telling songs are really hard to hit the nail of the end - a lot of the time I think they're totally basic. A story of just narration is pretty dull, if you see what I mean? And when it comes to story telling songs, people just go all for narration (like this). While it's good at painting a picture, that's kinda all it does for me. It's very surface level and it doesn't really hit me deep where songs like your last entry do. The forget/reset rhyme was quite bad. There are some nice lines, but in general I found it stagnant.
Citrus - Dear Marcus
Hello Slim Shady. Interesting to rehash Stan like this. The melody is quite nonexistent in the verses. It gives me a pastor tea with the rambling. As a song it's really just a mess, the chorus is interesting yet feels out of place - there's not enough going on, just rambling. Lyrically you have some nice lines (verse 1: 5th, 6th. verse 2: 4th [though ruined by the horrible rhyme], verse 3: 4th, 8th), yet more lines I didn't really like (the rest) whether they be cringeworthy or just odd. The story is really unfocused and all over the place. Though, as a story telling song I did prefer this because it did have some thoughtfulness injected into it. But I just can't get over this just being a watered down version of Stan conceptually.
CountryBritney - Into the Light
I was really into it with the first line, but the rest of the verse didn't actually follow the same melody which was a shame. The chorus melody is much better though, and the pre chorus is actually really great (particularly the first line - again, you kinda changed it up with the other lines which could've been done without). Lyrically, you did pretty well. I don't know if you intended for this, but in the last two lines of the chorus to me you were referring to him potentially getting locked away in an asylum, (I interpreted the first line meaning by drying his eyes he was pretty much having to pretend to be okay, and the idea of going into the light made me imagine the bright, white room you typically see 'insane' people locked in) and while I don't know if you actually meant for that to be the case, I still think this is a sign of some great lyricism because a really good lyricist's words can be interpreted in a number of ways and songs are kind of about finding your own meaning - I absolutely loved that. The second verse complimented this idea, so I'm going with it. The bridge, I don't really know what that's referring to or what the point of it is, I feel like you kind of added it in just for the sake of having some nice buzzwords like demons, bones, battles, etc. but, the rest of it I really enjoyed.
LYRICS