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Tournament: PLATINUM HIT 9
Member Since: 1/13/2012
Posts: 13,577
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swiftie13's reviews
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1. Vision
The beginning was overshadowed by cliches but it generally got better as it progressed. This definitely captures the meaning behind Avatar. I can imagine this being a dramatic number.
2. Hugamari
The beauty lies in the simplicity. Although the bridge was redundant, this was sharp and wasted very little words. It's soft and delicate but with a strong Joni-esque message.
3. MattyTacos
Pay close attention to the small things (like the changing of tenses). You already know that so I won't waste time on that. This did a good job at telling a story but not much else. I didn't feel moved or connected. You also had very poor word choices throughout.
4. NaitPhoenix
This stayed true to the feel of the movie and although most of it was not "great" in the traditional sense, I liked it for what it was, especially the second verse.
5. Achilles.
This had more of a Broadway vibe than a film soundtrack. You did a good job at incorporating the story of the film and I liked the "place I belong," message although sometimes you were far too blunt (again, more Broadway than Hollywood).
6. jpow
This was a nice take on Harry Potter. Much like a soundtrack would, you focused on a specific part (the ghosts) but made it general enough to sound like a song. The chorus was rather weak but the verses held this piece nicely.
7. Tylerbv
This fit the theme perfectly. Although it didn't blow me away, it described the feeling of the film's protagonist very well. You had some clever lines in there, next time make the whole thing clever.
8. HausOfNiko
Many times, the simply stated parts of your song came off as immature. Be careful; yes Inside Out is a PG movie but it was more complex than what your song let it be. Your structure was all over the place.
9. Citrus
Rarely do we get to read a comedy entry as sharp as this. It wasn't perfect but it captured the attitude of Grown Ups well and you translated that gracefully into a song.
10. fealslikeadream
This is one of my favorite concepts to date. The structure, the flow, the language, it was all quite inspiring. The references were put in quite tastefully. I do, however think the city below was not as sinful as you portrayed it (poor and dangerous, yes). I'm still impressed, however.
11. Moonchild
The language was very much in sync with Spirited Away. You have a knack for making every word count. You did a wonderful job at painting an image in my head. I think the second verse is the best thing you've written this season.
12. Dylobs
This felt far too much like an AP English entry. The language was poetic but not lyrical. The actual message was closely related to the film but I felt no attachment to it because of its style; it's emotionally detached.
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Not "Test" 
EDIT: Oh, thanks bb  And now I see that 8th (I think) read the song as coming from me/objectivity, not a siren-like temptress trying to capitalize on the upper/lower divide. Everything is clear!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Batch Two
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Feelslikeadream –
Appreciate the unusual structure you employed here, it definitely helps to keep equal emphasis on all seven sins.
Kind of disappointed with your choice of topic for Metropolis: the defining theme of the movie is obviously the idea of class, focusing on the deadly sins is too irrelevant, speaking frankly. Yes, RoboMaria introduces sin into the “paradise” of Metropolis’s upper city (Wow, the religious symbolism was not subtle.), but it just comes off as peripheral in the grand scheme of a two-and-a-half hour movie.
Also, your key line is flawed: “If you descend with me beneath the city”. The Worker’s City was never represented as being seedy or corrupt in the movie, if anything, it’s the Son’s Club that is the one already struck by qualities like pride, greed, ignorance, and sloth. So that was a bit of an awkward pivotal line for your piece.
Tylerbv –
“A guilty heart is the only prize” Dang, that’s a good line.
I like the specificity of certain antecedents here (“Her” for Primrose Everdeen, tying it into the franchise and making it less of a separate pop song.). Also like how you tackle the moral dilemma of the games (Although the concept itself in the franchise as far as I’m concerned is handled like total bullocks, whatever, you did the best you could do.). I think it fits overall.
Content wise, you’re going to need to tighten up your meter. You have some semblances of matching stresses between lines, but there are many instances of you adding too many words and messing up the flow. Sit down and read some articles on meter/stressing from poetry sites before you write your next song.
HausofNiko –
This is honestly a very bizarre song with how many elementary mistakes you make compared to your previous songs, which were more polished than this. Serious stressing mismatches, truly forced rhymes, and a great amount of contortion to fit the rhyme scheme, resulting in some very poor/confusing word choice (“Knocks me right off my toes”?).
Tone and diction-wise, it’s a bit of a stretch for an adolescent girl in a Disney flick. Lines like “treat my anger as devotion” simply aren’t believably something Riley ever thought.
What your song misses in its character portrayal it does try to make up for with content: I thought your cycling through emotions interacts well with the movie. Sadness being the last/key part of your song also ties into the movie, so good idea on that front. Your entry overall this week was just composed in a messy manner, you should put a bit more care into cleaning it up.
Nait Phoenix –
Very, very left-field. I think you achieved your purpose of writing an ending-credits song, seeing as it’s more lighthearted and would serve to close out the movie on its more positive note.
Content wise, there are some attempts at wit using some turns of phrases, but they don’t quite get to actual cleverness, rather they end up being confusing (“Bounty of zeros”, the wrecking ball line, etc.).
The rap verse is also probably too lengthy, with not nearly enough zingers to justify it. Also some mismatches in voice, such as using the word implore right after much more casual phrases. Overall, it’s sort of appropriate for the movie? It’ll entertain Guardians of the Galaxy’s core audience, at least.
Vision –
This is simple, sort of like the people who enjoyed this movie, so good on you for writing for your audience. It’s a heavy-handed film, so your theme was obvious enough, it ties in well to the movie, in my opinion.
Content-wise, it’s one of the less remarkable things you’ve written, but again, the movie’s plot itself is very worn-out. While it doesn’t appeal to me, it does match what you were supposed to set out to do this week: write a song that complements your movie of choice.
Dylobs –
A bit more interesting of a concept by honing in on the balancing aspect of Jake’s role: his professional ties to humans and his emotionally bond to the Navi tribe. It is a bit strange that you hammer in aspects of corruption and betrayal when ultimately everyone knew he would stand by them, however. That makes the song a bit awkward as one that could represent the general plot of the movie.
Speaking of awkward, the word choice: very detached and clinical for a movie that focuses on emotional conflict and nature. Everything is placed together in a sleek manner, but it’s too sleek for the material.
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Member Since: 8/6/2015
Posts: 18,803
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Wow for the first time in my life, I'm not emotional enough  goddamn it, Matty!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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OK my batch 2 is coming in about 10 minutes!
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Member Since: 8/31/2013
Posts: 21,462
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Slay! Glad 8th liked the structure. I agree that the 'sins' angle was kind of narrow given the scope of the film, but I decided to work on a song that could be sung in a scene of the film ( see here) instead of trying to write the 'theme song' of the film or something.
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if anything, it’s the Son’s Club that is the one already struck by qualities like pride, greed, ignorance, and sloth
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That's why those verses described the behavior seen from the Son's Club already (i.e. building the Metropolis and dividing the classes). The siren was highlighting the divide in a way that played into their conception of the Worker's City as being some den of iniquity while subtly pointing out that the sin was already taking place aboveground. Maybe I tried to tackle too much thematically in a short/simple song!
(Sidenote: Is it possible to discuss judge's feedback without accidentally seeming defensive  )
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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Actually, maybe I'll do some hints first instead since y'all just got a bunch of reviews.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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8th's hints!!!111!! (Keep in mind we're still missing one entry, so rankings subject to change.)
Bottom 9
Achilles. - Love Letter
Citrus - Scream
Dylobs - ChungKing Express
feelslikeadream - Roman Holiday
jpow - The Great Train Robbery
MattyTacos - Resident Evil
NaitPhoenix - Sailor Moon
Niko - Eoudong
Tylebv - Bring It On
I understand it might be hard to decode, but don't beat yourselves up over it, and cheer up! 
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 37,384
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8th  i wanted to do hints. Guess y'all aint getting reviews for a bit
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Sorry 
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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Do what u want with my body 8th
Only Temporal gets my mind
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
8th's hints!!!111!! (Keep in mind we're still missing one entry, so rankings subject to change.)
Bottom 9
Achilles. - Love Letter
Citrus - Scream
Dylobs - ChungKing Express
feelslikeadream - Roman Holiday
jpow - The Great Train Robbery
MattyTacos - Resident Evil
NaitPhoenix - Sailor Moon
Niko - Eoudong
Tylebv - Bring It On
I understand it might be hard to decode, but don't beat yourselves up over it, and cheer up!
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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It''ll be in order from #4-#12 when decoded!
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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Maybe it's box office gross
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Quote:
Originally posted by 8thPrince
It''ll be in order from #4-#12 when decoded!
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Oh, I decoded it immediately…
What I didn't know is if you went by line distribution or by popularity ranking.
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Member Since: 1/1/2014
Posts: 12,615
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Quote:
Originally posted by Nait Phoenix
Oh, I decoded it immediately…
What I didn't know is if you went by line distribution or by popularity ranking.
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Y'all should try out both and see what fits 
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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Thank you for accidentally pairing me with my bias, tho…
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Member Since: 8/19/2013
Posts: 21,143
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Lol someone else figure it out pls
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Member Since: 10/18/2010
Posts: 29,224
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#4 - Citrus
#5 - Tylerbv
#6 - Achilles.
#7 - Dylobs
#8 - Nait Phoenix
#9 - feelslikeadream
#10 - Niko
#11 - MattyTacos
#12 - jpow
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Member Since: 8/18/2013
Posts: 2,811
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Just sent mine finally. Thanks for the extension
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