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Discussion: what is the point of anything?
Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,737
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There was a point in my life where I felt exactly the same although I was slightly younger. 14 years old, overweight, not many friends and still coming to terms with my sexuality. Everything was against me and I felt completely alone in the world despite being surrounded by so many people. Like you, I thought my problems were trivial, that because someone else had it worse than me, my problems meant nothing. Wrong. Once I realised I had problems, once I realised that were worth paying attention to, that they were worth fighting against I did JUST that. I tackled my issues head on, I lost weight, I made new friends, I improved my grades and accepted my sexuality. Right now you may FEEL worthless but that doesn't mean that you are because you're not. You're human, your life is just as valuable as anybody else's. All you need to do fight. It sounds cliché but you better ******* fight through this, the battle is long and the battle is hard however once you're victorious, you'll look back and wonder why you ever felt this way. Take it from me, someone who was just like you, life is precious and should never be taken for granted. If you ever need to talk properly, I'm a PM away. You don't have to be alone in this. X
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,561
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Try not to care too much about your future, just let things happen until you feel strong enough to be in charge of your life. Focus on little things that make you happy and appreciate them. It will get a lot better, believe me. Sending you lots of love 
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 14,345
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Quote:
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everything i have done has been done before thousand of times and better.
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This sentence in particular really resonated with me.
I was reluctant to learn the piano because every time I learned a piece, I could easily find a Chinese kid doing it 1000 times better. But, there's a reason why your first time standing up or your first time riding a bike are special moments. Obviously it's been done in the past, but the difference is that you did it. There are people who run a marathon easily, but even so, I pride myself in running even one mile, because I did it. One of my favourite quotes is, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel."
Maybe this paragraph didn't help, but just remember that you're not alone 
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Member Since: 2/5/2014
Posts: 3,371
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You're too hard on yourself and it's very clear by your use of "I can't" in things because you feel frustrated. You have something good about yourself but you expect too much from yourself so you aren't pleased with what you have. It's very common for people to undermine themselves and what you should do is take a step back and think of how the glass is half full rather than half empty.
Take some time to be you, discover yourself and look within yourself. You keep mentioning how others play into your existence but you need to be introspective in this time of pain, cause as long as you are dissatisfied with yourself then other things will be a struggle.
Being a virgin at 18 is no big deal, when you are ready you will know and it will be okay. Sex is not everything and if you feel uncomfortable within your own body about your image it can make you feel even more frustrated.
Set small goals up for yourself, think about what you can manage and how you can move on to the next steps with a clear head. You are capable of probably so many things and if you try to make a goal to discover yourself you can move on to how to put those talents into practice.
Dying won't help you, but trying will. Be open and look at everything around you, and about you with good perspective. Find something uplifting even if fleeting.
It's okay to feel depressed and acknowledge your pain as long as you don't give up at the reality of it.
I hope you feel better over time.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 10,837
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Costea, don't be so hard on yourself.
What you're going through I can assure you that most of the people you know have experienced as well.
It's normal to have fears, and to be insecure, especially at your age, but you MUST concentrate on how to overcome them, instead of letting them "win". You feel like you're not good enough, but you're very
talented and have a lot of potential, not everyone can do what you can and that's something to be proud about.
Don't worry about relationships, you're still very young and have a lot of people to meet.
Whether it happens in Romania or anywhere else in the world.
Don't pressure yourself because it hasn't happened yet.
And for the ATRL/Internet part, don't think too much about it. Everybody tends to be so focused on their lives and their faves, sometimes they end up ignoring everything else.
Don't you ever feel like an "attention *****" for talking about your feelings. You're completely valid.
Comparing yourself to people with cancer or other situations doesn't make your pain unecessary, this is your situation and you're allowed to ask for help. You're really brave for putting all this out there and I am willing to
listen anytime you feel like talking to someone, even if it's just to vent.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 5,054
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shizuka
It's okay to feel depressed and acknowledge your pain
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Most of us do at some point. It doesn't make you weak or whatever.
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Member Since: 1/9/2004
Posts: 9,558
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Quote:
Originally posted by Phantom
You know, a lot of what you typed out are things many, many people get insecure about. I could ramble for like, pages on the points I relate to but that doesn't accomplish anything.
I too, am going through some stuff, and honestly? I can't say it has gotten better for me yet - 2016 has been a disaster of a year, and I've found myself thrust into unforeseen circumstances.
As for doing substantial things...that's relative? What you do in day to day life may not be substantial to all of humanity (like most people), but it may be substantial to the people around yu. It may even be susbstantial to you down the line!
As for being ignored on ATRL/ the internet..well, I'd say that's one thing you should acknowledge about the internet, and accept it as it is...there are many story tellers, and very few listeners, you know? Even rarer is someone who is both. So you don't need to be acknowledged by either, I agree it will feel nice, but is, and always will be, unneeded.
But I also cannot deny that for the part of me that says "You don't know if it will get better" there's a part behind, gently whispering "You don't know it won't either". Which part will you listen to? Both. Acknowledge them both, but strive for validating the latter down the line...it's very easy to validate the self destructive one.
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This was beautiful. Hats off to you.
Why can't we "+1" posts yet?
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Member Since: 4/6/2014
Posts: 12,514
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Quote:
Originally posted by Costea
**** this ****.
it's not fair. i was born without anything good about myself and then i cant even choose to stop living. i do humanity more harm than good. i am a terrible human being.
i am literally uncapable of having a human relationship. like, i can pretend, i can smile and laugh and make jokes but i dont actually know anything about how to be a human. i am 18 and i feel like i am 13, i am not meant to be part of this world as an adult.
nothing i have ever done in my life is substantial. everything i have done has been done before thousand of times and better. i am a completely mediocre human being. i wish i could just be like "**** socializing" and just dedicate my life to programming or something but i can't. i am not that clever. i am maybe slightly above average at intelligence, but all that helps me with is that i can get decent marks without learning too much. i am not intelligent enough to actually be a genius.
i am a virgin, and i will probably never lose it because i literally cannot ****ing be alive 10 minutes without doing something awkward, like making a bad joke or something. i can be generally friendly to people, but i do not and have never had actual friends, and before i even think of sex i need to firstly have a gf/bf, which just sounds plain impossible to me. i literally cannot imagine me ever being in such a relationship. in my entire life i have gotten on a single date that has went terribly. i was so scared of doing something wrong that i became so boring, like i said nothing for half of the date.
my only wish right now is to be in the netherlands to study compsci, and that may be ruined because some idiots voted for brexit, so the european union is probably over so i am stuck here in romania. of course, that's not the only reason, it's also my fault because i am really not capable of acually being good at anything, so i doubt i will pass the final exams.
I am probably bisexual. this would be fine, except romania is incredibly homophobic. you know what most of the people here on facebook said after the orlando shootings happened? "good, **** those ******s, they should've killed more of them." i hate this **** so much.
nothing i have ever written on ATRL has mattered. i was banned for 2 weeks, nobody even noticed. the thing i am most proud of for doing on ATRL is my year to date charts, which barely anyone checks out and i will no longer post since people said it blocks the page. i have put hours upon hours of work into it, but it doesnt even matter. plus, even here Ger-55 does those charts already and even more accurately (i am not hating on him or anything). Like always, nothing i do matters to anyone.
i'm not even attractive in a physical sense. i do not have any physical problems (such as acne, being fat etc.), my face is simply not attractive. it's just kind of childish and average. that's at best. at worst i look so terrible i just want to kill myself so that people dont have to see my ugly, ugly face.
i hate pain, i am afraid of dying. but i wish i could be dead. i no longer feel any pleasure about being alive. i am sick of having to live my mediocre life where i cannot even have human relationships. and i know it's 100% my fault.
i am honestly sorry for existing. even making this post is giving me more importance than i deserve. i am a complete nobody. and the worst part is that, like that sia album title says, some people have real problems. like, i am healthy, i dont have cancer or anything. so i dont feel justfied in even saying those things. i am not depressed, i am just an attention ***** and i should be ignored. **** this ****. **** everything.
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Let me be your parent (your 21 year old sassy dad).
Quote:
it's not fair. i was born without anything good about myself and then i cant even choose to stop living. i do humanity more harm than good. i am a terrible human being.
i am literally uncapable of having a human relationship. like, i can pretend, i can smile and laugh and make jokes but i dont actually know anything about how to be a human. i am 18 and i feel like i am 13, i am not meant to be part of this world as an adult.
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HunTEE, you're only 18. Technically you can do **** (go ahead if you want to no judgement  ), vote (go ahead and vote for Trump if you want to no judgement ) and smoke (don't do that) but other than that you're still a teenager, you're still a young adult, you're still growing. Hell, you probably are about to leave High School, no adult needs to ask for permission to use the bathroom. At this point, you're pretty much a kid. You'll have time to learn and grow/adjust to the adult world, but it'll be a slow transition. You're not suddenly going to get a 9-5 job, a house, mortgage, car payments...etc when you're 19. You'll grow into an adult and sometimes it'll be forced upon you but it's never a very drastic move.
The main thing you want to focus on is your self perception. You say that you don't know how to act like an adult, but from other people's perspective you probably look like one. We're all just faking it until we make it so don't be so hard on yourself. Joining clubs, working, going to college, getting involved in activities will help you gain confidence in your social relationships and talking to people. Some people are not that emotional and that's fine, not everyone has to be very expressive. But when you have a genuine interest in people and vice-versa, the emotions will come out naturally. Trying to talk to people and asking them about their life will definitely endear yourself to them and can be the start of a good relationship. You have to be brave and initiate conversation.
Quote:
nothing i have ever done in my life is substantial. everything i have done has been done before thousand of times and better. i am a completely mediocre human being. i wish i could just be like "**** socializing" and just dedicate my life to programming or something but i can't. i am not that clever. i am maybe slightly above average at intelligence, but all that helps me with is that i can get decent marks without learning too much. i am not intelligent enough to actually be a genius.
i am a virgin, and i will probably never lose it because i literally cannot ****ing be alive 10 minutes without doing something awkward, like making a bad joke or something. i can be generally friendly to people, but i do not and have never had actual friends, and before i even think of sex i need to firstly have a gf/bf, which just sounds plain impossible to me. i literally cannot imagine me ever being in such a relationship. in my entire life i have gotten on a single date that has went terribly. i was so scared of doing something wrong that i became so boring, like i said nothing for half of the date.
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Bitch bye. Everyone has done everything that everyone else has done before unless you're the top .0001% of the population. Just relax, don't put yourself on top of a pedestal because hunty you're not that important. Just focus on doing the things that make you happy, setting goals for yourself that will help you shape the person you will be in the future. Slightly above average intelligence means you're probably smarter that 50% of the population. Think about it, 3 billion people are dumber than you and most don't feel like they're not intelligent. You have the self insight to know that you're not the top tier in intelligence, that puts you at least top 50% of the population. Don't worry about being a genius, worry about being able to learn new skills/get inspired to pursue something.
Don't think about sex until you can deal with your inner critical thoughts. It's okay to be a virgin when you're that age. What you want is friendship first and the ability to make new friends. You'll meet that special person when you start initiating relationships and reaching out to people. Life isn't the movies, you're not going to run into that one special person through circumstance and them lifting you up from where you are. You're going to have to work hard to find a partner, through dating apps/websites/other friends...etc.
Quote:
nothing i have ever written on ATRL has mattered. i was banned for 2 weeks, nobody even noticed. the thing i am most proud of for doing on ATRL is my year to date charts, which barely anyone checks out and i will no longer post since people said it blocks the page. i have put hours upon hours of work into it, but it doesnt even matter. plus, even here Ger-55 does those charts already and even more accurately (i am not hating on him or anything). Like always, nothing i do matters to anyone.
i'm not even attractive in a physical sense. i do not have any physical problems (such as acne, being fat etc.), my face is simply not attractive. it's just kind of childish and average. that's at best. at worst i look so terrible i just want to kill myself so that people dont have to see my ugly, ugly face.
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Gurl bye. Who the hell cares about ATRL that much? Honestly you're not important because no one on this site is. No one truly cares about one another here because we're all anonymous hiding behind over used gifs and stale shade. Don't put too much stock in this site, you're probably better than it as a whole. We're just all messy queens trying to have fun and express ourselves in ways we probably can't do in person. That means we're not really who we are in real life. This is just an exaggerated orgy of gayness and patheticness.
You can always change your appearance if you don't like it. If you're chubbier, start dieting/running. If you're skinny then start lifting weights/going to the gym/eating more. There are ways to enhance your good features while minimizing your least desirable ones. This requires you to actually put in WORK though. Nothing will change about your appearance unless you actively make it. Maybe cut your hair, style it differently, start buying new clothes, wear nice smelling cologne/perfume, brush your teeth, etc. There are always small things that you can do to make a difference. You can also go to a dermatologist to try to attack your acne.
Quote:
i hate pain, i am afraid of dying. but i wish i could be dead. i no longer feel any pleasure about being alive. i am sick of having to live my mediocre life where i cannot even have human relationships. and i know it's 100% my fault.
i am honestly sorry for existing. even making this post is giving me more importance than i deserve. i am a complete nobody. and the worst part is that, like that sia album title says, some people have real problems. like, i am healthy, i dont have cancer or anything. so i dont feel justfied in even saying those things. i am not depressed, i am just an attention ***** and i should be ignored. **** this ****. **** everything.
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[/QUOTE]
Okay, you're suicidal/have suicidal thoughts. I could tell you to run/meditate/do breathing exercises but the number one thing you should do is tell someone about it. Whether it be a family member or a therapist, you need to make the first step if you want to tackle these thoughts. Going to a therapist will help you figure out why you're in this cycle of self hatred and can give you techniques to deal with those intrusive thoughts. Maybe you can go on medication to help battle the depression. Either way you're going to need someone to help you from yourself.
I know, life sucks. But life can also be very beautiful. The small things that make you laugh, be joyful, feel accomplished combine together to give life a reason. You're not going to find a reason to live through web forums or being depressed. You're going to find reasons to hang on through your personal relationships, your contributions to the world and the activities you enjoy doing. You can sit here and write page after page of your illnesses/bad qualities but the only thing that'll change is if you actively seek help. You can't be passive and wait for someone to save you because whatever is afflicting you is inside your mind.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 23,374
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Member Since: 8/1/2012
Posts: 25,037
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Sending you love boo
And if you ever come to The Netherlands to chase your dreams and you love coffee hit me up
Always up to make some new friends 
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,677
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I hope things somehow get better for you eventually. I really don't know what else I could possibly say to you right now. You can always pm me if you wanna talk or whatever...
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 1,670
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Quote:
Originally posted by Truth Teller
Wheew, this whole post
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Quote:
Originally posted by V3$$3L.
This was beautiful. Hats off to you.
Why can't we "+1" posts yet? |
Aww Thank you guys 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 68,548
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Hey don't be so negative! Vamos a Mamaia! There are many things to smile about and also we shouldn't feel bad when there are people who have it much worse than teen drama.
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Member Since: 8/7/2015
Posts: 5,843
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The sun will rise on your street too. We all go through happier and less happier times in our lives.
The thing I fail to understand is why everyone nowadays is putting so much emphasis on having sex and losing your virginity as soon as possible  I got caught by this desperation too and lost my V card when I was 17 and guess what? I don't feel better. My life hasn't changed at all, it's nothing different. I had sex plenty of times ever since but I could have very well stayed at home and "enjoyed myself". It's not THAT big of a deal.
I think it's a serious thing when you do it with someone you have feelings for, someone you're in love with and shares your feelings. I feel like that's when you truly lose your virginity and sex actually matters and I hope that day will come for me too. So don't rush it, you might regret it afterwards, just wait for the right time and person.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 4,239
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i've felt the same way since like 17 and i'm 20 now and i still feel a mess. like what is the meaning of it all. most people just hump, get babies, feed babies and die. that's so depressing
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Member Since: 5/19/2011
Posts: 34,328
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Why are you always like this? Everywhere.
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Member Since: 3/24/2012
Posts: 4,192
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I know it sounds cliche and corny but it does get better... 18-21 are hard years because you're still trying to figure out who you are and find your place in what feels like a big world.
I found that a lot of the things I worried about so much during that time didn't even matter because it all worked itself out. Fear can be debilitating if you allow it but it can also push you and motivate you if you allow it to.
A lot of what you're going through is normal tbh. We've all, at some point, been through it. You just have to stay strong, believe in yourself and always look forward. If you don't like your current situation, look at the things you can do to change. Don't allow fear to keep you captive if you're unhappy.
Sending you love
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,527
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you might be too bussy looking at other place but what you do is important and you are important for a lot of people. what you are going to do is important and what you think and do right now is important you just need to realize that life is more than what you think it can be and that you can discover every single aspect of it on your way to your grave in this.... maybe 80 years that you have left to live so go on, don't complain and do what you wanna do but don't be an idiot and don't waste the only mother****ing chance you have to discover yourself.
I am not going to tell you to do this or that but what you are thinking is a waste and I am saying this as someone who tried to end with his chance quite several times. please go on. it seems hard but life is like this you need to fight the b*tch and snatch ha wig.
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Member Since: 5/27/2016
Posts: 2,527
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Quote:
Originally posted by wehan6
i've felt the same way since like 17 and i'm 20 now and i still feel a mess. like what is the meaning of it all. most people just hump, get babies, feed babies and die. that's so depressing |
there is no real point because at the end we will be forgotten but if your life is pointless at least die doing the pointless things that make you happy
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 6,067
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Quote:
Originally posted by Outlaws
Why are you always like this? Everywhere.
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idk i am sorry 
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