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Discussion: Coming Out Support
Member Since: 4/10/2012
Posts: 14,915
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bad Blood
She doesn't love you sis... No matter how close she is to you, you need to keep toxic people like her out of your life. You deserve an accepting environment and not her.
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 Stop trying to project your own experiences onto him.
In fact all the people insulting his mom and calling her names need to shut up. I'm sure OP doesn't appreciate it.
Hey OP, good luck hun she seems like a really loving woman who's just very devoted to her faith. She obviously loves you but she's gonna be VERY tough to get through to. This is all challenging everything she's ever known and believed and that can't be easy. Please be patient with her and I hope it all works out.
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 1,588
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This breaks my heart so deeply, I can barely scrounge up the words I desperately want--nay--need to say.
Be proud of yourself, because you've taken such an immense, difficult step.
Not that it matters much, but I'm proud of you, truly.
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Member Since: 3/15/2013
Posts: 7,633
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Quote:
Originally posted by anti-bitch
Don't give up, she will understand soon enough. It would be great if you had someone to turn to right now, someone who you could tell this in real life, is there? I wish I could support you for real, but I can't be there physically. Is there any LGBT support in your hometown??
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I'm not living at home, I live in Brooklyn. Although NYC is already lonely with the fleeting nature of friendships and relationships (which is something I also have to deal with) I have at least some close friends who will support me. I'm already out to everyone else though.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 3,885
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I hope your mom will accept it in time. I honestly think you should have done it face to face and once you're financially stable. I think you should talk with her in person and explain that maybe God gave her a gay son to teach her tolerance and understanding. That's what my sister said to my Mom after I came out. Just sit down with her and explain your feelings and what you've gone through. And if she still can't accept it then the best thing is to just move out
Edit: op forget the whole moving out thing. Lol
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Member Since: 9/8/2011
Posts: 25,869
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Omfg sorry but your mother is a dumb ****. 
edit: that was a bit too harsh, I know she loves u and u love her too, but people really need to stop with that bible ****....the sentence about "choosing"  why are people so ignorant smh
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Member Since: 5/28/2010
Posts: 29,225
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This is kinda how my mom reacted when I told her, except just a bit less religious, although she did mention religion. I tend to just avoid the conversation with her in general.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 3,179
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I'm sorry you are going through this. The best I can say is give her time. She obviously loves your very much and it's probably a lot for her to process since it seems like she had no idea, so she just needs to process it.
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Member Since: 2/13/2012
Posts: 62,082
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Am very sorry she is acting this way towards your identity.
You definitely can't listen to the things she's telling you, unfortunately... that's really hard.
One day she will likely come around, but the way she is acting is 100% more wrong than you living a life that feels happy, fulfilled and how you deserve to live.
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Member Since: 7/12/2010
Posts: 9,704
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Didn't read through all of the comments, but my first question is, do you live with her?
Edit: Okay, so since you don't live with her, the best you can do is let your mom have her right to her belief and you have the right to yours. You knew how your mom was before you told her, and we sometimes have to come with the grips that everyone will not accept the life style of LGBT relationships.
We also have to remember these are parents that were most likely raised in 50-60s era, and their upbringing was so much different from ours. The millennials are definitely more free, open minded and accepting of others. Don't cut your mom off and don't hate her because of it.. but continue to live your life in confidence regardless of what she thinks or feels. You don't have to share your relationship business with her, or anyone for that matter.
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Member Since: 1/2/2014
Posts: 2,134
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tsuko
You've got basically two options.
1. Pretend to be straight your whole life to make your parents happy. Marry a woman, have children, etc. (it is possible for gay men to have sex with women and impregnate them, even if you don't enjoy the sex and might have to fantasise about something else whilst you do it). This may shock you, but millions of gay men all over the world have no choice but to do this.
2. Be gay, upset your parents. In this case I'd recommend trying to move out ASAP and get a job so you're financially independent. You may lose contact with your parents, but at least you can have sex with men and fulfil your sexual desires to the fullest.
I guess there are other options as well. For example, one is that you could lie and tell your mom "You're right, I'm not really gay", and then pretend to be straight your whole life and have sex with men but in secret to make sure your parents never find out.
Another option is to try and force your mom to accept homosexuality (you could do this by calling her homophobic and outing her homophobia to all her friends to humiliate her into accepting you, or you could do something more extreme like tell her that you will commit suicide if she doesn't accept you for who you are, and that will probably work).
I wish you best. This is a very difficult situation for you, and my heart goes out to you. Your mom is a horrible, horrible, evil person, you are so unlucky to be her son. You need to think very hard about what path you will take, as it's potentially life changing. Pretending to be straight might help sustain your relationship with your family, but you will have a lifetime of misery due to never being sexually fulfilled. I guess at the end of the day the choice comes down to sex, or your family (or you could try the option of pretending to be straight but having sex and relationships with men in secret like most gay men in human history (and many current gay men in muslims countries, Russia, etc.) have had to do, that way you could potentially keep your parents happy and still have sex and relationships with men).
Good luck. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now.  |
So awful  You always have a choice, if you can't come out you can stay officially "single" aka certified bachelor like some gay person I knew irl... You're truly an evil person if for your own selfish reasons trick woman into thinking that you love her and make her entire life a lie.
OP: I feel sorry for you My mom would be ok if I were lesbian but I would have the same story as yours with my father. He is also stubborn af (he thinks he's always right and he always knows best) and very religious... Try to covince other people she respects to talk to her that being gay is not a choice nor something that is wrong and needs to be "fixed". maybe that will help. at least a bit.
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Member Since: 5/7/2012
Posts: 3,207
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Smack her in the face and tell her being gay is not a choice
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Member Since: 6/24/2012
Posts: 24,708
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Quote:
Originally posted by Raster
no offense but she sounds very uneducated. You're better off not arguing with her about it seeing how stubborn she is
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She isn't uneducated, she was simply born in a country that is very homophobe and she's very religious. No single mum accepts their sons' sexuality at all at once.
Quote:
Originally posted by Bad Blood
She doesn't love you sis... No matter how close she is to you, you need to keep toxic people like her out of your life. You deserve an accepting environment and not her.
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How do you know she doesn't love him? 
Of course she DOES love him, she is simply shook and due to her religious background, she won't accept it quickly, it will take time. She's said she loves him and didn't react as badly as some parents do. How did you think advising the OP to abandon his mum was a good thing?
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 14
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You are not an abomination. You did not choose this. Hopefully your mom will come to understand; mine finally came to terms with it after years of Southern Baptist brainwashing. I don't know the political climate of Nigeria, but I do know it's never easy to have your mom not accept you. Try to make her understand that it's just another characteristic, like hair color.
As far as educating her, there are a lot of resources for Christian parents of gay children online—I'm personally not religious, but it helped my mom come to terms with me being gay, so whatever helps I guess. Bible verses are taken out of context all the time, so even though I personally feel the Bible is kind of unequivocally anti-gay, my mom is convinced it's some issues with the English translation of the Bible due to some crazy fanatics online ironically twisting verses in our favor for once. Regardless, the Bible was written for another time period over 2,000 years ago, and most of the other stuff in it would sound crazy if enforced today (dowries; those raped having to marry their rapists after the rapist pays their father 50 shekels for essentially damaged goods; bans on polycotton blends, earrings, shellfish, football; etc.). I wouldn't go down this road since attacking the Bible probably won't help your case, but it's useful to remember if you ever have self-doubt that you're not doing anything wrong.
Just remember, if she loved you before, she's capable of loving you now, especially now that she knows more of your true self. Sending love and positive vibes your way.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,055
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I feel you sis. Keep your head up, pm me if you wanna talk to me  
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Member Since: 6/24/2012
Posts: 24,708
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tsuko
You've got basically two options.
1. Pretend to be straight your whole life to make your parents happy. Marry a woman, have children, etc. (it is possible for gay men to have sex with women and impregnate them, even if you don't enjoy the sex and might have to fantasise about something else whilst you do it). This may shock you, but millions of gay men all over the world have no choice but to do this.
2. Be gay, upset your parents. In this case I'd recommend trying to move out ASAP and get a job so you're financially independent. You may lose contact with your parents, but at least you can have sex with men and fulfil your sexual desires to the fullest.
I guess there are other options as well. For example, one is that you could lie and tell your mom "You're right, I'm not really gay", and then pretend to be straight your whole life and have sex with men but in secret to make sure your parents never find out.
Another option is to try and force your mom to accept homosexuality (you could do this by calling her homophobic and outing her homophobia to all her friends to humiliate her into accepting you, or you could do something more extreme like tell her that you will commit suicide if she doesn't accept you for who you are, and that will probably work).
I wish you best. This is a very difficult situation for you, and my heart goes out to you. Your mom is a horrible, horrible, evil person, you are so unlucky to be her son. You need to think very hard about what path you will take, as it's potentially life changing. Pretending to be straight might help sustain your relationship with your family, but you will have a lifetime of misery due to never being sexually fulfilled. I guess at the end of the day the choice comes down to sex, or your family (or you could try the option of pretending to be straight but having sex and relationships with men in secret like most gay men in human history (and many current gay men in muslims countries, Russia, etc.) have had to do, that way you could potentially keep your parents happy and still have sex and relationships with men).
Good luck. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. |
You are so extremist.
Quote:
Originally posted by Caprice
No shade but nothing she said was supportive and caring.  |
She didn't curse him or deny he was her child, that is more than enough to show how much she loves her son. She is simply in denial, which is completely normal.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 5,624
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Give the good sis some time, she was just sh00k
And good luck
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Member Since: 1/1/2013
Posts: 15,264
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Use the bible against her... tell her she can't judge, only God can, and that she needs to love everyone, as Jesus said.
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Member Since: 6/15/2011
Posts: 10,115
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Some of the response in here are just terrible. Dont call his mom names plz!
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ATRL Contributor
Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 13,827
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Quote:
Originally posted by Adonis
I don't agree with this. The mother loves that person based on what she wants them to be and not based on who they are.
I was in a similar situation and cut my parents off until they changed.
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True! I see what you're saying and didn't see it that way at first.
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Member Since: 6/24/2012
Posts: 24,708
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I think it's better for the OP to look comfort on his sister because atrl is the wrong side to ask for advise. See what that Pharaoh user is posting, encouraging hate between the OP and his mum.
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