Discussion: Coming out to Homophobic parents adivce?

AALIYAH DANA

How do you come out to homophobic parents?

Any advice or personal stories related to my topic would be greatly appreciated

.

hitmebby1morex

you don't. unless you're financially independent and stable & are okay with them possibly shunning you.

RideOfYourLife

I'm about to come home with pierced ears and a new haircut so that's how I'm doing it

Domination

Quote:

Originally posted by RideOfYourLife

I'm about to come home with pierced ears and a new haircut so that's how I'm doing it

This works sometimes but just remember to be READY. You have to prepare to tell them outright once they ask.

Golden

First and foremost, take your time. Don't rush anything and only do it when you're ready.

You cannot anticipate their response ofcourse, but it's up to you to stay calm and patient. Acting out of emotion won't do you any good. Stay reasonable and understanding towards your family. If they've been strictly religious their whole life, you simply cannot expect them to accept you right away. Their image of you will be destroyed in that one conversation, and it takes time to build that up again. It takes time for them to adjust and coming to terms. It could take days, weeks or even years - but also you must prepare for the worst. In that case it's probably wise to be financially independent so that you're able to stand on your own two feet. But above anything else, keep in mind that you have to stay very strong. Stay true to yourself and don't let your parents, or anyone else for that matter, change you. No matter what.

AALIYAH DANA

i'm just tried of pretending to be something i'm not, lying all the time is very draining. It's to the point that i HATE coming home or even having to interact with my parents. Plus I feel like me not being out is limiting me from being happy and finding a boyfriend. Last time i was home my mom tried to introduce me to some random female

They're suspicious/in denial because my mom's co worker exposes my own grindr ( i lied my way out of it) and they know i like pop girls too.

Jonathan

Quote:

Originally posted by Golden

First and foremost, take your time. Don't rush anything and only do it when you're ready.

You cannot anticipate their response ofcourse, but it's up to you to stay calm and patient. Acting out of emotion won't do you any good. Stay reasonable and understanding towards your family. If they've been strictly religious their whole life, you simply cannot expect them to accept you right away. Their image of you will be destroyed in that one conversation, and it takes time to build that up again. It takes time for them to adjust and coming to terms. It could take days, weeks or even years - but also you must prepare for the worst. In that case it's probably wise to be financially independent so that you're able to stand on your own two feet. But above anything else, keep in mind that you have to stay very strong. Stay true to yourself and don't let your parents, or anyone else for that matter, change you. No matter what.

AALIYAH DANA

Quote:

Originally posted by hitmebby1morex

you don't. unless you're financially independent and stable & are okay with them possibly shunning you.

When I got exposed on grindr my mom said she was going to make me come home and talk to the ****ing pastor

I'm friends with this lesbian girl and she said if she was her mother she would ground her and not let her out the house. I don't think they would disown me, but I feel like they would limit my freedom and not give me money for things outside of food and school.

KillingYourCareer

Quote:

Originally posted by RideOfYourLife

I'm about to come home with pierced ears and a new haircut so that's how I'm doing it

Whew, just when I thought you couldn't look any better

You don't, sis. I always encourage coming out, when parents are going to understand. If they aren't, then don't risk losing them and a lot more.

Salacious

Do it after you're able to financially support yourself.

Pikachoo

For me it was tough cause my parents are Pentecostal Christians. They took it badly. They were up crying all night

my father said hed rather be told he has cancer (lol). In other words they were really dramatic.

Now we dont talk about it but at least now they stop bothering me about finding a girlfriend. And with my mom theres at least some open dialogue. And she knows I cant change.

I think it was good all in all cause I got it off my chest but prepare for your parents to act Really really dramatic.

AALIYAH DANA

Quote:

Originally posted by Golden

First and foremost, take your time. Don't rush anything and only do it when you're ready.

You cannot anticipate their response ofcourse, but it's up to you to stay calm and patient. Acting out of emotion won't do you any good. Stay reasonable and understanding towards your family. If they've been strictly religious their whole life, you simply cannot expect them to accept you right away. Their image of you will be destroyed in that one conversation, and it takes time to build that up again. It takes time for them to adjust and coming to terms. It could take days, weeks or even years - but also you must prepare for the worst. In that case it's probably wise to be financially independent so that you're able to stand on your own two feet. But above anything else, keep in mind that you have to stay very strong. Stay true to yourself and don't let your parents, or anyone else for that matter, change you. No matter what.

sis, you about to make me cry ;( thanks for the advice.

KillingYourCareer

Quote:

Originally posted by AALIYAH DANA

When I got exposed on grindr my mom said she was going to make me come home and talk to the ****ing pastor

I'm friends with this lesbian girl and she said if she was her mother she would ground her and not let her out the house. I don't think they would disown me, but I feel like they would limit my freedom and not give me money for things outside of food and school.

Tell them someone posed as you idk

Daddy

Quote:

Originally posted by hitmebby1morex

you don't. unless you're financially independent and stable & are okay with them possibly shunning you.

THIS is the only right answer here...

Golden

Quote:

Originally posted by AALIYAH DANA

i'm just tried of pretending to be something i'm not, lying all the time is very draining. It's to the point that i HATE coming home or even having to interact with my parents. Plus I feel like me not being out is limiting me from being happy and finding a boyfriend. Last time i was home my mom tried to introduce me to some random female

They're suspicious/in denial because my mom's co worker exposes my own grindr ( i lied my way out of it) and they know i like pop girls too.

Yes, I can completely understand that it's emotionally and mentally draining. But I strongly suggest you should wait until you move out. Do you they speak negatively when LGBT related things are topic of the discussion?

Leptine

Quote:

Originally posted by hitmebby1morex

you don't. unless you're financially independent and stable & are okay with them possibly shunning you.

Very agree with this.

AALIYAH DANA

Quote:

Originally posted by KillingYourCareer

Tell them someone posed as you idk

Lol i lied my way out of it! Here's what happened. two years ago i was talking to my moms co worker on grindr. The next day he EXPOSED me and my mom confronted me about the situation. I said somebody used my pictures and pretended to be me

ever since than she's been highly suspicious and always trying to set me up with girls. ANYTHING i do she perceives as gay and accuses me

My friend says she's in denial.

AALIYAH DANA

Quote:

Originally posted by Golden

Yes, I can completely understand that it's emotionally and mentally draining. But I strongly suggest you should wait until you move out. Do you they speak negatively when LGBT related things are topic of the discussion?

YES! my parents are highly homophobic. We have a gay uncle in our family and mom didn't want my cousin around him because he thought he would molest them. My mom also said, " The worst thing ever is a gay black man"

edit: They also disagree with the HB2 because they think people would molest my niece and they cited bible verses. They think gay people are people who suffer from psychological trauma from being molested

KillingYourCareer

Quote:

Originally posted by AALIYAH DANA

Lol i lied my way out of it! Here's what happened. two years ago i was talking to my moms co worker on grindr. The next day he EXPOSED me and my mom confronted me about the situation. I said somebody used my pictures and pretended to be me

ever since than she's been highly suspicious and always trying to set me up with girls. ANYTHING i do she perceives as gay and accuses me

My friend says she's in denial.

Lmao just tell her that you'll find someone on your own and that she should stay out of your personal affairs.

SHICD

Just keep lying until you have your own **** together. Cut them off if you need to.