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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 8
ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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My stomach is hurting. Perched for my dragging from huga
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 231
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Quote:
5. Popsicle – Trick R Treat
The whole prechorus felt unneccessary, which isn't good for this challenge. The unneeded use of "just" isn't pretty, either. However, you did a fairly good job of dancing around the limitations bar those things. Thematically, you presented a familiar idea in an unusual way, and I can definitely appreciate that. The chorus seems like it'd be pretty catchy and fun to dance to (idk if that was your intention, though.)
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Well yes it's dancy, the thing is i make beat and then write a lyrics over it, and when i send just the lyrics without the beat it sounds kinda dumb
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Vulnicura
kesha being top 10  |
I knew it, suck my dick, patriarchy
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by Girlicious
About the cold blooded line I understand why one could be confused. It was to not only make reference to a snake which is a cold blooded creature but also to foreshadow and make reference to "mercury" the element which is a cold liquid substance when touched.
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I figured it was about the element, but I didn't want to jump to that conclusion since I admittedly know very little about mercury besides it being very volatile. It wasn't anything that completely dragged you down, I just didn't get it is all.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 12/2/2010
Posts: 17,916
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Quote:
22. Urban_Fan – End of the Line
Something I really enjoy about your writing is you have a strong grasp of melody - so strong that it's evident just by reading your lyrics with no audio added to them. The pre-chorus is especially infectious! I also felt that very little words were there just to be there, and everything connected well. You did a great job this round well done. 
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OMG! Thank you so much Huga. 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 39,618
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Quote:
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Anyway, although I do get what the song was about, I wish that there was more reason to it. Like yeah, we have to change...why? What will happen if we don't?
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Well it's stated in the 2nd lyric of verse 1: I gotta change. You gotta change. This world may be a better place
That's what change is for, to get better, to do better and etc. I didn't feel like I need to get into more depth with this one.
Thanks for feedback. 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
What you mean I creatively danced around the limit  I don't think I did anything extraordinary  |
You did more than most I can tell you that!
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 6,127
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Quote:
Originally posted by Urban_Fan
OMG! Thank you so much Huga. |
yaaas urban fat 
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
You did more than most I can tell you that!
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Is that a good or a bad thing?  Or just that it's there 
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by Popsicle
Well yes it's dancy, the thing is i make beat and then write a lyrics over it, and when i send just the lyrics without the beat it sounds kinda dumb
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Wait that's really cool, though!  I did that for one on my songs last season. Maybe you could share it sometime (if you're comfortable with that though!)
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Member Since: 7/15/2012
Posts: 30,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Urban_Fan
OMG! Thank you so much Huga. |
Is that you or Chris brown in your Avi?
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dylobs
Is that a good or a bad thing? Or just that it's there |
We'll have to find out
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 17,456
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Quote:
Originally posted by Hugamari
I figured it was about the element, but I didn't want to jump to that conclusion since I admittedly know very little about mercury besides it being very volatile. It wasn't anything that completely dragged you down, I just didn't get it is all.
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It's okay. Xo I liked the critique though I intend to improve with each round. I am excited to see the rest.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 12/2/2010
Posts: 17,916
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Quote:
Originally posted by keshaspearsxo
Is that you or Chris brown in your Avi?
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In the hat? That's me lol.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Hugamari's Comments
Batch 3
Quote:
35. Witch Privilege – Platinum Hit
I'm offended that you couldn't even manage to fit the word "Hug" into this diss track.
36. Colton Haynes – High
Okay, so I thought it was cute how you had your whole song fleshed out (BPM specifications and everything  ), but the song itself felt very...unlively. The song could be so much more, but there's a lot of familiar-sounding words and phrases in there used in a predictable way. There's also the prechorus, which I felt had a very lazy ending on the second line, as if you were stumped for rhymes with "you". The one thing I can say is that I didn't necessarily feel as if you had words there just to be there, though. As that was the point of the challenge...it's not all bad for you!
37. wesleywalrus – Center Of The Sun
He knelt to the ground/I look up at his face" girl how short ARE you? Anyway, for some reason, I liked the reverie line. I didn't fully expect it, which I think is a good thing. Actually, a lot about this song is unexpected, like your approach to the rhyme scheme. It's nice to do small things like that just so you stand out a bit from a crowd of 50+ contestants. The only thing I can really say is I wish it was more pulling.
38. Tymps. – The Lottery
I wish this was like...a recorded song, so every time someone on ATRL makes a thread about talent I could just put this song there. I'm glad someone wrote a song about talent being something you're born with, because I think a lot of people believe it's earned, but the reality of it is you can only go so far without having a natural "talent" for something. However, I do think this is a dark way to approach it, but hey it's your song and vision.  More on the song itself, I actually love that you varied the typical song format a bit, it's a nice breath of fresh air!
39. Blue. – My Head Is An Animal
I could have done without (breakdown), but I won't take points off or anything. Anyway, I think this is one of those songs that sounds much better than it reads...but that's not a good thing for this game, especially for this round.
40. Moonchild – Over The Moon
And the winner of the most creative way of getting around the character limit award goes to Moonchild! There's something very gentle yet dark about this song, it isn't gloom doom death abyss etc., and I think more of the dark entries should go a bit like this. As last time, you went through the song so gracefully and everything went about so seemlessly, so all I can really say is I love it!
41. ClarksonSlays – Village By the Mountain
The verses felt disjointed to me. And I'm going to be honest - that's my biggest problem with this song. You have a way of giving us a picture as usual, but the glaring differences between the verses are what drags the song down a bit.
42. Jack! – I Wish
What does pixel heart mean?  Some of these word choices, particularly in the chorus, threw me off a bit. Like "palm" sounds just a tad odd. Also, "your chest inside my arms"... Actually, most of what I have a problem with in the chorus. You had the right ideas with the verses and lost it in the chorus.
43. MattyTacos – Martyr
The chorus reminds me of like...a JRPG's battle text. "They cast their stones!" *enemy throws stones* "I take heavy blows!" *loses a chunk of health* JK's aside, the chorus did feel very automated and lifeless...well no actually, the whole song did. Your meter is so evidently on POINT here, but the song itself is not very alluring.
44. Marvin – Fading
I don't think repeating "fading" during the chorus added anything to your song besides a level of catchiness I am not entirely sure is supposed to be there. Thematically, it's something been done before, and I'm not really feeling that there's a creative twist to the story here. Also, sometimes, things felt like there were there to be there, like "Keep me on my heels" - usually, it's "Keep me on my toes" but it didn't really rhyme how you wanted it to. Making things feel natural adds a lot more to a song than fulfilling a rhyme scheme.
45. HausofNiko – Letters for an Empty Heart
Okay, you know what? I think people give you a lot of unneeded ****, and maybe that's why I am actually so genuinely surprised in a good way by this song. You have really good meter on this, and you kept your theme throughout, all the while telling us a story. I would LOVE to see more like this from you in the future, and genuinely, the ONLY thing I could recommend on this song in particular is that you could stand to have a few more slant rhymes (like when you had wind/skin).
46. Element – Kneel
Huh, guess religion is coming back in full force this season! No, but seriously, I'm going to pretend this is about having religion forced upon you so that I can appreciate it more. Your meter is fine and all, but I can't seem to grasp what the meaning is without making up my own. That's not really much of a problem in this case, but I guess I'm just saying I want to know what you wanted this to be about.
47. Keshafied – Alone
Ugh the end of your chorus. It felt so forced. I wish you'd brought some life to a topic that's like beating a dead horse as far as this competition goes, but it felt very samey. I can say that there wasn't as many filler words as there were forced and overused ones, so you do get some credit for that, though.
48. BlueM – Demons Are Out
You have a good grasp of meter here, for sure; there are some words that I felt were there to fill it, though. You used "but" twice in the span of the pre-chorus, for example. I think for this challenge, it's important that you choose your words for more than to fill a meter, and I don't think you did that at some points. As the song goes, I think it was interesting thematically, and fitting with the season!
49. Nightingale – Flat
A few of your lines felt unnatural as far as saying them goes. The last 2 lines in the bridge, in my opinion, are the biggest offenders of that. There are also a few words that could have been omitted, like "even" in the second line of the first verse. The worst part for me though, was the entirely uninteresting chorus...the title is fitting in that matter. It just fell flat. The chorus should be the part that really grips someone just hearing a song for the first time, and I don't think that'd do it. I'd try to make better use of your words to bring life to your songs.
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Member Since: 9/12/2012
Posts: 26,389
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tiberius
Well it's stated in the 2nd lyric of verse 1: I gotta change. You gotta change. This world may be a better place
That's what change is for, to get better, to do better and etc. I didn't feel like I need to get into more depth with this one.
Thanks for feedback. |
Well fair enough! 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 12/2/2010
Posts: 17,916
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Quote:
Originally posted by Vulnicura
yaaas urban fat |
Thank you Vulni! 
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 56,234
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Batch 3 is on the previous page, btw.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 22,001
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Member Since: 8/17/2013
Posts: 5,341
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Quote:
16. Obsession – Compass
Okay I am just confused at this point. You note that at the end, there's a chorus x2, but there are at least 2 different choruses in your song, which one is x2? I can give you credit for sticking with your theme of travel, rather than using it as a one-off metaphor. You did a relatively good job at using your words, nothing particularly tells me that something was there to fill a meter, but there's a kick here I'm not feeling.
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I don't understand the different choruses bit though, I thought I only noted one chorus - did I forget something?
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