About a month ago, I wrote a letter called "Too homosexual" about the gay community, in which I was exposing all the problems that the community is suffrering right now. My letter had quite an enormous success - published in a 500 000 readers national newspaper in Canada and shared hundred of times on Facebook. But, it was only half of my thought about the problem, because I think that only saying what's wrong with the gay community right now wasn't enough. So, I took the time to write the second part of my text - it will be published again in few weeks in the same major newspaper. Take time to read if you feel to and comment.

PS : If you haven't read the first part, read here to understand fully the following text : http://atrl.net/forums/showthread.php?t=176229

Do not forget that the original texts were in French, and the ones I'm posting here for you to read are only pale translations. So please forgive the poor English sometimes!

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The second and final part of my thought on this problem - a complementary point of view.

-------------------------

Too heterosexual

Dear society,

In my first letter, I rang the alarm about a couple of problems that I have highlighted within a worrying number of members of the gay community. A cult of beauty and virility, a fear of aging, relationships without much content, a stifling hypersexuality and a latent xenophobia – a reality check that was very difficult to take for many readers. I expected it effectively. I then asked myself why the situation was so. It seemed necessary to try to clarify the issue, because it is often by seeking the source of a problem that we can touch more closely the solutions. I'm sure many of you will recognize themselves in what follows.

I still remember the first time I fell in love in high school. I was not sure yet what it was to be homosexual. By cons, I quickly discovered that everyone was not like me, including the one who had temporarily conquered my heart. Therefore, I ran into my first wall. This harsh reality immediately made me realize that life would be different for me. Effectively, when you're heterosexual and you meet a new person that you like, if everything goes well, there is a chance that you connect and the rest of the story could be favorable for you. On the other side, if you're gay and you meet an interesting person, you will always have to ask yourself the question: "Is this person homosexual too?". If the answer is negative, the chances are virtually nil that a relationship can blossom in the long term.

Thus, an infinite number of possibilities for interesting and substantial connections are thrown into the water in everyday life. Once you have gone around your circle of homosexual friends, often summarizing to a meager handful of people, opportunities are limited. To avoid being hit by the heterosexuality of their interlocutor, many homosexuals are turning to places where the public is guaranteed to be like them, such as the gay village, dating sites, Grindr and other similar applications. Unfortunately, these locations are not optimal in order to find the rare pearl in many cases. You will find, most of the time, futile meetings with very little substance. The quest for substance is harder than the quest of futility, to my greatest sorrow. So, I’m not really surprised to see a large number of homosexuals having trouble to have a stable relationship, rich in content - we're not the cause of this problem, but the unconscious victims of our difference.

Some are so helpless and frustrated in front of this situation that they fall into hypersexuality - a lifestyle causing far fewer disappointments for many. I will not hide that I was tempted a few times by this avenue, tired of shoveling empty clouds. However, I have always rebounded in time, because I have hope that we can make the situation when everyone is ready to admit that the problem is real. I ask that you all open your eyes.

Now, let’s go back to my first love - why was I so unprepared to face this newly discovered homosexuality? From an early age, the claws of the hetero-normality of our society closed themselves on me. I was asked which girl I found pretty or why I had not a girlfriend yet. I read about Melissa and David in the classroom exercises. Not to mention the story of the princess seeking her prince charming, and so on many others examples. In short, we assumed, the society assumed that I was heterosexual, that I was like any other. I was trapped in a too heterosexual society for me. In this context, it is absolutely understandable that the shock was terrible when I found out I was the opposite of what I had been taught and repeated constantly. If only I had been regularly exposed to a wide variety of models in my childhood, maybe I would have considered myself like any other when discovering my difference!

You may think I'm exaggerating and that I live in a utopia by thinking that we can make young children more aware of this reality from an early age? I can already see the stones thrown fiercely to me by some parents, arguing that this issue has no place in elementary schools. I persist in my thought because I think that it's not only a matter of fairness or tolerance, but rather a question of human compassion. When I read that the rate of depression and suicide among young gay teens is dramatically higher than the general population, I'm deeply hurt. When I remember how much I was shaking like a dead leaf during the few moments before my first coming out, I realize that the problem of our society is still present. Yes, Quebec is quite an example regarding the legal rights of homosexuals, but as the coming-out process will exist, I think that much more progress can still be done. We should be able to say that we’re gay without fear, without having to come out. Don’t you agree?

Only when the dictatorship of heterosexuality will disappear from our schools and society in general that the gay community will become more open-minded towards its own members, as strange as this may seem. Xenophobia expressed by some members to their peers - stigmatization of effeminate homosexuals (creating therefore a cult of virility), of the too masculine lesbian, of the transgender people (although that’s another debate) - those are in fact all mechanisms of defense against the crushing machine of difference that is our society. When I hear members of the gay community screaming they do not appreciate too effeminate homosexuals, because they give them a bad "reputation" in the eyes of the general population, I am grieved of what the heterosexual dogmatism did to us. The homosexual who will be the closest to what society expects of him, to blend in the mass without seeming too homosexual, will be welcomed with open arms by this society and the gay community. Am I the only getting upset with what I'm putting on paper?

Fortunately, the situation has evolved a bit in recent years. Many television shows now boast gay characters, offering models for the young to discover. However, beware of this double-edged sword. When your only models, as a young kid, are fictional characters from television series, you soak yourself into a twisted reality by society – that is eternally young characters, Caucasian for most, and often more handsome the one after the other. It will be exceptional for you to see an older gay character, from another origin or just average looking on television. Thus, I do not blame several members of the gay community to try to emulate this distorted perception of reality that is shown to us. So do not be surprised by the cult of beauty, fear of aging and the internalized xenophobia against homosexuals of different origins that some homosexuals express. Beware that this beloved society has an unprecedented role in the problems afflicting the gay community today. However, I thank television series like Glee and few others, trying to make a step forward by outlining several facets of the plurality of our community, as well as artists and public figures putting this issue in their daily lives.

In short, you understand that the situation is enormously complex. You had to discern that I did not condemn coldly the gay community for all the problems it suffers at the moment, but rather that I sent beams of light to shine on this issue, which has a very special place in my heart. So today, the slap I inflicted to the gay community in my first letter continues her way to hurt the society that I consider too heterosexual. Finally, I hope that I will have awakened both members of the gay community, which I belong to, and society in general in an effort to make our precarious situation better - do not forget that the responsibility and work to be done are common.

Very sincerely, Fadi.

Oh my that just blew my mind.

But now that just made me sad

For those understanding French, again read this version, which is way more better in term of writing!

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La deuxième et dernière partie de ma réflexion sur cette problématique, d'un point de vue complémentaire.

Chère société,

Dans ma première lettre, j’ai envoyé un cri d’alarme à propos d’une panoplie de problèmes que j’ai soulignés parmi une proportion inquiétante de membres de la communauté gaie. Un culte de la beauté et de la virilité, une peur du vieillissement, des relations sans grand contenu, une hypersexualité étouffante et une xénophobie latente – une dégelée qui fut difficile à prendre pour beaucoup de lecteurs. Je m’y attendais pertinemment. Je me suis alors demandé pourquoi la situation était de la sorte. Il me semblait nécessaire d’essayer d’éclaircir la question, car c’est souvent en cherchant la source d’une problématique qu’on peut toucher de plus près les solutions. Je suis certain que plusieurs d'entre vous se reconnaîtront dans les lignes qui suivent.

Je me souviens encore la première fois que je suis tombé amoureux au secondaire. Je ne savais pas trop encore ce que c’était d’être homosexuel. Par contre, j’ai rapidement découvert que tout le monde n’était pas comme moi, incluant celui qui avait conquis temporairement mon cœur. Je me heurtais alors à mon premier mur. Cette rude réalité m’a toute suite fait prendre conscience que la vie allait être différente pour moi. Effectivement, lorsque vous êtes hétérosexuel et que vous rencontrez une nouvelle personne intéressante, si tout va bien, vous risquez de connecter et la suite pourrait vous être favorable. Par contre, lorsque vous êtes homosexuel et que vous rencontrez une personne intéressante et de votre goût, vous devrez toujours vous demander la question suivante : « est-ce que cette personne est également homosexuelle? ». Si la réponse est défavorable, les chances sont quasi nulles qu’une relation puisse déboucher à long terme.

Ainsi, une infinité de possibilités de connections intéressantes et substantielles sont jetées à l’eau dans la vie de tous les jours. Une fois que vous avez fait le tour de votre cercle de connaissances homosexuelles, se résumant bien souvent à une maigre poignée de personnes, les débouchés sont limitées. Pour éviter de se percuter à la réalité de l’hétérosexualité de leur interlocuteur, un bon nombre d’homosexuels se tournent vers des endroits où le public leur est garanti d’être comme eux, comme le village gai, les sites de rencontres, Grindr et autres applications du genre. Malheureusement, ces endroits ne sont pas optimaux pour pouvoir dénicher la perle rare dans bien des cas. Vous y trouverez plutôt, la plupart du temps, des rencontres futiles et sans grand contenu. La quête de substance est plus ardue que la quête de futilité, à mon plus grand chagrin. Je ne me surprends donc pas de la difficulté d’avoir une relation stable et riche en contenu chez un grand nombre d’homosexuels – nous n’en sommes pas la cause, mais des victimes inconscientes de notre différence.

Certains sont si désemparés et frustrés face à cette situation qu’ils en viennent à se tourner vers l’hypersexualité – un mode de vie engendrant beaucoup moins de déceptions. Je ne cacherai pas que j’ai été tenté quelques fois par cette avenue, à force de pelleter en vain des nuages vides. Toutefois, je me suis toujours ressaisi à temps, car j’ai espoir que nous pouvons faire avancer la situation, lorsque tout le monde sera prêt à admettre que le problème est réel. Je vous sommes de vous ouvrir les yeux.

Revenons maintenant au moment de mon premier amour – pour quelle raison j’étais pris au dépourvu face à cette homosexualité nouvellement découverte? Dès mon plus jeune âge, les griffes de l’hétéro-normalité de la société se sont refermées sur moi. On me demandait quelle fille je trouvais jolie, pour quelle raison je n’avais pas de blonde. Je voyais Mélissa et David se côtoyer dans les exercices de classe. On me lisait des comptes de fées de princesse cherchant son prince charmant, et j’en passe bien d’autres. Bref, on assumait, la société assumait, que j’étais hétérosexuel, que j’étais comme les autres. J’étais prisonnier d’une société trop hétérosexuelle pour moi. Dans ce contexte, il est absolument compréhensible que le choc fut terrible lorsque j’ai découvert que j’étais à l’opposé de ce qu’on m’avait appris et répété sans cesse. Si seulement j’avais été exposé régulièrement à des modèles plus variés dans mon enfance, peut-être que je me serais considéré comme les autres dès la découverte de ma différence!

Vous pensez peut-être que j’exagère et que je vis dans une utopie en pensant qu’on peut sensibiliser les jeunes à cette réalité dès leur plus jeune âge? Je vois déjà les pierres de certains parents m’être jetées farouchement, jugeant que cette question n’a pas de place dès l’école primaire. Je persiste dans mon raisonnement, car je crois que ce n’est plus qu'une question d’équité ou de tolérance, mais tout simplement de compassion humaine. Lorsque je lis que le taux de dépression et de suicide chez les jeunes homosexuels est dramatiquement plus élevé que dans la population générale, je suis profondément blessé. Lorsque je me rappelle à quel point je tremblais comme une feuille morte quelques instants avant mon premier coming out, je vois que le problème de notre société est encore présent. Oui, le Québec est relativement exemplaire quant aux droits légaux des homosexuels, mais tant que le coming out existera, je considèrerai que beaucoup de progrès peut encore être fait. On devrait pouvoir dire qu’on est homosexuel sans crainte, sans coming out. N’êtes-vous pas d’accord?

Ce n’est que lorsque la dictature de l’hétérosexualité disparaîtra de nos petites écoles et de la société en général que la communauté gaie deviendra plus ouverte d’esprit envers ses propres membres, aussi étrange que cela peut paraître. La xénophobie exprimée par certains membres sur leurs pairs, à savoir et la stigmatisation de l’homosexuel efféminé (créant un culte de la virilité par ricochet), de la lesbienne un peu trop masculine, des personnes transgenres (bien qu’il s’agisse d’un autre débat), ne sont en fait que des mécanismes de défense face à la machine à broyer la différence qu’est notre société. Quand j’entends des membres dans la communauté crier qu’ils n’apprécient pas les homosexuels trop efféminés, car ils leur donnent une mauvaise « réputation » aux yeux de la population générale, je me désole de ce que le dogmatisme hétérosexuel nous a fait. L’homosexuel se rapprochant le plus de ce que la société s’attend de lui, c’est-à-dire se fondre dans la masse, sans être trop homosexuel, sera accueilli à bras grands ouverts par cette société ainsi que la communauté gaie. Suis-je le seul attristé face à ce que je suis en train de mettre sur papier?

Heureusement, la situation a quand même évolué dans les dernières années. De nombreuses séries télévisées arborent maintenant des personnages homosexuels, offrant des modèles pour le jeune se découvrant. Toutefois, il faut se méfier de ce couteau à double tranchant. Lorsque vos seuls modèles et repères, en tant que jeune, sont des personnages fictifs de séries télévisées, vous vous imprégnez d’une réalité tordue par la société - à savoir des personnages éternellement jeunes, souvent caucasiens et toujours plus beaux les uns que les autres. Il sera exceptionnel pour vous d’apercevoir un personnage homosexuel plus âgé, d’une autre origine ou tout simplement d’apparence physique standard à la télévision. Je ne blâme donc pas plusieurs membres de la communauté gaie de tenter d’émuler cette perception tordue d’une réalité qu’on nous projette. Il ne faut donc pas s’étonner du culte de la beauté, de la peur du vieillissement et d’une xénophobie parfois intériorisée face aux homosexuels d’autres origines chez certains homosexuels. Il faut se méfier de cette chère société, elle a un rôle sans précédent dans les problèmes affligeant la communauté gaie actuellement. Je salue toutefois les séries télévisées comme Glee, tentant de faire un pas en avant en exposant plusieurs facettes de la pluralité de notre communauté, ainsi que les artistes et personnages publics mettant cet enjeu dans leur quotidien.

Bref, vous aurez compris que la situation est d’une énorme complexité. Il aura fallu discerner que je ne condamnais pas froidement la communauté gaie de tous les maux qu’elle est victime en ce moment, mais que j’envoyais plutôt des faisceaux de lumière pour l’éclairer sur cette problématique me tenant grandement à cœur. Donc, aujourd’hui, la claque que j’ai infligée à la communauté gaie lors de ma dernière lettre continue son chemin pour aller heurter la société que je juge trop hétérosexuelle. Ainsi, j’espère que j’aurai réveillé à la fois les membres de la communauté dont j’appartiens et la société en général pour tenter de faire évoluer notre situation précaire – n’oubliez pas que la responsabilité et le travail à faire sont communs.

Très sincèrement, Fadi.

i fixed 2 grammar errors i found.
Fantastic job, btw!

Too heterosexual

Dear society,

In my first letter, I rang the alarm about a couple of problems that I have highlighted within a worrying number of members of the gay community. A cult of beauty and virility, a fear of aging, relationships without much content, a stifling hypersexuality and a latent xenophobia – a reality check that was very difficult to take for many readers. I expected it effectively. I then asked myself why the situation was so. It seemed necessary to try to clarify the issue, because it is often by seeking the source of a problem that we can touch more closely the solutions. I'm sure many of you will recognize themselves in what follows.

I still remember the first time I fell in love in high school. I was not sure yet what it was to be homosexual. By cons, I quickly discovered that everyone was not like me, including the one who had temporarily conquered my heart. Therefore, I ran into my first wall. This harsh reality immediately made me realize that life would be different for me. Effectively, when you're heterosexual and you meet a new person that you like, if everything goes well, there is a chance that you connect and the rest of the story could be favorable for you. On the other side, if you're gay and you meet an interesting person, you will always have to ask yourself the question: "Is this person homosexual too?". If the answer is negative, the chances are virtually nil that a relationship can blossom in the long term.

Thus, an infinite number of possibilities for interesting and substantial connections are thrown into the water in everyday life. Once you have gone around your circle of homosexual friends, often summarizing to a meager handful of people, opportunities are limited. To avoid being hit by the heterosexuality of their interlocutor, many homosexuals are turning to places where the public is guaranteed to be like them, such as the gay village, dating sites, Grindr and other similar applications. Unfortunately, these locations are not optimal in order to find the rare pearl in many cases. You will find, most of the time, futile meetings with very little substance. The quest for substance is harder than the quest of futility, to my greatest sorrow. So, I’m not really surprised to see a large number of homosexuals having trouble to have a stable relationship, rich in content - we're not the cause of this problem, but the unconscious victims of our difference.

Some are so helpless and frustrated in front of this situation that they fall into hypersexuality - a lifestyle causing far fewer disappointments for many. I will not hide that I was tempted a few times by this avenue, tired of shoveling empty clouds. However, I have always rebounded in time, because I have hope that we can make the situation when everyone is ready to admit that the problem is real. I ask that you all open your eyes.

Now, let’s go back to my first love - why was I so unprepared to face this newly discovered homosexuality? From an early age, the claws of the hetero-normality of our society closed themselves on me. I was asked which girl I found pretty or why I had not a girlfriend yet. I read about Melissa and David in the classroom exercises. Not to mention the story of the princess seeking her prince charming, and so on many others examples. In short, we assumed, the society assumed that I was heterosexual, that I was like any other. I was trapped in a too heterosexual society for me. In this context, it is absolutely understandable that the shock was terrible when I found out I was the opposite of what I had been taught and repeated constantly. If only I had been regularly exposed to a wide variety of models in my childhood, maybe I would have considered myself like any other when discovering my difference!

You may think I'm exaggerating and that I live in a utopia by thinking that we can make young children more aware of this reality from an early age? I can already see the stones thrown fiercely to me by some parents, arguing that this issue has no place in elementary schools. I persist in my thought because I think that it's not only a matter of fairness or tolerance, but rather a question of human compassion. When I read that the rate of depression and suicide among young gay teens is dramatically higher than the general population, I'm deeply hurt. When I remember how much I was shaking like a dead leaf during the few moments before my first coming out, I realize that the problem of our society is still present. Yes, Quebec is quite an example regarding the legal rights of homosexuals, but as the coming-out process will exist, I think that much more progress can still be done. We should be able to say that we’re gay without fear, without having to come out. Don’t you agree?

Only when the dictatorship of heterosexuality will disappear from our schools and society in general that the gay community will become more open-minded towards its own members, as strange as this may seem. Xenophobia expressed by some members to their peers - stigmatization of effeminate homosexuals (creating therefore a cult of virility), of the too masculine lesbian, of the transgender people (although that’s another debate) - those are in fact all mechanisms of defense against the crushing machine of difference that is our society. When I hear members of the gay community screaming they do not appreciate too effeminate homosexuals, because they give them a bad "reputation" in the eyes of the general population, I am grieved of what the heterosexual dogmatism did to us. The homosexual who will be the closest to what society expects of him, to blend in the mass without seeming too homosexual, will be welcomed with open arms by this society and the gay community. Am I the only one getting upset with what I'm putting on paper?

Fortunately, the situation has evolved a bit in recent years. Many television shows now boast gay characters, offering models for the young to discover. However, beware of this double-edged sword. When your only models, as a young kid, are fictional characters from television series, you soak yourself into a twisted reality by society – that is characters eternally young, Caucasian for most, and often more handsome the one after the other. It will be exceptional for you to see an older gay character, or from another origin or just average looking on television. Thus, I do not blame several members of the gay community to try to emulate this distorted perception of reality that is shown to us. So do not be surprised by the cult of beauty, fear of aging and the internalized xenophobia against homosexuals of different origins that some homosexuals express. Beware of that beloved society has an unprecedented role in the problems afflicting the gay community today. However, I thank television series like Glee and few others, trying to make a step forward by outlining several facets of the plurality of our community, as well as artists and public figures putting this issue in their daily lives.

In short, you understand that the situation is enormously complex. You had to discern that I did not condemn coldly the gay community for all the problems it suffers at the moment, but rather that I sent beams of light to shine on this issue, which have a very special place in my heart. So today, the slap I inflicted to the gay community in my first letter continues her way to hurt the society that I consider too heterosexual. Finally, I hope that I will have awakened both members of the gay community, which I belong to, and society in general in an effort to make our precarious situation better - do not forget that the responsibility and work to be done are common.

control+f: "hetero normative"
k just making sure that was mentioned somewhere lol

interesting read

I just read this one and part 1 aswell and...

wow. just read both parts and

the most interesting and important idea of this part is that of introducing children at a young age to homosexuality but most importantly to not ASSUME anyone is anything, and i totally agree with this. this is probably one of the hardest parts of being gay in todys society, having to convince others, and even yourself, that ur not this person everyone told u that u were all along. let life happen and let each person dictate who he/she is.

I also think that many homosexuals right now don't realize what's going on, because they don't take the time to analyse the situation. That's part of the problem. Like I said, once everyone is ready to admit that there's a problem, we will be able to move foward to find solutions to those problems.

I had some responses to my texts saying that I was overreacting and that everything is ok, that there are hypersexuality in the general population too, etc. They were trying to make it look like nothing was wrong, and that's what I regret.

I also had people telling me that I was giving a bad reputation to the gay community by exposing all those things to the public - it's kinda funny that they are more concern about a reputation of this so called "community" than trying to find solutions to the problems. I don't think many people are ready to admit the problem and like the proverb says - the first step of resolving a problem is admitting there's one..

It's like you're in my head. Poignant and beautiful, just like the first one.