Discussion: How to date a closted guy? - Page 3

Witch Privilege

I know saying "Don't" isn't helpful, but that truly is the best advice.

If you are out, think about the courage that it took you to do that. Then think about how dating him will essentially have to put you back in the closet when you're with him in public/around his friends/around his family. That's even assuming that he brings you around his friends and family. What will he introduce you as? Are you going to act like his "roommate" or something? His friend? Are you ok with that?

Being in the closet is detrimental to your soul. It stops you from being a complete person. I know the guy might be amazing, attractive, sweet, etc., but don't let that hold you back from developing into the person you're supposed to be. It sucks, but you have to think about yourself, and where you're heading in life.

teresaguidice

really depends on what the situation is and if he's just not out yet and getting there or aggressively in the closet and pretending he doesn't know you in public, etc. just don't delude yourself into thinking it's something it's not if it's the latter.

Matte

Show him you are the tea that makes it worth it to come out for #RiseUpLotus

yamiyuuuu

Quote:

Originally posted by Brunette Ambition

what

my bf wasn't out to anyone before he met me. then it came naturally.

I know some cases, it even happened to me. You're lucky.

feelslikeadream

But if your heart won't let you let go, then throw a tantrum in public until he comes out.

Bad Blood

It's going to make you miserable. Don't do it sis.

Caprice

Honestly don't, and I speak out of personal experience.
He'll ruthlessly & coldly drop your ass the moment his bros will even suspect something's up between him & another guy. He's closeted for a reason.

Caprice

But yeah ****ing him is ok, just don't get attached

Frozen99

Quote:

Originally posted by Summerboy95

Closeted guys are not dateable. I mean... in my opinion dating someone is going to places with him as his date, showing affection to each other and sharing things that you don't share with anyone. Those things can't be done with someone that is closeted.

Exactly why I said don't. If you're patient enough and hoping for the best (that he'll eventually be able to do all those aforementioned things), then try it out.

What's the point of dating a closeted guy if you can't do all the normal things couples do, just sex? I mean, no judgment, y'all do y'all's.

Rayman004

Let him figure himself out first and when he is ready to accept being open about being gay, then you should see where things go because trying to get into anything more than a friendship with someone like that is just going to feel like a hook up in the long run. If he's not out then he's probably not going to introduce you to anyone or want to be seen too much with you in public because people would suspect things about him that he apparently isn't ready to face, even though you seem like you are. You don't want to be made to feel like someones little secret. Be fair to yourself because whoever you're with should be proud to have you around wherever it may be.

funnychick

Out him.

Vertigo Stick

So many factors to consider:

1) How old is he? - If he's in high school then it's going to take time for him to work up the courage to come out. Coming out is a personal journey and as we get older we develop the right tools to come out.

2) How does he feel about being gay? Is he ashamed of it? Or is he okay with being gay, but doesn't know how to come out? If it's the former you need to run!

3) How deep in the closet are we talking here?? If he's in too deep you should leave!

I wouldn't date a closeted man at this point in my life, but I don't know where he or you are in yours! Best of luck

zach

Please, don't listen to these girls who have never actually been in a real relationship.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half now and he's in the closet. Not completely because his siblings and his closest friends know, but his parents and other people don't. His parents are very religious and believe that being gay is an illness. He still very much relies on them for financial support and whatnot. He never wanted to come out to them because he was scared of their reaction and doesn't want them to disown him, but he is now opening up to the idea and actually preparing his parents for it.

It doesn't really bother me. It's not about me, it's about him. And to not date someone just because they are in the closet is ridiculous. It would depend on the reason that they are still in the closet. If it's because they are still not accepting of themselves, it might be hard, but if you really like him, then it shouldn't really matter.

cuneytb

Quote:

Originally posted by Black Umbrella

Don't listen to these single girls. He may eventually come out. But for now support him as much as you can considering that you have feelings for him.

Yes this

Support your love and try your best to make him feel good

Why would he forgot or leave you when he will come out right? He came out because of you

Don't listen to these atrl people. They are always negative and judges always the most.

Vertigo Stick

Quote:

Originally posted by zach

Please, don't listen to these girls who have never actually been in a real relationship.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half now and he's in the closet. Not completely because his siblings and his closest friends know, but his parents and other people don't. His parents are very religious and believe that being gay is an illness. He still very much relies on them for financial support and whatnot. He never wanted to come out to them because he was scared of their reaction and doesn't want them to disown him, but he is now opening up to the idea and actually preparing his parents for it.

It doesn't really bother me. It's not about me, it's about him. And to not date someone just because they are in the closet is ridiculous. It would depend on the reason that they are still in the closet. If it's because they are still not accepting of themselves, it might be hard, but if you really like him, then it shouldn't really matter.

Slay a bit

Nasty Nas

Quote:

Originally posted by MermaidMotel

Honestly do what YOU feel in your heart. If you really do like him and can look past the fact that he is in the closet, then go for it! People have reasons for not coming out and it may just not be his time but that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to find love with someone.

This.

Yassin512

The responses in here...

There is a HUGE difference between closeted and self-loathing. When a guy is still in the closet that doesn't mean he's not accepting of his true self. Maybe he's just not ready to come out or simply can't because of his environment.
If that's the case continue dating him. Don't listen to anyone on this forum that says otherwise. Besides so what if he's not out? You can still have a normal relationship. You don't have to make out in the street or in front of his family and friends

and sometimes keeping relationships to yourselves is hot in a way cause it's your little secret.

If he is not out because he is still not accepting of who he is and he has issues with being gay then dump his ass before he dumps yours. It's simply not worth it.

Suga Mama

I've been there and done that. Never again

Robyn

Date him like a normal person? idk what's the issue here

BlazingLovatic

I came here to say 'Don't', but everybody already did that

EDIT: what zach said, actually.