And for those who cannot read:
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE WORST SONGS. DONT BE APPLAUDING IF YOU LIKE THESE SONGS CUZ THAT MEANS YOU AGREE THEY ARE GARBAGE
Ahem. Again.
30
"80s Mercedes," Maren Morris
I want to like this cuz Maren could be a 2010s version of
KT Oslin. On the other hand, this ain't a country song. No matter how much my dad tries to tell me.
29
"Tears," Clean Bandit (ft. Louise Johnson)
Popjustice claims it's our generation's "I Will Survive." Well, first off that's Robyn's "Dancing On My Own" (and spoilers, Callum Scott is getting roasted tomorrow) and secondly this is droll as hell. The remix, which cuts the useless chorus and makes the final bridge the chorus, is much better and salvages a bland number from a group that usually structures the song right.
28
"Please Don't Go," Joel Adams
So you know when I discussed the "Lets Be Birds" and "Back Against The Wall" songs as examples of twinks with good songs? Well, this is not them. It's a more boring version of "i hate u i love u" which makes no sense since this came first.
27
"Juju On That Beat (Tz Anthem)," Zay Hilfigerr & Zayion McCall
Thank baby Jesus for the end of Vine. And thank these two fools for reminding us just how much "Knuck If You Buck" is needed in these days.
26
"I Don't Wanna Live," Zayn & Taylor Swift
Well that's as boring as hell. Which, lets be honest, I'm not shocked by since Zayn is sleepwalking through his career and whoever though Taylor would sound good with him is high as hell.
25
"American Country Love Song," Jake Owen
I want to know why keeps letting him have second-third-seventh chances at this whole country career thing?
24
"Peter Pan, Kelsea Ballerini
...I actually don't understand how this went to #1? Is it just to prove women can still chart in country music? Cuz if that's the case try harder for this is really sad MOR that even the most boring radio station wouldn't play.
23
& 22
"Work From Home," and "All In My Head (Flex)," Fourth Harmony (ft. Camilla Cabello)
Not that I want to add salt to the wound for all 5H fans out there, but you're lucky. Camilla was by far the worst of the singers that pretend to function as a group and now that she's gone they can try, ya know, HARMONIZING and doing melody.
But lets be honest, WFH is aggravating clap trap that only gets a pass due to the sparse musical notes and AIMY only works thanks to the use of "Flex" but even then not one of them is interested in their own spot in the song to care.
And I seriously have no idea why it's so high on real Best Of lists.
21
"Just Like Fire," P!nk
While it's easily her worst song, and there is no reason for the rapping, what makes me most mad about this is it's by far her laziest song. Considering it clobbers together two of her own song's melodies to get any emotion into this song. It's trite and a total cop-out.
20
"Flatline," B.o.B.
Really, are we going to ignore the flat earth song this year?
19
"T-Shirt," Thomas Rhett
I still don't the appeal of Thomas, since he sounds bored halfway through all his songs. And this one, yet another in the Monoculture department designed for Sunny 106.3 (The Best Hits To Make Your Day Sunny!) is less interesting than "Crash And Burn" and I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate that one.
18
"Lifted," CL
CL...just...just stop.
17
"I Know Somebody," LoCash
How the hell did you get a second single after the Crash of Bro-Country? And how does it sound identical to your last song?
16
"Bad Things," Machine Gun Kelly (ft. Camilla Cabello)
Well this is boring as fxxk. And If I wanted to listen to Fastball I have three alternative stations I can change it to.
15
"Red, White & You," Steven Tyler
Wow, step away from the country list song, Steven.
14
"I Know What You Did Last Summer," Shawn Mendes (ft. Camilla Cabello)
Damn, Camilla ruins a bunch of songs. Here she's just shrieky (which she is at the end of Work From Home), attempts coquettishness (which she fails at on Bad Things) and tries too hard (which is basically her entire career).
I can't wait for her to become a celeb for doing nothing.
...wait...I'm forgetting Shawn. God, Camilla needs to ice them chords down. And maybe try Ariana's enunciation coach. And maybe stop trying so much.
13
"One Call Away," Charlie Puth
Well on one hand this is horribly written and sung. It would be the FRIENDZONE SONG OF THE YEAR if Shawn wasn't so damn busy this year.
On the other, can someone explain his hair? Like I get there's at least seven pounds of product in this video, but then in WDCA he's got hair the size of Howie Day. I don't get it.
And yes, I'd rather discuss his hair than his manpain that you're not calling, but, you know, if you need anything, he can totally come help you out! Like...to move furniture. Or get take out. Or to make a baby. You know, whatever!
12
"Don't Wanna Know," Maroon 5 (ft. Kendrick Lamar)
...so this is the year Kendrick phones EVERYTHING IN, I see. As for Adam and the boys, I hate hate hate hate hate this. A lot. And Adam can gladly let the vicegrip go on his balls. How is he so damn sharp on this track.
11
"Dessert," Dawin (ft. Silento)
I dreaded when this first charted cuz it's so dumb and useless. And there lack of chorus here (as opposed to "Closer" or "Stay") makes the annoying more noticeable. But then the track died! As did both their careers! And I was happy
The Worst of the Year? Tomorrow!