Emotionally stronger... or emotionally unavailable?

Really? I didn't realize. I'm sorry.

You would not call it co-dependence when it comes to friendly relationships? Best friends could be considered co-dependent, in my opinion. This can also go into your reply to MrPeanut, since there are different forms of love. You have love for your family and love for your friends... just because romance/sex may be involved with dating/commitment does not make it any worse or better. I believe it is just a preference, but like MrPeanut has mentioned, I want to argue that it is not related to status as much as how they handle their situations.

It seems like your basis of emotional strength is mostly related to how much they deviate from the norm, which is not a problem, but I guess I tend to disagree with that association. I can realize that there may be a correlation, but just because a straight person did not have to face the heteronormative society does not mean they did not face enough problems on their own that may have made them strong. So, my main problem is the correlation held with single people being more emotionally strong.

I do agree with your last paragraph though, since I do believe more people should accept their own desires rather than conform or feel a certain way due to societal norms. It is just that some people naturally do want stereotypical things, but that does not mean they are weaker. This is especially interesting because there are people who are not in relationships who have sex and people who are in platonic relationships who do not have sex. Where do you draw the line when it comes to viewing someone as weak, when they are a romantic couple that have sex and are friends? If so, why does that seem more dependent or weak compared to people having other forms of sex/relationships?

At the age I am, I am (finally) very happy to be single. I was in a 4 year relationship that sadly made me a very dependent person. I guess I am very critical of those who are so desperate to be in a relationship (see my comments in the Crave Love thread) because I allowed myself to be emotionally stunted for what should've been the funnest 4 years of my life. Instead, I spent in with a man who turned out to be no good.

The bottom line, especially at my (and I'm assuming mostly everyone on here) age of 22 and younger, you do not need a relationship. From your teens to your early twenties is when you are supposed to learn independence and learn about who you truly are. Especially for the gay community, since 9 times out of 10, we are stifled in some way of being who we really want to be when we're younger.

I am so proud to be single right now because I am finally doing things for me. I can focus on myself and be truly selfish for once in my life - and it feels great. I actually made a vow to myself to force myself to be single for at least a full year, just so I can accomplish the things I really want for myself without any distractions.

Being single can be really hard, but if you really look at it and can put things into perspective, you can see how much of a blessing it can be.

Its real late here, so I'll go to bed, but I'll reply tomorrow. I know you don't post very often here anymore, but it would be nice if you could check back tomorrow too. Its nice having a discussion with you

i love being single.. it feels so good to be a ho..

I thought I was alone in the world.


These are exactly my thoughts.

But, there are times when I'm happy and when I NEED someone by my side.

True, friendship is a co-dependent relationship, but its so limited in that sense. Its just having common interests and spending only limited time with each other, while a relationship with a romantic partner can be so much more, including the friendship type of a relationship.

I think the basis of my assumption is a research I read some time ago, by some evolutionary psychologist. He invented a term Savannah Principle. It is about a phenomena, when a modern person has an easy time to adjusting to some novel situation which was not an issue for our ancestors in their environment (savannah). For example, computers. There were no computers in our ancestral environment and they are a very modern invention which requires our brains think very hard to comprehend them, because we don't have any information about computers coded in our brain. So the research claimed that people who are good at computers are more intelligent than people who suck at computer technologies (like me lol). When we talk about being coupled, according to evolution, they want to do it for the sole reason of producing offspring. So if someone bucks this instinct and decides he wants to go uncoupled, he might be more intelligent. And I personally would argue that more intelligent individuals are emotionally stronger.

This was hard to explain, and I don't know if I did a fair job at describing the research. The research itself is very controversial. I'm not sure if I believe it 100%, but there is something that I find logical.

I love this song so much

that gif

If you ever find that research again, I'd be very interested in reading that. As for your argument, I can actually really understand your view now, though I would raise a few questions just to challenge them a bit. It just seems like this is now more difference in opinion than anything, so this post is actually not needed.

I would argue that not everyone intelligent is emotionally stronger, due to varying degrees of intelligence. One can have academic intelligence but be socially behind, so it is harder to connect socially and thus I would say they might be emotionally weak. The stereotype in media usually has people like this be portrayed as nerds/geeks who just want to talk to an attractive person or someone of the same interests; they are actually portrayed as focusing more on meeting someone because their whole life they have spent a lot of time in their interests of learning.

While I do know quite a few people who I would consider smart who actually don't need that special someone, they tend to show emotional weakness, by your definition of emotional strength being determined by dependence, by needing their group of friends or events that make them feel more connected. So, they are single and smart/motivated, but they constantly need for some other connection, which I would consider emotionally weak, as much as someone needing the connection through a special someone. Not everyone is like this but I'm trying to show that it seems more like preferences/personal choices than how smart or different they are. My whole argument was that it does not necessarily mean they are emotionally stronger for being intelligent or being single.

I feel like an emotionally strong person can handle both spectrums, social and isolation. I realize the difference here would be that I find lack of healthy emotions weak while I believe society views emotions as a bad thing as a whole. So, I can understand your argument a bit more with that change in perspective.

Your argument would imply that men are emotionally stronger than women because they usually tend to be stereotyped as avoiding relationships and be better correlated with changing technologies while I would have a different perspective and say that women are emotionally stronger because they handle their emotions directly rather than having societal pressure that men have when it comes to concealing emotions. Technically, I do not actually have that opinion (since I do not believe gender is correlated with emotional strength), but I am trying to show our difference in opinions, which may be why we overall disagree.

I crave love almost as much as I want to avoid it.

I'm still learning some parts about who I am, at least in regards to what kind of person I want to be with. I've been sleeping around a bit, and casually talking to a good bit of people.

I certainly want to fall in love and to be in a relationship, but I really don't want to jump into one. I really want to have casual relationships and kind of explore the concept with how it could be with someone first.

I don't mind being single, but it sucks sometimes. A lot of my other gay friends are in relationships now and I feel like I'm the only one who isn't. However, It's nice to not feel obligated to talk to someone, etc,..

I dunno. It's a mixed bag either way, single or not. They both have benefits and downfalls.


/shrug.

I'm snigle, so I channel every bit of energy I have into something equally euphoric like eating 5x a day.