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Discussion: Hilarious Amazon.com user reviews
Member Since: 7/18/2010
Posts: 29,717
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Hilarious Amazon.com user reviews
Saw this one:
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The Best of Vanilla Ice
If you decide to buy this CD, wait patiently by the mail box till it arrives. Upon arrival, quickly open the box, then pull the security tape from the jewel case. Open the jewel case and place the CD in one hand. Break the CD in half, then slit your wrists with the remaining shards. As you begin to die look at your reflection in the mirror-like surface of the broken CD, and ask your self what you were thinking when you ordered this CD!
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And thought that this could make a good thread. 
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Member Since: 8/23/2011
Posts: 11,596
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Cannibal - Kesha
I couldn't stomach the whole thing....it was THAT bad. It sounded like leftovers from the last album, and I would have spent my money better on a burrito for lunch.
If you're 13 years old and think that this is cool, then buy this album and be happy. Otherwise, spend the money and help a homeless person. It might be Ke$ha, after this crap!
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Member Since: 2/18/2012
Posts: 62
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WOW
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Member Since: 6/1/2011
Posts: 15,684
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This is from a prank spray called "Liquid A$$"
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I wasn't expecting much when I bought this stuff. I have a strong nose and a strong stomach so when I took the cap off and didn't vomit, I wasn't surprised. One spray...one....spray . The smell of 20 unwiped and unwashed colonic cavities burned off my nasal hairs, flipped my stomach, and made me question my religion. My nose was hallucinating. I wanted to hurt something . I called my mom two cities away to see if she could smell it. It peeled my lid back and dropped in the stench of wet homelessness. My cat panicked and ran away. Still missing. This is what the rectum of a cadaver smells like. Seriously. I'm getting this stuff tested in a lab to make sure there is no human dna found inside. All in all....a friendship ender.
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First, a little history. My brother has been sprayed by a skunk... TWICE! So he knows stink. I thought it would be funny to unscrew the spray lid and throw the entire bottle at my brother. WARNING: DO NOT try this at home, it was a horrible, terrible mistake! He got doused with this nasty fluid, and it brought him to his knees, dry heaving violently. Of course I thought it was hilarious, until the stink hit me like a freight train. I've been in the vicinity of pepper spray before, and this was worse. My eyes were watering and the violent dry heaving was uncontrollable. I couldn't get away fast enough. My bro told me it was 100 times worse than getting sprayed by a skunk. Once he came back to his senses, he stripped and ran straight for the shower. The smell would not wash off, and we literally had to burn his clothes and bury the ashes. Everything the fluid touched was an abomination.
If your a$$ smells anything like this nasty stench, run (don't walk) to the nearest Emergency Room!
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http://www.amazon.com/Liquid-Assets-...2573163&sr=8-1
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Member Since: 6/17/2011
Posts: 16,910
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Lady Gaga - Born This Way
This download cost me $0.99 and I still feel like I overpaid.
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biiiiitch
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Britney Spears - Femme Fatale
There isn't a SINGLE SONG from this PIECE OF DISPOSABLE DUNG WORTH LISTENING TO ALL THE WAY THROUGH!!! I'd rather go eat a piece of my dog's poop in the backyard rather than sit through this album. I may end up committing hari kari if i had to sit through the expanded deluxe edition!
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Member Since: 8/23/2011
Posts: 11,596
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Katy Perry - Teenage Dream
I'll admit I've only listened to half the album (Tracks 1-5 &8) HORRIBLE! California Girls, may just be the WORST/most irritating song i have ever heard in my life! & Last Friday Night, gets stuck in my head like you wouldn't believe, it's like a freaking Cold Sore! Oh & I know what you are going to say, "But it's SSSOOOOO catchy!!!", Yeah well so is Herpes...
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Member Since: 4/6/2011
Posts: 10,635
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Omg. Some of these are spot on trashy. They'd be banned the first day they enter ATRL.
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Member Since: 8/23/2011
Posts: 11,596
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Adele - 21
I love female vocalists..... my favorites include Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, that girl from Garbage, Jessica Simpson, and last but not least the ever so popular Paris Hilton! But I was amazed that someone could actually OUTDO all those artists combined...and she is Adele from Australia. Ever since I heard "Someone like you" 5 million times this past week i INSTANTLY knew she was legendary.
What more could you ask for? Adele's music has it all!
- Generic piano loops
- Depressing Lyrics about ex boyfriends
- Annoying vocals
- Music videos of her walking and singing
Genius. That's the only word you can use to describe this amazing Australian singer.
I did have to take away 4 stars because Adele didn't have any songs about eating a BigMac at McDonalds; she also doesn't have any sex tapes out yet.
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Nooooo
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Member Since: 4/6/2011
Posts: 10,635
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Rihanna Talk That Talk
before i buy this C.D.i would like to know what the hell is comin'n out the side of her mouth all her song's is about sex and more sex maybe that's what it is.. every song is about come and get me like [Cockiness[love it]drunk on love & Roc me out.don't waste your money.
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Not dragging Rih for filth like that in a single sentence without even a comma.
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Banned
Member Since: 8/23/2011
Posts: 1,219
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This product doesn't look at all like real poop, unless your aim is to make it look like a 4-foot-6-inch ballerina took a dainty, monochromatic, plasticine dump somewhere. Or at best, a medium-sized dog who ate some chocolate-pudding-colored polyethylene.
NOW I understand why the photo quality on the product picture above is so poor. Giving purchasers a high quality, well-lit photo would result in nobody being stupid enough to buy this, like I was.
This chintzy, molded-and-stamped "gag" is not realistic at all and will fool no one. It's poorly made -- in China, literally -- and looks like the uniformly brown blob of cheap plastic it is. Don't waste your money on this crap.
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http://www.amazon.com/Party-Pooper-F...2574030&sr=1-3
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Member Since: 7/18/2010
Posts: 29,717
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Originally posted by Stephen
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"But it's SSSOOOOO catchy!!!", Yeah well so is Herpes...
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Member Since: 6/1/2011
Posts: 15,684
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Originally posted by Stephen
Nooooo |
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Member Since: 3/15/2011
Posts: 12,111
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Originally posted by Stephen
Nooooo |
That person can't be serious
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Member Since: 7/18/2010
Posts: 29,717
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Originally posted by Stephen
Nooooo |
It's kind of true though. 
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Member Since: 4/6/2011
Posts: 10,635
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Lady Gaga Born This Way - The Remix (2LP)
This album is pure horse manure. Lady Gaga is a fool to let these morons ruin her songs.I really like her album the songs are strong and fun.So I bought the remix album ,thinking lets hear it from a different angle.Well,I was really kicked in the ear.I have 3 teen daughters ,all love Gaga. I put the cd on in the car ,they almost killed me for it. Yes.This album is plain garbage ,those mixers must have been high on something. Come on Lady Gaga,are you this desperate to make more money? I'll stick to the original versions.
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Member Since: 11/20/2011
Posts: 5,980
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Originally posted by Stephen
Nooooo |
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Member Since: 6/17/2011
Posts: 16,910
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WAIIIITTTTTT.
This Femme Fatale review.
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1 Star
Words cannot describe how breathtaking this CD is. It is easy to understand why this hot new collection has already sold millions of copies the world over. The fabulous Britney Spears {along with her fellow top 40 and rap contemporaries} have blessed our generation with three vital things sorely missing from all music that came before her....ORIGINALITY, ARTISTRY, and most of all, TALENT!
Indeed, few musicians in recent decades can compare with the overwhelming musical ability that Spears injects into every fiber of every song on this incredible album! When it comes to sheer vocal talent, Brit has no equal. When she dips into her lower registers, there's a haunting and soulful feel that would make Karen Carpenter proud. And her upper registers RIPS with operatic ruptures that would intimidate inferior singers like Celine Dion into an early retirement!
However, outstanding vocals can only get you so far, and Spears has always had much more to offer than that. Her groundbreaking guitar solos are so jaw-droppingly inventive that Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, or Chet Atkins sound like total idiots in comparison. Her drumming is rock steady, her complex bass lines flow like water, and her piano playing is also of the calibre that classically trained musicians like Ronnie Milsap or Billy Joel could never compete with. While most stars can only play one or two instruments, Spears is responsible for every note played on this amazing collection of songs!
Then, of course, there is songwriting ability, which is something that Britney has taken to a level beyond anything Beethoven or Mozart ever dreamed of! Britney's lush compositions are so incredibly sophisticated in both lyrics and melody that they more than deserve their place at the top of the charts. Every song here stands on it's own as a timeless masterpiece of American music, and each one makes a truly unique musical statement that is only enhanced by the radiant musical prowess that IS Britney Spears! For both musicians and songwriters the world over, her unmistakable talent is undeniably inspiring and refreshing...
Thank God that after sixty plus years of horrible music with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, we have been blessed with the true artistry that Miss Spears has given to our culture. The 20th century was a terribly bleak time for American music in terms of sheer talent and originality, but here in the 21st century Brit has elevated an art form to standards we may never be priviledged to witness again.
And how do I know that everything I've said here is true??? Because unlike many people, I turn to the right sources to help me decide what music I should be listening to. I allow MTV, Simon Cowell, and my local DJ to do my thinking for me because these people are the experts who understand what REAL TALENT and GREAT MUSIC is all about!!!
Enough said. If you don't own this CD, you were born without a brain.....
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Member Since: 12/6/2011
Posts: 1,899
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Some of these are on point 
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Member Since: 8/23/2011
Posts: 11,596
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Quote:
Originally posted by Amaru
WAIIIITTTTTT.
This Femme Fatale review.
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The entire review
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Member Since: 7/18/2010
Posts: 29,717
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Quote:
Originally posted by Amaru
WAIIIITTTTTT.
This Femme Fatale review.
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I allow MTV, Simon Cowell, and my local DJ to do my thinking for me
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