There was something especially sad about Lady Gaga and her beaded fishnet veil just sitting there all night not winning any awards or being allowed to take the stage at all. If a theatrical pop star falls in the woods, does it make a sound?
I mean what was even going ON during this thing? Was there any kind of unifying idea, or was it just randomly assembled bits of weirdness meant to imply that Katy Perry is creative and outrageous rather than just manufactured and auto-tuned?
Then Gwyneth Paltrow came out to introduce Adele, and though she didn't explicitly say it, it seemed pretty clear that Gwyneth Paltrow believes she is responsible for Adele's success.
Then the President of the Academy came out and gave his annual Most Boring Speech Ever speech. This was about some kind of industry-funded healthcare system for former musicians? I don't know, I couldn't pay attention due to the crazy-looking lady staring intensely at his elbow.
But then things took a chilling turn!
Oh my God!!! What doe she want from me?? BRB calling 911!!
So then Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson came out and shouted a song at each other. Toward the end of the song (during the shouting-in-unison climax), Aldean's mic cut out and he awkwardly struggled with it while Clarkson continued screaming. I don't know what must've been running through his mind at the time, but I know what was running through mine: "One mic down, one to go." I did not enjoy that duet!
Then the President of the Academy came out and gave his annual Most Boring Speech Ever speech. This was about some kind of industry-funded healthcare system for former musicians? I don't know, I couldn't pay attention due to the crazy-looking lady staring intensely at his elbow.
But then things took a chilling turn!
Oh my God!!! What doe she want from me?? BRB calling 911!!
Cut it out, lady! Yes, they are clapping for you. And don't tell me it's because you suddenly realized how big the crowd was. You've played the Staples Center a hundred times by now. Just accept the compliment and don't be a liarface about it.
Then Gwyneth Paltrow came out to introduce Adele, and though she didn't explicitly say it, it seemed pretty clear that Gwyneth Paltrow believes she is responsible for Adele's success.
