This is a serious topic and I hope I can get serious responses. Please, please leave the ATRL "lingo" outside of this discussion and contribute with your thoughts or questions/statements that will provoke thoughts.


Human being are complex creatures. People do different things for different reasons (or no reasons?) and one of those things is cheating while in a relationship. If you've ever been in a relationship where you cheated (or have been cheated on), why do you do it? Let me clarify something by what I mean when I say "cheating": I don't mean a one night stand with someone or a kiss with someone and that's all. No, I'm talking basically literally running TWO (..or more?) relationships concurrently, except one is on the DL while the other is "official". If you are cheating, doesn't that mean you have no feelings for the first person and thus prefer the second person? Why not end it with person 1 and start things "officially" with person 2?

Despite how ****** it is, I can kind of excuse someone kissing/hooking up with someone else once for one reason or another, but when someone is obviously managing two fully-fledged relationships.. I am just confused. Are people afraid of confrontation (breaking up)? and they think it's easier if they just keep the second relationship on the DL?

If you were/are a cheater/have been cheated on (no judgement, I promise), please post about your thoughts and experiences. I want to get as much on this from actual real-life experiences as possible.

I feel as though, if you're in a relationship and someone different comes along that you have a deep connection with, then you should end things first. It's just the right thing to do.

Also, I've seen the effects of cheating first hand and it's horrible. It can take a long time for someone to trust again after being cheated on.

Some people want to have it all.

I agree, it is the right thing to do. But the thing is, people don't do that right thing.. why? That's why I want to ask someone who's been on this boat, maybe they can shed light on something that we can't see?

Yes, some people do, but what I don't understand is that if someone meets someone who they have a deep connection with and are more comfortable with than their current SO, then why not break it off with the one they're in a relationship with since this new person is "superior"?

Probably because that person has become comfortable with being in the relationship? Or maybe they care about the other person and don't want to hurt them or cause them further pain thus keeping everything a secret? I don't know really, I'm just saying what I think. Humans are flawed in their thinking and reasoning for their actions. Some people may cheat for the thrill of it all. "We could be caught, we're both convicted criminals of thought."

I would never forgive anyone who cheated on me, I could never trust them

No form of cheating is excusable. Not 2 relationships, not a one night stand, not a kiss, not even a flirtatious text. If you can't respect the person you're dating you don't deserve them, end of discussion

That actually makes a lot of sense reflecting back on some stories I know of. Thanks for your contribution!

I somewhat disagree. Yes, this should be avoided at all costs obviously, but I will find it easier to forgive and give a second chance to someone who ****ed up once (kissing someone) and they realize how much of a mistake it was, that it happened during the heat of the moment and that they swear to be responsible from here on out.

With that said, it's the only once more chance I'm willing to give. You know what they say: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

You can have feelings for both people, but there is a chance that it will not work out with one of them for various reasons. So if one of your guys leaves you, you will still have the other one to fall back on and not be alone. This is a good reason for keeping many romantic relationships going even if one of them becomes more serious. It's basically a safety net.

But what about if you are on vacation?

don't do it or you will end up like my ex with slashed tires

Exactly..

No, not at all. I've been in that exact situation before. I tried to forgive them but it just never went away. It was always just sitting there in the back and it ended like 2 weeks later (he didn't change btw)

I love it, the act of it is such a guilty pleasure of mine. Being cheated on is much more rewarding for me. I think about someone taking them and ****ing them. It's such a bittersweet feeling that leaves me short of breath but I can't imagine it any other way.