Wow, sounds like I'm getting hired! Thank you, Hor
Surprised the bridge was thought to be too cliche, but I can see exactly why so I won't contest it. Also glad you saw I did something different and it seems to have paid off!
I don't know whether to applaud you going all the way with your concept or what. It's definitely a unique entry with a concept that I wouldn't generally view as lyrical but I'll put that aside and give it to you. There were many clever one-liners here. "The audience isn’t sure we’ll make it / But let’s write a sequel anyway," showcases just how good of a writer you are. You have such a distinct style even when experimenting. I was originally concerned when you were talking about hyperlinks but it wasn't an exhausting amount (a reverse ClarksonSlays experience); the references were kept at a desirable amount. Not your best entry by any means, but it was not bad at all.
5. mxtthewdelrey - Thinking About You, Girl
Removed by mxtthew mgmt.
6. CountryBritney - Georgie
Sorry but "Your beauty is luminescent / While your mind's on anti-depressants," has got to be the funniest rhyme of the season. That + the name Georgie + the bridge are the only salvageable things about this entry. The rest feels like a collection of songs with the same concept mashed up in one piece. I really didn't enjoy reading this but I KNOW you have it in you as evidenced by the poignancy in your bridge ( ). Also this didn't seem to fit the label you chose in my opinion, it sounded more like a country song.
I mean, when I started writing it, it was from a dream I had about the phoenix being a curse, then it growing to match the rise and inevitable fall and rebirth of music superstars…
I swear, now all I keep thinking about is the music icons like Michael, Amy, Kurt, Freddie, Prince, etc. Why?!
Post it TBH or at least leak it in my box, because I am intrigued
REVIEWS AS THEY COME (STREAM DANGEROUS WOMAN // NOT VIEWS)
Quote:
7. Buyonce1814 - Jimmy
I LOVED the opening line, however the easy rhymes throughout the first verse almost cheapened it despite it having a good story to tell. The second verse and prechorus were MUCH better using both quirky language and storytelling techniques without the cheap rhymes. I think this captures the ideals of Jackson's label perfectly and even if it comes off as contrived a couple of times, it's very well done overall. I can hear a whole backing track to this as I read it. You displayed versatility quite nicely this week. Good job.
Thank you, Hor . Much appreciated. I was worried it would be a complete flop but the review made me feel better. I'm glad you think I fit Jacksons label. I'll keep in mind to avoid cheap rhymes in future. And I love that you can hear a backing track to it! I've literally been singing the song to myself all week. Thanks, once again.
REVIEWS AS THEY COME (UM UM UM OVER TO YOUR PLACE!)
Quote:
8. Tylerbv - You and I
Gaga, ha impact! Okay, a lot of this song was intelligently written and that of a true writer ("but my hands were shaking as i ignored the brakes," is the kind of lyrics I LIVE FOR). However there was some awkward language in between ("you found me at our agreed upon spot,") that could have been easily fixed thus making your entry way better. The twist at the end was a bit too sudden in my opinion and the language itself started getting sloppy for the sake of telling the rest of the tale, and while the story is probably more important, I'd rather you keep a consistent quality throughout the piece. I see how this fits Jackson's label nicely. A Bonnie and Clyde tea with a twist!
Idk why I'm perched since I got mine already, but it's cute to see what other people got.
