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Discussion: Mostly Straight, Most of the Time
Member Since: 1/3/2010
Posts: 21,098
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Mostly Straight, Most of the Time
Mostly Straight, Most of the Time
The following is a really interesting article. Read all of it, it'll only take a moment of your time.
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Mostly Straight, Most of the Time
‘I’m not sure there’s a name for what I am,’ says Dillon, a college hockey player. Welcome to the world of the mostly straights.
Dillon, a college varsity hockey goalie, is an eager volunteer for our interview. In fact, he so loves telling his story that he stays beyond the 90 minutes he believes it will take, and offers to come back for the chance to talk some more. When we reschedule, he’s thrilled, and shakes my hand and thanks me four times in the process of leaving.
Besides being remarkably polite, Dillon is talkative, self-aware, and reflective, with an engaging smile and an at-ease quality. Nothing he says feels rehearsed. It’s as if each topic brings forth another triumph, as if he’s discovering his life as he reflects on the questions.
When eventually asked about his sexuality, Dillon isn’t fazed. Though he wants to “**** lots of girls” before graduation, he’s not entirely heterosexual. “I’m not sure there’s a name for what I am,” he says. He wants this process, this interview, to help him figure it out.
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By his own admission, Dillon says he resides in the “Sexual Netherlands” (his words), a place that exists between heterosexuality and bisexuality. In previous generations, such individuals might have been described as “straight but not narrow,” “bending a little,” and “heteroflexible.”
Dillon is part of a growing trend of young men who are secure in their heterosexuality and yet remain aware of their potential to experience far more—sexual attractions, sexual interactions, crushes, and, ocassionally romantic relationships with other guys. Dillon lives these contradictions—seemingly hetero guys who now reject that label, sexual description, and identity.
And he is not alone. National surveys in the U.S. and Canada show that 3 to 4 percent of male teenagers, when given the choice to select a term that best describes their sexual feelings, desires, and behaviors, opt not for heterosexual, bisexual, or gay, but for “mostly” or “predominantly” heterosexual.[/color]
An even higher percentage of post-high-school young-adult men in the U.S. and in a handful of other countries (including New Zealand and Norway) make the same choice. There are now more young men who feel they are “mostly straight” than who say they are bisexual or gay.
To the uninitiated, “mostly straight” is a paradox. These young men fracture the heterosexual agenda—or do we call it a lifestyle? If a guy is not exclusively into girls, he can’t be totally straight. Aren’t you supposed to pick a side? If a guy is not straight, not bisexual, and not gay—and yet still falls in love and gets an erection—what the hell is he?
It’s a common misconception that the “mostly straight” phenomenon is nothing more than an adolescent foray into sexual experimentation, possibly due to excessive hormones and sexual confusion.
[color=red]Sizable numbers of young men maintain their “mostly straight” status—not just as adolescents or college students, but as adults. Of the 160 guys we interviewed for a study in 2008 and 2009, nearly one in eight reported same-sex attractions, fantasies, and crushes. The majority had these feelings since high school; a few others developed them more recently. And in a national sample of young men whose average age was 22, the “mostly straight” proportion increased when they completed the same survey six years later.
These men aren’t bisexuals in disguise. They’re not closeted gay men seeking the privileges afforded to heterosexuals in society. They’re not simply tired of sex with women. With the words “mostly straight,” they’re describing a unique sexual identity, their complete romantic self.
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Among the “mostly straights” we surveyed, a few subtypes stood out.
First is the guy whose progressive political leanings lead him to feel constrained by traditional heterosexuality and masculinity, an outdated and unnecessary burden. “I might have been gay if I’d been raised differently,” one said. “Aren’t we all born bisexual and culture pushes us one way or another?” He challenges homophobic customs and assumptions. One such young man sings in a gay chorus; another marches in pride parades as an ally; a third intends to “come out” as mostly straight in the military to test the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. He wants to know, how gay does one have to be to count?
Second is the guy who finds guys physically attractive. One interviewee pleaded, “I mean, come on, tell me some guys aren’t hot!” If he finds himself staring at men in the gym, on the sports field, around the neighborhood, and in Details, Instinct, and Vman, then how can he say to himself that he is totally straight? He notices guys in the buff and who are buff, visually appealing, and pleasurable to be around. He wonders if he only desires the toned body, stylistic appearance, and athletic facility—and not the sexuality.
A third guy may admit that he’s a little sexually attracted to guys. It may not be his top priority, but he’ll acknowledge that men occasionally pop up in his masturbatory fantasies. He doesn’t expect to have sex with a man, but he isn’t ruling it out; he has a willingness to experiment. He’s into sexual pleasure without strings, without meaning. Anything is possible, given the right circumstances with the right person. (Well, almost anything: most interviewees drew the line at actual male-male intercourse.)
A fourth guy is a guy like Dillon: he grants that he’s not totally straight, and that his feelings for guys are more than just sexual—they’re romantic. He can imagine experiencing emotional, intimate relationships with other young men. It just seems natural. He’s into cuddling without the pressure of sex, and he could spend countless hours with “special buddies.” He’s been infatuated with best friends, teammates, and videogame partners.
All four guys have one thing in common: unlike their totally straight brothers, they’re not averse to sexual or romantic feelings, encounters, or relationships with other males.
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It’s unlikely that mostly straight youth are limited to just four types. As additional young men recognize and reveal their sexual breadth, they assist all of us to understand previously unrecognized sexual and romantic possibilities. How many of us have these feelings and are clamoring to “come out” as mostly straight?
Indeed, throughout his life, Dillon has had boy chums, boy crushes, and boy infatuations with teammates and best friends. He makes lingering, intense, frequent references to his core group of high-school buddies and to the male companionship he habitually seeks. He readily hugs and even cuddles with male friends while watching a movie and eating popcorn, especially if they are “on the same wavelength.”
Dillon could see himself meeting a guy and together developing a “partnership.” They wouldn’t act on it sexually, but they’d be physically affectionate. Dillon imagines that their relationship would be difficult for others to understand. They’d think it was a gay relationship because of the time he and his partner spent together, the secrets they shared, and the knowing glances, nods, and code words they exchanged. This is the “homosexual thing” that most interests him.
Far more than we realize, young males wait to be released from their heterosexual straightjackets. Dillon might just show us the way.
—By Ritch Savin-Williams and Kenneth Cohen
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http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...stly-straight/
I thought that this article was really insightful, but it does present yet another label.
Personally, I'm a lot like the fourth guy, Dillion, except that I'm gay. Recently, all I've been wanting to do is cuddle with guys and be close to them without sex. Hug, hold hands, lay on one another - all of that. It's like I don't wanna have sex with guys anymore, I just wanna be close, be held.
I can see where the "mostly straight" thing comes in with guys who claim this and with guys who say they're 100% straight. My best friend - "100% straight" - is really affectionate with me and I'm the only guy he's like that with. He knows I'm gay, too. We've even laid in his bed together watching movies once. We have other gay friends, but he's not close to or open with them as he is with me. All of that disappears when his other guy friends are around, tho, but he's still sensitive towards how I feel.
This article just reinenforces the idea that sexuality isn't black & white. Nonetheless, I still find it interesting and just thought I'd share.
Your thoughts? 
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Member Since: 8/16/2011
Posts: 19,718
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Bromance perhaps?? 
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Member Since: 2/9/2008
Posts: 32,819
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Member Since: 6/9/2011
Posts: 16,500
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I agree that sexuality isn't black and white, thanx so ****ing much for posting this article. It's funny because we were just discussing a similar topic the other day in the "Are you gay?" thread. I consider myself straight (and I am) but I brought up that I have a bi-curious side and wouldn't mind kissing another guy if he was attractive, but my limit stops at kissing only because I have no sexual attraction to men. If anything, it's just me wanting to kiss the same gender out of curiosity to see what it would be like. Great article, though I would never be that open like those guys were out of fear that rumors would spread about me around college.
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Member Since: 9/25/2001
Posts: 26,816
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Intriguing.
I hope this becomes the new "it's okay for girls to kiss other girls."
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Member Since: 8/16/2011
Posts: 19,718
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rainbow
Intriguing.
I hope this becomes the new "it's okay for girls to kiss other girls."
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Seeing as it's already okay to slap butts and flick balls...we shouldn't be too far off. 
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Member Since: 5/17/2010
Posts: 21,708
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Well sexuality is fluid, for some people.
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Member Since: 7/10/2010
Posts: 9,489
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Member Since: 8/26/2011
Posts: 1,029
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Ha! My boyfriend's cousin is experiencing what Dillon is experiencing. He's had intimate relationships with men but loves pu***, too. He plays sports in Uni. He doesn't label himself, either.
....he makes it all complicated. 
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Member Since: 8/16/2011
Posts: 19,718
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Quote:
Originally posted by VAN de
Bromance perhaps?? |
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Member Since: 5/28/2010
Posts: 29,225
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Member Since: 6/9/2011
Posts: 16,500
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And the last one does seem more like a Bromance which is basically two guys who almost act like a couple but without the sex because they're not gay but yet they have most of the qualities that make a couple a couple. Can't say I've ever been in a bromance though, I wouldn't mind one.
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Member Since: 1/3/2010
Posts: 21,098
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Quote:
Originally posted by i spit on haters
I agree that sexuality isn't black and white, thanx so ****ing much for posting this article. It's funny because we were just discussing a similar topic the other day in the "Are you gay?" thread. I consider myself straight (and I am) but I brought up that I have a bi-curious side and wouldn't mind kissing another guy if he was attractive, but my limit stops at kissing only because I have no sexual attraction to men. If anything, it's just me wanting to kiss the same gender out of curiosity to see what it would be like. Great article, though I would never be that open like those guys were out of fear that rumors would spread about me around college. |
What if you did kiss a guy and liked it? Would want to experiement more, or just keep it at kissing?
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Member Since: 3/3/2011
Posts: 23,567
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Is that him in the picture? I'm mostly straight, too. 
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Member Since: 10/21/2010
Posts: 1,754
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If you're a guy and you're attracted to a guy romantically ,but not sexually, you'd be considered homoromantic not homosexual.
If that same guy likes girls romantically & sexually, he'd be Biromantic Heterosexual.
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Member Since: 7/10/2010
Posts: 9,489
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Quote:
Originally posted by Midnight
What if you did kiss a guy and liked it? Would want to experiement more, or just keep it at kissing?
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I know a friend who was straight but then turned bicurious he only would kiss but then we wanted more & statred doing hand jobs and now he does oral but he refuses to do an type of anal stuff
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Member Since: 8/15/2010
Posts: 8,808
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Quote:
Originally posted by i spit on haters
And the last one does seem more like a Bromance which is basically two guys who almost act like a couple but without the sex because they're not gay but yet they have most of the qualities that make a couple a couple. Can't say I've ever been in a bromance though, I wouldn't mind one. |
Define Bromance?
This guy is bisexual.
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Member Since: 9/25/2001
Posts: 26,816
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Quote:
Originally posted by Řmega
I know a friend who was straight but then turned bicurious he only would kiss but then we wanted more & statred doing hand jobs and now he does oral but he refuses to do an type of anal stuff
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That will change soon enough.
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Member Since: 6/9/2011
Posts: 16,500
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Quote:
Originally posted by Midnight
What if you did kiss a guy and liked it? Would want to experiement more, or just keep it at kissing?
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Just kissing and nothing more than that. 
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Member Since: 8/16/2011
Posts: 19,718
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What I never understood though was how girls can call other girls pretty/hot/gorgeous, but straight guys apparently could never tell.
I'd be in the locker room after football and they'd be like "Dude you're pretty ripped" and I'm thinking "Just say 'Dude you're pretty hot' not that hard..."
So can straight guys tell when another guy is hot???
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