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Discussion: Coming Out Support
Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 28,137
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I am not gay but my uncle and friends have gone through similar things. I think in due time she will come to some sort of acceptance in her own way... it may take TIME but she ultimately still loves you. And I'm more than positive she had her suspicions for years and has been praying for you. That may seem backwards and unfair but it's still a sign of love. She isn't threatening to disown you, she doesn't hate you, she isn't disgusted. The tone in her texts are worry and sadness because she doesn't want you to face bad consequences (from God or whoever...)
All I can say is that I'm proud of you for taking such a tremendous step for your own happiness. I hope that she comes around eventually. I know some parents who simply don't acknowledge their child being gay but still love/support them. Some who disagree but begrudgingly accept. And some who come to see the world in a new light. I really hope that your relationship win your mother only improves from here. Sending lots of love.
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Member Since: 6/24/2012
Posts: 24,708
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Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
Truth is truth regardless of feeling. The fact that his mother is willing to tell him something that he doesn't want to hear is proof that she does love him; it shows that she cares. I would encourage the OP to do exactly what he's asking his mother to do. Listen to her the same way you want her to listen to you. You may not want to hear her arguments against homosexuality, but the truth is she may not want to hear your arguments for it. I think your convo with your mom would go great if both of you are willing to hear the other person out and be willing to agree to disagree if neither are persuaded in the end. Your mom loves you and you love your mom. Don't let people on this site convince you otherwise.
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I wonder what on earth are you doing on a site that is full of gay people. Nobody is trying to persuade the OP to think his mum hates him or something, besides a few users. We are encouraging him to give his mum time and space.
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 1,038
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Quote:
Originally posted by abrahamjmr
I wonder what on earth are you doing on a site that is full of gay people. Nobody is trying to persuade the OP to think his mum hates him or something, besides a few users. We are encouraging him to give his mum time and space. |
I wonder why on a site full of gays so many people are prejudice, bigoted and intolerant towards opinions that differ from their own.
Quote:
Originally posted by JessLM
Impose your archaic beliefs elsewhere, seriously. You don't know how bad these lies could damage someone going through a coming out process. I hope you get permabanned.
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Permabanned, Really?
You believe that being gay is good and those who think otherwise are bad. Fine, feel free to think that way. We'll just have to agree to disagree. That's called tolerance. Because I respect your opinions although I may not agree with them, I hope you don't get permabanned.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,777
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Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
As a Christian myself, I can say your mom's reaction was great. She's going to love you regardless of your choices, but she'll NEVER be okay with you being gay, just as she will never be okay with you being a thief, adulterer, idolater, or identifying yourself with any other sin. That doesn't mean she won't love you, she will. She'll likely pray for you everyday too, as will I.
Your old enough to make your own decision and your own CHOICES, and that includes choosing to be gay.
Same same attraction ≠ being gay, nor it is a sin. You can't control that.
Same sex attraction + ACTING on that attraction = Being gay. This is a sin, and requires a choice.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 30,642
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 4,056
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You're Nigerian too? Slay.
OT:
God this is one of my worst fears  . I don't plan on coming out until I'm financially stable and living on my own (that'll take a really long time for me lol), because I just know if I were to come out to either of my parents, they would make my life a living nightmare 
I feel like you're mom took it well (relatively speaking since I feel mine would flip a **** ). I guess the best thing would be to ease her into it cus she is definitely in denial and explain it to her from your end how you feel and how this is not a choice for you. If she can't understand that and accept you for who you are, then you'll just need to remove her from your life, because you don't need people who can't accept you for who you are.
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Member Since: 6/24/2012
Posts: 24,708
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Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
I wonder why on a site full of gays so many people are prejudice, bigoted and intolerant towards opinions that differ from their own.
Permabanned, Really?
You believe that being gay is good and those who think otherwise are bad. Fine, feel free to think that way. We'll just have to agree to disagree. That's called tolerance. Because I respect your opinions although I may not agree with them, I hope you don't get permabanned.
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Was I any of those things to you when I commented? No.
You are allowed to have your opinion but we are also allowed to tell you how wrong you are. 
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 1,038
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Quote:
Originally posted by abrahamjmr
Was I any of those things to you when I commented? No.
You are allowed to have your opinion but we are also allowed to tell you how wrong you are. |
And I'll respect your wrong opinions. Hopefully you can do the same
Quote:
Originally posted by OneAndOnly
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What did I say that was so wrong?
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Member Since: 6/24/2012
Posts: 24,708
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Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
And I'll respect your wrong opinions. Hopefully you can do the same
What did I say that was so wrong? |
Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
As a Christian myself, I can say your mom's reaction was great. She's going to love you regardless of your choices, but she'll NEVER be okay with you being gay, just as she will never be okay with you being a thief, adulterer, idolater, or identifying yourself with any other sin. That doesn't mean she won't love you, she will. She'll likely pray for you everyday too, as will I.
Your old enough to make your own decision and your own CHOICES, and that includes choosing to be gay.
Same same attraction ≠ being gay, nor it is a sin. You can't control that.
Same sex attraction + ACTING on that attraction = Being gay. This is a sin, and requires a choice.
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Thinking being gay is a choice in the 21st century. 
Yes, you're right.
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Member Since: 5/19/2012
Posts: 5,843
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Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
As a Christian myself, I can say your mom's reaction was great. She's going to love you regardless of your choices, but she'll NEVER be okay with you being gay, just as she will never be okay with you being a thief, adulterer, idolater, or identifying yourself with any other sin. That doesn't mean she won't love you, she will. She'll likely pray for you everyday too, as will I.
Your old enough to make your own decision and your own CHOICES, and that includes choosing to be gay.
Same same attraction ≠ being gay, nor it is a sin. You can't control that.
Same sex attraction + ACTING on that attraction = Being gay. This is a sin, and requires a choice.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,090
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You are very brave to come out to your mother. I think about doing so everyday, but I'm so scared of the outcome.
I think it was a good choice for you to come out when you don't live at home and are independent. Your response to your mother was brilliant, extremely well-worded, well-thought-out, and intelligent. I do believe your mother loves you very much, and this will surely be a long process for the both of you. I hope your mom eventually comes around.
Cyanide, you are wonderful and with this thread and that text, you've given me a little hope for when I decide to come out, so thank you. I pray everything works out well for you.  
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 3,708
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Poor loveless. I think being gay is okay but doing"gay" things is definitely not okay!
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Member Since: 12/30/2011
Posts: 15,778
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i can clearly tell from the text messages and from you saying she is coming to visit you Monday that she definitely loves you. I think it's a really good sign she wants to come see you. I'm not gay so I can't fully understand what your going through but my brother is gay. The way I see it is nothing changed when he came out to me. He is the same awesome, nice brother he always was. He just happens to like men. I would try to explain it to your mom that way. You are the same person you always have been. Nothing has changed. You love just like everyone else you just happen to be attracted to people of the same sex.
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 14,905
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Quote:
Originally posted by HAPPI•LIL•PILL
Poor loveless. I think being gay is okay but doing"gay" things is definitely not okay!
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lmao truly a ki
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,373
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Quote:
Originally posted by lightstheyblindme
lmao truly a ki
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Am I the only person that thinks Loveless was sent here to sign up by a church or something  almost all of their posts are religion-related
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Member Since: 4/4/2014
Posts: 8,883
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Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
I wonder why on a site full of gays so many people are prejudice, bigoted and intolerant towards opinions that differ from their own.
Permabanned, Really?
You believe that being gay is good and those who think otherwise are bad. Fine, feel free to think that way. We'll just have to agree to disagree. That's called tolerance. Because I respect your opinions although I may not agree with them, I hope you don't get permabanned.
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I'm not even going to entertain this "I'm just being the bigger person, I'm only giving my opinion, that's tolerance" attitude when you know exactly what you're doing. I don't go to your church everytime you go there to tell you how wrong you are. We don't need your mindset anymore, it's useless and ignorant. Kudos to you if you want to keep living under it, just don't impose it on others, it's uncalled for and can cause a lot of damage especially in this specific situation. It's really passive-agressive and ultimately really hateful, not "tolerant". I don't know if your Middle Ages mindset allows you to see it, but you're really smart with your words and how you use them not to, that's why I think your attitude should get you permabanned. And of course I won't get permabanned, I'm not the one being hateful and potentially damaging others on purpose so don't worry.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 3,581
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Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
As a Christian myself, I can say your mom's reaction was great. She's going to love you regardless of your choices, but she'll NEVER be okay with you being gay, just as she will never be okay with you being a thief, adulterer, idolater, or identifying yourself with any other sin. That doesn't mean she won't love you, she will. She'll likely pray for you everyday too, as will I.
Your old enough to make your own decision and your own CHOICES, and that includes choosing to be gay.
Same same attraction ≠ being gay, nor it is a sin. You can't control that.
Same sex attraction + ACTING on that attraction = Being gay. This is a sin, and requires a choice.
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Jesus I never thought I'd see the likes of you on ATRL, of all places
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 7,633
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So now my mom is sending me a bunch of anti-gay materials, including celebrity testimonials and stuff about "reparative therapy" does anyone have any materials I can send her in order to help educate her? This is part of the problem, I don't have immediate access to case studies and materials that will help her understand, I only have my own emoions and experiences, which she dubs as a choice made out of a reaction to a particular event. I'm just really confused and upset and feeling depressed.
Some of the things she's sending me:
https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/ex...man-brokenness
http://www.josephnicolosi.com/collec...-gay-lifestyle
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Member Since: 2/4/2014
Posts: 8,486
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^ Tell her to visit a psychiatrist with an actual education instead of googling for info. 
Quote:
Originally posted by loveless
As a Christian myself, I can say your mom's reaction was great. She's going to love you regardless of your choices, but she'll NEVER be okay with you being gay, just as she will never be okay with you being a thief, adulterer, idolater, or identifying yourself with any other sin. That doesn't mean she won't love you, she will. She'll likely pray for you everyday too, as will I.
Your old enough to make your own decision and your own CHOICES, and that includes choosing to be gay.
Same same attraction ≠ being gay, nor it is a sin. You can't control that.
Same sex attraction + ACTING on that attraction = Being gay. This is a sin, and requires a choice.
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Um... no. Having same sex attraction is the definition of being gay and, as you stated, it can't be controlled. Those gay people who pretend to be straight are still gay.
Acting on the attraction is definitely a choice, but I'm not sure what better option there is. Stay celibate? Lie to people of the opposite sex and pursue relationships with them? If that's what you want to do, good luck. Try considering other peoples' feelings first.
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 7,633
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She can't afford to go see one. I also am not sure why you guys care more about fighting someone that I don't even care to acknowledge than the actual thread. Coming in here and seeing that most people aren't actually even talking about the topic anymore makes me feel worse.
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